On The Desire For Haste

On The Desire For Haste (Full Version)

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LadySonelle -> On The Desire For Haste (11/20/2004 3:33:28 PM)
Want a four course meal but don't want to sit for three hours whilst it is prepared? No matter, place the frozen food into the electronic embrace of Master Chef Michael RoWave, and your food is ready in a trice. Mike is always ready at a second's notice. We have glasses in under an hour, same day cleaning, drive throughs, the list goes on and on. We have become a society where things are expected now. Perhaps I am an anachronism. Still, I feel that too often, I am seeing email messages from slaves and submissives in My inbox that way "I will be your slave, willing to relocate, let me come to you tomorrow!" and I am required to apply brakes to a vehicle I am not driving yet! No sane person would purchase a home, a car, a life insurance policy, without first checking all availabilities, comparison shopping, and finally, examining closely the one potentially selected! One takes greater time (or such is hoped!) in selecting a spouse! Oughtn't one to spend the same, or greater, amount of time and care in selecting an owner or slave?! I am not so naive as to hope for the years-long courtships of My girlhood, but certainly I expect would-be slaves to be a tad more careful and deliberative in the relationships they desire to subject themselves to. And so, a note to all who would become My slaves and submissives: No, I shall not clap you in irons the moment we meet! You may find Me in jeans and T-shirt or other comfortable (and modest) attire. You may find that I do not instantly demand that you drop to your belly before My vicious high heels. You may, in fact, find that our first meeting is quite vanilla! Do not think that it is because I am not a Domme! Do not think that it is because you do not interest Me! When you come before Me as a potential slave, know that everything you do is noticed. You are being tested even though I seem to do nothing other than polite chat. A commitment to chattal slavery is as intense and in many ways more intense than spousal marriage. NO slave should meet a Dominant and then hop blithely into a collar! As My own governess once said "If you cannot wait, you probably oughtn't to have it!" Patience is more than a virtue with Me... it's a requirement! Lady Sonelle

LadyShoshin -> RE: On The Desire For Haste (11/20/2004 5:13:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadySonelle Perhaps I am an anachronism. Still, I feel that too often, I am seeing email messages from slaves and submissives in My inbox that way "I will be your slave, willing to relocate, let me come to you tomorrow!" and I am required to apply brakes to a vehicle I am not driving yet! Lady Sonelle My standard response is "When you have relocated, have a job and a place to live, feel free to contact me again" So far, no takers. Two nights ago, I had a man contact me via email wanting to be considered as a sub. I responded and then left my computer to take care of life. I had asked in my email if he was in a committed relationship. His next email said yes and asked to chat via MSN, I got another email from him at the same time saying that by my silence he could tell I wasn't interested, goodbye. My silence was because I wasn't sitting at my computer, I was elsewhere taking care of real life. I was ticked off and sent him an email telling him I don't sit at my computer 24/7 and am not at his beck and call. I think he had probably blocked my emails, but someone who has a temper tantrum because they don't get an immediate response to an email definately isn't going to be considered as a sub. A word to the wise, temper tantrums and insistance on a Domme's undivided attention is NOT the way to find a good Domme.

Kinkypupper -> RE: On The Desire For Haste (11/20/2004 6:17:28 PM)
VERY WELL said... :-) to many seem to be in a "rush" just to jump into the wrong direction.. Sometimes it does happen but most of the time slower is MUCH better.. builds up themutual trust level that is soooo important.

newflowers -> RE: On The Desire For Haste (11/20/2004 6:21:17 PM)
I do believe that the desire for the instantaneous works both ways. Life - the one that I am living - does sometimes prevent im-ing, emailing, chatting, or meeting "now" and sometimes even necessitates changing or delaying plans. It sometimes means that I cannot get back to someone immediately. The concept that I have full life is frequently understood as "you are a fake" or "you are playing games." Even though I do not own a microwave (what an evil thing to do to your food), I understand wanting now - I do want what I want and now is ALWAYS good. It's a childish - even infantile attitude and the only thing that separates me from still being a two-year old, is that I understand I cannot ALWAYS have what I want at the very minute I want it. I know it and even when disappointed because of it, life goes on and there is not a problem. I have found this idea is not universal and there are those who expect the instantaneous. What can you do but move on... newflowers

MommynDaddy -> RE: On The Desire For Haste (11/20/2004 6:54:36 PM)
Lady Sonelle: We would never refer to You as an anchronism, You seem to be very much at place in this time. Perhaps a bit of understanding in regards to the psychology of men and sex would help to better understand this behavior. The pointed fact is that men are fragile creatures for the most part. Not to over-generalize but many men who approach a Domme online have a great deal of ego tied up in the exchange, hopes and fears and all of the unexpressed sexual energy that they channel into incessant fantasies causes them to become a bit..."frisky" and unpredictable. They fear that they are in truth worthless, and a rebuff of any sort can be magnified to excruciating proportions. These men, the ones specifically who behave in an impetuous and often reactionary manner, are already the slaves of their own desires and innermost feelings of worthlessness. We think You are prudent and correct to take your time, as You well know the hazards of an undisciplined and tortured male ego are not to be taken lightly. Besides one cannot serve two Masters/Mistresses, if a man is alreqady a slave to his unconscious how then can he devote his energy to Your pleasure and advancement? We face similar difficulties in dealing with male, transgender and transexual applicants, the women We correspond with seem to be more circumspect and difficult to engage in any meaningful exchange. These are however the inherent difficulties of human relations anyhow, how can we expect them to be better in this mileu? -L.

Kwix -> RE: On The Desire For Haste (11/20/2004 7:06:53 PM)
LadySonelle, Well put!! Anybody who thinks that a long-term commitment, worthy of uprooting thier life with a move, is something to jump into is NOT somebody I would be interested in having. It is this same mentality that in the vanilla world causes people to hastily get married and 3, 6 or 12 months later divorce on the grounds that "we just weren't compatible". As for you being an anachronism, I don't feel that it is necessarily all bad. There is something special, almost magical, about cooking your meal the long way, writing a formal letter with a dip pen, and using a wind-up pocket watch (all of which I am guilty of). Here's to more people analyzing what it is that they really want, and less what they think they want. Kwix

srahfox -> RE: On The Desire For Haste (11/22/2004 11:11:59 AM)
Yes, I want things Now Now NOW> Damn it! However I'm smart enough to know when Now is too fast. To fast is moving to put your well being and sometimes very life into someone elses hands. Of course we live in a country were you don't even have to be responcable for yourself. Slip and fall? Sue the store. Spill hot coffee on yourself. Sue the coffee seller. Eat way to many fast food meals even after you've been told it's bad for you, sue Mcdonalds. If you are truethfully hurt threw no fault of your own, that's fine, but now not only do we want it now, we don't want anything to be our fault. I'll admit that a lot of what I like in submission is the loss of control, but I would never relocate for someone I've never met. Of course, if they should and something goes wrong I'm sure it's not their fault. I say that with the full understanding that sometimes bad things do happen to good people and in no way am I trying to say that they did something wrong. I am only refering to people that blame other people for their silly action.

Nvernilla -> RE: On The Desire For Haste (11/22/2004 6:26:04 PM)
I never respond to these because you never know whats in their mind, are they running from the law? Are they an axe murderer? If its anachronistic to be careful then call me old fasioned because there is a world full of people and I obviously understand only a few....look who they elected...Sheeple.... lol...Mike

Suleiman -> RE: On The Desire For Haste (11/22/2004 7:37:26 PM)
Well, folks should keep in mind that this is not a behavior limited to men-folk, or that the desire to slam on the brakes is purely feminine. I recently had an odd encounter with a young lady who offered to become my property before we had gone farther than exchanging names. Wanted me to interview her right away, and if I found her acceptable, I was apparantly supposed to purchase a plane ticket for her at the earlest possible convenience. Needless to say, romantic that I am, I was somewhat taken aback at the sheer forthrightness of the young lady (actually, in retrospect, I think she may have been my elder by nearly a decade, but she was acting like a child so I tend to think of her as one). I couldn't imagine - in spite of having encountered similar anecdotes here and abroad - that anyone would so willingly move to a strange city, literally a thousand miles from her friends and family, simply on the strength of a letter which said, for all intents and purposes, "hi, how are you, I would like to get to know you better." I realise I sound relatively intelligent, polite, and possibly worthwhile to know, but I still have this strange idea that folks should get to know each other and build up some trust before playing, much less one swearing themselves to the other as chattel. What was, to my mind, incredibly funny about the encounter was that, after a few Emails back-and-forth, she chose to break off all contact after discovering that I was married. Silly me, I had assumed that this person took the time to read my profile, where I mention the fact that I have a wife. Admittedly, I do not say it in 36-point bold face letters at the top of the page, but then, since I am not actively seeking a playmate, I do not feel any real need to do so. Some folks are into instant gratification, for whatever reason, while others are simply so eager for the fulfillment of a fantasy that they become somewhat irrational about their wants and needs. Most folks, however, are neither - it's just the stupidest ten percent who seem to be messing things up for the rest of us. Okay, maybe not the stupidest, but certianly the less wise. I suppose some of these people are at that level of intelligence where their minds do not allow them to function in the real world, and so it does not occur to them that they can not do such a thing (or even that they should not). Whetehr genius or stupidity, the result is often the same - the difference is, if a person grows up with a sub-par intelligence, they understand that their reasoning is flawed. Smarties are often given an over-inflated sense of competency, and don't question a decision once they've made it. I'm sure you know the type - they'll tell you all about how rain occurs and what sort of precipitation is happening right now, without ever thinking that perhaps they shouldn't be standing out in it? Waitaminute - that's ME I'm describing! SMEG!!! Well, at least I'm a NICE troll...

MsPurrmeow -> RE: On The Desire For Haste (11/23/2004 8:49:16 AM)
In the Poly community, there's a term called NRE (New Relationship Energy). It's that period of time where everything is spinning, hormones and adrenaline and leading us down paths that a calm mind would not. We know we should slow down and think, but are drawn in by the excitement and passion and don't want it to ever stop. The truth is, though, that it does stop, and then the work begins. I see the NRE behavior everywhere in the BDSM community. Whether it's throwing their lives to the wolves at every opportunity, or making commitments before the people even know each other, it happens, a lot. For some reason, people tend to believe that because they share one kink or two, the rest of the rules of compatibility, relationship responsiblity and basic social interaction don't apply to them anymore. The truth is, all those rules apply. If you're not truly compatible and can come to agreements about basic living, the relationship will either end or be extremely abusive. (Often self-abuse, since some people don't leave because they don't want to admit to making a mistake.) Insert caveat to those few who actually make this work. My answer to this drives me nuts. In a poly relationship, there are rules about sexual interaction. Yep, a time limit. The whole phase of NRE (wanting to talk the whole day, spend every moment together, and not being able to stand breaking contact) is too early to make lifelong decisions. No commitments obligations or sexual encouters until everyone has got their head on straight. In my D/s life, the same is true. It drives potentials crazy, but I really don't like it when a submissive thinks that they want to do everything for me and ends up putting on a performance the first time we meet. I want to get to know them as a person, and after that, we can discuss service and expectations. The "first-meeting perfomance" can sometimes get my fires going, but usually ends up being a disappointment, because that enthusiasm rarely lasts more than the first visit. On the other hand, I certainly know I have an interest when I meet with a submissive who is comfortable with what they do. When natural chivalry and respect comes from them out of habit, it's obvious. That rush of "beginners enthusiasm" does little more than tell me that I'm in for disappointment. At this point, I usually pretty much write off anyone who wants to make a major commitment in the first few weeks. How long? Well, truthfully, I believe that to be honest with any potential partners, they need to be around me and my family for a full year. We tend to fluctuate and cycle through energies and priorities with the seasons, so they need to see it all to make a conscious and well-informed commitment to such a life. Of course, training, friendship, and play will build and grow during that time, but no long-term obligations or major life changes. I've been called old. I've been called stodgy and boring. That's ok. What we've accomplished so far with this plan is a successful Poly family, and some wonderful BDSM experiences. It may not be right for everyone, but it works for us. Purr

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