Why certian items appeal to home buyers (Full Version)

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jlf1961 -> Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/17/2014 1:46:49 PM)

1) Soaker tub, these are great to relax in, and if necessary drown a spouse/lover/mother in law in.

2) Property backed by green belt. Green belts make wonderful places to hide bodies, and if the area is frequented by large predators, so much better.

3) Dirt basements, this is a given, dig hole, place body, cover with concrete slab.



DesFIP -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/17/2014 8:16:55 PM)

I could do with less bears. I don't have any problem with them staying in the Preserve but I'd appreciate it if they stopped coming onto my land. They make a mess out of the garbage and have been known to steal the trash cans.



jlf1961 -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/17/2014 8:27:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I could do with less bears. I don't have any problem with them staying in the Preserve but I'd appreciate it if they stopped coming onto my land. They make a mess out of the garbage and have been known to steal the trash cans.



So either you are saying that bears are too poor to buy trash cans, or you are saying that bears steal trash cans so they dont have to buy them.

About making a mess of the trash, did you perchance put recyclables in with the regular garbage?



DesFIP -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/17/2014 8:32:28 PM)

I'm saying they would rip the bags apart to get to the chicken bones. And then one started taking the bags back to his picnic area for dining. And I lost it when he took the whole can back there. I went charging into the woods screaming at the top of my lungs, ready to punch the bear in the nose.

I found his picnic area which was covered in thorns and had no end of fun cleaning it up of trash and torn plastic bags and such.

No, i don't put recyclables in with garbage. And I rinse out the recyclables.



jlf1961 -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/17/2014 8:46:01 PM)

They really need a sarcasm emoticon



Dvr22999874 -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/17/2014 9:38:04 PM)

I always reckoned my ex-wife would talk with a brick in her mouth under a metre of concrete Jlf..................maybe I should experiment to see if I am right ?



Dvr22999874 -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/17/2014 9:40:39 PM)

When we boght this house, the owner had a notice on the front door "We shoot every fourth visitor. The third just left". I immediately took a liking to him. He wouldn't leave the notice for me when we bought the place though.



ElectraGlide -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/17/2014 9:42:30 PM)

It cracks me up on those Home Renovation TV shows when they remodel a house to resell it, and then the people that buy it end up changing all the brand new expensive apliances and repaint the newly painted walls because they did not like the color.



DomKen -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/17/2014 10:30:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961
2) Property backed by green belt. Green belts make wonderful places to hide bodies, and if the area is frequented by large predators, so much better.

Old wells are much better. Throw in body, follow with a bag of lime and no one will ever find it. And no I won't tell how I know this.



Dvr22999874 -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/17/2014 10:34:10 PM)

We have abandoned gold mines that go back to the days of the gold rush in the 19th century, not far from here, you could drop a body down, go home for a few beers, come back and you would possibly hear the thump as it hit the bottom. There are rumoured to be more than a few ex-wives down some of them. I wouldn't know................although again, I would like to experiment.



ShaharThorne -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/18/2014 5:31:36 AM)

Where were these places when I was divorcing my second hubby? Would of made things a lot easier...(bastard's dead now so no worry).



ExquisiteStings -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/18/2014 6:11:24 AM)

Hey JLF,
For your home buyer guide..why not get a place on a swamp with lots of sweet li'l gators swimmin' around in the water.  Every so often, when you have table scraps, like chicken skin, bones, big hunks of gristle, stuff that's not easily chewable by human teeth, toss 'em to the pets in the back.

And when you have company you can't stand (and you have this sickening feeling that they'll be back to annoy you some more, "accidentally spill some really stinky shit on 'em, like sardine oil, or have a can of sardines open (just in case anyone wants to munch on 'em like potato chips) and oops.  Then, when no one's looking, accidentally trip the person so he falls into the drink and wham bam! The gators have 'emselves a snack. They'll really love you then.

Just an idea. Beats throwing marshmallows to 'em.



ExquisiteStings -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/18/2014 6:17:05 AM)

DVR22etc,

I love that sign about the visitors. It's too bad he wouldn't let you keep it. It reminds me of those ones that say, Hell with the DOG. Don't fuck with the OWNER..and then a nice illustration with a hand holding a pistol. Beats barking dog and flashing teeth any damn day.



theshytype -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/18/2014 6:48:39 AM)

We purchased our house mainly for the private back yard. There's little neighbors, no one in the rear, and a large marsh in the back. We don't have any alligators in Michigan, though, but plenty of coyotes live in the trees next to our house. I wonder how useful they would be.

We also have a soaker tub which I hate. I don't take baths and it's just something extra to clean. But now, the thought of its alternate purpose may be entertaining.



MercTech -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/18/2014 11:04:11 AM)

Alligators, Opossums, and Catfish.. nature's garbage disposals.
Although, a body hung in a tree gives the birds a treat.



jlf1961 -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/18/2014 11:25:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MercTech

Alligators, Opossums, and Catfish.. nature's garbage disposals.
Although, a body hung in a tree gives the birds a treat.



Besides, regardless of what Breaking Bad would have you believe, a person purchasing a large quantity of acid that would be used to dispose of a body without an industrial license tends to rouse the suspicion of the police.



DomKen -> RE: Why certian items appeal to home buyers (2/18/2014 12:11:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961


quote:

ORIGINAL: MercTech

Alligators, Opossums, and Catfish.. nature's garbage disposals.
Although, a body hung in a tree gives the birds a treat.



Besides, regardless of what Breaking Bad would have you believe, a person purchasing a large quantity of acid that would be used to dispose of a body without an industrial license tends to rouse the suspicion of the police.

That's why you're better off with lime. Trust me on this...



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