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FriendlyMuppet -> RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive (2/18/2014 9:30:04 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
The OP needs to quit learning about BDSM from porn or online chat rooms and get out into the real world.
That's kind of it right there to me. I've rarely ever had problems with women when they discover I'm submissive. It doesn't make me less of a man, or any sort of garbage like that, because they already know me and with all due respect, I can be pretty damn impressive when I want to be. What that means, and this is mainly for the OP, is that when you're putting your feelers out there, you need to also put on your blinders and get rid of any of the trash talking ones that state things like "all subs are pathetic worms" and such. Sure, that's a hot fantasy for some, but if that's how someone is thinking about you on a regular basis, and you're pursuing something other than a relationship where you're a pathetic worm, then that's the sort of person to just ignore because you'll discover that as you ignore people like that, they are far from the norm.
When I first got into the scene, this was back in the early days of the Internet, so it was a different environment, but one thing I learned quickly was that women responded well to honesty about the fact that I was an out submissive. It probably helped that I write femdom literature and that for much of the early days of the Internet I wrote a lot of material about bdsm relationships from the submissive perspective (which helped to attract anyone who might be thinking of approaching me, as it was pretty obvious what I did and didn't believe). But the point of mentioning that is that what worked especially well for me was the honesty and avoiding getting bogged down in the crap. BDSM porn has made things really difficult for both dominants and submissives, and I see that as a part of this original question. For dominants, BDSM porn puts forth unrealistic paradigms that are quite often absurd fantasies that somehow a woman now has to live up to (one of my favorite stories was how mad my owner, a professional dominant, got when one of her clients asked for the "Cell's Door" treatment, which was the name of one of my novels, which revealed he had come to her because he discovered she was my mistress at the time after reading my book...I thought it was funny at the time, but boy was she pissed). For those of us who are submissive, the BDSM porn becomes problematic in two ways: 1) It sets up an unrealistic hope of achieving some fantasy that was designed to sell porn, not to be realistic, and 2) (which is more important to me) It creates a sub-category of dominants out there who I like to call pseudo-dominants because they see a quick paycheck from bdsm and try to appeal to submissives with the intentions of doing as little as possible when it comes to dominating someone. The point is: It makes it that much harder for sincere submissives to make connections with sincere dominants.
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