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When people say they're a "bear", what does t... - 2/21/2014 9:50:14 AM

avox

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I keep seeing the term "bear" in the ads, and, I guess it means BBW for men?
But does it mean more?
Why not just say fat?

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 9:51:30 AM

OsideGirl

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http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bear

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 9:59:25 AM

chatterbox24

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ohhhh

quote:

ORIGINAL: avox

I keep seeing the term "bear" in the ads, and, I guess it means BBW for men?
But does it mean more?
Why not just say fat?

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 10:29:16 AM

stef

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For people who claim there is no such thing as a stupid question, here you go.

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 10:34:05 AM

Galacia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stef
For people who claim there is no such thing as a stupid question, here you go.

Why do you think it is a stupid question?

The OP thought it was a bbw for men.
It turns out that the OP was close but specifically it's a hairy bbw man who like men.

Under what pretense do you ridicule the OP?

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 10:36:04 AM

OsideGirl

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Probably because a 2 second search on Google would have provided the answer.

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 10:40:14 AM

OvidInDallas

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Hello Avox,

Bear is a term used in the gay community to describe a man who is hairy and generally larger/husky. This doesn't necessarily mean fat. It could be someone who is more built like a typical construction worker (for example) which is an individual who tends to be larger and in shape but not muscular like a bodybuilder.

I am sure you aren't being intentionally offensive, but when you say "it means BBW for men" and then ask "Why not just say fat?" you are promoting a body image shaming attitude. The reason people describe themselves as BBW or as a bear is first, because they are describing a physical trait they are proud of and that other people are attracted to (even if you might not be personally) and second, because it is far more body positive than describing themselves as fat which may not even be true and is a term loaded with negative connotations and shaming.

Hopefully that answers your questions.

Regards,
Ovid

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 10:48:25 AM

LadyConstanze

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I'm in 2 minds about this body positive stuff, on one hand, it's not OK to discriminate somebody for a body type, on the other hand, I also see obesity as a massive problem in almost every society (the biggest killer, if I'm not wrong it claims more victims than cancer) and by making it so super acceptable and treating excessively large people almost like they should have special rights, aren't we killing a ton of people with that false kindness and acceptance?

I hasten to add that I also find the heroin-look that was popular in fashion for a while as quite dangerous.

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 11:03:23 AM

RedMagic1

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Obesity can cause cancer. The Health at Any Size people are far more dangerous than the anti-vaccination people. They actively encourage disability and premature death.

However, shaming someone for their weight is counterproductive. Someone feeling shame is far more likely to eat ice cream and Doritos than to go to the gym. Inspiration, motivation, good example, and treating people like people are far more effective practical tools than body-shaming.

So, as is true in so many other aspects of life, it's best policy to pay attention to your own self, and not mess with other people's business.

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 11:06:21 AM

OvidInDallas

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Hello LadyConstanze,

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. In my opinion it doesn't have to be either/or. I think it's a good thing to accept people for who they are and if that includes having some extra weight or extra body hair then I don't mind. I especially think that on a site where people are actively looking for romantic partners that it shouldn't be necessary to shame anyone for how they look, and there really are people out there who like bears and BBW. Also, most BBW and bears I've met haven't been critically obese and many do eat healthy and exercise. Some people are just naturally larger. Lumping everyone who isn't HWP into the category of critically obese is pretty hurtful and does cause people serious body image issues (I'm not saying that is what you were doing).

At the same time, it's good to let people know about the potential consequences of their decisions, though I really don't think anyone who is truly obese is unaware of the consequences of their weight unless they are actively denying reality. Promoting a healthy lifestyle and its benefits doesn't necessarily mean actively shaming people who don't live it.

To make a poor analogy; I think about it like people who engage in promiscuous unprotected sex. It is not a healthy lifestyle and it can have some serious consequences, but I don't think we should shame people who engage in it. Instead we should educate them on how to make different decisions.

Hopefully that makes some sense.

Respectfully,
Ovid

Edited to add: I agree with RedMagic1, not sure if that's a good thing.

< Message edited by OvidInDallas -- 2/21/2014 11:07:36 AM >

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 11:17:40 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I'm in 2 minds about this body positive stuff, on one hand, it's not OK to discriminate somebody for a body type, on the other hand, I also see obesity as a massive problem in almost every society (the biggest killer, if I'm not wrong it claims more victims than cancer) and by making it so super acceptable and treating excessively large people almost like they should have special rights, aren't we killing a ton of people with that false kindness and acceptance?

I hasten to add that I also find the heroin-look that was popular in fashion for a while as quite dangerous.

After Mom and I went to visit my brother in the hospital, she commented on the extra large toilet seat, "Is that for American Obesity?"

I replied that it probably was for obesity, and was curious why she said "American Obesity."

She feels that obesity is mostly an American problem.

Apparently not, however. (St = stone, a unit of weight used in the UK. 60 stone = 840 pounds.)

Brits go large - Our bums are now too big for loo seats

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 2/21/2014 11:20:20 AM >

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 11:40:15 AM

TNDommeK

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I thought it was just us Americans. Im on the healthy train. Trying do hard to eat right.

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 12:00:50 PM

LadyConstanze

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I was seriously not talking about different body shapes, and heaven knows I'm not Kate Moss, I'm also not talking about the odd few pounds too much, but very very serious obesity. Of course those people shouldn't be shamed as it is counter productive, but in a lot of ways I feel that they get rewarded by being treated with velvet gloves.

For example, I would never dream to tell somebody who's overweight that they should eat less, or that they are fat, that would simply be rude, however the amount of times I heard a "rather hefty" person tell me that I need to eat a sandwich, on flights a person taking up most of my seat and squashing me into a corner and then complaining that they make the seats so small (well, my seat was made artificially smaller because the armrest didn't come down, otherwise it would have been sufficient), I'm seriously not skinny, just normal and healthy.

It's seriously a pet peeve of mine that there seem to be only 2 extremes, the dangerously thin body type, about 1% of all women have the genetics to have that and be healthy, about 5% of them are also photogenic and/or can act, so they're famous, not realistic for the general population, on the other hand there are some very obese people that get picked up as figureheads of "big is beautiful" and their fans promote the "bigger is more beautiful" image, which I think is just as dangerous as the anorexic beauty ideal.

For example, somebody who's 5'5 can be between 110 and 180 lbs, depending on body type (give or take a few) and still be very very healthy, much lower or much higher, it gets dangerous, by telling underweight girls that "one can never be too thin" you're not doing them a favour, just like by telling obese people that it's beautiful and they're the "hostess with the mostest" and giving them no reason to change. We all have certain body type preferences, nothing wrong with that, but I honestly wish that there would be more a focus on healthy than some absurd beauty standards, may they be size 0 (managed that for 2 weeks and never felt so miserable in my life, no energy, thinking about food I can't eat, bad skin, dull hair, thanks, but no thanks) or size 30.

Edited for the usual non-native speaker spellos

< Message edited by LadyConstanze -- 2/21/2014 12:13:07 PM >

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 12:18:51 PM

RedMagic1

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Oh look. An invitation to start a fat thread.

Sorry, Lady C. I'm trying to cut back.

But fear not, fair kickass maiden! I'm sure plenty of people who will want to... indulge.

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 12:24:30 PM

LadyConstanze

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Actually not a fat thread, a thread to promote a HEALTHY body type, as I said before, I consider this extremely skinny trend just as dangerous as this "the bigger the more beautiful" trend. Most of us could spare a few lbs, I wouldn't consider a person who doesn't look like they stepped out of a magazine fat, but there is a certain line where it becomes a very distinctive danger, just like underweight is a danger.

It has nothing to do with what an individual considers beautiful, there is a lot of leeway in what is still healthy and one person would consider skinny or another fat, the priority should be to not endanger your own life or that of your partner for a preference or a look, in my book that's not love but abuse.

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 12:35:38 PM

DesFIP

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But bear has been used in the gay community for probably well over 50 years. Back when you had to get up and walk to the tv to change the channel and obesity wasn't a problem.

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 12:44:36 PM

Tantriqu

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My extended family are hetero bears: I thought every boy grew up to be a large, strong, and extremely hirsute teddybear, so it's a body type I don't find sexually attractive; exotic catnip to me is lithe, wiry, slim, tall, and near furless Northern European stock: meeYOW!
On the other hand, I have girlfriends who are attracted to the stereotypical meso-endo southeastern European bodies and don't understand my tastes, so [shrug] less competition, and to each her own!

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 12:45:36 PM

sexyred1

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The original OP was about a term, not a fat thread, but you helped turn it into one, along with another poster who said obesity causes cancer

So I guess I caused my own cancer, which I will mention at the chemo center on Monday.

Sorry you had to personally suffer sitting next to a larger person on a plane, that is really tough.

It is not up to you or anyone else to decide how someone views themselves or how body acceptance is promoted. Whomever wants to do that is far more helpful than assholes who are cruel.

Finally, not one fat man or woman on the planet needs any education from strangers on their size or their health. That is between them and their health professionals.

And all the recent big is beautiful social media campaigns never ONCE say being fat is always healthy. They are here because body acceptance goes a long way towards making people help themselves, if possible, rather than body shaming.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 2/21/2014 12:47:17 PM >

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 12:55:17 PM

VideoAdminRho

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This is now in Off Topic.

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RE: When people say they're a "bear", what do... - 2/21/2014 12:57:36 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

The original OP was about a term, not a fat thread, but you helped turn it into one, along with another poster who said obesity causes cancer

So I guess I caused my own cancer, which I will mention at the chemo center on Monday.

Sorry you had to personally suffer sitting next to a larger person on a plane, that is really tough.

It is not up to you or anyone else to decide how someone views themselves or how body acceptance is promoted. Whomever wants to do that is far more helpful than assholes who are cruel.

Finally, not one fat man or woman on the planet needs any education from strangers on their size or their health. That is between them and their health professionals.

And all the recent big is beautiful social media campaigns never ONCE say being fat is always healthy. They are here because body acceptance goes a long way towards making people help themselves, if possible, rather than body shaming.

This is one of the most highly cited articles indicating the obesity -> cancer link. 100% guarantee your oncologist has read it.

http://www.nature.com/nrc/journal/v4/n8/abs/nrc1408.html

Whether you in any way "caused your own cancer" may be impossible to determine. It depends on the type of tumor, as well as many other factors. It might be easier to eliminate your weight as a contributing factor than to state that yes your weight was a contributing factor. That's a matter for discussion with your own medical team, if you decide you want to bring it up. Speculation about that on the internet is counterproductive, at best.

Regarding your comment about social media campaigns, I won't link to any of the ones I was referring to, because I find them abhorrent. However, the This Is Thin Privilege blog does provide a gateway into that world, if you're interested in seeing what I'm referring to. Fair warning: those people are the moral equivalent of faith-healing parents who pray for their children instead of taking them to the hospital, and then accept no responsibility when the children die.

Best wishes in your fight.

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