A Question About Sadist

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ProvSub9999 -> A Question About Sadist (2/21/2014 2:05:58 PM)
I met a Domme and during the screening process she informed me she requires her subs to be able to take pain. She enjoys inflicting pain, whether it be for discipline or punishment or just for her pleasure. I informed her I'm not a masochist and do no enjoy pain. She said we could meet half-way. She will try to increase my pain tolerance. At first everything was fine. However, she is quite disappointed in me because she is unable to "whip" and spank me like her other submissives. Apparently their butts get very very red. My point is that she is getting the same results, whether the spankings are soft for one or hard for another. If a sadist enjoys inflicting pain and seeing her submissives cry or scream, why would it matter if she whips hard or soft? The results are the same, depending on the submissive. I'm not allowed to ask her questions so I can't ask her. What am I missing?

Rawni -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/21/2014 2:13:42 PM)
You are missing that you aren't a good fit with this dominant and if you cannot ask questions... you may be missing something that warns you when you are getting into trouble.

Inghammar -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/21/2014 2:14:58 PM)
Do you go to Red Lobster and complain that you can't get pancakes?

mummyman321 -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/21/2014 2:15:18 PM)
There is a physical aspect to her Sadism. Think of it as a work out. It is not just the amount of pain you are able to take but it is also the amount of physical effort she puts into it. For people who like to spanks and swing whips and floggers, there is an enjoyment of being able to swing with "their" full force. This physical activity produces and endorphin high along with your reaction to the pain. So it is not just about you and the pain you are in. Any relationship between a Domme and a sub, there should be open communication. I disagree with your statement you cannot talk to her. For any relationship to flourish, there needs to be an open dialog. I would never be in a Domme/sub relationship if I could not honestly talk to my Domme about our relationship especially if I was not happy about something. It maybe the two of you are not compatible. Maybe you are, but if you cannot talk about it, that is a big red flag for me to move on.

OsideGirl -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/21/2014 2:17:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ProvSub9999 If a sadist enjoys inflicting pain and seeing her submissives cry or scream, why would it matter if she whips hard or soft? The results are the same, depending on the submissive. That's my Master's view. He's much more of sadist than I am a masochist. But, he doesn't care because he gets the reaction he wants. I'll also add that everybody marks differently. I have a friend that one swat will leave a raised red welt. I get red, but won't welt unless it's extreme. And I have one friend that you'd never know she'd played at the end of the scene. quote: I'm not allowed to ask her questions so I can't ask her. What am I missing? You're missing seeing a really big red flag. Not being able to ask questions is NOT a healthy relationship.

Darkdog -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/21/2014 2:19:23 PM)
It truly isn't a match. Yes, she is getting some of what she wants, but not all. Are you getting anything from this relationship? Only if you enjoy being denied your needs (catch-22)

LadyConstanze -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/21/2014 2:19:57 PM)
I agree, you guys don't seem to be a good fit. Admittedly I'm a sadist and I do like to let fly on occasion, but with somebody who actually consents to it, in general it's pushing the limit, the limit is individual. If you really can't take much, it's a bit like a person who likes to eat spices and the cook doesn't like to use them, depends how important her sadism is, depends on how high your pain tolerance is and if that can be pushed, but you asking the question here and not her, that kinda indicates that the problems are much deeper...

ProvSub9999 -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/21/2014 3:54:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mummyman321 There is a physical aspect to her Sadism. Think of it as a work out. It is not just the amount of pain you are able to take but it is also the amount of physical effort she puts into it. For people who like to spanks and swing whips and floggers, there is an enjoyment of being able to swing with "their" full force. This physical activity produces and endorphin high along with your reaction to the pain. So it is not just about you and the pain you are in. I just called her and told her the situation so we are going to talk. May I ask, besides swinging with her full force, what else would a Sadist enjoy instead? She is young (26-years-old) so she is also exploring. I will ask her this question but if you have any ideas I would really appreciate it. The reason I enjoy this relationship, even though I'm not a masochist, is because of other aspects of the relationship. Also, since she has two other submissives, whom she whips the hell out of, isn't this enough? Can't a Sadist have a submissive who she doesn't whip the hell out of?

anniezz338 -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/21/2014 4:02:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ProvSub9999 I just called her and told her the situation so we are going to talk. May I ask, besides swinging with her full force, what else would a Sadist enjoy instead? She is young (26-years-old) so she is also exploring. I will ask her this question but if you have any ideas I would really appreciate it. The reason I enjoy this relationship, even though I'm not a masochist, is because of other aspects of the relationship. Also, since she has two other submissives, whom she whips the hell out of, isn't this enough? Can't a Sadist have a submissive who she doesn't whip the hell out of? We could offer up lots of ideas, like watersports, cages, chastity belts, etc. But those are things you should discuss with her when you next talk. It is a good sign she is at least willing to talk things out. Communication is a big deal.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/21/2014 4:05:09 PM)
Try some psychological Sadism, predicament bondage, captive play. Exiled

LadyPact -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/21/2014 4:57:23 PM)
I'm another that is going to say that I don't think you're a great fit on an S/m scale. She's obviously an impact player that enjoys the force behind how she is dealing the impact. I happen to be the same way, though I'm not a "whack, whack, whack" type. However, I have a number of implements that are pretty much 'heavy masochist only' that I wouldn't get to use at all if a person couldn't take pain to a certain degree. On this, I have to tell you that I'm more sympathetic to her stance than yours, OP. Just like anybody else, I can play to the level of how much the bottom can take in a non ownership situation. However, I can't say it's always fulfilling. quote: ORIGINAL: ProvSub9999 I just called her and told her the situation so we are going to talk. May I ask, besides swinging with her full force, what else would a Sadist enjoy instead? She is young (26-years-old) so she is also exploring. I will ask her this question but if you have any ideas I would really appreciate it. The reason I enjoy this relationship, even though I'm not a masochist, is because of other aspects of the relationship. Also, since she has two other submissives, whom she whips the hell out of, isn't this enough? Can't a Sadist have a submissive who she doesn't whip the hell out of? This is in two parts, so I'm going to address both. As to what else might be enjoyed, that's going to depend on her particular style. What else does she enjoy besides impact? I happen to like needles, cutting, fire, wax, cbt, electrical, knife play, and a bunch of other stuff that fits into the 'non force' category. Some are painful. Some are not. How competent she is in these areas, as well as her personal enjoyment of them, is going to matter. Having other submissives or play partners wouldn't compensate for Me in this matter. That's like saying she's got two other lovers who are extraordinary in bed so it shouldn't matter if she is not satisfied sexually when she is with you. Your play time with her is unique to the two of you and she's not averaging all of her experiences out so that the really good stuff makes up for the disappointing stuff. Frankly, that used to make Me want to play with other people more than play with the person who lost/didn't have enough pain tolerance. If the rest of the relationship is good and you both have a strong emotional bond, you may be able to find other ways to make it work. However, it's going to take some serious commitment on both of your parts.

ProvSub9999 -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/21/2014 5:33:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I'm another that is going to say that I don't think you're a great fit on an S/m scale. She's obviously an impact player that enjoys the force behind how she is dealing the impact. I happen to be the same way, though I'm not a "whack, whack, whack" type. However, I have a number of implements that are pretty much 'heavy masochist only' that I wouldn't get to use at all if a person couldn't take pain to a certain degree. On this, I have to tell you that I'm more sympathetic to her stance than yours, OP. Just like anybody else, I can play to the level of how much the bottom can take in a non ownership situation. However, I can't say it's always fulfilling. This is in two parts, so I'm going to address both. As to what else might be enjoyed, that's going to depend on her particular style. What else does she enjoy besides impact? I happen to like needles, cutting, fire, wax, cbt, electrical, knife play, and a bunch of other stuff that fits into the 'non force' category. Some are painful. Some are not. How competent she is in these areas, as well as her personal enjoyment of them, is going to matter. Having other submissives or play partners wouldn't compensate for Me in this matter. That's like saying she's got two other lovers who are extraordinary in bed so it shouldn't matter if she is not satisfied sexually when she is with you. Your play time with her is unique to the two of you and she's not averaging all of her experiences out so that the really good stuff makes up for the disappointing stuff. Frankly, that used to make Me want to play with other people more than play with the person who lost/didn't have enough pain tolerance. If the rest of the relationship is good and you both have a strong emotional bond, you may be able to find other ways to make it work. However, it's going to take some serious commitment on both of your parts. Thank you for your advice and input, it was most valuable. She called and wants to have another session tomorrow evening so we will talk more. I'm happy about the amount she charges so I want this relationship to work. But if she insists that she has to have extreme impact play we will have to end our arrangement.

Missokyst -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/21/2014 5:46:57 PM)
Here is the thing. You are the customer. You pay for what you want. quote: ORIGINAL: ProvSub9999 quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I'm another that is going to say that I don't think you're a great fit on an S/m scale. She's obviously an impact player that enjoys the force behind how she is dealing the impact. I happen to be the same way, though I'm not a "whack, whack, whack" type. However, I have a number of implements that are pretty much 'heavy masochist only' that I wouldn't get to use at all if a person couldn't take pain to a certain degree. On this, I have to tell you that I'm more sympathetic to her stance than yours, OP. Just like anybody else, I can play to the level of how much the bottom can take in a non ownership situation. However, I can't say it's always fulfilling. This is in two parts, so I'm going to address both. As to what else might be enjoyed, that's going to depend on her particular style. What else does she enjoy besides impact? I happen to like needles, cutting, fire, wax, cbt, electrical, knife play, and a bunch of other stuff that fits into the 'non force' category. Some are painful. Some are not. How competent she is in these areas, as well as her personal enjoyment of them, is going to matter. Having other submissives or play partners wouldn't compensate for Me in this matter. That's like saying she's got two other lovers who are extraordinary in bed so it shouldn't matter if she is not satisfied sexually when she is with you. Your play time with her is unique to the two of you and she's not averaging all of her experiences out so that the really good stuff makes up for the disappointing stuff. Frankly, that used to make Me want to play with other people more than play with the person who lost/didn't have enough pain tolerance. If the rest of the relationship is good and you both have a strong emotional bond, you may be able to find other ways to make it work. However, it's going to take some serious commitment on both of your parts. Thank you for your advice and input, it was most valuable. She called and wants to have another session tomorrow evening so we will talk more. I'm happy about the amount she charges so I want this relationship to work. But if she insists that she has to have extreme impact play we will have to end our arrangement.

ThePrincessKali -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/21/2014 10:28:00 PM)
I don't know why as soon as the BDSM aspect comes in people completely lose their minds and their sense of what is reasonable and what isn't. If you were dating someone in a vanilla manor and had nothing in common with them or interests or views that you had a big problem with, would you stick around? You're allowed to say no.

LafayetteLady -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/22/2014 12:08:44 AM)
So you are paying her for this service? Then you don't have a "relationship," you have a business arrangement. As missokyst said, if she is charging you for her time, then you get to decide what does and does not happen.. you are paying to have your needs met. She should be meeting them.

FrostedFlake -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/22/2014 1:03:43 AM)
There are times when having a car is more important than which car. It doesn't work that way with Girls.

windchymes -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/22/2014 6:43:34 AM)
You can't please EVERY mistress. You can respectfully agree with each other that you are not compatible and remain friends, can't you? And then if either of you ever encounters someone you think would be compatible with the other, you can refer them.

ResidentSadist -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/22/2014 8:23:46 AM)
She says she requires giving physical pain. You say you don't like physical pain. Like a moth to the flame, you get with her anyway. Then you make a thread asking sadists if it matters whipping hard or soft, like the answers will lead to a better understanding or justify wanting to change her. This story makes more sense if "what you are missing" is an awareness of your own masochism and how masochism manifests in both the physical and/or psychological pain form. Trying to satisfy your masochistic craving for psychological pain with a physical sadists may not produce the best results, despite the painful psychological discomfort from the awkward pairing. Otherwise you are paying for something you don't like and knew you didn't like it in the first place . . . which just doesn't make sense to me.

OsideGirl -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/22/2014 9:39:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ProvSub9999 Thank you for your advice and input, it was most valuable. She called and wants to have another session tomorrow evening so we will talk more. I'm happy about the amount she charges so I want this relationship to work. But if she insists that she has to have extreme impact play we will have to end our arrangement. So, it's not a relationship. It's a service provider/customer situation. I would hope she would talk, otherwise she'd be losing a paying customer.

kalikshama -> RE: A Question About Sadist (2/22/2014 12:58:45 PM)
I think she should charge you less, as she doesn't have to work as hard [8D] Look, I'll only patronize masseuses who can give me a deep tissue massage. If their hands aren't strong enough, and I'm not a little sore the next day, I won't give them my business again, no matter how good their prices. When I go to a new place, I'll ask the staff about who can provide a deep tissue massage, and then make my expectations clear to the therapist. I really don't see negotiating with a Pro Domme as any different. If she's not willing to meet your needs (within the limits of the law,) then you take your business elsewhere.

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