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ORIGINAL: ProvSub9999

If a sadist enjoys inflicting pain and seeing her submissives cry or scream, why would it matter if she whips hard or soft? The results are the same, depending on the submissive.

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I'm not allowed to ask her questions so I can't ask her.

What am I missing?

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ORIGINAL: mummyman321

There is a physical aspect to her Sadism. Think of it as a work out. It is not just the amount of pain you are able to take but it is also the amount of physical effort she puts into it. For people who like to spanks and swing whips and floggers, there is an enjoyment of being able to swing with "their" full force. This physical activity produces and endorphin high along with your reaction to the pain. So it is not just about you and the pain you are in.

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ORIGINAL: ProvSub9999

I just called her and told her the situation so we are going to talk. May I ask, besides swinging with her full force, what else would a Sadist enjoy instead? She is young (26-years-old) so she is also exploring. I will ask her this question but if you have any ideas I would really appreciate it. The reason I enjoy this relationship, even though I'm not a masochist, is because of other aspects of the relationship.

Also, since she has two other submissives, whom she whips the hell out of, isn't this enough? Can't a Sadist have a submissive who she doesn't whip the hell out of?

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm another that is going to say that I don't think you're a great fit on an S/m scale. She's obviously an impact player that enjoys the force behind how she is dealing the impact. I happen to be the same way, though I'm not a "whack, whack, whack" type. However, I have a number of implements that are pretty much 'heavy masochist only' that I wouldn't get to use at all if a person couldn't take pain to a certain degree. On this, I have to tell you that I'm more sympathetic to her stance than yours, OP. Just like anybody else, I can play to the level of how much the bottom can take in a non ownership situation. However, I can't say it's always fulfilling.

This is in two parts, so I'm going to address both. As to what else might be enjoyed, that's going to depend on her particular style. What else does she enjoy besides impact? I happen to like needles, cutting, fire, wax, cbt, electrical, knife play, and a bunch of other stuff that fits into the 'non force' category. Some are painful. Some are not. How competent she is in these areas, as well as her personal enjoyment of them, is going to matter.

Having other submissives or play partners wouldn't compensate for Me in this matter. That's like saying she's got two other lovers who are extraordinary in bed so it shouldn't matter if she is not satisfied sexually when she is with you. Your play time with her is unique to the two of you and she's not averaging all of her experiences out so that the really good stuff makes up for the disappointing stuff. Frankly, that used to make Me want to play with other people more than play with the person who lost/didn't have enough pain tolerance.

If the rest of the relationship is good and you both have a strong emotional bond, you may be able to find other ways to make it work. However, it's going to take some serious commitment on both of your parts.

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ORIGINAL: ProvSub9999

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm another that is going to say that I don't think you're a great fit on an S/m scale. She's obviously an impact player that enjoys the force behind how she is dealing the impact. I happen to be the same way, though I'm not a "whack, whack, whack" type. However, I have a number of implements that are pretty much 'heavy masochist only' that I wouldn't get to use at all if a person couldn't take pain to a certain degree. On this, I have to tell you that I'm more sympathetic to her stance than yours, OP. Just like anybody else, I can play to the level of how much the bottom can take in a non ownership situation. However, I can't say it's always fulfilling.

This is in two parts, so I'm going to address both. As to what else might be enjoyed, that's going to depend on her particular style. What else does she enjoy besides impact? I happen to like needles, cutting, fire, wax, cbt, electrical, knife play, and a bunch of other stuff that fits into the 'non force' category. Some are painful. Some are not. How competent she is in these areas, as well as her personal enjoyment of them, is going to matter.

Having other submissives or play partners wouldn't compensate for Me in this matter. That's like saying she's got two other lovers who are extraordinary in bed so it shouldn't matter if she is not satisfied sexually when she is with you. Your play time with her is unique to the two of you and she's not averaging all of her experiences out so that the really good stuff makes up for the disappointing stuff. Frankly, that used to make Me want to play with other people more than play with the person who lost/didn't have enough pain tolerance.

If the rest of the relationship is good and you both have a strong emotional bond, you may be able to find other ways to make it work. However, it's going to take some serious commitment on both of your parts.

Thank you for your advice and input, it was most valuable. She called and wants to have another session tomorrow evening so we will talk more. I'm happy about the amount she charges so I want this relationship to work. But if she insists that she has to have extreme impact play we will have to end our arrangement.

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ORIGINAL: ProvSub9999


Thank you for your advice and input, it was most valuable. She called and wants to have another session tomorrow evening so we will talk more. I'm happy about the amount she charges so I want this relationship to work. But if she insists that she has to have extreme impact play we will have to end our arrangement.