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RE: An observation about myself - 2/23/2014 4:59:24 PM

homedespot

Posts: 79
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

I know that this isn't exactly what you asked. I understand that you are asking about your specific behaviour and not about actually getting answers back but I would like to point out that male dominants are in a competition for female submissives. There are a lot of the latter and it can be hard to tolerate sending stuff out and being ignored. I know I wouldn't like it -- especially if I put some real effort into writing someone. Female dominants have the opposite problem. We are deluged in messages (often rude, pornographic or just mean). If you look at the Ask A Mistress forum you'll see a million posts on this. My only point is that it would be unwise for you to allow your self-esteem to rest on this simply because of the numbers. I have about 12 pages of 'back' mails from people. A very popular, competent and experienced dominant in my area usually doesn't even have 1 page of back posts. I don't know if you are popular, competent and experienced but even if you are you are going to have a lower response rate. I'm sorry.

As for the obsessive checking. I think most people do this from time to time. One gets excited about sending something out and one waits impatiently for an answer. I think it only moves into the category of unhealthy if it is preventing you from doing other things and running a normal life. Only you can answer that. If it isn't interfering with the normal functioning of your life then don't worry about it.

The other issue is *what* you are sending out. Again, I have no idea what you write but (from my side of the aisle) when I get a "Down ON YOUR KNEES B---H" email I'm not very likely to respond. Heh. If you are sending out thoughtful query's eventually you will get a thoughtful response.

Just my opinion of course,

J.

(in reply to quietandintense)

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Post #: 21

RE: An observation about myself - 2/23/2014 7:11:17 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

...
I'm actually with Oside on this. The OP does have a number of one line posts on a few threads that he did not initiate. One of which is here http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4641395 and I could pull a number of examples which are the same. Perhaps it's My own point of view, but dude just said something so that he would have something to say......

I checked out the link, and I don't really see anything wrong with what he posted. You are both intuitive women and I'm a notorious sucker so maybe I'm just missing something. Mostly, I think he inadvertently tripped a couple common triggers we have on this forum while at the same time not responding in a way I generally see trolls responding. No attitude, no flounce, no illogical insults or attacks. So, I tend to give him the benefit of the doubt. He seems nice.

(in reply to LadyPact)

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Post #: 22

RE: An observation about myself - 2/24/2014 10:19:33 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I found myself looking very regularly for responses to my posts or messages. Too regularly. Almost , almost obsessively.

Hooray for self awareness! I've obsessively checked email when dating someone new, so I empathize.

You can get sign up to be notified via an outside email when someone responds to your CMail, and Subscribe to a thread that interests you. Then, only check email/posts when you get a notification.

This works quite well with gmail but I understand some providers like AOL think the messages are spam so you have to add collarme to your contacts or something - if you want to try this and it doesn't work, let us know and we'll figure out the solution.

(in reply to quietandintense)

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Post #: 23

RE: An observation about myself - 2/24/2014 10:32:43 AM

AlphaFemsRule

Posts: 52
Joined: 1/7/2014
Status: offline

quote:

Very few people, percentagewise, have much success dating on CM. This doesn't have much to do with your real-life dateability. Some men make life harder for themselves, by writing profiles or intro messages that are full of red flags. But you can do almost everything right, and still not get responses.

As an aside, I think much of this is due to the poor design of CM. I like it here, don't get me wrong -- but there is so much that could be done to balance the signal-to-noise ratio.

I've pondered whether or not an invite-only satellite forum would help. On the surface, it sounds elitist and exclusive but it wouldn't be intended as such. It would just be a way for people who were genuine seekers of real-life relationships to have more exposure to one another by reducing the number of fake, useless profiles that inhibit visibility.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

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Post #: 24

RE: An observation about myself - 2/24/2014 11:12:44 AM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AlphaFemsRule

quote:

Very few people, percentagewise, have much success dating on CM. This doesn't have much to do with your real-life dateability. Some men make life harder for themselves, by writing profiles or intro messages that are full of red flags. But you can do almost everything right, and still not get responses.

As an aside, I think much of this is due to the poor design of CM. I like it here, don't get me wrong -- but there is so much that could be done to balance the signal-to-noise ratio.

I've pondered whether or not an invite-only satellite forum would help. On the surface, it sounds elitist and exclusive but it wouldn't be intended as such. It would just be a way for people who were genuine seekers of real-life relationships to have more exposure to one another by reducing the number of fake, useless profiles that inhibit visibility.

I think they already do have that categorically on the forum. I just wish more members participated and showed their more human side. Also an FR~ I also spend a lot of time reading messages etc on CM, mostly because I'm bored and restless without my sub and yea, I work online (good distraction), LOL.
But I have to say you encounter some of the most interesting and fascinating people on this site though encounters are brief.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to AlphaFemsRule)

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Post #: 25

RE: An observation about myself - 2/24/2014 6:48:43 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: quietandintense

I found myself looking very regularly for responses to my posts or messages. Too regularly. Almost , almost obsessively. And every time I looked and there wasnt a response I felt...bad?...neglected?...not sure what that feeling is but I didn't like it. So I started asking myself a few questions...What was it I was expecting? Why did I feel the need for recognition from people I dont know? Suppose I received 1,000 responses, would that be enough?
I realized that my self esteem could become dependent, in some ways, upon the number and types of responses I receive here.
Once I recognized what was happening between my ears I made a choice to not look so often and to check because I wanted to see if there was someone out there who wanted to start a dialogue. ...Still pondering all of this but, bottom line, I am bringing 58 years of experience and life and successes on a number of fronts to a public forum and will focus on what I can do for whomever I talk to rather than how I am being received....
Feel free to toss your thoughts into the mix... Am I the only one who has experienced these things? I think not.....

Does the word "Narcissist" at all come in to your cognition?

(in reply to quietandintense)

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Post #: 26