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RE: Submissives, Masochists and Weakness - 2/24/2014 5:26:56 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I love Criminal Minds, and unfortunately I'm a few months behind since we get it from Netflix.

As much as I admire the show, it does creep me out at times; I have to intersperse the watching with something more upbeat, like Lost Girls.



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RE: Submissives, Masochists and Weakness - 2/24/2014 5:59:48 AM   
SweetAnise


Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline 		Love Criminal Minds. :)

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RE: Submissives, Masochists and Weakness - 2/24/2014 12:44:10 PM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		Personally, in my experience, you can't actually tell too much about someone's personality from whether they describe themselves as submissive/Dominant, masochist/sadist. I think the viewpoint one sometimes encounters within the BDSM community is what people would like others to be like. In other words, a Dominant will describe what he seeks in a submissive, and the general gist will be that they are seeking a "weaker" person on some or many dimensions. That certainly is not the same thing as saying that all submissives are "weaker", but that a particular individual prefers their submissive have a certain demeanor/personality.

This brings me to the next issue which is that "weakness" is not a single trait. I'm not sure what you mean when you use the term "weak" no more than I know what others mean when they use the term "weak". And even within certain categories, you can have people who are "strong" on some dimensions and "weak" on others. A "strong" runner might be "weak" when it comes to lifting weights. A "weak" personality professionally might be a "strong" personality in romantic relationships. A person "strong" in analytics might be "weak" in language.

I don't really care what people outside the BDSM world think of submissives/masochists. Since vanilla people don't tend to understand BDSM at all, their understanding of who might be attracted to this world, and to particular roles necessarily follows some ridiculous preconceived notions. Most vanilla people, because they cannot imagine themselves in either a Dominant or submissive role necessarily assume that a Dominant/sadist must be a jerk to "treat others that way"; and a submissive/masochist must be "weak" on some dimension to allow others to "treat them that way". But this reflects a flawed and incomplete understanding of BDSM and the roles therein. So if I were you, I would start by worrying the most about how you feel about yourself - and don't let the viewpoint of others spoil your fun.

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RE: Submissives, Masochists and Weakness - 2/27/2014 7:57:43 AM   
CatharsisKentUK


Posts: 31
Joined: 2/22/2014
Status: offline 		I think it depends partly on your definition of weak.

I'm maso, emotionally as well as sexually. I crave for the kind of dynamic that many even in the kink community would possibly call abusive. Is it a reflection of strength that I know what works for me and I'm seeking it, or is it a point of weakness that I can't thrive as an adult without someone around to regularly bitchslap me and convince me of my worthlessness? I have crushingly low self esteem but I'm nevertheless capable of considering my own safety and of making my voice heard when I think it's important. I'm wired up wrong on a primal level - one that was forged in early childhood. Does that make me a damaged and tragic individual who is simply not capable of accepting love in a 'normal' vanilla fashion or does that make me a psychological survivor, someone who can take an incredible amount of deeply personal verbal and emotional abuse and come out of it centred, stable and stronger?

People see what they see.

I think the stereotype is partly born out because naive people who are new to kink and don't access it in a SSC way can wind up as bait for people who are just unmitigated arseholes rather than dominant or sadistic. Like chauvinists who want their women barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Kink is one the last remaining first world taboos. We've made huge progress where the LGBT community is concerned but there is nothing in place for people who come to the realisation that they want kink in their lives. Nowhere else would such deluded fantasists and chancers be able to post the kind of bollocks they do on sites like this one and still have pliant fuckwits take the bait.

< Message edited by CatharsisKentUK -- 2/27/2014 7:58:09 AM >

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RE: Submissives, Masochists and Weakness - 2/27/2014 8:41:00 AM   
Secretdamsel


Posts: 39
Joined: 1/23/2013
Status: offline 		I hardly see myself as . Being tied up me a struggle and be strong.. Friction is fun.

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RE: Submissives, Masochists and Weakness - 2/27/2014 9:10:36 AM   
sweetnsourDOM4u


Posts: 5
Joined: 2/22/2014
Status: offline 		I don't think it is as easy as labeling someone as "strong" or "weak." There are a myriad of reasons that affect peoples behavior in any women. Speculation is mere conjecture and somewhat dangerous. I believe we are only capable of truly knowing our own influences. For example ask yourself why YOU like what you look; truly introspect and you might be surprised and scared by the answer.

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RE: Submissives, Masochists and Weakness - 2/28/2014 9:40:38 AM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian
those who have experienced doing anything like this know it is not the province of the delicate, ineffectual or unresolved.


Sorry, have to disagree. I know some submissives who are so incompetent at life that if they weren't in D/s relationships, I fear for how they would manage at all.

I regularly see car crash weak personas in the submissive world and I wonder how they even manage to figure out how to turn a computer on.

I know it's easy to be defensive and leap to the knee jerk reaction of 'no we're not weak!' but honestly, I think a lot of submissives are - I think that's why a lot of submissives are attracted to someone who will tell them what to do, and make all the decisions.

As a strong personality, I too often attract rather weak people who want me to fix their lives and make decisions for them - this is one of the reasons I am attracted to dominants, I find submission needy and draining.

And yes, I am a submissive. I don't think I'm weak but I do think the desire to submit is quite selfish. I have no interest in dominating someone because it seems like quite a lot of boring hard work, whereas submission is like silky deliciousness. We like to dress it up as self-sacrifice and 'pleasing' others, but the fact is that we do it because we like it and if we didn't like it, we wouldn't do it.

Probably not a popular opinion, but you did ask.

As for masochists - no, I think that's just a sexual preference.

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RE: Submissives, Masochists and Weakness - 2/28/2014 1:58:29 PM   
bachus


Posts: 31
Joined: 1/27/2014
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In my opinion submission has nothing to do with weakness, quite the contrary I would say. Lets be honest most dominants (male and female) are really not easy to life with. We are pretty annoying, we want things done our way and no other way is good enough. OCD is nothing compared with Dominance, failure to comply with our rules normally leads to interrogation, corner time or difficulty in sitting. It take a very strong person to be able to handle that, and that is when we are at our best behavior, I mean most of us are frigging controlling bastards and it takes a frigging strong partner to life with us. So are submissive weak, well hell no. Or to abuse a biblical saying, those who serve others are the greatest.

Funny remarks aside I do have a serious problem with the perception of submissive being weak. I believe it come out of the vanilla world where dominants are considered to abuse the weak willed and weak minded. Popular perception is that we are degenerates who are abusive and broken and we chase after submissives because they are too weak or too desperate and incapable of standing up for themselves. To think, to even consider that subs are weak is in my opinion a complete and utter comprehension of what BDSM is all about. It is about trust mutual respect, and courage according to me at least.

And the same can be said about masochists.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Submissives, Masochists and Weakness - 2/28/2014 2:05:11 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian
those who have experienced doing anything like this know it is not the province of the delicate, ineffectual or unresolved.


Sorry, have to disagree. I know some submissives who are so incompetent at life that if they weren't in D/s relationships, I fear for how they would manage at all.

I regularly see car crash weak personas in the submissive world and I wonder how they even manage to figure out how to turn a computer on.

I know it's easy to be defensive and leap to the knee jerk reaction of 'no we're not weak!' but honestly, I think a lot of submissives are - I think that's why a lot of submissives are attracted to someone who will tell them what to do, and make all the decisions.

As a strong personality, I too often attract rather weak people who want me to fix their lives and make decisions for them - this is one of the reasons I am attracted to dominants, I find submission needy and draining.

And yes, I am a submissive. I don't think I'm weak but I do think the desire to submit is quite selfish. I have no interest in dominating someone because it seems like quite a lot of boring hard work, whereas submission is like silky deliciousness. We like to dress it up as self-sacrifice and 'pleasing' others, but the fact is that we do it because we like it and if we didn't like it, we wouldn't do it.

Probably not a popular opinion, but you did ask.

As for masochists - no, I think that's just a sexual preference.

I agree wholeheartedly with all of the above. I find I usually do with your posts

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(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
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