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I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 7:17:00 AM   
Diore


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/11/2011
Status: offline 		To the old adage, "Don't say anything if you don't have something nice to say," which is of a certain perspective and opinion, I'd like to challenge everyone to try and follow suit. What I've read numerous times and defended as, "I was being me... I was being blunt... I was being helpful in my own way... ," I say is just years of poor social practice.

I'm certain that some of you are going to be more acerbic and sardonic in personality--no one is telling you not to be yourselves. Instead what I would be asking is to address topics with constructive criticisms rather than rash judgments and cruel, nonsensical cynicism. If you cannot see the other person's perspective by any stretch, then you've failed at "helping" already. There are always more positive ways to give your opinion and then leave it be; some posters simply aren't going to heed good advice regardless of how beneficial it may be. What bothers me is the attention by way of derision that commonly follows in many threads with ongoing rebuttals.

There was a posting about retaining new posters: why on Earth would someone want to participate in the active "posse law" that commonly overtakes threads? I'll come short of calling it flat-out bullying, but honestly, this is currently a golf course with members you wouldn't want to play one hole with, much-less eighteen.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 7:22:53 AM   
Ladytisha


Posts: 112
Joined: 6/3/2013
Status: offline 		While I do understand what you are saying, look at the threads as a debate. Of course you are going to have those who are just plain nasty and those who give helpful info. That's what makes a debate so great is we can go back and forth and at the end of the day go our separate ways with no harm no foul. Everyone is grown here (or should be) and should not need a reminder on attitude.

(in reply to Diore)
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RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 7:29:13 AM   
Diore


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ladytisha

That's what makes a debate so great is we can go back and forth and at the end of the day go our separate ways with no harm no foul. Everyone is grown here (or should be) and should not need a reminder on attitude.


This is the last I make mention on the forums anyway, and is exactly what I'm talking about. This is what makes the human species weak and divided, not great by any stretch of the imagination. As long as we're blind to each other and cannot find the empathy and compassion, we are doomed to war, hatred and other vices that are commonly construed as "evil". Being apathetic of the result and going our separate ways simply enables division and discrimination.

What hubris... to think that being silent on an issue that may not have a consequential result anyway is worth blood for.

(in reply to Ladytisha)
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RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 7:38:44 AM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		Yes I guess I could look at the world through rose colored glasses but that is not how the world works. I have seen many threads where people come in looking for advice but they find every excuse not to heed any of the advice given. A good example is happening in the Health and Safety forum right now.

I always wonder why threads like this, where an OP says negative remarks about negativity, are even started. It seems like an oxymoron.

_____________________________

I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

(in reply to Ladytisha)
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RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 7:43:39 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Diore
Instead what I would be asking is to address topics with constructive criticisms rather than rash judgments and cruel, nonsensical cynicism.

You are not using the word "cynicism" correctly. Cynicism is the fundamental mistrust of human nature, and/or the belief that people are motivated only by their personal self-interest, and not out of any greater good. It has nothing to do with logic or being sensical/nonsensical. Some people will claim that it's only logical to be cynical; others, including me, believe there is ample evidence that human beings do things for the greater good all the time. Just look at the protesters in the Ukraine.

My advice to you is this: think in concrete and practical terms. What steps need to be taken in order to accomplish objectives? If you consider objectives to be more important than temporary feelings, then you'll have a better understanding why people who have already been down a hard road will say "take this step next," or, "stop doing that," instead of just patting someone on the back and saying something useless like, "You can do it."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Diore)
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RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 7:46:22 AM   
Ladytisha


Posts: 112
Joined: 6/3/2013
Status: offline 		So if I am to understand you correctly negative remarks cause discrimination? That is what makes the world unique you have people with different qualities that make them different. Weather that quality be giving folks hell or just being helpful that's what separates us from the robots. I've seen a post similar to yours where a person was saying the same thing. I myself have experienced what you are talking about but would I ever get my panties in a bunch because someone said something I didn't like, I would thank them for whatever was said and move on.

(in reply to Diore)
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RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 8:05:33 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Diore


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ladytisha

That's what makes a debate so great is we can go back and forth and at the end of the day go our separate ways with no harm no foul. Everyone is grown here (or should be) and should not need a reminder on attitude.


This is the last I make mention on the forums anyway, and is exactly what I'm talking about. This is what makes the human species weak and divided, not great by any stretch of the imagination. As long as we're blind to each other and cannot find the empathy and compassion, we are doomed to war, hatred and other vices that are commonly construed as "evil". Being apathetic of the result and going our separate ways simply enables division and discrimination.

What hubris... to think that being silent on an issue that may not have a consequential result anyway is worth blood for.



Honestly, there are a few members on this side of the site that I would probably question some of their motives and views based solely on the way they will try to project their views as being without malice or intent, criticize those undeserving of criticism and defending others who are actually (typically) the types that most people on the site overall dislike/distrust. I make a mental note of it but I do not choose to "out" these individuals for their seemingly lack of integrity.
Regardless of how long someone may have been on this site, I would take some advice with a grain of salt and "read between the lines" so to speak.
I would encourage you however to not get dissuaded in voicing your thoughts and opinions despite their popularity and to continue to feel assured in exactly who and what you are unabashedly.
I enjoy reading some of your posts and I'm sure I'm not alone in this stance.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to Diore)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 8:10:27 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Diore
Instead what I would be asking is to address topics with constructive criticisms rather than rash judgments and cruel, nonsensical cynicism.

You are not using the word "cynicism" correctly. Cynicism is the fundamental mistrust of human nature, and/or the belief that people are motivated only by their personal self-interest, and not out of any greater good. It has nothing to do with logic or being sensical/nonsensical. Some people will claim that it's only logical to be cynical; others, including me, believe there is ample evidence that human beings do things for the greater good all the time. Just look at the protesters in the Ukraine.

My advice to you is this: think in concrete and practical terms. What steps need to be taken in order to accomplish objectives? If you consider objectives to be more important than temporary feelings, then you'll have a better understanding why people who have already been down a hard road will say "take this step next," or, "stop doing that," instead of just patting someone on the back and saying something useless like, "You can do it."


I believe he is using the word in the correct context when there are a lot of "pre-judgements" made without very many facts and the critique may in fact be rash and perhaps poorly worded. Especially when there was a clear indication of constructive criticism given on his part that was perhaps accidentally overlooked. :)

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 8:14:58 AM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline 		In case you haven't seen it yet, there is a tiny button at the bottom left corner of every post entitled "Hide".
Click on it and that poster's posts will no longer appear on your screen. It allows you to weed out the sorts of posters you are complaining about.
I would point out that some of the people who seem like real assholes nonetheless offer great wisdom and insights, worth reading and not getting your knickers in a twist about the tone. Others just post endlessly and clog up the threads, and hiding them cleans the threads on the reader's view.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to Diore)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 9:19:17 AM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		I will not endure bigots, bad manners, and liars... I will point them out and not be nice about it... They deserve disdain and dismissal.

Butch

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to Diore)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 10:09:04 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

Yes I guess I could look at the world through rose colored glasses but that is not how the world works. I have seen many threads where people come in looking for advice but they find every excuse not to heed any of the advice given. A good example is happening in the Health and Safety forum right now.

I always wonder why threads like this, where an OP says negative remarks about negativity, are even started. It seems like an oxymoron.


OMG, yes to the to thread in Health and Safety and I agree with the rest of the post as well.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to anniezz338)
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RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 10:13:31 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Diore
years of poor social practice

I am proud to lack all social skills. I thank you for the compliment.



_____________________________

"I tend to pay attention when Rule speaks" - Aswad

"You are sweet, kind, and ever so smart, Rule. You ALWAYS stretch my mind and make me think further than I might have on my own" - Duskypearls

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

(in reply to Diore)
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RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 10:44:57 AM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline
quote:

OP
You there! Stop not being me!

I'm thinking about it. I'll let you know what I decide.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 11:12:49 AM   
DomKen


Posts: 19457
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		FR
I find tone trolling to be the most annoying kind of trolling. Just an observation.

(in reply to FrostedFlake)
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RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 12:04:30 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Diore
....As long as we're blind to each other and cannot find the empathy and compassion, we are doomed to war, hatred and other vices that are commonly construed as "evil". Being apathetic of the result and going our separate ways simply enables division and discrimination.

What hubris... to think that being silent on an issue that may not have a consequential result anyway is worth blood for.

Ok, let me throw this at you.....

Pedophiles: Empathy??? No fucking way!! They can hang on barbed wire for all I care.
Cheaters: Not much empathy from me, if any. The only people with empathy for these fuckwads woud be other cheaters or someone with no moral scruples (just as bad in my books).
Rapists: Same as pedo's - they can fuck off and hang or rot in jail.
Serial murderers: Same as all the others I mentioned here. Nothing better than turds stuck on my shoe.

These are just a few that immediately spring to mind.
I certainly have no empathy for any of them and I'm quite happy to positively discriminate against them.
I certainly don't hold that to do so would be divisory or make the world a worse place for doing so.

Meh!!


ETA: I'm also quite happy to hate them all too!
If that makes me a bigot, then so be it.


< Message edited by freedomdwarf1 -- 2/23/2014 12:06:08 PM >

(in reply to Diore)
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RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 12:56:31 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

To the old adage, "Don't say anything if you don't have something nice to say," which is of a certain perspective and opinion, I'd like to challenge everyone to try and follow suit.

Another perspective:



_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to Diore)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 1:03:18 PM   
DomKen


Posts: 19457
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

quote:

To the old adage, "Don't say anything if you don't have something nice to say," which is of a certain perspective and opinion, I'd like to challenge everyone to try and follow suit.

Another perspective:



Something tells me I would have liked her.

(in reply to dcnovice)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 1:09:18 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		When I raised my children... I was not raising children to remain children, but to be adults. I taught them right and wrong, to be loving, kind, understanding adults with compassion. I also taught them the real world. Not everyone was nice and kind. I said... if you walk up an do something unkind to someone, they will return it. Not everyone is nice out there. Grow some tough skin, look at yourself in the mirror and don't coddle yourself much less anyone else, it isn't real.

Talk plainly so that anyone can understand your words... do not seek to deceive by pretty words and when needed, seek tough love for yourself and others. This isn't all I taught, but part of it.

What help am I to the many hundreds I have helped if I only pat them on the back and give helpful suggestions? Sometimes, you need to spell it out in black and white and let the sensitivities go where they will. It isn't my responsibility to do anything but speak the truth as I see it and let that truth become real to someone or let them reject it. It is after all their life. I will be accountable for what I say... but I will not take on what another must carry. What I have found is that many lie to themselves to keep themselves from seeing some real life truths.. and not just what I see as truth. If they deny... go about life stupidly... who is at fault, those that try to say that is really not so bright or they who have chosen to live with the dimness?

If by adult age, we cannot be forthright in speaking to even those lost in all their ways and showing so by posting in that lost state... it may be time to hear some truths... and sometimes that doesn't come with a pat on the back and say... keep on keepin on you amazing little soul... come here and let me coddle you.

(in reply to dcnovice)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 1:10:36 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		OP you must be new to the internet and concept of free speech and tone.

Your sensitivity is nice, but you might have to dial it back a notch if you want to read message boards.

The only online forum where everyone is complete sweetness and light is my cancer support site and even there, some woman called me vain for utilizing a method to save my hair during chemo.

So give me a break.

(in reply to DomKen)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I extend a challenge - 2/23/2014 1:32:46 PM   
Diore


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/11/2011
Status: offline 		You know what, I really didn't intend for this be a projectile towards anyone personally. Certainly I define cynicism and reality much differently than many of you do, and perhaps it's because of a privileged life.

I disagree vehemently with many of the sentiments and philosophies above, and many of them are the original reason for this posting. That said, if I quoted philosophy or such, I'd be essentially doing the same thing. Someone even got very defensive and took this thread as a negative criticism, declaring it an oxymoron. I can't say that that isn't one way of looking at it; however, it was intended to be constructive criticism.

I don't plan on getting to know any of you. I really don't see why in the world I would want to aside from those who have written me since. I find this to be a hostile environment that enables itself. All that considered, I'd be a fool if I thought any of you were genuinely bad or malicious people. I don't.

Blatherskites? Certainly. Arrogant? Perhaps a few, but I don't have enough to make that judgment. The entirety of the point was to focus on what is good about people and the world, but this has been a complete, abject failure. I've met some horrible people in life, too, but I assume there are reasons they're that way and I figure somewhere in them is a part of me that's worthy of my respect.

So I'm a foolish apologist by admission who by no means has any sort of divine insight or wizardry to speak of. You all can do what you like and see the original post however you choose--perhaps it was coarsely worded--but this is not where and how it was meant to go. I'd rather be stabbed in the back a million times believing in someone wrongly than living with beliefs that condemned any significant portion of humans.

(in reply to sexyred1)
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