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FieryOpal -> RE: how can I recognize a mistress? (2/26/2014 8:33:12 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
Seriously, in my past career, I got to know a few of the pro-dommes (we still called 'em dominatrixes) outside of the clubs. One would blow your mind. During the daytime, she was the nicest, soccer-mom-ish person you could meet. Dog and cat love bumper stickers on her car, 'mom' clothes, you get the picture. At the club, she was the 'dream bitch' subs get all hot and bothered about.
There is no 'way' to tell what someone's predilections are simply be surface impressions. Take my GF, for example. In her job as a supervisor, she's cold, sharp, and efficient. Her underlings tend to call her 'ma'am', even if they don't like her. At home (or at least with me) she's somewhat submissive (not kinky), unless she's pissed at something. Hell, at times, she borders on being a 'little', although I doubt highly she knows what that means.
While it's a fun game to people-watch, be careful you don't get carried away. Just because a woman walks in wearing gear similar to above doesn't mean she's a dominant, she could simply be into the fashion.
I wouldn't go so far as to say "mild-mannered," or that some personalities aren't consistent across the board, consistency being what you see is what you get. Nonetheless, it is often the most dominant-appearing persons who crave to be submissive in private or at home if they feel safe to let their hair down with their SO. It isn't a deliberate deception. It's learned behavior, much like the oldest child is put in charge of controlling his/her younger siblings and can't afford to show vulnerability, yet deep down inside this child who has been saddled with adult-like responsibilities would rather swap places with the coddled lastborn who has license to act like a child.
OP, one strong character trait I find informally in Dominants, including myself, is protectiveness. This can take the form of territorialism (not always an Alpha trait, since it can stem from fear of loss and not a competitive drive, nor are all competitive Alpha-like personalities Dominant), possessiveness, even jealousy (not to be confused with envy). A dominant personality wants to OWN what s/he claims, as much as a submissive needs to feel owned. Without that element of O/ownership, there is no Master/Mistress dynamic to be had. With ownership comes responsibility, and a Dominant doesn't shirk from taking on the responsibility of caring for another once that choice has been made.
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