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The girl's desires. - 3/1/2014 7:28:49 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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I am a new dominant with my girl, chyldeschylde. In fact, she is absolutely inexperienced in the lifestyle, and while I have put in a lot of years, it has been as a submissive trained exclusively by female dominants and I feel that I take the dominant role in a manner that is more commonly seen from a female dominant. Due to the way I read our situation and her own personal needs and background we have embarked on a very particular training routine that is focused moat on her needs and desires, demands open and free communication between the both of us, and completely eliminates any actual punishment instead focusing on the painful knowledge of disappointment.

With the limited understanding allowable due to the brief description I was able to give I would like any opinions or advice from those who have walked these paths before us.

I will clarify if asked and I am able.

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 3/1/2014 7:29:44 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

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RE: The girl's desires. - 3/1/2014 7:53:42 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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So yer a new Dom. Congratulations!

Both of you are new, and the dynamic does not include physical punishment. Sounds fine to me. She's exploring her submissiveness and you're exploring your Dominance.

Have fun!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: The girl's desires. - 3/1/2014 8:48:56 PM

shadowborn61

Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
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There is no right way really as long as you are both communicating then whatever makes you happy is great. The communication is the key as long as you are both open and honest with each other then you will be fine.
Enjoy your journey together and do what makes you both happy.
there doesn't have to be a punishment dynamic for a D/s relationship to work. Everyone's kink is not the same.

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RE: The girl's desires. - 3/1/2014 9:35:52 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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Hello DarkSteven, good to be back around. Thank you shadowbomb for your input.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to shadowborn61)

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RE: The girl's desires. - 3/1/2014 9:46:48 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Disappointment is part of life. I'm not sure focusing on how painful it is will be productive of much more than a crushing load of guilt. Learning to fix things and move on is more helpful here.

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RE: The girl's desires. - 3/1/2014 9:55:49 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
Due to the way I read our situation and her own personal needs and background we have embarked on a very particular training routine that is focused moat on her needs and desires, demands open and free communication between the both of us, and completely eliminates any actual punishment instead focusing on the painful knowledge of disappointment.

Uh, sounds a lot like Carol's and my relationship. I don't characterize anything as "training" but yeah, I'm definitely the dominant partner so inevitably I'm molding and shaping her. I find no need for punishment. She just wants to make me happy and that seems to do the trick. Insofar as my goals, how could it be anything other than about "us"? We love each other. For both of us happiness can only happen mutually. If one of us was happy and the other not that'd be an automatic fail for both.

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
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RE: The girl's desires. - 3/1/2014 10:56:36 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

One, you already know how happy I am for you, so I won't gush all over you.

Two, you know that you can call anytime.

Three, I'll help with anything you think you need. Just ask.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: The girl's desires. - 3/4/2014 9:44:11 PM

Secretdamsel

Posts: 39
Joined: 1/23/2013
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There is no "right" and "wrong". Just enjoy.

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RE: The girl's desires. - 3/5/2014 6:59:47 PM

Kana

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Joined: 10/24/2006
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Kana's three base rules for being a dominant anything....
1-Be firm but fair
2-Be consistent
3-Never fail to reward good behavior.

Also, don't be a dick

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RE: The girl's desires. - 3/5/2014 7:08:01 PM

Toysinbabeland

Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
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dC,
How wonderful for both of you.
Communication is paramount in any type of relationship.
Only you know the dynamics that works best for you.

I wish you both the best.
~toys

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*Smitten fox* that's all you need.

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RE: The girl's desires. - 3/6/2014 3:40:44 AM

sunshinemiss

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Joined: 11/26/2007
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A pleasure to see you back, Darch Chlyde. You've been missed. And may I say, love looks good on you. Mazel tov!

As to your question... hmmmm... I've not crossed the line so to speak, but this much I know - every relationship is different. But I expect you know that too.

From my point of view...
Consistency counts.
Follow through is fabulous
Positive reinforcement is preferable

and

alliteration is admirable.

;)
sunshine

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 3/6/2014 3:41:08 AM >

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RE: The girl's desires. - 3/6/2014 7:29:27 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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One thing that has been useful in our dynamic is that He has me keep a journal, which He reads.

It is helpful in both post-play analysis and for communicating thoughts and feelings as they unfold.

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