WickedMaggie
Posts: 2
Joined: 2/16/2014
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I'm not a submissive either but I'll add, even if only to elucidate the topic further or maybe just reiterate what some have already said in another way, specifically on the following two points.
"My point is that I have come to find this label that I think applies to what it is that I do, sensual BDSM."
"Do any of you have ideas about what sensual BDSM means or doesn't mean?"
A few thing to keep in mind, "sensual" is a mixed bag generic term. Some people use "sensual" when they mean sexual while others use it correctly mean what "sensual-play" actually is, aka sensory play; which includes pain is a part of. Others use it to imply they're not into pain at all, physical or emotional and prefer body or intimate worship and other sensory stimulations to painful ones. And technically "sadism" isn't dependent on whether the other person enjoys it or not; in the lifestyle context one would hope their partners do. It simply means - deriving pleasure, often sexual gratification, from inflicting pain or suffering on others. That's irrespective of how they feel about it, but I dare say most of the sensible one's enjoy it far more when our partners do too, unless we're using pain as correction or a tool to another end. The reality is we're not living in the age of de Sade, from whom the term sadism was derived for, who wouldn't be accepted in the lifestyle today anyway because he wasn't at all SSC or RACK. He just got off on torturing others, often against their will, whether they liked it, consented, or not. So yes there's trend for lifestylers to label themselves "Sensual Sadist", I've even used it, when they're/we're expressing we're into the milder aspects of sadism, or sadomasochism. Nevertheless, there's always been and will probably always be a lot of discussion about "Sensual vs. Sadistic" domination styles but I've never seen then as two completely divergent camps just different focuses; what I've found amongst my peerage over the years is most fall in the "mixed" category; I certainly do.
How sadistic or "sensual" I am depends on my mood, the person I'm with, and the context of the dynamic or scene. If I don't have an emotionally intimate relationship with a submissive, then I'm not probably not going to have a sensual one, certainly not in the sexual sense, nor be invested in other type of sensory play that are time consuming and very intimate and will use sadism first. However I find inflicting pain or engaging fear also very sensual, literally arousing to all my senses so... But what I mean is, unless we're in a committed D/s dynamic the scene/play will stay more in the arena of sadism. All of this is very subjective when it comes to sensual vs. sadism, it's as subjective as what one find humiliating pleasurable others find degrading. If you ask a true masochist, which one of besties is, to define Sadomasochism, i.e the pleasure in pain and suffering she'd say, "Sadomasochism is the art of pain and the ultimate in intimate power-exchange irrespective of D/s." And I personally find blood-play very sensual but it always includes me inflicting pain, at least mildly, usually on both of us to do this type of fluid bonding.
I maybe off the mark, but what I think you're implying is that you don't like Dominants who use sadism as tool, nor those into who identify as Sadist as a primary fetish? There are Dominants who are very sadistic who use pain as a instrument to make someone more pliable and compliant as form of operative conditioning, just like traditional torture methods. Some merely as a form of sensory play. While others ID as Sadists first because sadomasochism if their primary fetish. And then there's those of us who lie in all the grays and use a mixture of many things to fit the circumstance, mood, scene, or situation. After all BDSM is B/D (bondage and discipline), D/s (domination and submission), S/m (sadomasochism) and the umbrella term for all the other kinks and fetishes too; so it really is about finding who aligns with your interest the best or at least tolerably so.
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Sensual BDSM and D/s Relationship Dynamics - 
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