RE: Serious question about Life (Full Version)

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Rawni -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 1:22:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RobMo13

Alright,
Im going to give a quick synopsis of who I am, where I am, what I want and wondering if Im realistic or just looking for greener grass with unreal expectations in life? Should I just accept the hand I dealt myself?

I wonder about many of the profiles I see btw, how many are real people with real lives, real issues, real life experiences and how many are just fakes looking for financial gain and/or self gratification. I couldn't begin to guess.

Short on me. 4th Marriage, short relationship after a long term relationship ended resulted in a marriage in a short time frame. I am controlling, I am dominant in my life 24/7. I am not happy not being in control of my life my surroundings. I want life to run smooth. I do what I enjoy doing and want my wife/relationships to enjoy sharing my life experiences and interests. Ive never completely shut out someone elses interests because I enjoy experiencing new places, activities and adventures. In the beginning (premarriage) she enjoyed my take charge side in and out of the bedroom, bondage, etc.

A couple years later. She hates me always being in control, although I remind her often she enjoys what we do and I dont totally exclude her interests except when it conflicts with mine. She shares none of my eating habits, work ethic different. In my opinion she is lazy, wants to do things the easy way and I have no respect for her. Hell of a marriage. She put on a lot of weight, drinks a bit more then me and wants to accomplish goals of improving self through surgery and not willing to make an effort. To be fair, Im not an easy man. I expect a lot out of a person. Discipline, Integrity, commitment (as far as to ones beliefs, ambitions)
We are very different. I can be hard, I can be an ass but I believe I am fair. Im former military, patriotic, work in pubic service. I can be frugal but not as frugal to my own desires. Our biggest problems started in the beginning from differences in children from previous marriages. My 2 children excelled in school, work hard and have discipline. They know right from wrong and are young adults I am proud of, although not perfect and cause me headaches from time to time. Her 4 (1 is doing well in military from her 1st marriage) next two dropped out high school, 1 has been arrested more than once and the other one pregnant) and the youngest is still a teen, doing well in school but misses a lot of days. Im only hoping to be a big enough influence to get her to at least graduate. Her father still in her life and my role as a step father is limited in what is acceptable by my wife. She doesnt want me disciplining her child nor giving parental instruction.
I, for the life of me cant figure out how we ended up together. Very, very different.

Im trying to be honest and fair in my descriptions of how I see it and not her perception which would be 100% different.

I come home from work most days hoping to find she moved out.

I said I was going to give short description, guess I was wrong.

What I want in a relationship. My wish list if one could have one. A hwp female, nonsmoker, family values, willing to at least help with her own expenses, not looking for a sugar daddy, feminine, submissive, sensual not pain slut, understands that I am the Man, Dominant, Alpha and I have the final say. I am fair and not blind to anothers happiness but I will put my own interests firsts, no criminal past or present, no drugs, social drinker (not to excess), spiritual in beliefs, enjoys healthy living, live sporting events, music, beaches as well as willing to tent camp and bath in a stream, car travelling. Would enjoy a trip to Cades Cove as well as a the Woodshed (public play area). I am very sexual with fetishes and kinks, otherwise why would I be on here.

Im still married only because its my 4th and I dont want to give up. She wont leave probably because its my house and she hasnt been able to manage herself very well.

Am I realistic thinking its time to end it and believe that maybe there really is someone out there for me or is it time to just accept the cards I dealt myself as its the best I can hope for and make the best of it.




I just noticed you talked about her kids too. Wow... dude. A lot of things contribute to the make up of an adult and though some parents are awful... some are not and still get the same results as she did. Leave this between the two of you and if you aren't a more thoughtful adult in their lives... adult or not... maybe you just shouldn't be there.




OsideGirl -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 1:28:06 PM)

Just because I hate revisionist history:
quote:

ORIGINAL: RobMo13

Alright,
Im going to give a quick synopsis of who I am, where I am, what I want and wondering if Im realistic or just looking for greener grass with unreal expectations in life? Should I just accept the hand I dealt myself?

I wonder about many of the profiles I see btw, how many are real people with real lives, real issues, real life experiences and how many are just fakes looking for financial gain and/or self gratification. I couldn't begin to guess.

Short on me. 4th Marriage, short relationship after a long term relationship ended resulted in a marriage in a short time frame. I am controlling, I am dominant in my life 24/7. I am not happy not being in control of my life my surroundings. I want life to run smooth. I do what I enjoy doing and want my wife/relationships to enjoy sharing my life experiences and interests. Ive never completely shut out someone elses interests because I enjoy experiencing new places, activities and adventures. In the beginning (premarriage) she enjoyed my take charge side in and out of the bedroom, bondage, etc.

A couple years later. She hates me always being in control, although I remind her often she enjoys what we do and I dont totally exclude her interests except when it conflicts with mine. She shares none of my eating habits, work ethic different. In my opinion she is lazy, wants to do things the easy way and I have no respect for her. Hell of a marriage. She put on a lot of weight, drinks a bit more then me and wants to accomplish goals of improving self through surgery and not willing to make an effort. To be fair, Im not an easy man. I expect a lot out of a person. Discipline, Integrity, commitment (as far as to ones beliefs, ambitions)
We are very different. I can be hard, I can be an ass but I believe I am fair. Im former military, patriotic, work in pubic service. I can be frugal but not as frugal to my own desires. Our biggest problems started in the beginning from differences in children from previous marriages. My 2 children excelled in school, work hard and have discipline. They know right from wrong and are young adults I am proud of, although not perfect and cause me headaches from time to time. Her 4 (1 is doing well in military from her 1st marriage) next two dropped out high school, 1 has been arrested more than once and the other one pregnant) and the youngest is still a teen, doing well in school but misses a lot of days. Im only hoping to be a big enough influence to get her to at least graduate. Her father still in her life and my role as a step father is limited in what is acceptable by my wife. She doesnt want me disciplining her child nor giving parental instruction.
I, for the life of me cant figure out how we ended up together. Very, very different.

Im trying to be honest and fair in my descriptions of how I see it and not her perception which would be 100% different.

I come home from work most days hoping to find she moved out.

I said I was going to give short description, guess I was wrong.

What I want in a relationship. My wish list if one could have one. A hwp female, nonsmoker, family values, willing to at least help with her own expenses, not looking for a sugar daddy, feminine, submissive, sensual not pain slut, understands that I am the Man, Dominant, Alpha and I have the final say. I am fair and not blind to anothers happiness but I will put my own interests firsts, no criminal past or present, no drugs, social drinker (not to excess), spiritual in beliefs, enjoys healthy living, live sporting events, music, beaches as well as willing to tent camp and bath in a stream, car travelling. Would enjoy a trip to Cades Cove as well as a the Woodshed (public play area). I am very sexual with fetishes and kinks, otherwise why would I be on here.

Im still married only because its my 4th and I dont want to give up. She wont leave probably because its my house and she hasnt been able to manage herself very well.

Am I realistic thinking its time to end it and believe that maybe there really is someone out there for me or is it time to just accept the cards I dealt myself as its the best I can hope for and make the best of it.





Blonderfluff -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 1:29:33 PM)

When I saw that the OP had done some major censoring and editing, I was hoping someone had done this. ^^^^^^^^





LadyPact -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 1:35:58 PM)

I was actually kind of disappointed that Chi gave up that information on how long a person has to edit posts so readily. If it had been Me, I'd have conveniently let that slide until after the hour long window had closed.

Yeah, I guess that means Chi is a better human being than I am, but I can live with that.




VideoAdminChi -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 1:38:40 PM)

It's rather moot though [:D]




LadyPact -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 1:41:55 PM)

True, but still funny. [:D]




Lucylastic -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 1:45:00 PM)

whoa yes I admit, I would love to see the 4 exes take on this...
did he single handedly bring up the children from HIS marriage? 24/7/365?




jlf1961 -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 1:50:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminChi

It's rather moot though [:D]



Isnt a "moot" that thing that goes around a castle and filled with water and crocogators?




dcnovice -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 1:50:58 PM)

quote:

Serious question about Life

42




Lucylastic -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 1:54:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961


quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminChi

It's rather moot though [:D]



Isnt a "moot" that thing that goes around a castle and filled with water and crocogators?

no its a lil black bird that dabs his tail...not to be confused with "the old moot"... which is a senile daft ol man.
Says so in my big book o words
[;)]




LadyConstanze -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 1:55:07 PM)

And he needs a bablefish because it doesn't look like he speaks the same language as women...




bellechat -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 1:57:30 PM)

after getting here only AFTER the revision i have to say thank you to those that posted the first post (I have to believe what you wrote first are youre truer feeling and only got changed after we sided against you)

I wonder about many of the profiles I see btw, how many are real people with real lives, real issues, real life experiences and how many are just fakes looking for financial gain and/or self gratification. I couldn't begin to guess.
what does this have to do with your post at all? you asked about life, just because you don't like the answers is no reason to be inflammatory.


Short on me. 4th Marriage, short relationship after a long term relationship ended resulted in a marriage in a short time frame. I am controlling, I am dominant in my life 24/7. I am not happy not being in control of my life my surroundings. I want life to run smooth. I do what I enjoy doing and want my wife/relationships to enjoy sharing my life experiences and interests.
4 marriages, and your not happy - have to agree with the rest, learn to be happy alone. as for your 'controlling' I think one might go so far as to point out the differences in dominant and domineering. you want your way, and you want it when you want it. and to hell with anyone else?



A couple years later. She hates me always being in control, although I remind her often she enjoys what we do and I dont totally exclude her interests except when it conflicts with mine. She shares none of my eating habits, work ethic different. In my opinion she is lazy, wants to do things the easy way and I have no respect for her. Hell of a marriage. She put on a lot of weight, drinks a bit more then me and wants to accomplish goals of improving self through surgery and not willing to make an effort.
You say this like you didnt know her work ethics, eatting habits, before you married her. You say you never exclude her interests except when it conflicts with yours. As a woman I read that as your the kind of man who doesnt understand that while yes a d/s relationship has a dominant and a submissive, there still has to be compromise in it. How often do her interests "conflict" with yours. Are you the same weight as when you married her?


"I can be an ass but I believe I am fair. . . . I can be frugal but not as frugal to my own desires. Our biggest problems started in the beginning from differences in children from previous marriages. My 2 children excelled in school, work hard and have discipline. They know right from wrong and are young adults I am proud of, although not perfect and cause me headaches from time to time. Her 4 (1 is doing well in military from her 1st marriage) next two dropped out high school, 1 has been arrested more than once and the other one pregnant) and the youngest is still a teen, doing well in school but misses a lot of days. Im only hoping to be a big enough influence to get her to at least graduate. Her father still in her life and my role as a step father is limited in what is acceptable by my wife. She doesnt want me disciplining her child nor giving parental instruction.
Would you like her to discipline YOUR children then (assuming they were of that age?) and so they are growing young people, she can only be a parent to them ultimately THEY make there choices. unless you suggest tying them to her wrist and her being with them 24/7 she has to trust she taught them right. for that matter she may have taught them right, they just might make bad choices. its what people, especially kids, do. your job as a parent (even step!) is to support guide and continue teaching them. not critisize them and blame your marital problems on them.

ETA - Frugal but not to your own desires. read that as yours as more important to hers. Shes still an individual and as a husband, D/s or not you have to understand that her thoughts, and beliefs (that you want her to be so true to, you sure seem to downplay there importance when compared to yours)


Im trying to be honest and fair in my descriptions of how I see it and not her perception which would be 100% different.

I come home from work most days hoping to find she moved out.

God, man up and tell her you made a mistake and want a divorce. anything else is cowardly. "hoping she just moved out" is not a solution.




jlf1961 -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 1:58:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961


quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminChi

It's rather moot though [:D]



Isnt a "moot" that thing that goes around a castle and filled with water and crocogators?

no its a lil black bird that dabs his tail...not to be confused with "the old moot"... which is a senile daft ol man.
Says so in my big book o words
[;)]



Then what is the ditch around a castle filled with water and crocogators.... and considering the castle bathrooms extended beyond the walls so stuff fell into it, sewage.




kdsub -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 2:03:54 PM)

quote:

I expect a lot out of a person. Discipline, Integrity, commitment


Maybe you need to give the above in return.

Butch




Lucylastic -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 2:11:01 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961


quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminChi

It's rather moot though [:D]



Isnt a "moot" that thing that goes around a castle and filled with water and crocogators?

no its a lil black bird that dabs his tail...not to be confused with "the old moot"... which is a senile daft ol man.
Says so in my big book o words
[;)]



Then what is the ditch around a castle filled with water and crocogators.... and considering the castle bathrooms extended beyond the walls so stuff fell into it, sewage.


thats a mute[:D]




Lucylastic -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 2:12:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

quote:

I expect a lot out of a person. Discipline, Integrity, commitment


Maybe you need to give the above in return.

Butch

absolutely this:)

also I think some people think "compromise" is a dirty word that only weaklings do.




JstAnotherSub -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 2:15:36 PM)

quote:

What I want in a relationship. My wish list if one could have one. A hwp female, nonsmoker, family values, willing to at least help with her own expenses, not looking for a sugar daddy, feminine, submissive, sensual not pain slut, understands that I am the Man, Dominant, Alpha and I have the final say.


Bless your heart.




WickedOne9 -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 2:16:23 PM)

I could go on and on and on about the things I see "wrong" with this post, but I want to touch on only the selfishness of this person.

First, you contradict yourself all over the place. Honestly, if you don't like your wife, never mind love her, give her the house and get out. If she is an incapable of
doing anything, yet you are so perfect, you'll have no problem getting another, seeing that it is "your house". You say you want to stay in it because it is your fourth
marriage - uh, you either asked her or said yes. I would think, by now, you know how NOT to be happy in a relationship, yet you seem to feel you do enough and
the other person should make you happy.

Staying with someone because it is your fourth marriage is cowardly. If you are miserable, why don't YOU make a move??

OK, if I keep talking about this I am just gonna start saying really nasty things. . .




SweetAnise -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 2:30:19 PM)

To the OP: The touting of being an asshole and controlling may be a sign insecurity. No one wants to be controlled for a long period of time it becomes smothering. I am wondering if the drinking and weight gain of your wife is coming from the possible EA and VA she may be under in the marriage. Who knows. But it can't be all her. I can bet it isn't all her.







DesFIP -> RE: Serious question about Life (3/4/2014 2:43:34 PM)

There's a difference between domineering and dominant. Unfortunately you fall on the domineering/control freak side, which is never a good thing.

Seriously op, go get some serious therapy to identify and treat where your issues come from.

She should get some of her own.

Only then should the two of you do couples therapy.

As far as your kids vs hers, ever think that if you weren't such a hard ass, they wouldn't have acted out like this? Step families take 7 years to blend. You haven't had nearly that. And a kid who is powerless, living with someone who is a controlling jackass, who mistreats their mother verbally and emotionally, is going to react in the only way they can. By being the exact opposite of what the controller demands.

Again, any therapist will tell you this.




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