RE: I need relationship advice...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: I need relationship advice...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: I need relationship advice...

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: I need relationship advice... - 3/10/2014 7:57:10 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: needingadvice

So both my boyfriend and I are switches. When our relationship first started, he was the dom in the relationship, and I was the sub. But then he needed me to be the dom full time after 2 months of him being the dom. I agreed, and I have enjoyed it, even though it was something I needed to get used to, (it's change...and any change takes time to get used to).

But then the other day he confessed to me he likes cross dressing. Which, I'm fine with...as it humiliates him, and makes it so he feels he has no power over me. Because I'm not a seasoned domme...and our relationship is still young, I don't have as much power over him as I'd like to quite yet...so this would help.

Then right after he told me about him cross dressing, he said he is bicurious. Which makes me afraid that he's going to find out that he likes men more than he likes women...

He said he loves me, and that he's attracted to me. I was *just* there on the 6th, and he couldn't keep his hands off me...I just don't know if I'm enough for him...

The relationship has changed *so* much...it started out with him being the dom in the relationship and in the bedroom...then shifted to me being the dom in the relationship and the bedroom. Now throwing cross dressing into the mix, and the possibility of him being bi. It's a whole lot of change, and I don't know how to handle so much change in such a short amount of time, (the past 3 months).

Any advice?

I mean, cross dressing, and being bi isn't something to be ashamed of or feel bad about...I can accept him for those things..I just wasn't expecting it...it came as a surprise to me.

Sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you really liked this guy ergo tried to make it work. I don't think right now he's good for anyone until he figures out what he wants. At this point he went from one far extreme to the other. Perhaps he was hoping being a Dom would suppress whatever innate desires he was having to be a CD/trans sub....very far from Dominant straight male and it takes a special type of Dom/Domme for those particular types though I would consider one myself. I agree with everyone. Move on for your own sake.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to needingadvice)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: I need relationship advice... - 3/11/2014 3:39:13 AM

needingadvice

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/8/2014
Status: offline

Yeah...he broke up with me.

I think I'll just stick to dominants...maybe slightly older ones, so chances are that they know who they are, and won't give me any surprises like this.

He made decisions to break up with me based off of judgments he made about me without talking with me about them...so, it's obviously not a relationship to him, if communication isn't something he's willing to do...if he's not willing to hear my side before making decisions that involve our relationship.

So...*shrugs* His loss. Some other dominants gain. I'll just be sticking to being the submissive...even though being a mistress is somewhat freeing for me...I know it's not the title for me. Submissive is where I belong.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: I need relationship advice... - 3/11/2014 3:44:07 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

Sorry that things didn't work out. On the plus side, better now that five years down the line when you have shared assets and children.

I think in the long run you'll be happier pursuing what you really want in a relationship. Sounds like you were expected to do all the compromising with this guy.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to needingadvice)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: I need relationship advice... - 3/11/2014 3:49:54 AM

needingadvice

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/8/2014
Status: offline

I actually don't want children...that's why I got an IUD put in for 5 years. :P

*nods* While I want the relationship to be 50/50...the vanilla side at least...I want the bdsm part to have me not make any of the decisions...

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: I need relationship advice... - 3/11/2014 4:55:19 AM

shadowborn61

Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline

Then it sounds like you need to take a long hard look at your current relationship.
I can tell you from personal experience that if only one person in a relationship is happy with it then that relationship is doomed.
edited for spelling

(in reply to needingadvice)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: I need relationship advice... - 3/11/2014 5:04:50 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Congratulations.

I suspect the speed of the relationship change might have been too much for both of you. And I also suspect that he was lying about having just discovered it all, and the falsehood got to be too much for him.

On the bright side, you tried it honestly and know it doesn't work for you. And he likely grew and learned a lot about being forthright. Win-win.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to needingadvice)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: I need relationship advice... - 3/11/2014 6:57:23 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Sorry that things didn't work out....

I think in the long run you'll be happier pursuing what you really want in a relationship. Sounds like you were expected to do all the compromising with this guy.

After my initial surprise that your former bf bailed on you suddenly, it occurred to me that he must be one of these types who can't handle rejection, sensed the handwriting on the wall, and acted on impulse to beat you to the punch. Not only was this move a sign of his immaturity, which given his age could have been expected, it was also disrespectful. He needs a whole lot of growing up to do, which could take him another 20+ years.

Chalk this up to one of many learning experiences, better sooner than later. You gained some skills as a service Top and this only benefits you in terms of range and in fine-tuning your selection process in finding a suitable, emotionally mature Dom for yourself in the near future.

Whatever you do, don't take this guy back. He's no good for you and might come crawling back in a couple weeks or months. Be unrelenting and close the chapter on this book. Best of luck.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: I need relationship advice... - 3/11/2014 10:03:07 AM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: needingadvice

Yeah...he broke up with me.

I think I'll just stick to dominants...maybe slightly older ones, so chances are that they know who they are, and won't give me any surprises like this.

He made decisions to break up with me based off of judgments he made about me without talking with me about them...so, it's obviously not a relationship to him, if communication isn't something he's willing to do...if he's not willing to hear my side before making decisions that involve our relationship.

So...*shrugs* His loss. Some other dominants gain. I'll just be sticking to being the submissive...even though being a mistress is somewhat freeing for me...I know it's not the title for me. Submissive is where I belong.

He's trying to blame you for his inadequacies. PITY HIM.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to needingadvice)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: I need relationship advice... - 3/11/2014 4:43:16 PM

KYsissy

Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

Well that saves a whole lot of soul searching.

_____________________________

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
Will Rogers, 1897-1935

(in reply to needingadvice)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: I need relationship advice... - 3/11/2014 7:48:32 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: needingadvice

I think I'll just stick to dominants...maybe slightly older ones, so chances are that they know who they are, and won't give me any surprises like this.

Hate to break it to ya but being older doesn't mean you won't have the same surprises. Older men are just as wonky as younger ones. Instead try just getting to know someone and that someone as a person, not a dominant, instead of running in head first. Try the old fashioned dating. I promise you. It works.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to needingadvice)

Profile

Post #: 50