Vanilla Sex? (Full Version)

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pg4g -> Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 12:25:18 AM)

Ok, this question is a little awkward and personal, so feel free not to answer.

Does anyone here have vanilla, no BDSM, no D/s sex with your partner? Just pure enjoyment and contentment without any of the kink or dominance structure there? I know most of the people here are heavily kinky and/or D/s, but does anyone still do vanilla at times, and if so, why?



Vixen22 -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 1:46:38 AM)

Hello! I totally understand where you are coming from. I'm in a long term relationship with a man that is 100% vanilla, absolutely no kink in or out of the bedroom. Although I love him dearly it has tore at our relationship that he cannot and will not participate in the lifestyle. We have a very healthy relationship but have opened it up to more partners (mostly for me) so I can experience the BDSM side. It is possible to be in a full vanilla but sooner or later something has to give if you want this lifestyle. My partner just happens to accept the fact that I need a Dom to fulfill needs that he can't. Good luck to you :)



AlexisANew -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 2:30:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

Ok, this question is a little awkward and personal, so feel free not to answer.

Does anyone here have vanilla, no BDSM, no D/s sex with your partner? Just pure enjoyment and contentment without any of the kink or dominance structure there? I know most of the people here are heavily kinky and/or D/s, but does anyone still do vanilla at times, and if so, why?


Vanilla sex???

When I was a so called 'vanilla' I was just as kinky as I am now. Our sex included many things the catholic church would of frowned upon.

Do I still do those things without any of the dominance their? of course I do.

I take it from your question that you are asking if we ever just lay back and think of England?



DaddySatyr -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 2:37:21 AM)

This is a tough one for me to answer because you included "D/s" in the question.

While it's true that I don't engage in a whole lot of BDSM activity and many here probably wouldn't label me as "kinky", there are things I like to do that certainly fall outside of good, ol'-fashioned, man-on-top-get-it-over-with-quick sex.

We are D and s (Me and her) in all facets of our relationship. It is not something we play at or do, "part-time".

Because of that, there's nothing I would ask her to do that she wouldn't do - in any room of the house. I have presented her with many new desires that she'd never experienced before and she has never waivered.

So, depending upon how we're defining "kinky", I just might fall into the vanilla sex category, here but, I think most "outsiders" would call me "kinky".






pg4g -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 2:48:52 AM)

Ok, so by vanilla I suppose I'm referring to:

1. No dominance or controlling person. Both are equals in it, no power dynamic, no one is in control. Both treat each others as equal in love making.
2. No pain-related or any kinky activities. Simple vaginal, anal or oral sex.
3. No bondage elements.
4. No scenes, just sexual love making.

Sort of a time-out from the power dynamic and kink, and just enjoying each other, like a traditional romance movie.



DaddySatyr -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 2:54:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

Ok, so by vanilla I suppose I'm referring to:

1. No dominance or controlling person. Both are equals in it, no power dynamic, no one is in control. Both treat each others as equal in love making.
2. No pain-related or any kinky activities. Simple vaginal, anal or oral sex.
3. No bondage elements.
4. No scenes, just sexual love making.

Sort of a time-out from the power dynamic and kink, and just enjoying each other, like a traditional romance movie.



Thank you for the clarification. In light of this: No. I never engage in 'nilla sex.






RaspberryLemon -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 3:03:23 AM)

Nothing we do--none of our interactions--are without D/s. He's always in charge, always my owner, all the time.

That being said, we have a lot of sex that is very tame or "vanilla." Loving, romantic, reciprocal, passionate, just enjoying each other and our intimacy together. In fact, I'd say most of the sex we have is like that, sometimes with stronger elements of control or other unconventional activities, bondage, pet play, etc.



AlexisANew -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 4:42:35 AM)

I second that thanks because your initial post needed clarifying.

Yes we do because we enjoy making love and I sometimes have fantasies that are way beyond the realms of possibility. To facilitate those fantasies all I need is my mind and sex from him. I suppose its a sort of selfish role-play. I would say though, we are very open with each other about our bizarre fantasies. When he turns to me and says, 'what were you thinking about', I have no problems revealing what was going on in my head. Before finding this world I never shared those wacky thoughts but this world has encouraged me to be a lot more open about everything.



Ravensnake -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 5:03:43 AM)

With my clients I sometimes have vanilla sex but it doesn't do a lot for me, I'm afraid. I'm essentially a slave/submissive into rough sex/sex and submission etc.



theshytype -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 5:15:35 AM)

Thank you for clarifying because I'm having a really difficult time distinguishing what makes it vanilla and what doesn't. Where the line is drawn.
I think that always knowing I liked something a certain way, not always knowing there was a name for it, that made it difficult for me to suddenly attach a name to it.
If it just involved BDSM and not D/s, it's a lot simpler to distinguish a difference.

For example, sometimes I'll be in the bathroom doing something and he'll just bend me over and take a quickie. I'd consider that vanilla, but with your clarification I suppose it isn't.

But yes, we still have vanilla sex sometimes. I'm going to say most of the time it does nothing for me, but it does for him. He enjoys what I like, a lot, but doesn't "need" it. Sometimes he'll throw something in there for me like a pinch, pin, pull, or slap.
Other than that, the only time I enjoy it is if it is very passionate, like the movies. Which, let's be honest, isn't always that way.

And I'm okay with that if he's okay with that. He is, so we are.
We've been married for 13 years this June. He works hard and we have kids. He gets tired. It's reality.
We have a very heathy sex life so if it's not done the way I like every time, it's not like I won't get what I need soon.



kalikshama -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 5:59:53 AM)

quote:

Ok, so by vanilla I suppose I'm referring to:

1. No dominance or controlling person. Both are equals in it, no power dynamic, no one is in control. Both treat each others as equal in love making.
2. No pain-related or any kinky activities. Simple vaginal, anal or oral sex.
3. No bondage elements.
4. No scenes, just sexual love making.

Sort of a time-out from the power dynamic and kink, and just enjoying each other, like a traditional romance movie.


No - sex lacking all of those elements holds no interest for us. It would feel boring, rather than romantic.

We will have quickies, but he always pulls my hair when I suck his cock, etc.



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 6:27:25 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

Ok, so by vanilla I suppose I'm referring to:

1. No dominance or controlling person. Both are equals in it, no power dynamic, no one is in control. Both treat each others as equal in love making.
2. No pain-related or any kinky activities. Simple vaginal, anal or oral sex.
3. No bondage elements.
4. No scenes, just sexual love making.

Sort of a time-out from the power dynamic and kink, and just enjoying each other, like a traditional romance movie.

I think you'll be hard-pushed to find people that fit into your exclusion list.
For #1, almost every relationship, be it married, BF/GF etc, Pro/client, will almost always have some form of power dynamic because there is very rarely a situation where nobody is in charge.
For #2, many "dead straight" people would consider anal and/or oral sex to be 'kinky'.

So I don't see your list being very definitive.
BDSM is a sliding scale from no sex to full-on in any and every hole plus other stuff thrown in.
To me, there is no such thing as 'vanilla' sex - it just depends where on that sliding scale your preferences fit.

So to answer your question: yes, always and no, never - both.
Because I do not see, or acknowledge, your particular definitions of what is and what is not 'vanilla'.



fucktoyprincess -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 6:46:00 AM)

By your definition, no.



angelikaJ -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 7:33:29 AM)

By Your definition, no.

We are always within our D/s dynamic.



LadyPact -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 7:36:18 AM)

I probably wouldn't classify the sex that I have with the s-type to be vanilla sex. We don't do on/off about who is in control, even if it's just from a mental aspect. In this particular dynamic, I do pretty much see the S/m part as foreplay anyway. That's a bit different than some dynamics that I've had in the past or My general mind frame about it.

On the other hand, I do have what I consider to be vanilla sex with My other half. It's happened where we have had what I would classify as kinky sex, but the instances have been so rare that I barely bother mentioning them. Something like I could count them on one hand over the course of twelve years of marriage.



LadyConstanze -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 7:52:24 AM)

If you're asking if I'm sometimes having sex just to have sex, uhhh yes....

I do like cooking and elaborate meals, but sometimes just an egg on toast is actually really good.



UllrsIshtar -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 7:59:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

Ok, so by vanilla I suppose I'm referring to:

1. No dominance or controlling person. Both are equals in it, no power dynamic, no one is in control. Both treat each others as equal in love making.
2. No pain-related or any kinky activities. Simple vaginal, anal or oral sex.
3. No bondage elements.
4. No scenes, just sexual love making.

Sort of a time-out from the power dynamic and kink, and just enjoying each other, like a traditional romance movie.


We do. Most of the time we have sex even.

The type of kink I like takes time to do and get me in the right headspace. So him just randomly starting to take control, or slap me or something, during a quicky wouldn't get a positive response at all.
Considering how busy life gets, we have far more vanilla than kinky sex.



FieryOpal -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 8:20:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

Ok, so by vanilla I suppose I'm referring to:

1. No dominance or controlling person. Both are equals in it, no power dynamic, no one is in control. Both treat each others as equal in love making.
2. No pain-related or any kinky activities. Simple vaginal, anal or oral sex.
3. No bondage elements.
4. No scenes, just sexual love making.

Sort of a time-out from the power dynamic and kink, and just enjoying each other, like a traditional romance movie.

I think you'll be hard-pushed to find people that fit into your exclusion list.
For #1, almost every relationship, be it married, BF/GF etc, Pro/client, will almost always have some form of power dynamic because there is very rarely a situation where nobody is in charge.
For #2, many "dead straight" people would consider anal and/or oral sex to be 'kinky'.

So I don't see your list being very definitive.
BDSM is a sliding scale from no sex to full-on in any and every hole plus other stuff thrown in.

To me, there is no such thing as 'vanilla' sex - it just depends where on that sliding scale your preferences fit.

So to answer your question: yes, always and no, never - both.
Because I do not see, or acknowledge, your particular definitions of what is and what is not 'vanilla'.


You'll have to excuse me, pg4g, for having to redefine what constitutes "vanilla sex" in order to answer your original question properly.
For simplicity's sake, I'll divide the general adult population into two categories. Those who go through the motions. These are the biologically driven, a category which doesn't register on my personal radar screen.
Then there are those of us who actually enjoy sex to the utmost and approach it as love-making.

If you can humor me further, I'll divide "vanilla sex" into two generic categories: Ordinary vanilla and kinky vanilla. For my purposes, I'm referring to straight sex.
When I was growing up, oral sex was not considered to be an ordinary sexual activity. For some vanillas it still isn't. I was reading sex manuals in my teens which had to dispel the notion that this was aberrant sexual behavior. [8|]
Anal sex is still considered to be rather taboo by straight vanillas, although according to the author of Sex and History, it has been a method of 100% effective birth control for centuries utilized by straight couples for its obvious non-procreativity.

To me, ordinary (pro-creative) vanilla sex and kinky vanilla sex aren't separate from one another. My private dividing line is between this and BDSM kinky.
D/s is D/s, and I would venture to say just about every interpersonal relationship is based on a power (im)balance and/or exchange, which may or may not have anything to do with sex.

According to the above definitions, HELL YEAH. I couldn't do and wouldn't want to cross the line over to BDSM kinky unless vanilla sex was an integral interwoven part of the equation and/or the culmination of every erotic interlude. BDSM by itself, with non-sexual physical contact means nothing to me in that it holds no appeal for me, in the same way that casual FWB sex or a one-night stand lacks the true intimacy I require.



shiftyw -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 8:25:07 AM)

We have nilla sex sometimes.
He wasn't into BDSM before and we don't have a D/s structure outside the bedroom.

Sometimes we are lazy and just don't want to expend that much energy.
Other times the mood just doesn't need all that stuff, and nilla is fine with us.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Vanilla Sex? (3/10/2014 8:43:51 AM)

Sometimes when I wake up at night with some, I just shove it in her without tying her up first, beating her or any foreplay leather, vanilla or otherwise. Sleep rape is vanilla right?



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