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Critique - 3/11/2014 12:16:52 AM

wbrandon234

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/24/2014
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I've heard it can be quite the challenge for a sub to find a mistress on here due to the ratios, but i just want to be sure my profile's not turning potentials away, I'm pretty new to this site and lifestyle, so any feedback would be helpful and much appreciated. Be honest, especially with the bad, i'm looking to improve.

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RE: Critique - 3/11/2014 2:17:35 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Proof read it. Right now it says you are 51. I'm guessing you're probably more like 21. There are also lots of missing capital letter 'I's. That's a lazy typing habit from using programmes which autocorrect, but it makes you look sloppy.

Good effort at showing your vanilla qualities and interests. I would skip the part about scammers - scammers won't read that and think 'oh, he doesn't want to be scammed so I'll leave him alone'. To everyone else it makes you look bitter. I wouldn't even put that you're not looking for FinDomme, personally but definitely skip the scammer part.

Perhaps you could fill the space that leaves with a tiny bit more info in what you hope for in a partner/relationship. When you say 24/7 RL do you mean she's in charge of everything - your job, your money, your health? Or do you mean you're partners all the time and she's in charge in the sack? You say you'll have more limits at the beginning until trust is built, which is fine. Perhaps you could rephrase it to something like 'I don't have much experience at the moment, so while I eventually hope to have a 24/7 D/s relationship, I'd like to take things slowly and hand over control gradually as our relationship progresses'. In your own words of course. I just think it sounds more friendly and it makes you sound realistic. It also leaves things open for the two of you to discover what works for you. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't work against you to be honest about not having tons of experience. No one expects lots of experience when you're still in college, but being up front and realistic about it shows that you are taking a mature attitude.

Good luck.

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RE: Critique - 3/11/2014 2:57:46 AM

wbrandon234

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Joined: 2/24/2014
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Thank you, this helps so much

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

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RE: Critique - 3/11/2014 3:03:49 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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I agree with Athena above, and I'll add a few of my own suggestions.

Instead of "a mistress", say "you". Sneaky subliminal marketing trick to get a reader to think she could be owning you, and the word Mistress has been overdone by do-me subs.

The last two paragraphs could be deleted.

You say nothing about what kind of Domme you want. Age? Would having children be an issue? Etc.?

You say you enjoy "training". Is that athletic training?

Lastly, I'm not really sure if this is what the wimmins want - you say "I'd like to fix cars for you, I'd like to do landscaping for you, I'd like to play piano for you". I'm not sure if it wouldn't be good to say what you'd want the two of you to do in addition. But it really does show a service mentality.

Overall, nice attitude, good pics, and if I was female and available, I'd be interested.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Critique - 3/11/2014 4:53:23 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Welcome to the discussion side Brandon. You've gotten some excellent advice about your profile.

The main thing to remember when looking for a fem domme is that she is a woman first, domme second. So court her as you would any other attractive female.

Most feel your chances improve by getting out into your local community.

BTW: About 150 miles away from you in Phoenix is a famous public dungeon called Apex. If I were you I'd plan a trip.

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RE: Critique - 3/11/2014 6:06:57 AM

Gradschoolgirl

Posts: 12
Joined: 2/23/2014
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I think you've gotten some really good advice here. You come across as friendly and honest, and those are two big pluses. As mentioned above, I'd tweak the writing a bit (personally not a fan of referring to someone you haven't met as "mistress")and talk a bit more about what you like outside of bdsm. In other words, not just what you like that you could offer to her benefit, but just what you like in general. Remember, if you're looking for a long term/ongoing relationship in bdsm, it's not really any different than a vanilla relationship. There needs to be chemistry and mutual ground outside of playtime.

Good choice of photo by the way, nice to see someone smiling and in an everyday setting.

Best of luck!

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

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RE: Critique - 3/11/2014 6:39:08 AM

LadyConstanze

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Joined: 2/18/2005
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I agree with what the rest of the people said, you come across as really nice and friendly, but I think you're biting off a bit much to ask for 24/7, get your feet wet first and check where it leads, just the first impression I get from the profile. It's a bit like wanting to swim long distance when you're only learning to swim.

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RE: Critique - 3/12/2014 9:24:13 AM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Nice so far! And far better than most.
But unless you're a switch, delete that you're looking for submissive women; when I see that on a prospective sub's profile, I click 'Next'. But if you are a switch, just say so.
I agree, nice to see a vanilla photo for your profile pic, but since you're looking for someone more mature/olders, you might want to change it for another vanilla venue. Plaid and ice-cream parlours give one impression, dressing like you're going for a job interview or important first date, which you are, gives another.

Good luck!

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RE: Critique - 3/12/2014 9:36:18 PM

LadyPact

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I agree with Tantriqu. Absolutely much better than most!

By the way, I absolutely LOVED the pic.

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RE: Critique - 3/17/2014 10:33:21 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Lastly, I'm not really sure if this is what the wimmins want - you say "I'd like to fix cars for you, I'd like to do landscaping for you, I'd like to play piano for you".

It sure IS what this wimmin wants! Pity the OP's such a young 'un, and I'm not looking.

Welcome to the boards, Brandon. Stay the course. Your pictures/narrative are a good addition to connecting with members of your community, where you will have a much better chance to meet quality folks who will appreciate your ivory tickling, wrenching, and drought-resistant designing skills.

Good on ya, lad. Best of luck.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: Critique - 3/18/2014 2:54:31 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
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All great points for consideration, Brandon. Also, when you write to someone reread what you have written before hitting the 'send' button. Is it personal to them rather than a generic memo that could be for anyone. For me it's not so much the profile, unless it really is that awful, I'm more interested in what they've said to me and the time they've taken to read my profile, taking note of any criteria outlined.

Good luck to you in your search.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I agree with Athena above, and I'll add a few of my own suggestions.

Instead of "a mistress", say "you". Sneaky subliminal marketing trick to get a reader to think she could be owning you, and the word Mistress has been overdone by do-me subs.

The last two paragraphs could be deleted.

You say nothing about what kind of Domme you want. Age? Would having children be an issue? Etc.?

You say you enjoy "training". Is that athletic training?

Lastly, I'm not really sure if this is what the wimmins want - you say "I'd like to fix cars for you, I'd like to do landscaping for you, I'd like to play piano for you". I'm not sure if it wouldn't be good to say what you'd want the two of you to do in addition. But it really does show a service mentality.

Overall, nice attitude, good pics, and if I was female and available, I'd be interested.