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fucktoyprincess -> RE: Honestly sick of Older Men's attitude on here. (3/11/2014 5:58:19 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
My read on this is that you're kind of joking, but kind of serious. So, hey, I'll respond seriously.
That spiteful, "Fuck you, cunt," type of response -- or, my favorite, "Oh yeah? Well I'm not interested anyway because you're fat" -- is coming from a very weak place. The man needs recognition from, approval by, acceptance of women, in order to feel attractive or whole. But please understand: I'm not saying that a man should believe "it's her loss" if a woman decides not to date him. Because it might not be her loss! He might not be what she is looking for, sexually or romantically. That doesn't make him (or her) wrong, or bad. It just means they are not compatible.
The "trick" is to understand that you're valuable, whether or not a woman says yes. And the right kind of woman will say yes, because she is attracted to your sense of personal value.
Flip or choose the genders as appropriate for your personal dating scene.
I once posted here, "I've been rejected by a lot of women." A couple people then jumped on me, saying basically, "You sound like a virgin, with all those women rejecting you." (This was in the bad old Arpig days.) But what I was trying to say was: I ask out women who have a lot of options, and I'm not everyone's cup of tea. So a percentage of women have said yes, and a percentage have said no. This might be an aspect of the male side of dating that hetero women don't understand very well. Guys, especially "ambitious" guys, have to learn to be ok with hearing no an awful lot. It's a skill, and it takes time to toughen oneself up. So it doesn't surprise me that this is a tender spot for a lot of men, especially men who may not have a lot of recent dating experience (newly divorced 50-somethings for example).
It was mostly intended as a joke, but you've responded with some interesting things, so I will respond in kind!
Even though it is 2014, I generally am one who waits for people (I am bi) to approach me - whether in real life, or online. I might look at people's profiles, but I will rarely send an email or initiate conversation. I like to be pursued. So I fully understand the notion that I have put men (or women) in the position of "asking", and this necessarily means that they face either acceptance or rejection. And the online world being what it is, I will often just ignore mail from people who are not a match unless they have sent an extremely sincere and personalized note that begs a proper response. And the cyber world allows people to spew venom in someone's direction in a kind of way they would never do at a party/bar/gathering, etc.
But here is the thing. I've never had a woman (whether part of a couple or on her own) ever react badly to a rejection. Always polite. Always. And in all fairness, most men are also actually very polite. But then a few men really feel the need to tell you how inadequate you are for not wanting them.
I agree that that kind of reaction is coming from a weak place. And that these men just need to develop a healthier sense of self and a more honest assessment of the numbers i.e., most women will wait for a man to ask them, and therefore, they need to develop a bit of thick skin around hearing no. I think men need to have a "there's no harm in asking; what's the worst that can happen, she says no, and I move on". It's really not the end of the world as some men would have you believe.
I will say this, though. If I choose to respond to an email and the answer is "no", I am ALWAYS polite about it. Even if I am not at all attracted to the guy in any way, shape or form, I don't feel the need to say something nasty. I try to keep it generic and polite. I'm not interested in making someone else feel bad just because they don't fit my subjective criteria. But if men willfully ignore my stated criteria in my profile - I don't respond rudely - I just don't bother to respond. Most of those end up in my bulk mail folder anyway, so I rarely see them.
Anyway, I like your attitude of "I'm not everyone's cup of tea". That's a very healthy attitude and it speaks well of you. Someone will come along who likes Earl Grey and then you'll be steaming. Sorry could not help myself. [:D]
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