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Patience and safety - 7/7/2006 3:25:48 PM

missturbation

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After reading the patience is a virtue thread and several on safety precautions when meeting someone from online i have a couple of questions.

1. Why is the need to be patient so great, if you want to meet someone you want to meet them, why should we show great patience?

2. In my younger days it was known for me to go to a club, meet a man, take him home/ go home with him with no thought for my safety. I'm pretty sure some / most of you on here will have behaved this way at some point.
The question is why are we so concerned for our safety when meeting someone from online when we will go out and take a random stranger home? Surely neither are safe behaviour and yet we seem to be so much more careful with regards to online.

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RE: Patience and safety - 7/7/2006 3:53:41 PM

juliaoceania

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Just because I did something at 18 (and I am not saying I did mind you) wouldn't mean I would do the same at 38. I do not think it is safe to pick up strangers in bars, and it can have truly lethal outcomes. Most of us have done it, most of us lived to tell about it, it doesn't mean we should continue to act unsafely because at one time in our lives we did. I am a mother, my saftey is important to more people than just myself, I think that alone would make me more cautious than someone younger and with less responsibilities.

I agree about the patience thing though. There is a difference betweeen patience and being safe, the two are not the same, and one should be safe regardless of patience. I posted this on the patience thread... there is a such thing as being overly patient with someone and their lack of willingness to move forward. One should be patient to a point, but if someone is dragging their heels then perhaps moving on is the best answer for everyone. I am an extremely patient person, and I wasn't always this way.

I think of patience as the willingness to let people be who they are and allowing time for people to show me who they are. In time all things are usually revealed that we want to know, it takes patience to wait for everything to be revealed though. If one acts rashly then one can lose opportunities, push others away, make harsh assumptions and basically sabatoge themselves. With patience we learn how to hold our tongue until we have all the necessary information to base choices on, or until the appropriate time to bring up a subject presents itself.. I find as I get older it is much better to wait until things resolve themselves than to force things... Another grain of wisdom is when we force things, anything, like a peg into a hole, a mechanical gadget, or a person's decisions, we usually break it... just an observation about patience...

Having learned about patience I would like to learn about tolerance....

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/7/2006 3:55:27 PM >

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RE: Patience and safety - 7/7/2006 4:00:59 PM

missturbation

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Thanx Julia - i agree totally with you on the safety issue but i do wonder if there are those on here that would favour online safety precautions but still would go out and pick up a one night stand in a bar. And if there are why they would see more safety in that than just jumping in and meeting someone off the net?

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RE: Patience and safety - 7/7/2006 4:05:09 PM

juliaoceania

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I have wondered this myself... for the record I did meet someone off the net a few months ago and ended up playing with him the day we met... mind you, our date was over 12 hours long so we joke that it was actually four three hour dates (laughing here). I would be more willing to do that with all his info in the hands of my mother and my best friend, then pick up a stranger in a bar. We are still seeing each other a few months later... yes I was impatient perhaps in some ways, but I also took saftey precautions, so I get your point.

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RE: Patience and safety - 7/7/2006 4:10:39 PM

Invictus754

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
After reading the patience is a virtue thread and several on safety precautions when meeting someone from online i have a couple of questions.

1. Why is the need to be patient so great, if you want to meet someone you want to meet them, why should we show great patience?

2. In my younger days it was known for me to go to a club, meet a man, take him home/ go home with him with no thought for my safety. I'm pretty sure some / most of you on here will have behaved this way at some point.
The question is why are we so concerned for our safety when meeting someone from online when we will go out and take a random stranger home? Surely neither are safe behaviour and yet we seem to be so much more careful with regards to online.

It is much easier to forge a different personality online with fewer ways to receive a 'red flag' about behavior. If you were in a bar, and a man who might be your type kept coming to the bar and leering at you and readjusting his 'package' when he got a drink... at closing time if he worked up the courage to ask you home - would you go? He could be the nicest guy once you got to know him. The whole leering/adjusting himself/drooling over you would probably make you a little nervous about going to his place - or allowing him to know where you live.

However, online you don't see the leering/fondling part, you see words on the page which don't have quite the same ability to convey some of the red flag messages you might pick up in person. Once you have an idea a person is ok because of chatting, you tend to allow more leeway in weirdness "because they are so nice online".

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RE: Patience and safety - 7/7/2006 4:16:08 PM

missturbation

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He could be the nicest guy once you got to know him. The whole leering/adjusting himself/drooling over you would probably make you a little nervous about going to his place - or allowing him to know where you live.

Once you have an idea a person is ok because of chatting, you tend to allow more leeway in weirdness "because they are so nice online".

I'm a little unsure what you are trying to say in relation to the post. I asked why someone would pick someone up for a one night stand but not trust someone on first contact on the internet?
I then asked why they may advise online safety but maybe still partake in a one night stand?

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RE: Patience and safety - 7/7/2006 4:23:08 PM

Invictus754

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
I'm a little unsure what you are trying to say in relation to the post. I asked why someone would pick someone up for a one night stand but not trust someone on first contact on the internet?
I then asked why they may advise online safety but maybe still partake in a one night stand?

I was answering your first question:

quote:

1. Why is the need to be patient so great, if you want to meet someone you want to meet them, why should we show great patience?

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RE: Patience and safety - 7/7/2006 4:33:00 PM

popeye1250

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Miss, I think maybe the answer is because when you meet someone in person especially around other people like in a Pub you'd think that it's a safer situation than meeting someone from online for the "first" time.

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RE: Patience and safety - 7/7/2006 5:20:30 PM

Tikkiee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

After reading the patience is a virtue thread and several on safety precautions when meeting someone from online i have a couple of questions.

1. Why is the need to be patient so great, if you want to meet someone you want to meet them, why should we show great patience?

2. In my younger days it was known for me to go to a club, meet a man, take him home/ go home with him with no thought for my safety. I'm pretty sure some / most of you on here will have behaved this way at some point.
The question is why are we so concerned for our safety when meeting someone from online when we will go out and take a random stranger home? Surely neither are safe behaviour and yet we seem to be so much more careful with regards to online.

For myself personally, if I meet someone, and there's an attraction there, I am all for taking them home, and vice versa. I don't like to play the 'let's wait and see if you are safe' game. That's just me though.

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RE: Patience and safety - 7/8/2006 7:42:34 AM

LaTigresse

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If I don't get any weird vibes from someone I have no problem meeting people. After spending a few minutes with them I will know if I want to spend more time with them or not.

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RE: Patience and safety - 7/8/2006 9:28:22 AM

missturbation

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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Miss, I think maybe the answer is because when you meet someone in person especially around other people like in a Pub you'd think that it's a safer situation than meeting someone from online for the "first" time.

Thankyou.
What would make them feel that way though, the average bloke on the street could hide his true personality just as well as someone online can.
As for being safe in the company of others you would probably meet someone offline in a pub or somewhere there are plenty of people so this makes you no safer either.

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RE: Patience and safety - 7/8/2006 9:30:20 AM

missturbation

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

After reading the patience is a virtue thread and several on safety precautions when meeting someone from online i have a couple of questions.

1. Why is the need to be patient so great, if you want to meet someone you want to meet them, why should we show great patience?

2. In my younger days it was known for me to go to a club, meet a man, take him home/ go home with him with no thought for my safety. I'm pretty sure some / most of you on here will have behaved this way at some point.
The question is why are we so concerned for our safety when meeting someone from online when we will go out and take a random stranger home? Surely neither are safe behaviour and yet we seem to be so much more careful with regards to online.

For myself personally, if I meet someone, and there's an attraction there, I am all for taking them home, and vice versa. I don't like to play the 'let's wait and see if you are safe' game. That's just me though.

Do you play the safe game though when it comes to meeting someone offline?

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Patience and safety - 7/8/2006 9:32:25 AM

missturbation

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

If I don't get any weird vibes from someone I have no problem meeting people. After spending a few minutes with them I will know if I want to spend more time with them or not.

Thankyou, do you play it safer though when it is someone you have met online? As in would you wait until a certain length of talk time has passed before meeting someone or do you play it quite instinctively?

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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