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You BELONG to Me - 11/21/2004 12:57:19 PM   
lilserenity


Posts: 41
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline 		I heard this on a interview and thought it was a bit to premature. I even tried to converse more but I was told I belong To a Dom.. Well in my book that is not how it is done and way too quick to be saying it..So I have left that one alone and went on..Why is it hard for Doms to converse .If they have time to go to a chatroom for a hour or so why not have a private chat in Ims,then take it to a real phone call. So many donot have that time for consideration to know another or show them same respect as they are receiving . They assume a sub sends a message wants a collar,(a velcro at that) on first contact.. I only say hi I will not ever assume I will receive anything until I learn more about a person. Well if the Dom doesn't want to take the time to meet or converse with a potential then thats his loss. With all respect intended to Those who are considerate and thoughtful to others. Just I have had some that seek but don't like to know anything past the bra size shame but hey ,its happening every where. Just have to learn to be more patient and ask more questions .. and believe me I do lol. hugs serenity
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: You BELONG to Me - 11/21/2004 1:26:31 PM   
maxyexx


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/17/2004
Status: offline 		I have to agree with serenity on this one. Many Dom want to meet you
right of way and even at their home on the first encounter. Or even if they
are asking you out for coffee they have in their mind that you will follow
them home after and ''play''. If I do remember well submission is a gift
given to a Dom and how do I give the gift if I dont even know the man. Its
not a few hours in front of a cup of coffee that will make me know someone.
I expect to have a few more real encounters ... discussion our likes and
dislikes, the expectations of each, etc. And most I have been told not
knowing what submission is in refusing a scene on the first night.... Well
sorry, if I played on the first night with all Masters I meet might as well
do the street and offer my services and be paid for it.

I think a relation sub /Master has to develop, tthat faith in someone is
earned not given beforehand.

maxyexx




(in reply to lilserenity)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: You BELONG to Me - 11/21/2004 1:47:23 PM   
MistressPamelaS


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/3/2004
Status: offline 		I think one thing to look at really hard, and that being, IMHO , is only a player.. That is not a Dominant that is into the lifestyle, that understands the rules, albeit mostly for the safety of both parties.. A D/s relationship takes time to develop and nurture as in any relationship, takes time to develop that trust which is a foothold to a working relationship.. If someone is not willing to take the time and do it right instead of jumping onto someones bones, then that person is nothing more than a mere player (which I am not denouncing because I too like to play).. If you are looking for a lasting relationship, there are ground rules that really must be pretty much adhered to for it to last and be a safe one.. Tread slowly and safely little one.. MsPam

(in reply to lilserenity)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: You BELONG to Me - 11/21/2004 2:05:14 PM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilserenity

I heard this on a interview and thought it was a bit to premature. I even tried to converse more but I was told I belong To a Dom.. Well in my book that is not how it is done and way too quick to be saying it..So I have left that one alone and went on..Why is it hard for Doms to converse .If they have time to go to a chatroom for a hour or so why not have a private chat in Ims,then take it to a real phone call. So many donot have that time for consideration to know another or show them same respect as they are receiving . They assume a sub sends a message wants a collar,(a velcro at that) on first contact.. I only say hi I will not ever assume I will receive anything until I learn more about a person. Well if the Dom doesn't want to take the time to meet or converse with a potential then thats his loss. With all respect intended to Those who are considerate and thoughtful to others. Just I have had some that seek but don't like to know anything past the bra size shame but hey ,its happening every where. Just have to learn to be more patient and ask more questions .. and believe me I do lol. hugs serenity

When I was a submissive and got emails or IMs like that I would type back "checking my throat for the sudden appearance of a collar and finding none, Sir, if you want to control my real time, be IN my real time" I also made it clear, no sex and no play until we knew each other much better and I stuck to that. Thats when you find out if they are going to throw a temper tantrum. Many do, which eliminates them immediately.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to lilserenity)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: You BELONG to Me - 11/21/2004 2:37:20 PM   
mtsilence


Posts: 33
Joined: 8/29/2004
Status: offline 		How to instantly determine when you have come across a 'poser' one who pretends to be a Dominant and all they really are, is a wanna be. They do not abide by the rules of protocols of any tradition. They have no idea that D/s is a real life real time lifestyle. They see it as a personal ego trip and they have no respect for the submission or surrender of any one who is offering such a large gift. While some might argue that Submissives do not require nor should they get respect. I have only a few things to point out. Submission is not a mark of a sub person or non-person. It is a very powerful person who can of their own free will and desire surrender their well-being, their bodies, and their minds to a single person whom they trust to look after them and protect them. IF somebody was foolish enough to assume to claim ownership of me in one meeting I would have to ask them up front, when they had had their last psychological examination. Since they appear to have lost their grip of the reality around them. I live in the modern world, where slavery is frowned upon by most (but not all) the civilized nations. Trying to 'own' me with out really knowing me is like buying a car based on the urge overwhelming you rather then sound research and study before laying down your hard won cash. I have a real time job and I work that job because I have people who depend on my financial support, unless this would be owner are willing and able to step in and take over my financial obligations, I would think they should back up and look around. Also just because I am a submissive does not mean I am DESPERATE for ownership. Yes, I might long for it and need it. However, I am not about to lay my gifts at the feet of just anybody. I want to offer my surrender, talent and all that I am fully to somebody who will honor my gift and provide me with a sense of happiness as well as security and well-being. If the person who tries to 'claim' me after a few emails or phone calls or one or two coffee dates. I have to laugh at them, it will never happen. Not in this reality. Of course I have to admit to being purely hypothetical here since I was very, very blessed when I under took my search. I was already a member of the public BDSM community here in Colorado. I knew people, and I knew what I hungered for. I made sure that I let any who were interested in me know right up front the type of Dominant I sought. I was blessed in that I knew many Dominants who were willing to 'coach me' and train me in my exploration of my submissive nature. They were able to stay within my limits. I am not a sexually free person. I do not have casual sex, it is just not in my nature, my sex is full, and complete when I give it and it have to ignite on several levels for me. If they have not hooked my mind, they will never feel my legs hooked around their back. It is just that easy. I had a few trolls attempt to mess with me, but having been a Domme first, I know how to break their pretentious nature and send them on their way. If I could not for whatever reason, I had friends who could. I am not say all the Dominants out there are ‘posers’ far from it, but thanks to the advent and intervention of the internet, the BDSM community has had more then its fair share of ‘wanna be’ or ‘play time’ or ‘fantasy time’ Dominant flood the net with their ideas and ideals. They are a little clueless as to the real nature of BDSM, basing their ideas on a few poor written novels or worse some poorly written screen plays depicting BDSM as just a sick kink. They have no idea of the history or traditions that actually surround the BDSM communities not just in the United States but in Europe as well. So they make demands without understanding the ground rule, they make plans without understanding the ground rules and they assume because they have called themselves a Dominant that, that alone makes them one. It is a sad state of affairs, but it is the environment in which we currently live, where we have to seriously look into every single person we might be interested in establishing any type of relationship to weed our way through those who really have no place in our communities and whom we have to watch for because they are the ones that will continue to give BDSM a bad name. (you know the ones and types I refer to, not just the ‘speedy, greedy ones’ but the ones that demand financial favors, gifts, etc far beyond anything they have earned and certainly have no right to… But that is another rant…) Thanks for letting me share, chin up, be proud and remember, you are owned by none until you find your One!

(in reply to LadyShoshin)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: You BELONG to Me - 11/21/2004 3:25:28 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		When i get an IM or email spouting that i BELONG to them, i just hit the delete and/or block key, rarely bothering to reply. i figure i don't need to be polite in face of their rudeness. i've spent enough time in on-line chat over the years that i don't put a lot of stock in that type of statement. If someone actually says that to my face, and it's been done on first meeting, i'm prone to laughter. (Another popular statement on-line was "on your knees bitch" as the first thing they typed.) i can't help it, even though i don't want to be mean. Just because someone calls themselves a Dom or Master (or sub/slave) doesn't automatically make them one. In fact, some of the most interesting Doms or Masters i've known over the years never referred to themselves as such. Like others have mentioned, i don't play and/or have sex at first meeting, or 2nd, 3rd, or whatever is needed so that we know each other better and trust has developed. It's one of the quickest ways i've found to cut the wheat from the shaft, so to speak..lol.

cheers
jimini

(in reply to mtsilence)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: You BELONG to Me - 11/21/2004 4:06:39 PM   
INSIDEYOURMIND


Posts: 483
Status: offline 		I am sure it is frustrating to a sub/slave when a Dom, or a wannabe Dom, immediately begins his chat, or discussion in that manner.

I would think it could only make your decision process quicker, and easier.

I have been approached online by subs who begin chats with yes Master, and I am quick to tell them that I may be a Master, but I am not THEIR Master. At times they are confused by this, and it just makes me understand the lack of experience they have. I am pretty sure that for every poser, wannabe, or fake Dom, there is a similar submissive.
I have no issue with them being respectful, and saying Sir, but I reserve Master for the one I call my own.

When I met my current sub, we met through Collarme, we chatted online for quite a bit that day, and agreed to meet the next day. When we met, we talked for hours, and agreed this was a relationship worth pursuing.

I would not tell a sub to "get on your knees bitch" in the first meeting, and I wouldn't want a sub that accepted and agreed to get to her knees that quickly.

_____________________________

If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: You BELONG to Me - 11/21/2004 4:21:53 PM   
DiamondDiva


Posts: 266
Joined: 10/10/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I am really finding this topic and the responses interesting because being a Domme Mistress especially an African-American one I receive several emails form Subs/Slaves. I have one yet to not approach me via IM or email acting as if I am their Mistress. Yes, I have to tell them, I am not YOUR Mistress and I would rather NOT be addressed in that manner.

Most of them come from right here on Collar Me all nationalities but it is like they are wanting to hurry up and get into "something" what? to me SEX. So, I usually ignore them pretty much in the beginning and just let it go from there.

Keep in mind that most people that display those behaviors are not living the lifestyle they want FREAKY SEX you need to let them know that there is a difference and you are not interested.



_____________________________

~Diamond Diva~

" When someone is telling you who they are LET THEM!!!


(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: You BELONG to Me - 11/21/2004 5:04:32 PM   
lilserenity


Posts: 41
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline 		I was waiting to hear from MercnBeth but I will go ahead and say thank Y/you A/all for your responses..I am also wanting to set up a nightly room to maybe teach newbies or help them understand more about what to expect..If anyone would like to help that would be great I am hoping E/everyone from all sides(Doms/Dommes/subs/switches/slaves all experienced W/who will join in the room and topics. I think safety should be the first topic and I believe it is well needed here before that first meeting takes place..What You all think? So much is needed to help the newbies and I am willing to teach what I know,anyone else..?? We can start asap or set up a special night or day or whenever.. Im available lol ... Gosh I sounded like a wannabe for a minute lol. Thanks again and be SSC hugs serenity

(in reply to DiamondDiva)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: You BELONG to Me - 11/21/2004 6:09:42 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I was waiting to hear from MercnBeth but...


We are finding it amazing that you honor our opinion so strongly. Maybe we should open an "Ask 'Merc n' beth' web site? Sunday's are usually a day of recovery from a hardy weekend of fun of one kind or another. This weekend was highlighted by buying some new toys at our local clubs "Bazaar" followed by Saturday night at a club attended by fellow CollarMe debauchers, where I experimented with them to see what lovely marks they would leave on beth. What pretty colors!

But we digress...

quote:

I even tried to converse more but I was told I belong To a Dom.. Well in my book that is not how it is done and way too quick to be saying it..So I have left that one alone and went on..Why is it hard for Doms to converse?


Stay the course! If anything, your experience indicates you have GREAT instincts. We don't really understand or know much about 'Velcro collars. I'll assume you are referring to some kind of protection at on-line chat rooms. We think your instincts are a better protection then anything offered in cyber. Try to break yourself from those on-line fantasy games.

We don't believe that a person can be 'owned' within an exclusively on-line relationship. I wouldn't even initiate any involvement with a Dom who used that as an excuse not to converse. Most real people, assuming that's your goal, want to chat on line or converse on the phone to disclose the basics. In our case, I talked with beth and chatted for about 2 weeks, but it was to make her comfortable about our planned meeting. The goal was to meet. I worked to make that meeting eventful - it was. And yes we 'played' on the first meeting. But only because we disclosed enough about each other in our conversations to have a foundation of trust.

What we didn't do was cyber. We disclosed all the personal stuff, but any passion was in the meeting anticipation. I'm not saying this is absolute, but I always question those that cyber. How many get locked into cyber to the exclusion of having a real life relationship. It's an easy crutch, especially in the male side of the relationship. If a man is so interested in you to cyber with him, it may be because that's all they have to offer.

I think you'll find that real Doms wanting to meet real time will talk and chat with you. But you should always feel the push to meet. Talk about each other, your likes/dislikes, your experiences or lack of same, your goals (you should both have them). These should not be subjects that any Dom would shy away from or want to avoid. In my search it was all I wanted to talk about. Then it would be, what day, time and where do we meet?

Make sure you are safe! That's first and foremost. Again, any real Dom will want to ensure that for you. He'll want to ensure it for himself too. The beauty of meeting people at sites like CollarMe, or the site that beth and I met, is that when you do meet you already know that you have a commonality of this lifestyle. That, along with what you have learned about each other in the chatting stage, make the actual meeting very exciting. Be patient, continue to insist on what you want and deserve.

And - Thanks again for finding our opinion valuable. We hope you'll still think so! we think that 'newbie corner' or a weekly scheduled 'newbie chat room' is a GREAT idea.


(in reply to lilserenity)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: You BELONG to Me - 11/21/2004 7:22:29 PM   
lilserenity


Posts: 41
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline 		Yes I valuable B/both of Y/your opinions.
I met another Dom who wants to meet asap .We have had no way but in a chatroom to talk because he has webtv and cannot get into my chatarea with it but he said it was changing soon. So I was willing to wait but I went in and left a chatroom lobby here and came back he was in there talking to other subs he asked to im me I said ok then he asked me how long was i there I said I was there when he came in he said oh. so we talked and i left and i returned after posting here he left before i did but he returned back again talking to subbys again. I am wondering if I am wrong about thinking this but if one was considered should i be the only sub he would be conversing with? Instead of a whole chatroom full?? I donot want to sound dumb or ignorant but I thought consideration meant i was considered to be His property.Maybe I am wrong please correct me but I hate velcros and will not be collared until we meet first but I would like to know who he is and more of him before being considered or even meeting. I agree about feeling comfortable also ..I may be wrong but whats up with this whole sub shopping going on here am i wrong or is he? hugs I love your opinions always it helps me grow and learn more about my place in life. love it and of course MercnBeth hugs to You both.. thank you

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: You BELONG to Me - 11/21/2004 7:25:20 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		Your story reminded me about this thread about "blitz domming" in the ssbb newsgroup.

When I hear stories like this I think that timing is everything. These behaviors could be welcomed or even charming if the guys wait until the relationship develops; instead when he tries it prematurely he is seen as crass, boorish and assinine.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 11/21/2004 7:36:42 PM >

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to lilserenity)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: You BELONG to Me - 11/21/2004 7:41:20 PM   
111597


Posts: 22
Joined: 11/8/2004
Status: offline 		My first address to the originator of the post is Domme's do not respond much because people misunderstand us. I have had a ton of email since I became a Domme. I have found a solution to determine if one is a player or one is sincere.
I ask them to write an essay and tell me why they want to be in the lifestyle. That usually works. They will tell me their experiences, from what I have seen, is none.
When I was a submissive, it was very easy to be taken advange of by men pretending to be dominants.
It goes on both sides of the track. I am very proud to be who I am, and my first suggestion to you would be, It is not about me anymore. Until you get rid of the It's all about Me syndrome, you will not be happy.
One more thing, contracts. Insist upon contracts. My slave and I have a contract. It really helps.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

Attachment (1)

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 13
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