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Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/13/2014 3:23:48 AM

MissImmortalPain

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I don't normally get to find something odd. There isn't a whole lot that shocks me. It had to happen at some point though right? I have met a young man who has an odd obsession, fixation, fetish. Taphophilia is a love of funerals, graves, cemeteries, etc. and though back in the day I was a "goth" kid and knew lots of others that liked dark to creepy things I am not really sure what to do about this. This young man becomes very 'excited' when near funerals, cemeteries, etc. You get my point. Has anyone done "play" that involved this sort of things or can anyone think of a creative way to involve this in play. Maybe the grave part or the cemetery not the funeral...because I think that would just be rude. Anyway, any thoughts on the topic. Ideas maybe?

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/13/2014 9:02:23 AM

lovethyself

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You could do a mock memorial service in private. If you set it up for someone that's been cremated, you can have an urn, photo, flowers and candles. Ask him what it is about a funeral that makes it a funeral (rather than some other ceremony) for him. Is it the eulogy, the small finger foods they always seem to serve, the smell of church coffee? Perhaps it's the pamphets that are always around, or the donation envelopes for research when someone has passed from cancer or some other not-yet-cured disease. Try to make it as real as possible in the details (if that doesn't creep you out too much).

Personally, I would shy away from playing in a cemetary or at a grave site. I would find it extremely bad taste. But, I've gone back to visit friends' graves over the years, and for me it's a quiet, personal time of reflection. It would piss me off to know that while I am mourning a loss at a grave site, that the couple over there are getting their jollies on. It would have to be very subtle (as in I don't know that you're doing anything). But I don't particularly like joggers running past either. I'm not comfortable with crying in public, and that's what I sometimes end up doing while there.

I could see lots of role play opportunities for the private ceremony though. So many variations to choose from. You could expand on it to include different cultures if that works for him. I'd be curious if he has other fascinations associated with this. When he fantisizes about funerals, who is the deceased? Him? His family? Perhaps he could deliver a eulogy, or you could give his eulogy.

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Post #: 2

RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/13/2014 1:03:02 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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Send him to me! (Just kidding.)

There are a number of ways you can work funerary motifs into your play. Just off the top of my head - a coffin-shaped coffee table makes a good spanking bench; you can find floggers with bone (antler) handles; skull shaped candles/holders; a pre-play picnic in an old, historic cemetery; get yourself a set of period-inspired widow's weeds to wear while playing; sensory deprivation paired with encasement in a vacuum bag or gimp suit if he likes the idea of being the corpse.

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/13/2014 4:52:07 PM

MercTech

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

I don't normally get to find something odd. There isn't a whole lot that shocks me. It had to happen at some point though right? I have met a young man who has an odd obsession, fixation, fetish. Taphophilia is a love of funerals, graves, cemeteries, etc. and though back in the day I was a "goth" kid and knew lots of others that liked dark to creepy things I am not really sure what to do about this. This young man becomes very 'excited' when near funerals, cemeteries, etc. You get my point. Has anyone done "play" that involved this sort of things or can anyone think of a creative way to involve this in play. Maybe the grave part or the cemetery not the funeral...because I think that would just be rude. Anyway, any thoughts on the topic. Ideas maybe?

I've never done play in a graveyard. But your gave me flashbacks to New Orleans in 1993.

It was a bit startling to find couple with the girl tied to the door of a mausoleum getting a whoopin' with the fellow's belt. Who says a touristy midnight graveyard tour can't be exciting. <grin>

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Post #: 4

RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/14/2014 4:08:11 AM

CatharsisKentUK

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If it's his funeral he's focused on, you could maybe ask him how he would plan his funeral and then use that knowledge to incorporate triggering aspects of that funeral plan into your play. Songs or music he would choose, colours for people to wear, whatever it is that he tells you. You could write a eulogy or an obituary for him, like others have said. Or get him to write his own obituary and then critique him on it, whatever floats his boat.

Coffins are obviously quite pricey but there are ways you could make him feel boxed in if he finds that arousing. Maybe pad the trunk of your car out like a coffin and then surprise him with it. Depending on how dark his kinks run there's a lot you could do to play into an fear of death or morbid fascination with it. Drive him out into the woods to dig his own grave if he's capable of finding it hot.

You could also even become 'funeral crashers' as who knows everybody at those things? Obviously don't go to a wake where you'll have to talk to people but to just sit quietly at the back of ceremonies with a healthy enough attendance for you to blend in probably wouldn't hurt anybody.

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/14/2014 7:48:44 AM

MissImmortalPain

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Don't tempt me (I'm not kidding)

After a few very long talks I am not really of any better thoughts than I was before. He says....it has something to do with silent and the emotion that goes on. He has spoken to a doctor about it and it seems they have told him there is nothing wrong with him having this interest. I think mostly because he never steps across what would considered "polite" public lines. He says it is not his funeral he always imagines, in fact the thought of his own funeral scares him to death (so to speak) My first thought was sensory dep. Confine him in a way that might make him feel as if it were his funeral but he went ghost white and the thought of even trying. I thought maybe that as far as an actual cemetery goes maybe I could make him take flowers or help to tend graves that are not well taken care of. I'm not sure how that could/would lead into any kind of play but I'm still thinking about it. The décor idea would be easy but he says skulls and other pointy things just remind him of my house.

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/14/2014 7:50:43 AM

MissImmortalPain

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As far as who it is....he says either he doesn't know or it doesn't matter. I take it he attended a lot of funerals as a child but back then never understood why people at them got so upset and no doesn't know how to control his response to them.

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It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/14/2014 7:51:53 AM

MissImmortalPain

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I have a memory of a cemetery in Baton Rouge that is a little like that.

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It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to MercTech)

Post #: 8

RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/14/2014 7:54:04 AM

MissImmortalPain

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Going to funerals of random strangers is something he has done on his own before. Normally graveside services and Stays away from any crowds so that he doesn't have to speak to people.

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It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/14/2014 8:10:16 AM

LadyPact

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This may sound silly, but why couldn't you befriend a funeral director? You wouldn't have to be there during the actual services. That way, no disrespect.

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/14/2014 8:18:53 AM

MissImmortalPain

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To be honest, LP....I hadn't thought of it. I actually have no desire to be "friends" with the one in my home as I do know him and don't care for the man but I know one in a neighboring town that might be helpful.

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/14/2014 1:06:29 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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You might also check to see if there are any historic cemeteries in your area that offer tours. That and a graveside picnic before play might be enough to scratch that particular itch.

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/15/2014 8:29:07 AM

windchymes

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Check out findagrave.com But be respectful, it's a huge site dedicated to digitally preserving memorials and photos of cemeteries, graves, headstones, etc. for posterity. You can make your own memorials if you so desire, search for your own deceased family members if you are into genealogy, and even view actual photos of their headstones if there is one present. I'm an active member and volunteer photographer there.

There's nothing remotely kinky or sexual about the site, but it's a good site worth checking out if you're interested in what you described, and/or genealogy. And maybe you can find some ideas, whatever those may be.

I actually found photos of the gravestones of my biological father, whom I have never met, and my paternal great-grandfather, whom I also never met, but was a Naval Medal of Honor recipient.

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/15/2014 9:23:48 PM

littlewonder

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I can remember when I was a teenager and into the whole goth scene. Fucking in cemeteries was a normal occurence. So was having sex in abandoned churches or setting up our living spaces to look like a gothic church complete with an altar and a coffin...light all the sconces, all red and black atmosphere, everyone wearing black and dead like skin and black hair, fucking on the altar and doing a little blood and cutting.....couldn't get any more goth than that.

AAaaahhh..those were the days.

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/15/2014 11:07:18 PM

mummyman321

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I had an actual wooden casket in my dungeon for the longest time. You would not believe how popular that was. I acquired it by accident (it was new and never used). I had to modify the interior as the real thing really is not meant for comfort. But it was simple to change. I ended up selling the casket to a Domme as she was constantly bugging me for it. I let it go because it really was not my thing.

Getting a real casket is doable but will be expensive and then you will need to modify it. A cheaper option might be theatrical supply stores. You can get mock caskets, headstones and other graveyard items.

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/15/2014 11:48:23 PM

littlewonder

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also check antique shops and church sales for all kinds of awesome stuff.

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/16/2014 2:48:24 AM

Lucylastic

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I had an ex who had a friend with a early 60s hears(this was in the UK) and he had done it out in black velvet and blood red. We borrowed the hearse one weekend to travel to wales and in the back, sure enough was a full size coffin that opened up into a plush bed, the bottom, and sides were thick foam covered in red crushed velvet, everything fitted neatly into the coffin.It wasnt really comfy, but it was only built for one person.
I have happy memories of some graveyards too, altho I generally like outside nookie, anywhere there is no one about:) Im not into getting my name on a arrest record.
Being a Goth Hippy confuses a lot of people

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/16/2014 6:21:48 AM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I can remember when I was a teenager and into the whole goth scene. Fucking in cemeteries was a normal occurence. So was having sex in abandoned churches or setting up our living spaces to look like a gothic church complete with an altar and a coffin...light all the sconces, all red and black atmosphere, everyone wearing black and dead like skin and black hair, fucking on the altar and doing a little blood and cutting.....couldn't get any more goth than that.

AAaaahhh..those were the days.

We used to call those the "In Memory of Elizabeth Reed" Scenes.

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/17/2014 2:19:16 AM

Lynnxz

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Coffins can be had cheaply, if you keep an eye out. When I used to work for a haunted house, I picked up a floor model for $250. I only had a little pickup truck at the time... Got some odd looks trying to cart that thing back to work.

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RE: Taphophilia, a bit of an odd one. - 3/18/2014 3:27:30 AM

MissImmortalPain

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I would like to thank everyone that threw in some suggestions for me. I would also like to go ahead and let you all know what I found out. It seems that this man's issues with funerals/graveyards/etc. has to do with his childhood. Laughing at the wrong time and place to be exact. I guess he ended up taken a hell of a "whippin" as a boy and for some reason it stuck in his brain. It at least explains why every time I hit him he starts giggling. He still doesn't like the idea of it being his funeral, or mine (thank you very much), so I guess I will have to have a talk with a few friends and see who wants to play random dead guy for me.

< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 3/18/2014 3:28:36 AM >

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It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

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