Insecurity...

Insecurity... (Full Version)

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cuddleheart50 -> Insecurity... (7/7/2006 6:32:59 PM)
Ok, I have a serious problem, that I hope someone can shed some light on me and help me with this. I am seeing a Dom now, but he lives about 4 hrs from me, we see each other about 4 times a month. He has a very demanding job, and the hours are very long. I care alot for him and he has assured me that he cares for me too and wants to make this a long term relationship as soon as his job allows more time....which should be in the next 2 or3 months.... He emails me everyday and calls me once or twice a week....My problem is, and I must say that its always been like this, I feel soooo insecure when I'm not with him, I feel like he is putting me off, which he has assured me, he is not....I dont understand why I feel this way, I know I'm acting like a 2 yr old, but I really don't know why I feel this way....Does anyone else have this problem or do you have a solution or insight for me...Thank you!

bandit25 -> RE: Insecurity... (7/7/2006 6:37:17 PM)
Well, cuddle, I think we all feel this way at times. especially if we're not physically close to each other. Get involved with other things...keep a journal...write some fantasies and email them to him. If you have a hobby or if there's something you've always wanted to do or try, now's the time to do it. If you don't, your insecurity will eventually drive both of you nuts.

WhiteRadiance -> RE: Insecurity... (7/7/2006 6:45:32 PM)
Sometimes instincts are right. Do you feel like something isn't right? When you see him, does he seem preoccupied and rushed? If you feel that you have a valid reason to feel insecure, should talk to him. Otherwise you do need to engage your mind in something new. Good luck. Long distance ain't easy.. been there done that. ~Staci

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Insecurity... (7/7/2006 6:48:46 PM)
My instincts are that this is right, and he is the one for me....I know this is going to make some of you laugh but, I was told by someone a long time ago, that the reason I have insecurity problems is because when I was little my dad had a job where he was always gone, and thats when it stemmed from...who knows.... but I do have good instincts about this relationship, just wish I felt more secure.

gypsyssoul -> RE: Insecurity... (7/7/2006 6:55:23 PM)
humm.. i wish i could help you more all i could think when i read it was "go with your gut " i honestly believe you must ... trust yourself before you can trust another .... and if its bothering you ... talk to him perhaps he has no idea ... in knowing he can provide a little more ...assurance daily for you ... ~~~~ i hope it works out for you i love happy endings .... :: Smiles ~~blessings

juliaoceania -> RE: Insecurity... (7/7/2006 7:15:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50 My instincts are that this is right, and he is the one for me....I know this is going to make some of you laugh but, I was told by someone a long time ago, that the reason I have insecurity problems is because when I was little my dad had a job where he was always gone, and thats when it stemmed from...who knows.... but I do have good instincts about this relationship, just wish I felt more secure. Sometimes Kharma has a way of attracting the relationships we need to heal old wounds... perhaps this relationship is a way the universe has to provide a way to heal a wound made so long ago. I know people think that Ds does not heal people and that if you need healing you should see a shrink.. I vehemently disagree, I believe we attract the people that can heal us, teach us, fulfill us on many levels.. and not just Ds, but all our relationships... Just my thoughts

wandering4u -> RE: Insecurity... (7/7/2006 7:20:18 PM)
Talk to him, e-mail, let him know your insecurity. If I was in that situation, especially if I knew your history, I would figure out a way to make you feel more secure. 2 or 3 months? What happens then? Are you pinning your hopes on a reality or a dream? What will change then?

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Insecurity... (7/7/2006 7:23:42 PM)
In a couple of months he will be moving up in position, with a regular schedule and better hours.

APerfectParadox -> RE: Insecurity... (7/7/2006 7:35:16 PM)
I get those same sort of feelings with my last Dom , Cuddleheart. We talked aobut it and he gave a smal "ritual;" to perform and told me to send him an email with a specific phrase in it so he would know and respond as poon as he could.... in the meantime the ritual kept my mind busy and focused on somethign besides my inner turmoil. Just knowing he would respond asap. helped alot .Using the phrase kept the focus on what i needed from him at that moment rather than my " suspicions" which made me feel childish as well when i voiced them.

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Insecurity... (7/7/2006 7:39:57 PM)
I wonder if I should suggest that he give me something like that to do, or is that the right thing to say to him...I just don't know how to bring it up without feeling like a child.

fyrekittyn -> RE: Insecurity... (7/7/2006 7:40:15 PM)
That is exactly how I feel...I am in a long distance relationship as well, and have the same insecurities. I feel that our relationship is right, but at the same time...I am insecure about it. I think I am going to give him the link to this particular thread...

fyrekittyn -> RE: Insecurity... (7/7/2006 7:43:50 PM)
I really like that idea Paradox...Thanks for it!

eruditegirl1 -> RE: Insecurity... (7/7/2006 7:54:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50 Ok, I have a serious problem, that I hope someone can shed some light on me and help me with this. I am seeing a Dom now, but he lives about 4 hrs from me, we see each other about 4 times a month. He has a very demanding job, and the hours are very long. I care alot for him and he has assured me that he cares for me too and wants to make this a long term relationship as soon as his job allows more time....which should be in the next 2 or3 months.... He emails me everyday and calls me once or twice a week....My problem is, and I must say that its always been like this, I feel soooo insecure when I'm not with him, I feel like he is putting me off, which he has assured me, he is not....I dont understand why I feel this way, I know I'm acting like a 2 yr old, but I really don't know why I feel this way....Does anyone else have this problem or do you have a solution or insight for me...Thank you! I know that I still sometimes struggle with insecurity....but over the years I have learned a few things that help me to deal with and walk my way through it....for myself......I treat myself to a day for me...kind of make myself "feel prettier day"...get my nails done...pedicure...facial....or even a simple hot bubble bath...put on something soft...candles...I indulge me...cause we all deserve it...I also find that if I am focused on the phone ringing...or excessively checking my email...it's time for me to get out...call a friend...just get out and enjoy a nice dinner...or a few drinks...Now granted those are just band-aids to the underlying problem of my insecurity.... In overcoming and dealing with insecurity you have to see yourself as others do....you need to let go of the barrier of self doubt...dealing with the past and all the pain...see yourself being the one for him....realize that you deserve to be loved...if not by him...then by another...maybe make a list...a self inventory of why you are wonderful...and what you bring into the relationship.....go back to it and reread it as needed....Here I'll start the list for you....1. You have a warm and inviting smile....2. You have awesome hair....3. Your posts are insightful and intelligent....I don't even know you and I found three...imagine what you could write....

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Insecurity... (7/7/2006 8:18:06 PM)
What would be a good way to bring the subject up to him? Any ideas? I really do need help with this.

fyrekittyn -> RE: Insecurity... (7/7/2006 8:45:19 PM)
Cuddleheart, I am simply going to give Himself a link to this thread, and ask him to read it...I find it easier to express myself in email sometimes, you may want to consider writing your Dom a letter. He should care about your well being, and want to know how you are feeling. Himself tells me frequently that he wants to know what I feel, good or bad. (And when you actually read this, yes, I am starting to get the picture!)

APerfectParadox -> RE: Insecurity... (7/7/2006 9:03:53 PM)
YW Fryrekittyn..... btw The ritual he chose ..involved clothes pins <ewg> and he told me to repeat it as many times as necessary to clear my mind ...

Estring -> RE: Insecurity... (7/8/2006 12:27:38 AM)
You may have to just accept the fact that in a long distance relationship, this will be the way it is. You can either accept it and try to deal with it, or look for someone closer. If this is the one for you, make it work.

MHOO314 -> RE: Insecurity... (7/8/2006 4:12:22 AM)
cuddleheart, this does not sound like insecurity, but its evil twin suspicion---if He is all that you feel He is and things are on the up and up---then I would embrace things that He likes and take the "down time" to work on those things as well as the things He does not---when He is with you, share that you have felt this before and it is something you need His help on---I have seen My own grasshopper open to her Master about some of the hardest things and He has worked Her through them---a good Master will listen. If however, the evil twin of suspicion is tapping you on the shoulder, follow your instincts.

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Insecurity... (7/8/2006 4:42:00 AM)
Thank you everyone for all of your advise, I'm going to talk to him today.

bandit25 -> RE: Insecurity... (7/8/2006 6:52:08 AM)
Cuddle, go ahead and talk to him if that feels right to you, but don't obsess on it. I am in the kind of job where I go to meetings and so is He. We are also in an LDR. Sure, there are times I feel insecure but I think about the times we are together and a lot of those insecurities go away. Your relationship is still new...perhaps, as it ages some of those insecurities will go away.

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