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BecomingV -> RE: Can you be dominant in the bedroom only? (3/15/2014 8:11:35 AM)
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OP - Yes, a Master can be a bedroom master only. However, there does seem to be a majority who believe that a Master is a comprehensive, 24/7, total power exchange in which the Master has accepted responsibility for another human. I agree with other posters to not get hung up on labels, but when having discussions with others, it can be useful to know that most of the time, "Master" is not used to mean, "bedroom only." You'd just need to elaborate beyond the title to be clear.
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ORIGINAL: kalikshama
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Or does a true Master / Sub relationship have to be outside of the bedroom as well? Thank you
The title Master implies a power exchange outside the bedroom as well. Otherwise, what has he mastered?
Wow! Well, if more men understood the time, research, practice and skill-building involved in just being a decent/acceptable sexual partner, those statistics about women not having orgasms would disappear.
When a man has set upon himself, the task of mastering a woman's body in a sexual way, and then he succeeds, he has indeed become her Master. When it is that good; when he is that present, when he's become the source of her deepest pleasure, that woman will do absolutely anything for him. Sexual mastery is a rare, superpower. It matters.
Who is to judge if a woman responds to a stick or to a lick? It's the couple who needs to please themselves, agreed? The OP is exploring bedroom M/s relationships.
When I was a sub, a severe beating that resulted in bruising that lasted for 6 weeks, did not so much as inspire a single tear. This is not my area of vulnerability. Quite the opposite, I learned.
Someone like me could never submit to a man who couldn't make me lose my mind through sexuality. To me, the deepest trust grows through sexual (nonverbal) communication. I don't trust words, but I trust how your touch makes me feel. I trust how I can feel you react to my touch. So, for me, an equal relationship with M/s bedroom dynamics would work well. It would pour out into our vanilla world, in that I would be so grateful for the pleasure, I would be obsessed with finding ways to give that pleasure back and to keep it flowing between us.
Some here would say I just described a vanilla relationship with some bedroom kinks. That is okay that they describe it that way. But, they would be incorrect about applying their description to my experience.
I guess I'm saying that in some M/s relationships, there is no sex, only service, or punishment dynamics. In other M/s relationships, it's the sexual mastery that inspires surrender and a deep desire to give pleasure in return.
I can negotiate buying a house, or saving for retirement or where to vacation with an equal partner, who can make me lose all capacity for thought with a glance across a room, or a word spoken on a phone. He WILL be controlling the conversation and will not have any difficulty in getting his way - because of the mastery attained via sexual pleasure.
ETA - IMO, mastery attained via sexual pleasure is the most challenging of all ways to attain mastery. Comparatively, learning protocol, positions or how to wield a flogger is the easy stuff.
Sadly, some subs have found that there are men who are incompetent or lazy or selfish lovers who attempt to hide that deficit in a BDSM role. I can recall one sub who was shocked to learn that even when her Dom got everything his way, he still wasn't able to sexually perform in a satisfactory way. The sub may even be called, "shallow" for her desire when he is less sexual than she. So, it's important to understand the difference between domination and mastery.
Best of luck!
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