RE: Defining Moment? (Full Version)

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GoddessManko -> RE: Defining Moment? (3/19/2014 12:01:23 PM)

I went through a really hard transition. I think it was when my mother slapped me across the face and my brother said to me I was my father's doormat and now my mother's. Well I was always the obedient child with the highest grades. I had no idea my closest sibling perceived me that way and I think a switch kind of flipped up. I got tattooed, pierced about 9 times and was a smoker. I was as rebellious as they came, I'm not going into details of my kick assery, LOL. But yea...that girl kinda scares me. Kind of like Lisbeth from Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, love that movie.
As I got older, I let go of a lot of anger I realized I had. I realized I had to discipline my mind and body to become a better person, I just didn't like myself though my actions circumvented my individuality and breaking free of expectations in a very , very conservative household and upbringing.
And then my entire mantra about life became about helping others, becoming a better person and being someone that would honor both of my parents who were independently accomplished individuals, leaders with enormous amounts of strength. The patriach and matriach and most respected of their siblings as well as the oldest.
My father especially was just fucking amazing to me, he's one of those unsung heroes of the world.
Now I try to govern my emotions and desires as best I can and train my thoughts with as much learning as possible. I focus on just being the best possible version of myself I can be.
I dislike weakness in myself greatly and ergo sum, LOL.
Humility is still one of my biggest challenges as well as patience but thankfully I recognize that.



VideoAdminChi -> RE: Defining Moment? (3/19/2014 12:16:08 PM)

I have updated the OP to reflect the guidance on what can be posted in this thread:

Posts involving Minors.

These are acceptable as long as they are not about sexual acts involving children. Discussions about a persons own childhood is permitted as long as there are no details of sexual encounters or acts. For example -
User A mentions that as a child, they had submissive tendencies or enjoyed being tied up with rope = acceptable.
User B mentions having underage sex as a teen = acceptable.
User C mentions encountering sexual abuse as a child without specific details = acceptable.
User D mentions having sex with a minor = not acceptable.
User E mentions specific sexual acts as a minor with details = not acceptable.
User F mentions they are underage = not acceptable and please inform one of admin immediately so they can ban and Delta can do her business on the profile side.

Discussing the whys and wherefores around the topic of children is ok. Specific sexual activities are not.

Off the wall jokes whilst bad humor, such as 'that person contacting you was probably a kid' isn't off limits.
Discussions that involve minors like breast feeding in public, a poster having a baby, silly things children say etc are all ok.

Images of children however, even funny ones (like babies pulling faces/in the bath etc) are not allowed.



VideoAdminChi -> RE: Defining Moment? (3/19/2014 3:13:35 PM)

Unlocked!



DaddySatyr -> RE: Defining Moment? (3/19/2014 4:05:25 PM)

I'm going to have to be very careful, here, apparently …

My defining “moment” … there are two. They are incidents which were both essential to who I am and kept me out of this lifestyle for a long time.

When my mother divorced and remarried, she married another drunk that essential beat my ass on a weekly basis. I'm sure he missed a week here or there but that was about the average.

When I was a bit older, a cousin twice my age beat me incessantly for six months. Then, he raped me for another six.

I firmly believe that these two things made me a “protector”; a “Daddy”. I cannot allow anyone else to make decisions for my life but neither will I be another person's abuser.






FieryOpal -> RE: Defining Moment? (3/19/2014 4:37:20 PM)

You are very brave, DaddySatyr.

There are times when mere words are of little comfort, or when comforting words cannot be articulated.

I did have a Defining Moment when I was 5-6 with a playmate who was a year older than I. He was my best friend.
It took me a long time to process what had happened because we were so young and so close in age.
There's that tricky line of consensuality that I am wont to cross. It makes me question issues of undue influence that are not so clearcut.
I do know that it affected me for decades to come, in my choice of men, in how I saw myself, and that it left me with psychological triggers that are so deeply rooted, they have become a part of myself and my sexuality.

I was not overtly violated, but I also became a Protector-type as a result. Thank you for sharing something so private, and one day perhaps I'll have the courage to do the same.



orgasmdenial12 -> RE: Defining Moment? (3/23/2014 5:44:03 AM)

I can't remember a time that I didn't have these fantasies; the defining moment for me was the first time I acted on them, which was over the phone with a Dom I had met online. It was completely wild, I did some crazy stuff, he totally wore me out till I virtually blew my fuse. Afterwards he told me to get a blanket, lie down, relax and he hung up for a bit. The defining moment was lying there on my living room, totally satisfied, blissed out, looking at the light coming through the cream curtains in a spacey, zoned kind of a way and just thinking 'wow, I really AM a submissive... I really AM one... wow'. He blew my tiny little mind :-)



FieryOpal -> RE: Defining Moment? (3/25/2014 5:54:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

You are very brave, DaddySatyr.

There are times when mere words are of little comfort, or when comforting words cannot be articulated.
<snip>
... I also became a Protector-type as a result. Thank you for sharing something so private, and one day perhaps I'll have the courage to do the same.*
---
* More openly than just the 2-3 people close to me in whom I had confided.


Could somebody who knows they haven't been Hidden by DS please quote the section above in their post for me? I think he has me on Hide for some inexplicable reason. Thank you kindly.



cowerme -> RE: Defining Moment? (4/15/2014 7:05:22 AM)

My older brother had an old annual with strip cartoons and stories of the Avengers. Many an afternoon was spent as a small lad re-reading catsuited Emma Peel's karate kicking adventures. Still a big Diana Rigg fan, just so classy. Another early memory was a Spiderman comic in which he was up against the Black Widow who I seemed to recall was a bit of badgirl back in those days. I would keep a close on eye Marvel and DC Comic imports for similar characters. Discovering Julie Newmar's Catwoman though was a revelation.

But I still believed I was the only person in the world with a passion for femdom until S&M iconography started seeping into popular culture in the Punk era.

The other source that help me discover I was not alone was via Britain's grubby sunday tabloids full of graphic exposes of posh people like judges at sex clubs, dungeons and wife swapping parties. One issue of the News of the World contained a headline; "Is this the most evil woman in Britain?" with a large picture of a leather clad whip wielding domme. She was clearly nothing of the kind but you could only dream.



Crazyqt85 -> RE: Defining Moment? (4/15/2014 9:16:04 PM)

I started fantasizing about being raped, and incest, and threesomes when I was about 15. I was 18 when I met my first Dom... I didn't think I could serve, or do any pain. Turns out, those things are super important to me and have been since I have done them for my first.



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