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How do I get into this? - 3/18/2014 6:42:57 PM

kitkat123

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

My issue is that I have zero experience in this sort of lifestyle/experience. On top of that, I am not (knowingly) aware of anyone who is in this at all. Which leads me to... how do I get into this myself?

If I'm looking to explore this and ultimately find a master, how can I actually do that short of just finding strangers on the internet which I'm well aware can be a BAD idea for so many reasons!

Surely some of you may have some good tips for me?

I've been fantasizing about this for... very long...

Post #: 1

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/18/2014 6:47:56 PM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline

Hi kit Kat! And welcome.
So. Tell me. Have you read any books on this yet? We have a GREAT book list here. It's on a sticky at the Forum Home page. When did you figure out that this was something you wanted?

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.

I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to kitkat123)

Post #: 2

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/18/2014 6:51:09 PM

kitkat123

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

Probably 2ish years with more intensity/frequency in the past year or so

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

Post #: 3

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/18/2014 6:55:58 PM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline

Well. I went to look at your profile, but it is hidden.
Have you read anything? Talked with anyone yet?

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.

I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to kitkat123)

Post #: 4

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/18/2014 7:06:20 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

There should also be munches in your area, munches are where people meat in a pub or a bar, street clothes and just get to know each other, discuss stuff, all quite discrete and to an outsider it looks like any other social group. If you give in your location and munch into google, should yield something

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

Post #: 5

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/18/2014 7:57:34 PM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

What Lady Constanze said, in abundance. If there are clubs/bars/events in your area, this is another avenue to explore. Many larger cities have free 'artsy' newspapers, that very often list events/groups in the scene. When I started, I had to do it the hard way, because the Internet as we know it today didn't exist in large part. You had to look and listen to see where the kinksters hung out and approach them in person, rather than the way its done now.

If I were you, go hit FetLife, as they tend to host more local group/society pages there, and it is set up as more of a social media site than a dating/hookup site like CM is. It is a mixed blessing your profile's hidden. On the one hand, you won't be seen as 'fresh meat', to be pounced on by the less that savory types out there, but on the other hand, you might miss out on the connection you're seeking.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 6

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/18/2014 8:10:15 PM

shadowborn61

Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline

I will also offer the go to a munch advice.
I went to my first meet and greet two weeks ago and met some really nice people who welcomed me into their group like an old friend they just met then last saturday i went to the groups monthly munch and met even more very nice people (and had chocolate covered bacon for the first time YUMMY!) and i am planning to attend my first play party this saturday for some rope classes and other things on the schedule that sound very interesting.
I may or may not get the chance to play but that doesn't matter because i am finally getting off my ass and meeting people and just that is a lot of fun. Go to munches meet people and take your time exploring who you are and what you want from the lifestyle.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 7

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/18/2014 9:06:13 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

My rule of thumb is that if you can't talk to someone about what you enjoy sexually, you shouldn't be having sex with them.

Date. If you feel any chemistry, then you ask about their fantasies and you explain yours. If they aren't compatible, you don't continue dating. If they are, you explore this together. But it really isn't that hard to ask a guy to tie your wrists to the bedpost before having his way with you. Or saying you would love to be spanked before sex.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to shadowborn61)

Post #: 8

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/19/2014 4:02:03 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
My rule of thumb is that if you can't talk to someone about what you enjoy sexually, you shouldn't be having sex with them.

I like this rule. Alot!

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/19/2014 5:48:47 AM

Blueswordsman

Posts: 173
Joined: 10/3/2011
Status: offline

Kit Kat,

Making friends with experienced sub ladies can give you a good understanding of the D/s, BDSM and S&M world of a thousand different kinks. Messaging with Fet Life and CM subs is a good place to begin. If the ladies live in your area, they can introduce you to the local community. They also can help you develop a winning profile.

Munchies are a good place to meet people. People with kinks from all over society attend munchies. Some will be socially different than you, be open minded.

If you are shy or unsure of yourself you may find it difficult to attract the right Dom for you. Don’t explore your submissiveness with someone just to check it off your bucket list. Once you understand what you want. It’s a matter of finding who you want. Chemistry, caring, respect and hopefully a little love will do the rest. If you submit to the right person the right way, you will be fulfilled. Happy Hunting

< Message edited by Blueswordsman -- 3/19/2014 5:59:12 AM >

(in reply to kitkat123)

Post #: 10

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/19/2014 6:55:56 AM

MisterP61

Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman

Kit Kat,

Making friends with experienced sub ladies can give you a good understanding of the D/s, BDSM and S&M world of a thousand different kinks. Messaging with Fet Life and CM subs is a good place to begin. If the ladies live in your area, they can introduce you to the local community. They also can help you develop a winning profile.

Munchies are a good place to meet people. People with kinks from all over society attend munchies. Some will be socially different than you, be open minded.

If you are shy or unsure of yourself you may find it difficult to attract the right Dom for you. Don’t explore your submissiveness with someone just to check it off your bucket list. Once you understand what you want. It’s a matter of finding who you want. Chemistry, caring, respect and hopefully a little love will do the rest. If you submit to the right person the right way, you will be fulfilled. Happy Hunting

I am going to publicly say, right here, right now, that I think I read You wrong Blue. I do this publicly because I have publicly responded to You in ways that rubbed You wrong. These past two days I have seen some of the most sound advice coming from You. I apologize.

OP,

Some really good things being said. The most important thing, as you eluded to, is safety. Go to your local munches, you don't even have to say anything except to maybe introduce yourself. Get a feel for the people, do NOT jump into something "yesterday" if you know what I mean. You have the rest of your life to learn and enjoy this new "you" that you found.

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to Blueswordsman)

Post #: 11

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/19/2014 9:25:11 AM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

Slight threadjack that hopefully takes away none of what Blueswordsman said, but from now on, I'm going to be calling munches 'munchies'. But he's dead on the money, as is what desFip said. And shadownborn61 described it elegantly. "because I'm finally getting off my ass and meeting people". That right there would solve many newcomers problems of 'how do I meet someone whose X,Y, or Z?'.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. You have to take that step, a physical one, to find what you seek. Some people slam munches (munchies!), but I kind of like this new thing. When I started, there was no such thing. You either connected at the club level or were 'brought into' the fold by one of the established players before you reached the Promised Land. In order to do that, you had to be physically present to be noticed. Now, you can have dozens of profiles/sites doing your legwork for you. It's both a good and bad thing.

I liken it to the difference between trapping and hunting. Trappers set up their trap and load it with bait that hopefully will attract the game they wish to harvest, and then walk away and let it work for them. Hunting means going out, finding tracks/sign, and either running the game down or waiting for it to come to you. With trapping (online profiles/dating sites), you may find what you're looking for, but you might also find something wholly unpleasant awaiting you. Hunting (actually going out in person and interacting), means you can physically lay eyes on your quarry (potential mate/partner), and commune with them. If they're not your cup of tea, you can back off and not 'pull the trigger', so to speak.

Hopefully, my use of the hunting and trapping allegory didn't confuse or put you off, but it's how I view what's going on in the scene right now.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to MisterP61)

Post #: 12

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/19/2014 9:46:58 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Of course, we don't know if the op is looking for a dom, or even a relationship. If only casual kinky sex, then blue's advise is not applicable. Not everyone is looking for this inside a relationship.

Some people prefer more casual exploration so they can walk away, no fuss, no muss, if it doesn't work for them.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 13

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/19/2014 9:47:51 AM

shadowborn61

Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline

Very well put MasterCaneman.
Having been both a hunter and trapper your use of them as an example is spot on. More than once when running my trapline as a kid i found a skunk in the trap and had to deal with that. But while hunting i have had a skunk pass within feet of me and never know i was there. Still had all the stench but i didn't have to deal with the mess.
I have been trying for some time to find a Dominant to serve without much luck online while my best friend (female) has found several Most just for play but one who may be the one for her.
But i have found that going to a munch not only gives me a chance to actually meet people face to face but it gets me out of the house and off the computer as well. Not to mention that meeting someone face to face has IMHO a better chance to produce the results you are hoping for.
Usually i can tell pretty quickly if a person i am interested in is interested in me unless you have no social skills at all it doesn't take long.
I am no super model by a long shot just an average real person but you know what? so are most of the people you meet at a munch.
Some younger and what society says is better looking and some who are older average people and all are people who like to get their kink on and are not afraid to talk about it.
That doesn't mean to walk up to a person you do not know and right away start in with "Hi i am into X,Y and R what about you" manners matter be polite treat people as you would have them treat you and you might be amazed at how they will open up to you and accept you for who you are.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 14

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/19/2014 11:32:18 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

I had zero experience when I started so I started looking for chat rooms on aol with bdsm in the subject. When I found one I joined it and learned about munches. I attended a few and got to know the people in the area. You profile doesn't show up so I don't know how old you are, but there are groups for the younger crowd called TNG if you fall into that age range. I also went to a few educational events and weekend play parties and met even more people while learning all kinds of shit. Books are good also. Blonderfluff mentioned the book list and it has some really good ones in there. Also just reading the forums here can be helpful.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to kitkat123)

Post #: 15

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/19/2014 5:55:45 PM

MisterP61

Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

I think Blue may have Me on ignore, which is a shame. My apology is sincere and I would like him to know this. I gained a lot of respect for him with his last few posts, and all with pretty dam good advice.

OP,

I do hope you come back on and let us know how things are going for you. We lose way to many new people around here.

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 16

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/19/2014 6:21:46 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Meet a guy/girl/whatever you prefer and just have fun with whatever you both want to do. Voila! You're into it.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to MisterP61)

Post #: 17

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/19/2014 8:03:46 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

~ Et Voilà ~

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman

Kit Kat,

Making friends with experienced sub ladies can give you a good understanding of the D/s, BDSM and S&M world of a thousand different kinks. Messaging with Fet Life and CM subs is a good place to begin. If the ladies live in your area, they can introduce you to the local community. They also can help you develop a winning profile.

Munchies are a good place to meet people. People with kinks from all over society attend munchies. Some will be socially different than you, be open minded.

If you are shy or unsure of yourself you may find it difficult to attract the right Dom for you. Don’t explore your submissiveness with someone just to check it off your bucket list. Once you understand what you want. It’s a matter of finding who you want. Chemistry, caring, respect and hopefully a little love will do the rest. If you submit to the right person the right way, you will be fulfilled. Happy Hunting

I am going to publicly say, right here, right now, that I think I read You wrong Blue. I do this publicly because I have publicly responded to You in ways that rubbed You wrong. These past two days I have seen some of the most sound advice coming from You. I apologize.

OP,

Some really good things being said. The most important thing, as you eluded to, is safety. Go to your local munches, you don't even have to say anything except to maybe introduce yourself. Get a feel for the people, do NOT jump into something "yesterday" if you know what I mean. You have the rest of your life to learn and enjoy this new "you" that you found.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

I think Blue may have Me on ignore, which is a shame. My apology is sincere and I would like him to know this. I gained a lot of respect for him with his last few posts, and all with pretty dam good advice.

OP,

I do hope you come back on and let us know how things are going for you. We lose way to many new people around here.

Mighty big of you to say, MrP.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to MisterP61)

Post #: 18

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/19/2014 8:32:37 PM

MisterP61

Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

Thank you FieryOpal

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 19

RE: How do I get into this? - 3/19/2014 8:40:45 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

Thank you FieryOpal

You're welcome. I think I may have also presumed some things I shouldn't have in the recent past.

But then, I don't quite understand Doms anyway. I do, but I don't, and that's okay by me.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to MisterP61)

Post #: 20

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