a rose by any other name.. (Full Version)

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subjected2006 -> a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 10:37:57 AM)

Have any other subs here ever had relationships in their vanila life that upon looking back at..you realised that they were actual D/s relationships?
Maybe without the whips and bindings.
But were you totally devoted to the pleasures of your man?
You know..keeping the house spotless,cooking gourmet meals..selflessly  massaging
his body , doing anything he wanted or that you could imagine he would want?
I am a late comer into this lifestyle..and doing some reflecting.
I realise I have been  "sub" my entire life.
But I was just called a good woman.




juliaoceania -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 10:42:05 AM)

I tried to relate to every man I have been involved with on this level, but it wasn't respected or in some cases appreciated



LotusSong -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 10:43:04 AM)

A harsh reality, isn't it? :)

Does anyone else see the musical "My Fair Lady" as the ultimate D/s love story?



IronBear -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 11:11:08 AM)

Good God (or should I say Ohh mahhh Gawdddddd), at last a real "If only I knew" thread. I've been wondering if one would errupt here. [sm=applause.gif] 

If only I knew about what BDSM was and especially about Gorean Lifestyles when I was married to my second wife Marie I'd have collared both her and her (what I now realise was a) subby. Somethines she used to beg me to either tie her hands to a hook in the ceiling (use to susspend a basket of fruit) and do what even I wanted to do with her or punish her and I was so annal about raising a hand to a woman. On the bright side I'd probably never have met Neets.



bandit25 -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 11:12:26 AM)

Silver lining, huh Iron Bear?



missturbation -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 11:20:09 AM)

Yes, though unfortunately they turned out to be pretty unhealthy. From taking pleasure in the occasional slap or hand round my throat which of course i still enjoy now i went to the abuse of broken ribs, nose, cheek bones, wrists, black eyes etc. I guess i was young and naive and looked for what was right for me in the wrong places.



diamonddreamlove -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 11:20:23 AM)

First real love of my life taught me much about this life.  We just didn't use the chains and whips or know a name to put to it.  Silk ties were fun lol.  We lasted 10 years before i went totally vanilla then put many more vanilla years in until i found BDSM.  Yes i was born submissive and have always tried to please.  Perhaps a lot of heartbreak would have been avoided had I known earlier that i am a submissive.   But then i would not be who i am today and i like me so better late than never.



LadiesBladewing -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 12:44:59 PM)

Actually, I can come to this from the -other- side. In my relationship to my ex, I was dominant, even though, to the outside world, he was the "Man of the House". I managed our household and his life in private, including choosing his career for him, and he liked it that way for many years. Unfortunately, since it was an unspoken agreement, individuals who were not part of our relationship started commenting on and needling him about how much of our lives I had control over (finances, where we lived, what he did for a living, etc.). He insisted on "taking control", but, unfortunately, he didn't really want to be in charge and have to take those responsibilities, so things kept being "forgotten", and decisions delayed until circumstance made the decision for him. I became increasingly frustrated, and while he slipped into his "don't make a decision mode", I kept slipping into my "bossy" mode. Our relationship did not survive the outside meddling and subsequent destruction of our informal but workeable dynamic. Fortunately, he found someone else to boss him around, and I've had the joy of an incredible poly household, being completely dominanted, learning effective dominance and management for a wide variety of individuals, and finding outlets for a healthier style of consentual management than what he and I "enjoyed". I also think that this is, in part, why I like to have a formal agreement when someone yields to us -- so it is clear, and xhe can't hide it from hirself later and say it wasn't what xhe wanted.

ZWD

quote:

ORIGINAL: subjected2006

Have any other subs here ever had relationships in their vanila life that upon looking back at..you realised that they were actual D/s relationships?
Maybe without the whips and bindings.
But were you totally devoted to the pleasures of your man?
You know..keeping the house spotless,cooking gourmet meals..selflessly  massaging
his body , doing anything he wanted or that you could imagine he would want?
I am a late comer into this lifestyle..and doing some reflecting.
I realise I have been  "sub" my entire life.
But I was just called a good woman.





SusanofO -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 2:22:44 PM)

I had relationships a long time ago, in my twenties, where I acted submissively in that I was shy and wanted to and did things "their way" all the time, and loved it when they made the decisions about where to eat, what to do (they may have asked for my "input" but we did what they wanted if their was any difference of opinion). 

For one person I remember (whom I haven't seen for over 20 years), I used to love it when he'd tell me what he wanted for dinner - something really exoctic I maybe had never made before, and then I'd make it (I love to cook). That probably sounds pretty tame. He also, though, tied me up more than once (mild bondage)and used to love saying: "Remember what I told you about_______(reminding me of advice he'd given me about whatever). I suppose that  might be construed as  Dominant, even if neither of us gave it a name, or took it any "further".

- Susan



Thoradon -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 2:26:17 PM)

I know that at one of the munchs I was at all the Doms gathered and talked about when the first time they could think of where the life had appealed to them.  It was surprising to see how far back the lifestyle or interest in the life could be traced.  I know that I have had several relationships in which I can look back on and see parts of the lifestyle.



sublizzie -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 2:55:59 PM)

My ex introduced me to the Gor novels. I asked him if he wanted to live like that and he said "sure". Then did nothing about it. In the end he was abusive and manipulative. I think it's entirely possible he was a submissive looking for a Domme. Unfortunately for him, that's not me. The more submissive I was with him, the more he seemed to despise me and abuse me. It was not a happy marriage. The best thing was when I discovered that there were people out there who really appreciated the way I'm wired and the way I just naturally behave. And they aren't abusive about it!!! I get compliments for being me. Who'da'thunk it????



Aneirin -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 3:10:00 PM)

Hey I did that for my ex,aside from the cooking,(as I have the ability to burn water),cleaning,repairing and massaging,perhaps I was sub in a relationship not recognised as D/s.I would do anything for her,gave her whatever she wanted,was I sub,or was it my inability to live in a pigsty where my ex could not be bothered.It was her dislike for my interest in the lifestyle which made her my ex.



fyrekittyn -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 3:43:08 PM)

I started in this lifestyle young. I started online at 12 and in real life at 15. I have always had BDSM relationships, with different degrees of D/s. Even my marriage, which was more vanilla than many relationships I have had, still had a BDSM aspect to it. It has taken me much trial and error, including a failed marriage, to find my way around exactly what I want out of a D/s relationship. Thankfully, I just may have found that!



Curiossdragnlily -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 4:50:43 PM)

Oh my yes. i was the "good" wife to my ex. But he was also submissive.So it didn't work real well.
with respect,
lily, collared and owned slave of Master Curios
srn 308-692-331



zenofeller -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 4:55:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
Does anyone else see the musical "My Fair Lady" as the ultimate D/s love story?


i always thought the taming of the shrew holds that title.



MHOO314 -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 5:00:21 PM)

Actually the best example is: McClintock---mooowaaahh



proudsub -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 5:04:39 PM)

quote:

Have any other subs here ever had relationships in their vanila life that upon looking back at..you realised that they were actual D/s relationships?


Yes, the first 35 years of my marriage were like that until i learned about D/s and put a name to it.  [:)]



mastrscait -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 5:10:54 PM)

i agree. My first relationships were definitely of the D/s nature.  Unfortunately they were very unheathly relationships.  i too was also looking at what i had grown up seeing.  The subserviant female waiting hand and foot on her husband, meeting his every desire and need.  i watched my parents live this kind of lifestyle not thinking anything about it.  Now that i have grown older and have gone through the bad and seek the good.  Trying to find my real self and discovering new paths of excitement, i can look back and see that i always was, but without all of those experiences of my past i would never be the strong female slave that i am today.



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 5:15:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Curiossdragnlily

Oh my yes. i was the "good" wife to my ex. But he was also submissive.So it didn't work real well.
with respect,
lily, collared and owned slave of Master Curios
srn 308-692-331
Same here as well..two submissives without a clue...what a disaster!!..Tempting



ImpGrrl -> RE: a rose by any other name.. (7/8/2006 5:27:53 PM)

Whether there are aspects of dominance and submission, service and obedience, in a relationship or not, it's not "a d/s relationship" until those involved acknowledge it as such.



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