RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (Full Version)

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LadiesBladewing -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 12:02:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4realhere

This question goes out to both sexes and roles. Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online? Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world?


This is an extremely broad generalization to throw out about people you don't know, and who don't know you. I don't portray myself online any differently than I am in person, nor does my mate... however, even if you were close enough to meet us, you'd probably never have the opportunity to find out, because in general, we don't associate with people who jump to conclusions, treat others with disdain, or maintain negative attitudes towards the world in general, and if we were depending on this post to let us know about you, that would likely be what we would expect.

Hope your day improves.

ZWD



Aneirin -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 12:04:42 PM)

I on here am the same as real life,and the two that I have met from here are also,both are very fine people,a pleasure to know.I believe in honesty,anything other will be found out and damage may be caused,why lie.



MHOO314 -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 12:08:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4realhere

This question goes out to both sexes and roles. Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online? Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world?


I always find it amazing when I meet people from here, be they Dominant or submissive, the comment is always---wow, you are just like your profile, you are just like you write---and I think how sad it is that we do not portray who we really are--but yes that is the down side of the internet---the "man behind the curtain" if you will.




cuddleheart50 -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 12:14:16 PM)

I am the same in person as I am online. 



RoseNFistedGlove -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 12:20:29 PM)

I want to say, "sub4realhere" (as the name flows trippingly off my tongue/pen/keyboard)... I do get what you mean... or believe I do... and I agree with you that there are people... too many, unfortunately... that are "two-faced" and duplicitous. I think that's what you're referring to isn't it? I think other group/forum contributors, perhaps, got tangled up in precise analysis of various semantic subtexts of what you meant.

But, you weren't being subtle, were you? You meant what you said, "...why [do] people say one thing online, then when i meet them in person, they are nothing like the person [the represented themselves to be] online."

Much could be said on the subject but to keep it brief, direct and rather blunt, I think that these people are to subs/slaves as pedophiles are to children. They purposely misrepresent themselves for the simple purpose of meeting you and, in their mind, having their way with you (I imagine). Several differences present themselves between these scum and real pedophiles... namely the targeted age group and their defenselessness. You are not as defenseless as a child... you meet them in a "safe" place and under "safe" conditions (if you get beyond phone and email encounters), so you... once you "find them out" can tell them to "take a hike" (or something less polite) and make your excape.

But, damage is done. You had hopes dashed... again... and perhaps your sense of being discouraged about finding "the one" is deepened. Additionally, damage is done to those Doms/Masters who really are sincere and "real"... for they suffer from the growing skepticism of subs/slaves who have had too many experiences like this. Thus, all who are honest suffer these deceitful SOBs.

So, I say to those who intentionally deceive, "Damn your eyes".

For those who are honest, "Do not loose hope... for that is what will finally take us to where we want and need to be."

JamesInTheWoods



CreativeDominant -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 12:21:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4realhere

This question goes out to both sexes and roles. Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online? Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world?

You've had some really good answers to this and I am not sure that I can add much more.
I've been lucky here but I've only been here a short while comparatively to the time I've been in D/s BDSM.  I am what I am in real life as I am in here...too many lies and it could result in trouble in both my personal and occupational life.  Besides, I don't like having to remember how I "acted" at a specific time and "copy" it at the next best time for it.  Better to be me all the time (since that's so wonderful anyway...[;)] ).

As for others...I don't know.  I never say that someone is a pretender until I not only know them from talking to them here but also in person and have a chance to observe them.  Different situations call for different reactions and you just might run into a situation in real life that never presented itself on here.



MrrPete -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 12:21:34 PM)

Many are pretenders but there are many REAL people here as well.

Stick around and you'll learn to tell the difference. Ignore the pretenders




zumala -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 12:23:32 PM)

I'm the same person real life that I portray online as well.
 
One thought...  I went to read your profile, sub4realhere.  It might help you if you were to re-word it here and there.  You spend a decent amount of space telling pretenders/wannabes/etc not to message you.  You do realize that telling an asshole not to message you will often make them want to message you, just to screw with you?  Don't bait them, Hon.  I'd simply put up a profile that sheds light on who you are and what you're looking for, and leave it at that.
 
But that's just my advice.  You are, as always, free to take it or leave it.
 
zuma



RoseNFistedGlove -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 12:34:17 PM)

It occurs to me that there is an even more direct answer to your question,s4rh.

First, I admit I don't know why all people cannot be "real" (although I could have fun speculating). But as for the answer to the second question... it is a resounding "NO!!"

They are not pretenders. The word "pretender" is far too kind a word for them. They are DECEIVERS of the worst kind... intent on their own gain and Damn the cost to anyone and everyone else.

You can no doubt tell that I don't care for them much.

James (NowOutOfTheWoods)



sub4realhere -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 12:39:25 PM)

Perfectly stated, JamesInTheWoods!

i bid kudos to you.



sub4realhere -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 12:44:38 PM)

Thank you zuma, i will definitely do that!



juliaoceania -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 12:45:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: zumala

I'm the same person real life that I portray online as well.
 
One thought...  I went to read your profile, sub4realhere.  It might help you if you were to re-word it here and there.  You spend a decent amount of space telling pretenders/wannabes/etc not to message you.  You do realize that telling an asshole not to message you will often make them want to message you, just to screw with you?  Don't bait them, Hon.  I'd simply put up a profile that sheds light on who you are and what you're looking for, and leave it at that.
 
But that's just my advice.  You are, as always, free to take it or leave it.
 
zuma


I agree with Zuma on this one.. I think that making a postive profile attracts positive people. I will admit it was a turn off for me to read profiles that read like they are the walking wounded, I want someone whole! For example someone that writes something such as "Please no drama, headgamers, players, or liars" is basically telling me that they have had some really bad experiences in the past and fear repeating the same thing in the future.. why deal with emotional baggage that I didn't cause and have no intention of adding to? I am looking for someone that will not be suspicious of me.

Our words are powerful, and the way we state things has incredible power... i would think about this and perhaps change your profile to attract some very positive uplifting people to yourself



bignipples2share -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 12:47:15 PM)

I am not the same person now that I was the day before, I hope I'm not the same person tomorrow. I like to learn something new everyday, no matter how small. Although I am mood driven, it's not one of excalating highs and lows, just different. I rarely bother to pick out something to wear the eveing before as it probably will change. My mood dictated I wear taylored clothing in, by the end of the day, it was something else. I may read something one day and be pensive, yet if read on another may strike a cord of uproaring laughter.  I am all of these moods and personalities and they are me. I enjoy them all and all of me.

~Big



sub4realhere -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 12:57:25 PM)

i believe i figured it out, the Doms i have met from online to real life are actually Dr, Jekyell and Mr. Hyde



zumala -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 1:06:19 PM)

<joke>  Maybe it's something in the water.  </joke>  [:D]

Seriously, though.  Once you've adjusted your profile (if you choose to do so), I'd advise a little patience and a good 'interview' plan.  If you meet someone on here, I'd suggest a week or two of chat before you meet them face-to-face.  Ask a lot of questions to learn more about them.  If you see inconsistancies in what they tell you, that's a good clue that they aren't what you think they are.
 
Best of luck!
 
zuma



Thoradon -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 1:09:08 PM)

The role goes both ways.  I have met slaves that are from online that are fake as well.  slaves that will respond with fake answers or fake pictures.  I dont think that goes for all slaves, but they exist on both sides of the fence.  I find that in order to find the ones that should stick around, there needs to be a way to get though all the ones that are fake to find the ones that are true.  There are people online as well as in r/l that are the same way.  keep working though them to find the ones that would be good to have stick around.



RLowner -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 1:18:36 PM)

Sadly there are far too many players on this site. In the last few weeks I have exchanged messages with a few, two sent photos that were way underage and other sent messages asking for money for a ticket or saying they have no money to relocate even tough the profile says willing to relocate. I have also from some of the same found the same photo on at least three different profiles. I for one sure wish there was a place  on this site or a off site  place to post the names of underage and ones using others photos and asking for money. I am very sure if the person is real it will take more than few messages to talk of moving in. Sure sends a RED flag up to me. I would think who is screening the photos on this site would at least be awake enough to see they are the same. Also if you have access to a tracing program well they come back to the same IP address. I for one wonder who is real and who is not anymore. To me this life is built on the basis or truth and honesty but sadly that seems to be lacking these days



Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 1:19:42 PM)

It's tough, and it's frustrating, I know how you feel.

Some people intentionally deceive, others think they can tell little white lies, and you'll forgive them once you meet them.

Some portray themselves better online because you don't see the messy days, the bad moods.

Some people are honestly very clueless about themselves and deceive simply by telling you the truth they see, which doesn't reflect reality.

Some just hope to get laid, and will say anything they think you want to hear.

And then, over time, as you learn to weed them out, learn how to follow the clues, and begin to keep control over enthusiam, high expectations, and hope, it gets a bit easier.

Then one day, you meet someone who is exactly who they said they are...and it will all seem worth it.

Chin up. Don't let the bastards get you down.



juliaoceania -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 1:23:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4realhere

i believe i figured it out, the Doms i have met from online to real life are actually Dr, Jekyell and Mr. Hyde


I have a question for you, if you do not feel like answering that is ok, but I was just wondering how many doms you have met? If you met quite a few and realized they represented themselves badly then no loss to you, right? Just pack up your monopoly board and go home (I have had a couple of REALLY bad internet to real life dates, and it wasn't that they necessarily "lied", but they were creepy).

If you have met a few doms and started relationships that ended poorly, it happens in the vanilla world too. Have you ever had a blind date where the person that hooked you up for it left out relevant information? I have, like the one time a friend hooked me up with her hubby's boss who turned out to be an alcoholic. It happens.



Thoradon -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 1:23:15 PM)

I agree with you RLowner.  I am surprised at ones that will say they will move in without ever talking or anything else.  At the same time I tend to push the ones that do say that for a webcam and phone calls to see how real they are.  I know that I try to get them to local groups if they have any near there.  I have found that to be a good way to find out fast if they are real or not.  I now that is also something that I include in my profile.  I would like collarme to use a verification system up similar to alt.com.



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