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DoctorDubious -> RE: Profile Review (7/8/2006 2:23:55 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ArtimisBlack
? Any major flaws I missed? So I'd like to extend an invitation to any and all:
Review my profile, tell me what you think.
Hey Artemis, and all....
First of all, some context about the quality of my analysis.
I have zero experience in this online meeting stuff.
My first profile ever is the one I put on collarme recently.
So.... take it not a grain of salt... but a truckload... right?
But, I've got a lot of experience
in communication, written hundreds of "real" ads in my life,
and have taught ad-writing (copywriting) to experts and beginers alike.
***********************
Here's what this picky old goat likes about your profile,
it's clear about your current relationship
and reasonably clear about the general nature
of the experiences you seek
it's excellent on who should NOT contact you
it's a reasonable good description
of the woman you wish to play/learn/grow with
********************************************
Here's how I think it might work even better for you
In a word, more.
More details about who should NOT contact you.
Perhaps put this higher in the copy,
say right after your lede paragraph.
>>I'm trying to get to know my BDSM side better and learn new techniques; all I need is a woman to share with.
now consider, perhaps, briefly write out some
scenes, scenarious you wish to act out on her
helpless, luscious body. Help her to imagine that delicious ordeal.
Also, you are a woman, so use your woman's mind/heart
to explore a bit of the mind/heart you want to connectwith..
And, in one of the very few benefits of the patriarchy,
dirty old men men like me being explicit is icky,
and woman/woman stuff is (inexplicably to me) considered hot by most...
Paint a picture .... or five....of kinky predicaments
for your prospective darlin to put herself in....
Also.... if you dare....
tell your story a bit....
there is nothing on this planet more persuasive,
or more attractive than
a good... true... emotional story.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_463104/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#463458
I'd like to know more about the
stories of the people I meet,
and I suspect you and many others are the same.
The downside of what I say,
is that you will get more unwanted email
this way.... for cm is filled with slavering perverts and pretenders.
It's a small problem.
Another downside....
well, my forum posts get me a few doms
who tell me I'm an ass-kissing pussy,
which ain't all that far from the truth ....
(I tell 'em I'm actually a pussy-kissing ass, but by then the humor is gone)
I've had it suggested,
by somebody who appears bright and sensible...
that when you write long, you appear "full of yourself".
That is a real risk,
but it's outweighed .. I think...
by the value of letting your darlins
spend some extra time in your "thought fields"
Remember... I have zero experience in profiles,
but as I check my cm mailbox,
it seems mine is working ok...
Just the thoughts on an ink-stained old copywriter goat.
DD
PS... now I gotta go rewrite
that dorky profile of mine,
which was dashed off carelessly.
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