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RE: A Discussion on Submissives With Anal Issues With E... - 3/26/2014 12:12:01 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider

So that is what cornholes means in english. In my language it is something you can get when you try electrowelding on nonferrous metals.

Huh. I learn something new every time I come here. That is interesting.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to rockspider)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: A Discussion on Submissives With Anal Issues With E... - 3/26/2014 12:35:11 PM   
FightingChains


Posts: 293
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbibear

Yes. But after an anal rape in the late 90's I was so traumatized that I stopped doing it until just last summer. So it was about fifteen years of denying that aspect of my sexuality because of the trauma involved with it. I enjoyed the single time I did it last summer, safer sex rules applied of course, even though it was a one night stand with an acquaintance met online.



You are not the only one who has has issues with this subbibear. One of my play partners from around 6 years ago also had this issue. Anal sex was not allowed due to past trauma, and I felt for the guy.

I'm glad you've gotten past that. Just do what you enjoy.

I hope your flashbacks to the event continue to subside and you recover and get some good connotations to that activity.

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to subbibear)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: A Discussion on Submissives With Anal Issues With E... - 3/26/2014 1:14:53 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

There is none. You're behind on paying your union dues.


That was the perfect answer for the humor I saw in the OP's post. If anyone looked at his posting history, they might see what was missed here. The humor and a real question.

I'm thinking of answering it from the dominant point of view of someone coming from behind. Someone save me, I may be dangerous to myself with that thought!


(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: A Discussion on Submissives With Anal Issues With E... - 3/26/2014 2:39:02 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

I'm thinking of answering it from the dominant point of view of someone coming from behind. Someone save me, I may be dangerous to myself with that thought!


You're telling me ... but since we're sharing here in a more serious vein, I'll offer my perspective as a woman. Usually a safe bet, I trust.

Every vanilla man I've ever been with has wanted to perform anal intercourse.
My caveat has always been, you want it so badly, it's only fair that you be open to anal penetration yourself (which I meant using with my finger, at that time--has a whole different set of connotations as a Domme, actually non-issue).
For the longest time (my first 5-6 years or so of being sexually active), I was repulsed by the idea. Not so much the by act itself, but replacing a finger-sized object with a phallic-sized one.

Okay gals, a word of advice here. They're going to want to graduate in sizes--that's just the way it is. So if you don't enjoy it digitally (say, while he's going down on you and finger-fucking you), chances are you won't enjoy an escalation in anal sex.

Nowadays, the problem I have is that there are straight submissive men who are so wrapped up in their fetishes or use their kinks as a replacement for full-blown "regular" sex, that THEY have a false-submission hang-up with performing what they erroneously consider to be a dominant act on a Domme. (I suspect because they were never much good at vanilla sex to begin with.) I don't want to have to demand something from a sub that an ordinary (straight/bi) man conceivably would be thrilled to do. He's not doing me any favors. F that. I have a begging dynamic, so if he doesn't want it as much or more than I do, then that's not the kind of sub I want.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: A Discussion on Submissives With Anal Issues With E... - 3/26/2014 2:40:03 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		From my little pious corner, I have seen some light, that light wasn’t so bright, and I’m admitting and confessing that here. I was quick to jump on some things and maybe jumped too fast or too directly and had someone in my cross hairs that didn’t deserve to be there. Who am I, to act/post as I have at times and maybe hurt someone?

This thread showed me something about myself, that I can’t say I never thought of before, but it sure made it clear to me that I can no longer justify some of what I have done.

I would think the OP post was funny… but had it only been the actual question, I would have jumped and had that cross hair lined up, I am pretty sure.

“No!” (In all my piousness)… “How dare someone ask something personal of strangers and being a stranger… how dare he(?) that wanker!”

We are talking human sexuality here and if we can’t talk about it here, where can we?

So, as a dominant I will answer this question… it made me think of various things. I enjoy my guy coming from behind and though I may not understand or feel the same way a submissive would… there are reasons I do it. Is it just sensual pleasure? I think for the most part it is.

Where a submissive might feel being taken, possessed, used or many other things I could assume or know have been said to me about someone’s feelings on it, I don’t feel them. I feel it is another way to enjoy something and yet I see how it might break down some barriers with my guy who may think it a wrong thing to do to a dominant because of how he might feel about it being done to himself.

I will need to think on this some more, as apparently, I have a number of things to think about, but this is what I see at the moment.

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: A Discussion on Submissives With Anal Issues With E... - 3/26/2014 4:09:34 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbibear


quote:

ORIGINAL: joshua69
Say, do you like to get cornholed?
So, a simple question for those of you subbies that are so inclined: Why, in your own words, do you like to be taken from behind by your Mistress or Master? What does it really mean to you?


Yes. But after an anal rape in the late 90's I was so traumatized that I stopped doing it until just last summer. So it was about fifteen years of denying that aspect of my sexuality because of the trauma involved with it. I enjoyed the single time I did it last summer, safer sex rules applied of course, even though it was a one night stand with an acquaintance met online.

Why do I like it? And you ask in particular about the position of being taken from behind? The pelvic floor is a powerfully equipped area for sensation play, so obviously I enjoy the sheer explosion of sensation that it produces in this core area of my body. I like the submissiveness of it, in particular when the act is combined with various permutations of bondage and sensory deprivation. I like that it can be achieved with any number of different toys in all shapes and sizes and styles that produce a wide variety of sensations. I like that it can be established with a toy, in combination with other forms of stimulation, and then my dominant can come at me from another direction completely and often by surprise, or just leave me impaled and bound, then objectify me for a couple of hours while doing whatever it is she/he desires.

What does it really mean to me? For me, now, it is a vital step in recovery. I am reclaiming an aspect of my sexuality that was once integral for me. I need it to be integral again. I am overcoming bad associations, flashbacks, rape triggers, nightmares and a metric fuck-ton of other bad shit by taking the practice back up. I've recently acquired a wonderful new dildo, fabulously soft, and a nice eight inches and thick. It is the same as my favorite one from before the incident. I have been practicing with it and have really been rediscovering the pleasure I get from anal stimulation. It is a process, and I look forward to the day when it comes without any of the automatic negative though patterns, or at least the day when they are so easily brushed aside that they are mere annoyances rather than impediments to my being who I fully am in my sexuality.




How very brave and wonderful that you would share something so very personal.

I wish you well in your healing and growth! Live, be free and enjoy!

Seeing your posts has been a reminder to me of a number of things and how we used to post more like this. Thank you.

(in reply to subbibear)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: A Discussion on Submissives With Anal Issues With E... - 3/26/2014 7:21:10 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		the origin of the slang term "cornhole" comes from the 1930s. It's in reference to a game played in the farming regions of the Ohio Valley in the U.S. in which players take turns throwing a small bag full of feed corn at a raised platform with a hole in it.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to subbibear)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: A Discussion on Submissives With Anal Issues With E... - 3/26/2014 9:23:42 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains


quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

As long as I and Pinky(i.e. my strap-on) are on the giving end, I like cornholing. lol Otherwise, it's a hard limit for me.

NBMG



I'm curious. You've said before you started as a submissive, is this correct? If so, was it a hard limit as a submissive?

Please feel free not to answer, if it's none of my business. I know its a bit off topic but I was wondering if it became a hard limit due to the dominance factor.

I have no problem answering but thank you for being sensitive to my feelings. Nope, dominance had nothing to do with it, it's always been a hard limit of mine and I wouldn't be with anyone who couldn't live without it.

NBMG


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I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to FightingChains)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: A Discussion on Submissives With Anal Issues With E... - 3/27/2014 6:59:22 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

I have a question: why do people call it 'cornholing'?


First hole, money hole, asshole, cornhole. Old west aphorism.

Jus sayin

Exiled

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: A Discussion on Submissives With Anal Issues With E... - 3/27/2014 7:25:53 AM   
subbibear


Posts: 46
Joined: 3/2/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni
How very brave and wonderful that you would share something so very personal.
I wish you well in your healing and growth! Live, be free and enjoy!
Seeing your posts has been a reminder to me of a number of things and how we used to post more like this. Thank you.


Thank you. I have found that the more I confront the issues surround my long history of abuse/torture/molestation and talk about them in context when the situation is right, the less they drag me down and the more free I become.

I am humbled and honored to hear that my posts are reminders of apparently better times around here for you. As a submissive I seek to enrich the lives of those around me at all times, to the best of my abilities. I am grateful for these forums, I have already learned some wonderful things here and found the feedback from all of you to be valuable.

Regarding anal sex and discussing it here, I agree with the earlier post, if we cannot discuss it here openly and as adults, where can we? It is an intimate act and it comes with risks. It deserves to be a topic of open discourse. I wonder how many of us have read 'Anal Pleasure and Health' by Jack Morin? Admittedly it is an older text, but it is a valuable resource.

Giving up control, in particular the case of being bound and submitting to anal penetration is perhaps one of the most submissive acts in my repertoire. It means trusting my Dominant with my life not only because I am bound but because doing damage accidentally during anal play is quite easy. I need to be able to trust that my Dominant is knowledgeable and informed about what are best practices not only for my safety but for his/hers as well.

In my particular case, with the added complexities of HSV2 and PTSD the variables are multiplied. Gloves are a must, as are condoms, but because my outbreaks occur only on my butt cheeks, we also play with me wearing underwear with a hole in them to reduce his/her exposure to my point of infection and any chance of me shedding virus. I have a responsibility to be verbally participative all along the way because of my stress disorder but also because of my status as a rape survivor, I need to offer clear reassurance to my dominant that I am doing well, that I am enjoying what is happening, so that they are able to relax and enjoy it as well. Because after all- this act is not all about me alone is it?

Anal play for me is also very good with toys- I am just as happy to be 'taken from behind' with any number of toys of different shapes and sizes. Admittedly I only have the one right now, and I am just getting back into this form of pleasure, but I am certainly planning to invest in more toys and soon. And toys add so much to the safety factors. I still insist on putting a condom over toys whenever possible, and I require that I have toys that are exclusively used on me. Incidentally, the same goes for my flogger(s), but that is a separate topic. Toys open up an entirely new realm of possibilities for anal play, and for me especially they allow my Dominant to fill both my holes with toys, leave me bound, and then just objectify me- sheer heaven. So gotta love the toy aspect of this realm of play as well.





(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: A Discussion on Submissives With Anal Issues With E... - 3/27/2014 9:11:49 AM   
frunandsins


Posts: 81
Joined: 10/7/2012
Status: offline 		I have to say that the quality and sincerity of your responses here far, far exceeds what the original post deserves. Kudos to you, subbibear.

Far as rape PTSD goes, from what I had learned form hearing others speak on the topic, it is often not the act itself that triggers episodes, but small things like how the hands are placed or even time of the day. Sorting out the triggers and avoiding them will go a long way to making anal sex more accessible to you again, I think.

I also absolutely agree that finding a Dom who knows his/her way around an ass is important. Knowing the experience level of the top on this will also help, just like a spanking sub knowing the spanking Dom's experience and expertise will help. It is ok if they are new, as long as they know they are new and willing to learn. Heard plenty of stories of new tops who learned how to fuck from gay porns.

_____________________________

To each, their own kinks, and may they suffer beautifully.

(in reply to subbibear)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: A Discussion on Submissives With Anal Issues With E... - 3/28/2014 5:56:54 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		.

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 3/28/2014 5:57:48 AM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: A Discussion on Submissives With Anal Issues With E... - 3/29/2014 4:24:55 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Great post subbibear, thanks for sharing.

The bolded is true for me as well.

quote:

Yes. But after an anal rape in the late 90's I was so traumatized that I stopped doing it until just last summer. So it was about fifteen years of denying that aspect of my sexuality because of the trauma involved with it. I enjoyed the single time I did it last summer, safer sex rules applied of course, even though it was a one night stand with an acquaintance met online.

Why do I like it? And you ask in particular about the position of being taken from behind? The pelvic floor is a powerfully equipped area for sensation play, so obviously I enjoy the sheer explosion of sensation that it produces in this core area of my body. I like the submissiveness of it, in particular when the act is combined with various permutations of bondage and sensory deprivation. I like that it can be achieved with any number of different toys in all shapes and sizes and styles that produce a wide variety of sensations. I like that it can be established with a toy, in combination with other forms of stimulation, and then my dominant can come at me from another direction completely and often by surprise, or just leave me impaled and bound, then objectify me for a couple of hours while doing whatever it is she/he desires.

What does it really mean to me? For me, now, it is a vital step in recovery. I am reclaiming an aspect of my sexuality that was once integral for me. I need it to be integral again. I am overcoming bad associations, flashbacks, rape triggers, nightmares and a metric fuck-ton of other bad shit by taking the practice back up. I've recently acquired a wonderful new dildo, fabulously soft, and a nice eight inches and thick. It is the same as my favorite one from before the incident. I have been practicing with it and have really been rediscovering the pleasure I get from anal stimulation. It is a process, and I look forward to the day when it comes without any of the automatic negative though patterns, or at least the day when they are so easily brushed aside that they are mere annoyances rather than impediments to my being who I fully am in my sexuality.

(in reply to subbibear)
Profile   Post #: 53
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