How much communication? (Full Version)

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willing2serve -> How much communication? (11/21/2004 8:16:39 PM)

If you live in a different household than your Dom/Master, how often do you communicate and by what means (via telephone, email, IM, others?) who generally initiates the contact? Is non-communication ever used as a punishment? Please share how you insure the communication level is maintained at a high standard while living apart, which is so vital to the relationship.

Respectfully,
Willing2serve1



proudsub -> RE: How much communication? (11/21/2004 8:45:44 PM)

Are you referring to online relationships or real life?



siamsa24 -> RE: How much communication? (11/21/2004 8:48:20 PM)

In my case we live almost an hour and a half apart during most of the year because my school requires me to live on campus, and even when we are living in the same house he is often away on business.
We communicate over the phone and talk almost every day. Either one of us can initiate this contact, but usually it is him. This has nothing to do with our positions in the relationship, but rather the fact that I often get lost in my world of school and work. He understands this and it was communicated in the beginning of the relationship.
He has never cut off phone communication as a punishment. Sometimes non-communication is used for very short periods, but it's very harsh for me and he doesn't do it often. For me, it is critical that I have a link away from school. Things here can get overwhelming and beyond my immediate control and I need to have someone to get in contact with when that happens.



willing2serve -> RE: How much communication? (11/21/2004 9:01:42 PM)

I am sorry proudsub that I was not more specific. My first thought was living close to each other, just not same household. This could also include long distance relationships; however i dont think strictly online relationships should be considered in this discussion since communication is their only form of a relationship, but please feel free to answer on any of the situations...I value everyone's opinion.



proudsub -> RE: How much communication? (11/21/2004 9:42:08 PM)

quote:

If you live in a different household than your Dom/Master, how often do you communicate and by what means (via telephone, email, IM, others?) who generally initiates the contact? Is non-communication ever used as a punishment? Please share how you insure the communication level is maintained at a high standard while living apart, which is so vital to the relationship.


With my first r/l dom we saw each other about once a week, lived about an hour apart. All other communication was by IM. Either one of us initiated it and we spent hours every evening chatting. He never used noncommunication as a punishment. Keep in mind i was married while seeing him, so we seldom talked on the phone.



liljoy -> RE: How much communication? (11/22/2004 3:34:33 AM)

for the first six months that we were together. Master and i live 4 miles apart. We took turns everyother week making the drive. During the times we weren't together we talked via yahoo voice constantly unless working or sleeping. It didn't matter to Master whom made first contact. He never punished me by non comunicatio.



softysub -> RE: How much communication? (11/22/2004 4:10:24 AM)

I am not living with My Dom, He is married and the way W/we communicate its online which is almost everyday or when W/we meet. Non-communication is something He does to punish me since He knows its hard on me. W/we talk on the phone, but mainly for when W/we are going to meet.

softysub



velvetvixen -> RE: How much communication? (11/22/2004 6:23:34 AM)

We communicate via cell phone-- calls and text messages. Generally my monthly usage to his phone number is right around 2000 minutes. I can call or text anytime I want to contact him. I have been punished by restricting communication, I couldn't call him. That only happened once but it lasted for 6 weeks and I hated it. We live 30 minutes apart.



sub4hire -> RE: How much communication? (11/22/2004 11:17:29 AM)

When Doug and I were first getting together. We used to talk around 6000 minutes a month on our cells. More on regular land lines. Every night via internet as well.
How much did it all add up to? Well I honestly don't know.

Today we are embarking 6 years later together. It is much less on the cell. Yet, more on the regular phone. More togetherness as well.

I have to say, we still are not living together 7 days a week. We manage about 5. I own my own home. He owns his own home. We are very much a family. The days we do not wake up together. His voice is still the first I hear every morning. His voice is the last I hear each night. We just take turns at each other's homes.

Communication has never been a form of punishment. I can see where it could be. Essentially, whoever needs to hear whoever's voice at the moment is the one who makes the call. There are times he calls and says he just needs to hear my voice. This past weekend he spent it in Nebraska with relatives. While I stayed home. I've heard from him 15 times. Heard I love you 5 times. I have not picked up the phone once since Thursday to chat with him. Not because I didn't want to, but they are his relatives. I didn't want them harassing him. Plus not knowing where he is or with whom. I didn't want to disturb him.
At least he is finally coming home tonight though. I have dearly missed him.

Hope that helps answer your question.



cynnacent1 -> RE: How much communication? (11/22/2004 1:49:28 PM)

Master resides in Rhode Island, while i live in Massachusetts. There's exactly 36.4 miles with an hour and 4 minute commute between us currently. Plans are in the works, we'll both be moving in together & setting up household in Massachusetts very soon.

We have been spending a great deal of time (about 4-5 days per week or more) at His home since meeting last June. When i can not be there with Him due to a combination of family obligations & my job being an hour away, we keep in contact daily by Yahoo! Messenger, email, and phone. Each night while i am away we spend at least an hour or two conversing by Instant Messaging, until He sends me to bed at 10pm.

There is NO question between He and i of maintaining high standards of communication, He INSISTS upon it. Communication is a main part of our relationship, and was discussed early on after meeting when we discussed what we each required in a D/s relationship. It is not only quite important to the success of the relationship between us, it's a part of our agreement/contract that must not be broken. Either of us initiates contact while i am away.

Denial of contact/communication has not been used as punishment while i have been away. My Master rarely punishes me, and when he has, he has shown a preferrence of punishing me in person. ( As Master has stated many times, i am a very obediant sub. i am a good girl, and RARELY require punishment. [:D] )




INSIDEYOURMIND -> RE: How much communication? (11/22/2004 4:29:02 PM)

I thought it important to add here because if you are a regular reader of this forum, you know all too well of my adversity to online relationships.

When my sub is not here which is not very often, we communicate through Yahoo messenger. I do not cyber Dom her in any way except to send her off to bed at a predetermined hour.

It is an extension of our wonderful ability to communicate with each other, and not an aveune to make her perform like a trained seal.



conflicted -> RE: How much communication? (11/22/2004 5:16:49 PM)


A lot of text messages and voice calls. The lines of communication are very open to either one making a call, sometimes just to say hello, or He may give me a task.
We live seperately and are only 30 minutes apart but due to work commitments on both sides we grab every moment possible.
He prefers to punish me in ways other than non-communication, to each their own i guess, but He knows i punish myself enough mentally when i have done wrong, and to cut the communication lines would be a double punishment for me. (if that makes sense!) He is very fair, just one of the many reasons i love him [:)]

n



slvtoplayfulman -> RE: How much communication? (11/22/2004 5:51:54 PM)

Before my Man and I moved in together we spoke once a day, at night. He worked all day and I was in school and having a lot of trouble. He would talk to me on any night that he was away and could not be with me. He would give me advice and try to make things better on the phone.
Now when he is traveling for business he will call me once or twice a day to check in on me, he will spend time with me on the phone at night and most of all if he can not be with me on a day that is special he sends flowers or some other reminder that he is thinking of me. At preset times he calls me but I try to call once or twice a week too.



Wolfsbabygirlz -> RE: How much communication? (12/5/2004 4:08:06 AM)

greetings to you ....All I believe true, is it is decided on the situation. everyone is unique, different needs, likes ect, so how can one answer cover everything. Depends on the people involved and then it's answered.
Wolfsbabygirl =)



realophelia -> RE: How much communication? (12/7/2004 7:13:14 AM)

quote:

If you live in a different household than your Dom/Master, how often do you communicate and by what means (via telephone, email, IM, others?) who generally initiates the contact? Is non-communication ever used as a punishment?


We communicate via chat or telephone just about everyday. If for some reason he is not able to talk to me on a given night, he let's me know in advance that he won't be available and why. We also email. Sometimes I will tell him things by email I didn't feel able to tell him one on one, but in general we communicate very well, whatever the medium.

He has never limited communication as punishment and I hope he never does. I would find it very upsetting.

quote:

Please share how you insure the communication level is maintained at a high standard while living apart, which is so vital to the relationship.


I think in many ways a high standard of communication is maintained in the same way, whether you live together or apart. And I don't feel that 24/7 always makes communication easier. I think the same qualities of openess, commitment, and trust are required whatever the relationship.

Yours truly,
Ophelia




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