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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 7:49:31 AM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline 		I rarely speak publicly about this.


I am an (adolescent) childhood cancer survivor.


IF It made a difference to these girls, I'd shave my head too.

The mom...
IMHO,
She allowed her daughter compassion.
That's worth a suspension to me.
The girl will be even stronger.


I don't want to spark negativity here, I am just saying that sometimes things can be done that are against the rules and you pay for them our of principal BECAUSE THEY ARE WORTH IT.



toys

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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 7:50:37 AM   
Toysinbabeland


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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 8:10:05 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


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Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		fr

Yes, it was against the rules. And I don't blame the school for having a dress code, hell, I'm in favour of uniforms. It's a shame that whoever was in charge that day either wasn't allowed or didn't think to show a bit of common sense.

If it was my daughter, even knowing that it was against the rules, I would have let her do it. The lesson in friendship, compassion and standing up for something she believes in is far greater than whatever she might learn in a couple of days of school. Rules have a place, but I'd rather she learn to make her own decisions about right and wrong than just learn to be obedient. This was an awesome opportunity to let a kid figure out when it's worth challenging authority.

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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 9:12:12 AM   
Toysinbabeland


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

fr

Yes, it was against the rules. And I don't blame the school for having a dress code, hell, I'm in favour of uniforms. It's a shame that whoever was in charge that day either wasn't allowed or didn't think to show a bit of common sense.

If it was my daughter, even knowing that it was against the rules, I would have let her do it. The lesson in friendship, compassion and standing up for something she believes in is far greater than whatever she might learn in a couple of days of school. Rules have a place, but I'd rather she learn to make her own decisions about right and wrong than just learn to be obedient. This was an awesome opportunity to let a kid figure out when it's worth challenging authority.



agreed...



http://www.wlwt.com/news/Walnut-Hills-students-shave-their-heads-for-a-good-cause/25098700

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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 9:17:53 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


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Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		That was a great video. I'd be seriously proud if they were my kids or my students.

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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 9:23:41 AM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
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Status: offline 		haircut: $20

New hats: $15


Breaking the rules: paying the piper

teasing: a little dignity

The connection with a child with cancer who wants to "fit in": PRICELESS

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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 9:25:10 AM   
dcnovice


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

That was a great video. I'd be seriously proud if they were my kids or my students.

Me too.

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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 9:27:10 AM   
dcnovice


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quote:

a fucking stupid idea

Interesting perspective.


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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 9:38:46 AM   
dcnovice


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland

I rarely speak publicly about this.

I am an (adolescent) childhood cancer survivor.

IF It made a difference to these girls, I'd shave my head too.

The mom...
IMHO,
She allowed her daughter compassion.
That's worth a suspension to me.
The girl will be even stronger.

I don't want to spark negativity here, I am just saying that sometimes things can be done that are against the rules and you pay for them our of principal BECAUSE THEY ARE WORTH IT.

toys

Well said.

To borrow from the novelist Grant Allen, I think it's wonderful that this creative, compassionate girl--and her parents--didn't let her schooling interfere with her education.



_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 9:48:14 AM   
sunshinemiss


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Joined: 11/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland

I rarely speak publicly about this.


I am an (adolescent) childhood cancer survivor.


IF It made a difference to these girls, I'd shave my head too.

The mom...
IMHO,
She allowed her daughter compassion.
That's worth a suspension to me.
The girl will be even stronger.


I don't want to spark negativity here, I am just saying that sometimes things can be done that are against the rules and you pay for them our of principal BECAUSE THEY ARE WORTH IT.



toys


100% correct.

When I was in school, a boy poked at my breast over and over. I told him quite simply that if he poked me again I would punch him. And yes, I had told the school. They told me it was an accident, ignore it... some kind of brush off thing. I don't remember exactly. Mmhmm. So he pokes me again, and I punch him. I was suspended... so was he. My grandparents told me that I deserved to be punished because I was fighting in school. I had to pay the price and honor the suspension... Then they took me out for ice cream to celebrate and told me how proud they were of me.

We know what is important by what we are willing to stand up for. My friend loses her hair, damn right I'm shaving my head (unless she requests I don't). Damn right I'll deal with the fallout. Being suspended and then celebrated was a fine lesson, one I am grateful for. Hope it is for the child in this story as well.


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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 9:54:23 AM   
sunshinemiss


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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

I'm sorry, I'm 100% with the school here.

They have a rule, she broke it. The school has actually let the girl go back, and it looks like they'll make an exception for her.

And, sure this may well have been an act of compassion but yanno.... if she'd set up a sponsored car wash to raise money for cancer research she might have got onto the local news too.

I do blame the parents though, if one of my sons came to me with an idea like this, I'd gently explain to him that it's a fucking stupid idea, and instead he should do a fund raiser.


I don't believe that. If one of your kids said that his friend was feeling insecure and alone and weird because of losing hair from cancer, from being sick, from fear of all that is going on and that he, your son, wanted to stand up with his friend and help him feel better and like he belonged, I believe you would have taken him to the barber or gotten the clippers out right quick.

I think you also would have reminded your son that there would be fallout... and I believe you would be proud of your son for the compassion he shared... It wasn't about raising money, ml. It was about compassion and connection.

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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 9:58:33 AM   
Baldrick


Posts: 302
Joined: 1/2/2005
Status: offline 		In the one article I read the parents knew about the hair thing but the compassion for their girls friend outweighed it... The school should have looked at it and not given her the suspension at all... What is this world without compassion

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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 10:08:20 AM   
dcnovice


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quote:

The connection with a child with cancer who wants to "fit in": PRICELESS

That strikes me as the heart of the matter.

My own cancer struck in adulthood and didn't cost me my hair. And I was blessed with lots of caring friends and family members.

And yet . . .

It's been incredible how alone the ordeal has made me feel at times. Folks talk about ordinary life--work, weekend adventures--and I wonder if the strength to take part will ever return to me. Loved ones dropped by at the hospital on Easter and Thanksgiving, but eventually they had celebrations to attend, and I was left with my solitary plate of tepid turkey. And so forth.

I think that's why I'm so impressed by this girl's loving response to her friend's loneliness.



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No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 10:18:58 AM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

fr

Yes, it was against the rules. And I don't blame the school for having a dress code, hell, I'm in favour of uniforms. It's a shame that whoever was in charge that day either wasn't allowed or didn't think to show a bit of common sense.

If it was my daughter, even knowing that it was against the rules, I would have let her do it. The lesson in friendship, compassion and standing up for something she believes in is far greater than whatever she might learn in a couple of days of school. Rules have a place, but I'd rather she learn to make her own decisions about right and wrong than just learn to be obedient. This was an awesome opportunity to let a kid figure out when it's worth challenging authority.


I agree.  
Some rules were just meant to be broken.
Challenging rules tends to make others think.  
This situation could be a blessing in disguise, especially since this is becoming more common. 

Not to be a complete ass, but I have a question for those that stated they supported the school's original decision.  
Assuming there are no exceptions listed (and from what I read, I don't believe there were) how would you feel if the school had suspended an active student who had shaved her head in anticipation for hair loss due to cancer?  I highly doubt that would happen, as I believe that the school would use their better judgement and interpret the rules as they see fit.  I'm just genuinely curious.  

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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 10:23:19 AM   
sunshinemiss


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Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		I think that would fall under medical... Cancer patients are often encouraged to shave before they lose their hair as a preemptive action as you noted and to allow them some control and psychological strength.(as I understand it).
It wouldn't be an issue because it is for a medical procedure... like wearing no shoe when you have a broken leg. I'm sure shoes - plural - is part of the dress code... I don't think the school would or can suspend someone for a non-contagious medical issue that doesn't impact on other children or staff. Schools are required to make reasonable concessions. The issue is out of their hands due to legal requirements.

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 3/26/2014 10:26:36 AM >

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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 10:26:43 AM   
Toysinbabeland


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Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype


quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

fr

Yes, it was against the rules. And I don't blame the school for having a dress code, hell, I'm in favour of uniforms. It's a shame that whoever was in charge that day either wasn't allowed or didn't think to show a bit of common sense.

If it was my daughter, even knowing that it was against the rules, I would have let her do it. The lesson in friendship, compassion and standing up for something she believes in is far greater than whatever she might learn in a couple of days of school. Rules have a place, but I'd rather she learn to make her own decisions about right and wrong than just learn to be obedient. This was an awesome opportunity to let a kid figure out when it's worth challenging authority.


I agree.  
Some rules were just meant to be broken.
Challenging rules tends to make others think.  
This situation could be a blessing in disguise, especially since this is becoming more common. 

Not to be a complete ass, but I have a question for those that stated they supported the school's original decision.  
Assuming there are no exceptions listed (and from what I read, I don't believe there were) how would you feel if the school had suspended an active student who had shaved her head in anticipation for hair loss due to cancer?  I highly doubt that would happen, as I believe that the school would use their better judgement and interpret the rules as they see fit.  I'm just genuinely curious.  




I believe that the inevitable would preclude the preemptive.

This concept that the school had, in all fairness, (although I do not agree with it) was simply based on "choices made, & consequences"



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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 10:41:47 AM   
crazyml


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Joined: 7/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

I'm sorry, I'm 100% with the school here.

They have a rule, she broke it. The school has actually let the girl go back, and it looks like they'll make an exception for her.

And, sure this may well have been an act of compassion but yanno.... if she'd set up a sponsored car wash to raise money for cancer research she might have got onto the local news too.

I do blame the parents though, if one of my sons came to me with an idea like this, I'd gently explain to him that it's a fucking stupid idea, and instead he should do a fund raiser.


I don't believe that. If one of your kids said that his friend was feeling insecure and alone and weird because of losing hair from cancer, from being sick, from fear of all that is going on and that he, your son, wanted to stand up with his friend and help him feel better and like he belonged, I believe you would have taken him to the barber or gotten the clippers out right quick.

I think you also would have reminded your son that there would be fallout... and I believe you would be proud of your son for the compassion he shared... It wasn't about raising money, ml. It was about compassion and connection.


No, alas, I would not. I would draw a major distinction between standing up to a bully (for which one of my sons was suspended for a day) and a gesture such as this. Of course there are times when principles mean it's absolutely right to break the rules and then take the consequences.

Yes, I do see how this gesture seems, superficially, to be something amazing, but I just don't see it that way. I would far rather my son worked his ass off on a Saturday cleaning cars (roping a dozen of his friends in to help) to raise over a thousand pounds for cancer research.

When people do things like this, I'm afraid I always feel a little uneasy, there's a faintly narcissistic element to acts of this kind, which is something I discourage in my kids.

So given a choice between spending a few mins in a barbers chair, and getting fuck loads of awesome positive attention or working his arse off for 8 hours washing cars, it really really doesn't take me very long to figure out which is a better thing to do.

I had this conversation with my son last year, and because he has acquired an awesome set of values, it didn't take him very long to figure out the best thing to do.

The money they raised equated to over 30 hours of nursing care in a hospice. I am proud of my son for making the right choice.





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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 10:58:36 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


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Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		I don't think the two gestures are mutually exclusive.

But to me, shaving the head is a different kind of help. Of course raising money is a good thing. But as a little girl, your hair is part of your identity, especially at 11 when she is likely becoming aware of social ideas of beauty and femininity, peer pressure, attraction etc. It's also an outward sign to the world that she is different, and that she is struggling. Having someone else try to understand that, and to wholeheartedly accept that about you, must be a powerful thing. It's a much more personal gesture to her friend.

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Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 11:01:30 AM   
LafayetteLady


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Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		While I don't disagree in theory with you ML, the reality is that the 11 year old girl with cancer is going to feel a sense of comradary with a fund raiser. For boys, hair is...well just hair usually. For girls, losing our hair is a major thing. An eleen year old girl who is sick and loses her hair is not only feeling sick, but the whole world sees her as different, sick. A female firend also shaving her head will give her a sense of belonging far more than a fund raiser.

So while I see your point completely, you are missing the mark on this one and I'm afraid that in a situation like this, that appendage between your legs gives you an entirely different view.

Personally, I would have loved to see the rest of the school population shave their heads as well..

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RE: Act of compassion violates school dress code policy - 3/26/2014 11:45:20 AM   
LadyConstanze


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Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I'm with Athena on this one!

Years ago i donated one ovary to the big C and I was terrified of the chemo, the nicest thing the guy I was seeing at the time did tell me was "If you lose your hair, I shave mine and we'll pretend to be fashionistas and start a trend!"

Didn't lose my hair and got away with the minimum of radiation (pure luck) but the offer alone was so amazing and made so much of a difference. You can raise all the money you want in the world, somebody being willing to shave their hair for you, at that moment and for that person (even more so if it is a child) that will mean so much more!

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