A newbie seeking some guidance

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Crinon -> A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 3:05:22 PM)
I'm new to the scene and I have a few questions if people don't mind answering them for me. I'm from London, UK. And I have always had a domination fetish. A master/slave fetish, with me being the master. Now, I have been researching on it and I've come across a few things that I want to ask about. 1: I'm really not into extreme BDSM, I mean I enjoy giving spankings, a bit of rope play, restraining and being rough handed. But I don't enjoy stuff like nipple clamps and the more...extreme stuff ( not that there is a problem with it. I don't get a kick out of it.) What I REALLY enjoy however is having a feisty, disobedient slave that over the course of the evening, I break and mould them, in the end having them begging for more. My tastes in BDSM are very limited, so I'm wondering, is this a kink I can work with? 2: I was thinking of going to a BDSM club, though I admit I'm daunted by all the restrictions. I'm new to it as it is and I don't really find the leather gear that appealing to wear. To wear that is. Are clubs really my thing then? 3: I don't think I could take my kink into a real relationship and make it full time to keep up. I enjoy the sex part of it heavily and am looking to go for a casual setting more than looking for anything more. I've heard and read of people going for it in relationships. Would this make it hard for subs to have a fun time with me too? As I said, I've always had these kinks, but only recently I've been exploring them with my partners and ex's. I'm singlen ow and want to continue, but I don't know were to start. I also apologise if this in the wrong thread too. Thanks for reading guys. EDIT: Thought I'd quickly give a quick edit. I'm a male looking for a female sub than a male one. Don't know if this is relevant, but I'm interested in joining the scene. Have no idea where to start is all.

mnottertail -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 3:10:38 PM)
Uh, extreme but not extreme? lets wait on that one. Yes, go to a munch (you know, eat meet and greet), then a club or two, but really they make you wear leather in clubs? I cant see that really happening. English are not that coarse, but Welshmen and Geordies may be. Not having looked at your age, I expect that long term relationships are less of a problem, but hey, everyone wants a companion, a life partner, so generally, their need to twist our penis into shapes or suck it into balloon animals and whatnot is less intensive than our need to have that done, so, yeah...sport, you are probably gonna have to meet mum and da, take her to dinner, and listen to her bitch, like the real world. Its bloody slap and tickle you're wanting, mate.

Crinon -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 3:18:11 PM)
I meant, I'm not into extreme* Apologises, left out a word there. I'll jump back and edit it now. A lot of the clubs I've looked at require it, or black clothing (which doesn't matter, but a lot require pure leather/latex gear) Maybe I haven't looked at everyone one of them. I'm guessing I'll have to look around a lot more. I think you misunderstood my question at that point. It's not that a relationships is a no-no for me, I know how to keep one going and know how to date women. I'm just asking, I'm looking for casual sex with someone who shares the same fetish and being a sub. And if that'd be a problem or be hard to find. As I said, I have no idea about it, since I've never experienced it, so I just wanted some input. Not really looking for a relationship as it currently stands.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 3:24:51 PM)
I think what Ron is saying is that a munch doesn't usually involve dressing up in any 'gear'. A munch looks no different to any normal 'nilla coffee morning at a local restaurant or cafe. An event or demo, is a completely different ball of wax. Each club hosting the event will have their own rules and dress code. Maybe you need to attend a few munches before venturing into a scene event.

Crinon -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 3:31:03 PM)
Ahh, that makes much more sense now. I actually didn't know anything about Munches, so I don't think I've looked into it enough. Are there any specific places to find Munches or would I just have to look around on different social websites or so on? Thanks for the advice so far, by the way.

mnottertail -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 3:31:05 PM)
Have you ever known any woman to just throw pussy at you with both hands without wanting you to call them on the morrow or pay them, unless you got them puking drunk? You might; at a club, get to beat them up a bit, but you prolly aint sticking your harpoon in the whale over just that. But theres always a yes, isn't there? It just isn't gonna be the common thing. Investigate munches, much much more before going to clubs. Munches are real people, maybe some funny stuff, going to pubs together planned ahead, and having a bite as well perhaps. Club lite if you will. See LadyConstanze, PeonForHer, Moonhead, PoliteSub53 here to find the links to munches in your area, they are all mad dogs or Englishmen, but may live some distance from you, and not be your compliment, but they are perfectly pukkah chaps, and will give you the inside track if they know it. You can even cmail them, tell them the guy soliciting blowjobs told you to ask them, they will know instinctively and immediately who I am. You are going to need to start back a bit, before you run into this if I read it correctly. But you are ok, you musn't worry. (I see freedom has started ya).

Crinon -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 3:34:17 PM)
Well to the answer of your first questions, there have been a few times, but I admit it's rare! I get your point completely though. And thank you again, I'll send them a message and see what happens. I'm a bit relieved because I was worried I was going to have to jump into the deep end straight away without really experiencing anything or talking about it. So I do appreciate it.

Blonderfluff -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 3:40:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail Have you ever known any woman to just throw pussy at you with both hands without wanting you to call them on the morrow or pay them, unless you got them puking drunk? You might; at a club, get to beat them up a bit, but you prolly aint sticking your harpoon in the whale over just that. But theres always a yes, isn't there? It just isn't gonna be the common thing. Investigate munches, much much more before going to clubs. Munches are real people, maybe some funny stuff, going to pubs together planned ahead, and having a bite as well perhaps. Club lite if you will. See LadyConstanze, PeonForHer, Moonhead, PoliteSub53 here to find the links to munches in your area, they are all mad dogs or Englishmen, but may live some distance from you, and not be your compliment, but they are perfectly pukkah chaps, and will give you the inside track if they know it. You can even cmail them, tell them the guy soliciting blowjobs told you to ask them, they will know instinctively and immediately who I am. You are going to need to start back a bit, before you run into this if I read it correctly. But you are ok, you musn't worry. (I see freedom has started ya). This is spot on! You've gotten some spot on advice, from a very experienced and intelligent chap. Lucky you! As an /s, I will concur. You MAY find a gal up for just kinky sex, but it's not going to be the norm. We may be submissive or slave, but when it comes down to it, we are still just girls. ;)

mnottertail -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 3:43:44 PM)
And girls, they want to have fun, and old Jack Thomson isn't always fun.

Crinon -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 3:49:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail Have you ever known any woman to just throw pussy at you with both hands without wanting you to call them on the morrow or pay them, unless you got them puking drunk? You might; at a club, get to beat them up a bit, but you prolly aint sticking your harpoon in the whale over just that. But theres always a yes, isn't there? It just isn't gonna be the common thing. Investigate munches, much much more before going to clubs. Munches are real people, maybe some funny stuff, going to pubs together planned ahead, and having a bite as well perhaps. Club lite if you will. See LadyConstanze, PeonForHer, Moonhead, PoliteSub53 here to find the links to munches in your area, they are all mad dogs or Englishmen, but may live some distance from you, and not be your compliment, but they are perfectly pukkah chaps, and will give you the inside track if they know it. You can even cmail them, tell them the guy soliciting blowjobs told you to ask them, they will know instinctively and immediately who I am. You are going to need to start back a bit, before you run into this if I read it correctly. But you are ok, you musn't worry. (I see freedom has started ya). This is spot on! You've gotten some spot on advice, from a very experienced and intelligent chap. Lucky you! As an /s, I will concur. You MAY find a gal up for just kinky sex, but it's not going to be the norm. We may be submissive or slave, but when it comes down to it, we are still just girls. ;) Don't get me wrong, I didn't actually mean my first post to come across as if I see anyone as an object for just sex or anything. My desires does not affect my manners and respect towards others. They were just questions I was wondering preferably to get answered before I tried to jump into anything. It's a good thing though. I'll make sure to attend a bunch of Munches and just meet people :)

mnottertail -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 4:00:55 PM)
We shall call you The Admirable Crinon, then.

DarkSteven -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 5:22:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Crinon I'm new to the scene and I have a few questions if people don't mind answering them for me. I'm from London, UK. And I have always had a domination fetish. A master/slave fetish, with me being the master. Now, I have been researching on it and I've come across a few things that I want to ask about. 1: I'm really not into extreme BDSM, I mean I enjoy giving spankings, a bit of rope play, restraining and being rough handed. But I don't enjoy stuff like nipple clamps and the more...extreme stuff ( not that there is a problem with it. I don't get a kick out of it.) What I REALLY enjoy however is having a feisty, disobedient slave that over the course of the evening, I break and mould them, in the end having them begging for more. My tastes in BDSM are very limited, so I'm wondering, is this a kink I can work with? 2: I was thinking of going to a BDSM club, though I admit I'm daunted by all the restrictions. I'm new to it as it is and I don't really find the leather gear that appealing to wear. To wear that is. Are clubs really my thing then? 3: I don't think I could take my kink into a real relationship and make it full time to keep up. I enjoy the sex part of it heavily and am looking to go for a casual setting more than looking for anything more. I've heard and read of people going for it in relationships. Would this make it hard for subs to have a fun time with me too? As I said, I've always had these kinks, but only recently I've been exploring them with my partners and ex's. I'm singlen ow and want to continue, but I don't know were to start. I also apologise if this in the wrong thread too. Thanks for reading guys. EDIT: Thought I'd quickly give a quick edit. I'm a male looking for a female sub than a male one. Don't know if this is relevant, but I'm interested in joining the scene. Have no idea where to start is all. First, you are not into Master/slave. M/s extends way out of the bedroom and is not really play-oriented. 1. I dunno what the scene is like where you live. What you've described is bondage and spanking, with some roleplay thrown in. Be careful about your terminology - when you say you want to "break" a woman, that has a specific denotation, of pushing her beyond her limits. That's not what you want. I strongly suspect that your research to dater has revolved around watching porn. Quit that, and go out like Ron suggested and see some REAL play. Also, just because your tastes are limited now does not mean that they'll stay that way. As far as finding a woman to indulge you, if you're a Dom/top and she's a sub/bottom and the two of you get along, you'll get opportunities to play. 2. I'm not going to say that nobody ever wears leather to clubs, but it's not common in my experience. That's based on Colorado - England may be different. Simply don't wear it and see what happens. 3. I like to say that there are two places that kink can occur - in the bedroom and outside of it. You're pretty clear that you want kink in play only, and not outside of it. You will meet women who want a 24/7 D/s relationship, and you'll find women that want to be Dominated only during play. Just like with everything else, not all will be compatible with you. Go forth and seek.

LadyPact -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 6:09:31 PM)
OP, lots of these responses are really good. Ron's (mnottertail) comment about are women throwing pussy at you and how that's not going to change just because the kink is added was so spot on that nobody can do better than that. To address your original: 1. Lots of folks don't want any more touch of BDSM than light spankings and maybe some bondage and/or role playing. You absolutely can work with that. It's just a matter of finding compatible playmates. Not everyone is an extreme sadist and not everyone wants an extreme sadist. 2. I live in the US, so I don't have experience with clubs in the UK. Here? Many public play spaces do have a dress code. It doesn't mean that you have to wear leather, but they might ask you to wear dark clothes for the ambiance effect. A black shirt and a pair of dark pants will do for most men. Just about every club/event/organization has their dungeon rules (including dress code) on line. I'm going to disagree with the "see what happens" theory. Instead, I suggest that you do some minimal homework. 3. Kinky women are women. While not all, from the impression that I've gotten from reading what women have to say, it would be My opinion that most of them are relationship oriented. That fits the whole spectrum of just play in the bedroom or a dynamic that is always in place. Again, it's compatibility.

kalikshama -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 6:32:37 PM)
I was surprised to see that you are 23 - you come across as more mature :) Look for U35 groups, for kinksters under 35. (Here in the US they are referred to as "TNG.") Do you have any of the non-fiction in the book list? http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm Several of them were very useful to me when I was starting out.

DarkSteven -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 7:05:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I'm going to disagree with the "see what happens" theory. Instead, I suggest that you do some minimal homework. Good point. Here, there really are no dress codes, but that doesn't mean that other locales don't have them.

kalikshama -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 7:11:23 PM)
My club in Florida had a strict "fetish wear" dress code (it was sponsored by a fetish store) - I wore lingerie, a leather collar and cuffs, and boots. My M wore a kilt and leather jacket.

LadyPact -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 7:11:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Good point. Here, there really are no dress codes, but that doesn't mean that other locales don't have them. Thank you, Steven.

DesFIP -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/25/2014 8:39:38 PM)
The Man wears all black. The reason for fetish wear at a public club, vs a private play party, is that it isn't something you would just happen to have in the closet if you get the idea to go watch the weirdos play. In other word, it helps eliminate the people who aren't interested in this, and just want to stare and point fingers as if they were at the zoo. Which allows those who do want to play to be among like minded folk. You have a very specific role play script you want to play out. It's unlikely you're going to meet a woman who shares that to a tee. So how do you propose to make it worth her while to do this for you? Especially if this is casual sex, one off. Think about what she's going to get out of it.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/26/2014 12:01:31 AM)
1. Doesn't sound too out there to me. I can imagine lots of woman would want to explore this with you. The internet gives you a skewed idea of how extreme most people are. Your tastes are in an area shared by a lot of people. 2. So pick one that just requires you to wear black and have a look. You won't know if it's for you unless you go. It's also a good way to meet people. Or, like the others say, find a munch, get to know kinky folks in a vanilla setting, and see what parties they recommend. If you're not on fetlife yet, sign up and search for munches and events near you. It's a long time since I lived in London, but I'd be very shocked if you couldn't find a munch and somewhere to go that doesn't require you to wear leather. 3. There are some women who are into casual kinky sex, but women are women. By that I mean there are a lot fewer girls looking for hook ups and friends with benefits than guys. Added to that, if she's letting you tie her up she's probably going to want to know you a little bit better to make sure she can trust that you're not a psycho and you're not so clueless you might accidentally injure her. One thing to keep in mind though - it doesn't have to be all or nothing with the kink. There is also a middle ground where you have a regular girlfriend who you happen to spank in the bedroom, or who becomes your sex-slave one weekend a month. Taking kink into a relationship doesn't mean you have to commit to being the boss 24/7. But honestly, until you get out there and experience some stuff you won't know what suits you best.

crazyml -> RE: A newbie seeking some guidance (3/26/2014 3:56:11 AM)
Check out one of the London Under 35 munches. (the Under 35 refers to age). They tend to be pretty welcoming. I hope this isn't a breach of TOS... http://bdsm-u35.co.uk/london/londonhome.htm (Mods... If it is, then I'm very sorry, and please feel free to mod edit!) In the event of the link being removed - google is your friend... "London" and "U35" should do the trick. And... there's the "other site" which has quite a lot more info on munches/events etc.

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