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I'm happy if your happy - 3/26/2014 1:51:14 AM

ettaj

Posts: 36
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline

Does anyone have any tips on how to turn down or scale-back Master worship?
Too many times I have been told I want you to do it if it makes you happy and I can only say or feel one thing when I am told this,
I am happy if you are happy, and it's not just words I actually feel this.
I live to serve him but I think it has manifested into worship and I don't think that is healthy for either one of us
So if you have an opinion or advice I would appreciate your words of wisdom

Post #: 1

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/26/2014 2:13:11 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

I don't know how long you've been together...but if it hasn't been long, "new relationship energy" can be making things more intense. Also, "sub frenzy" might have something to do with the intensity of feelings.

Time will cool this down so that it's not so overwhelming. There will be normal, boring, everyday type times in your future together. Hang in there. (He will eventually fart loudly or belch at completely the wrong moment, or will manage to do something that gets on your very last nerve.)

(in reply to ettaj)

Post #: 2

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/26/2014 10:59:08 AM

ettaj

Posts: 36
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline

Thank you. I'm sure ur right. I just don't want him to get bored with not having any challenges

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

Post #: 3

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/26/2014 11:11:31 AM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

I think you need to do things that are fun and vanilla together as a couple which are exclusively "your thing".
Sometimes you need to just try new things to prevent a relationship from stagnating. Sometimes routine can be a bit dull, but I'm hoping as a D he's at least using the element of surprise occasionally. If not, you might have to bring up playful suggestions in a vanilla context so it's not seen as topping from the bottom.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to ettaj)

Post #: 4

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/26/2014 2:23:28 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ettaj

Does anyone have any tips on how to turn down or scale-back Master worship?
Too many times I have been told I want you to do it if it makes you happy and I can only say or feel one thing when I am told this,
I am happy if you are happy, and it's not just words I actually feel this.
I live to serve him but I think it has manifested into worship and I don't think that is healthy for either one of us
So if you have an opinion or advice I would appreciate your words of wisdom

Ahhh-give it a while. All baths, no matter how hot and steamy originally, eventually grow tepid

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to ettaj)

Post #: 5

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/26/2014 5:19:37 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It may not be worship. It may just be that you're a people pleaser.

We've been together for 12 years and I can tell you all his faults. But I frequently may not enjoy something in and of itself, but simply because it makes him happy.

Years ago my daughter asked why I did so much stuff for him. My response was that this is how I show love. And that was also why I did so much for her.

I get pleasure second hand, from knowing I've made someone I love happy. He doesn't really get it because he doesn't operate this way. But he's come to accept that out of me. While at the same time preferring that I get direct pleasure from what he does.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 6

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/26/2014 6:06:38 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ettaj

Does anyone have any tips on how to turn down or scale-back Master worship?
Too many times I have been told I want you to do it if it makes you happy and I can only say or feel one thing when I am told this,
I am happy if you are happy, and it's not just words I actually feel this.
I live to serve him but I think it has manifested into worship and I don't think that is healthy for either one of us
So if you have an opinion or advice I would appreciate your words of wisdom

Whats wrong with a little Master worship? Personally I worship Master and neither of us really seem to have an issue with that. Then again, it's kinda tied into my religious beliefs so I'm ok with it.

I'm going to guess that you're in the throes of sub frenzy right now though. Just give it time. It will fade in time. One day you will wake up and think to yourself "WTF was I thinking???".

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ettaj)

Post #: 7

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/27/2014 6:20:55 AM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

I suppose I can see how some people might confuse this with "sub frenzy" if this is a new relationship and you've become infatuated with your master, to the point of starting to totally lose yourself. But you yourself recognize this is happening, so that's a good sign that it's not "sub frenzy".

What you're describing transcends BDSM, and as @DesFIP alluded to, it sounds more like you're a people pleaser...which also transcends D/s, as even a dominant person can be a people pleaser.

My advice is not to just wait it out, and not to spend more time with him. It's rather clear that you're becoming too dependent on him becoming infatuated with him. My advice is to find hobbies and interests outside of the relationship that you can direct your attention and energy towards, especially when you're feeling overwhelmed fixating on him too much, to your own detriment (as you've alluded to happening in your case).

Good luck and karma bless :)

_____________________________

[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 8

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/27/2014 7:42:25 AM

SinFix

Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

Have you talked to him about the way you have been feeling? Some guys like the added attention, but people are not mind readers and if he doesn't know that you are having these feelings and concerns about them he can't as your master make an informed decision on how he would like to handle the situation.

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 9

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/27/2014 8:34:05 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ettaj
I am happy if you are happy, and it's not just words I actually feel this.

Someone a while ago gave me his definition of "love" which I liked enough to adopt.

Love is that state in which your happiness is dependent on someone else's.

For me, at least, the thing you're describing is "love" and I have it too. Carol's happiness may not be entirely sufficient to generate my own. I suspect the same thing is true of you also. But her happiness definitely has a huge impact on mine, both positive and negative. If Carol is happy over something it's quite likely that I'll be happy too.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to ettaj)

Post #: 10

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/27/2014 6:44:06 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The other thing is that you're assuming he'll grow bored from being with someone who genuinely enjoys doing things to please him. That may well be a wrong assumption. The Man doesn't enjoy power struggles. We've been together over ten years and he still prefers me just going along with him.

Have you talked to him about this? Because you could well be totally off base with this assumption.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 11

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/27/2014 9:40:58 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
The other thing is that you're assuming he'll grow bored from being with someone who genuinely enjoys doing things to please him. That may well be a wrong assumption. The Man doesn't enjoy power struggles. We've been together over ten years and he still prefers me just going along with him.

I'm the same way. If Carol was presenting some sort of power struggle to me then I'd be put in a position where I must win or lose. Given that I don't really see a good way to "win" over the person I love I'd choose not to play at all so we'd have no dynamic. Nor can I really imagine getting bored with a person trying their damnedest to make me happy. Were that to happen with me in the leadership slot I could only assume that it's ME who is boring.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 12

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/28/2014 12:24:44 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: ettaj

Does anyone have any tips on how to turn down or scale-back Master worship?
Too many times I have been told I want you to do it if it makes you happy and I can only say or feel one thing when I am told this,
I am happy if you are happy, and it's not just words I actually feel this.
I live to serve him but I think it has manifested into worship and I don't think that is healthy for either one of us
So if you have an opinion or advice I would appreciate your words of wisdom

Ahhh-give it a while. All baths, no matter how hot and steamy originally, eventually grow tepid

Kana's been eating take-out again ;-)

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 13

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/29/2014 5:37:39 AM

ettaj

Posts: 36
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline

Thank you all for your great comments
Yes I am worried he will grow weary of being revered with such high esteem and given unconditional support and care. I've been told by other slave candidates that I should not be so attentive and care about his happiness over mine but that is impossible for me
She said because your just making it more difficult for all of us to deal with him

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 14

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/29/2014 8:47:40 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

then maybe whoever they are, should be paying more attention to him, hhhmm?

Then they wouldn't have to be worried about "putting up" with him. If that's how they see him I'd say they are already just putting up with him and it's not much of a relationship imo.

I'm the type I give Master as much of myself as is possible. If that makes it difficult for others to be around him, that's their issue, not mine. Tell these others it's not your problem. Tell them to game up.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ettaj)

Post #: 15

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/29/2014 9:39:09 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Well it sounds like she isn't very compatible with him and would do better finding someone who likes her style more than yours.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 16

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/30/2014 11:42:40 PM

ivone57

Posts: 279
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Well it sounds like she isn't very compatible with him and would do better finding someone who likes her style more than yours.

words to think about...thank you

_____________________________

ivone

Property of WhipHer

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 17

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/31/2014 2:03:08 AM

EligibleOwner

Posts: 51
Joined: 10/16/2009
From: London
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

you're assuming he'll grow bored from being with someone who genuinely enjoys doing things to please him. That may well be a wrong assumption. The Man doesn't enjoy power struggles. We've been together over ten years and he still prefers me just going along with him.

I agree. I don't see how this could become boring. I know that for me, power struggles are dull, and there will be enough challenges in a relationship without my submissive partner thinking she needs to create them. I'd find that boring, actually.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 18

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/31/2014 6:02:03 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ettaj

Thank you all for your great comments
Yes I am worried he will grow weary of being revered with such high esteem and given unconditional support and care. I've been told by other slave candidates that I should not be so attentive and care about his happiness over mine but that is impossible for me
She said because your just making it more difficult for all of us to deal with him

I can understand this concern. I do believe there is value in being constantly pursued on a level other than sexual and perhaps, not always readily available. However, this does not mean that I endorse make yourself unavailable to your Master or (purposefully) disobeying him. It only means that you should remain aware of your need to continually grow in ways that will continually move him to want to learn more about you. Read new books, learn new skills, evolve your mind.

It is a little bit of a difficult position as a submissive to be always so available and worshipful. Continue to provide him reason to be satisfied in conquering you where you can, and be his servant and his slut in the ways the he demands.

And no, I don't believe that caring about his happiness (comfort, satisfaction, orgasm) over yours is a bad thing. That is what arouses us and moves us, no?

This is a bit of a read, but interesting if you are so inclined. Letters to Saint-Evremond - Why does love diminish after marriage?

(in reply to ettaj)

Post #: 19

RE: I'm happy if your happy - 3/31/2014 6:55:34 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

That says that NRE is automatically of more value than deep knowledge and trust of the other, coupled with genuine liking for them.

If either one is addicted to NRE then yes, I'd agree. But personally I wouldn't get involved with someone so unrealistic that they needed that high all the time.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Kaliko)

Post #: 20

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