Vanilla dating sites (Full Version)

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BlkMastIndy -> Vanilla dating sites (3/26/2014 4:51:24 PM)

I was wondering if anyone who is on a vanilla site also as "come out" as it were on their profile? I'm sure I'm not the first to ask this and if there is already a post on this I would love to read it. Thanks.



Rawni -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/26/2014 4:57:41 PM)

I don't consider telling someone about my life as coming out. I haven't advertised it on other sites I was on in the past, whatever kind they were, but I sure had no problem telling people privately. I would think that advertising that way would bring on a bunch of email that I wouldn't appreciate. [:D]

I stood up publicly for poly households in public... got enough flack from that, but stood my ground and got a few kudo's, mostly from women wanting more than one male partner. That freaked enough Vanilla's out as it was. I got called a whore, etc. but I just laughed. I wasn't surprised.



LadyConstanze -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/26/2014 5:01:00 PM)

You could try to do a search, but several people on here have vanilla dating profiles, with a few other people I recently helped somebody to "tweak" the profile so the right "bait" was put out, no point in having a profile when the wrong kind of fish bite, right ;)

I think vanilla profiles can be clear, though not "too much in your face", so you attract people that are into your kink, without being TMI and scaring them away.

If you're looking for a relationship, BDSM and kink is just one part of it, mutual attraction and getting along also go a very long way.



DaddySatyr -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/26/2014 5:02:55 PM)

My journal entry (here) from 10 DEC 2011 is, essentially, my profile on a 'nilla site.

It mentions D/s, Polyamory, etc. I believe that people deserve to know the worst parts before they decide to engage with me.







Screen Captures RULE! Ya feel me?
Fuck 'em an' feed 'em green beans!



littlewonder -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/26/2014 6:21:10 PM)

depends on what you mean by "come out". I've said in vanilla profiles that I am a submissive personality and introverted and like dominant personality men. I don't however mention that I am kinky because I wasn't looking for HNGs. I didn't feel a need to talk about my sex life just as I never mentioned my sex life on my profile here either.



GoddessManko -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/26/2014 6:33:53 PM)

I found one of my subs on a vanilla site. I had what I was seeking on there pretty explicitly. I didn't use a picture. One of my friends had her fetlife pics stolen and it led to a slew of questions when they turned up on a fake Facebook profile.
I rather have my kinks up and not my pics on a vanilla site, than the other way around. Worked out really well. :-)



BlkMastIndy -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/26/2014 6:45:32 PM)

The reason I say "come out" is because Lady Gaga did so the other day. I never thought of it that way until she did. Most don't understand what this is about. As for me I haven't gotten any negative replies other than people I contact saying "no thanks". And that's cool. I just feel it's better to be honest. Some have not being offended and wanted to know more. After I explain they are really ok with it. But some say "it's not for me" and "good luck" lol. Which again is cool I just feel it's better to be honest.



littlewonder -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/26/2014 6:55:29 PM)

I just don't see what there is to "come out" with. So you like kinky sex. So what? Most people do. Just everyone likes something different in the way of kinkiness.



BlkMastIndy -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/26/2014 7:04:15 PM)

Well to be honest for me it's about more than kinky sex. Lady Gaga said as much. It's just good that some with all her power and influence came out and told the world. I think it helps our cause. If you can call it a cause. I know how many vanilla people know nothing of this. I happen to think everyone should. I think divorce would go down.



StrongSpirit -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/26/2014 7:10:36 PM)

If you mention kinky sex in a vanilla profile poorly you may (female) get inundated with creepy people or (male) drive most normal people away.

I suggest you be subtle. Make it clear it is ONE of many interests not your main one and make what you desire clear.

You could add a short paragraph along the lines of
quote:


If you are the kind of woman that thinks kinky sex is strange, I am not for you. I usually prefer to be in charge of the date and need a woman that likes that kind of situation.


That is a sample, but feel free to use it if you want to, modify it, or ignore it.




BlkMastIndy -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/26/2014 7:14:17 PM)

Thanks but that's not been the case. Most just steer away. I think it's either for you or it's not. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror finally. Unlike how I was when I went back to vanilla and ended up hurting someone.



kalikshama -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/26/2014 7:18:59 PM)

While I was completely out as kinky on OKCupid, I wasn't explicit.

I used to do searches for men who used words like "BDSM," "assertive," "dominant," or "Alpha" in their profiles.



BlkMastIndy -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/26/2014 7:25:34 PM)

How you not be if you were?



kalikshama -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/26/2014 7:27:21 PM)

I don't understand your question. I met someone and no longer have active dating profiles.

ETA - do you mean how could I be out without being explicit?





StrongSpirit -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/26/2014 8:36:22 PM)

Also, OK Cupid lets you search for kinky and submissive if you sign up for their pay version.



VideoAdminRho -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/27/2014 8:17:54 AM)

This is now in Off Topic



ExiledTyrant -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/27/2014 8:25:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminRho

This is now in Off Topic


Okay Charon, is Off Topic code for the River Stixx?

Rho, Rho, Rho the topic gently to OT
Merrily, merrily, merrily...

Jus wunderin

Exiled



FieryOpal -> RE: Vanilla dating sites (3/28/2014 12:40:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

Also, OK Cupid lets you search for kinky and submissive if you sign up for their pay version.


No, I've never had a problem doing free searches for key words like "sub" or "submissive," then later for (their seeking a) "Domme" and "dominant." My searches, unfortunately, turned up submissive guys all over the world (which you normally can't extend to that far of a range for free). More dominant men came up, though, as well as either bi or lesbian female submissives. Slim pickings...
Of course, there were substitute teachers, sub-contractors, and people whose favorite food is a sub. (Why would you feel the need to tell potential dates that? Planning to meet up for a first date at Subway or Quizno's?)

This was a couple months ago. I don't know about currently, as I saw a few days ago they changed their data-base page formatting and so forth. I didn't try "kinky" because I think that is too sexually-loaded a word, and I'm not looking for BDSM necessarily.

To answer the OP's question, I make a couple references in my Okcupid profile, and then I've answered a boatload of assorted questions (a good number of them being kink-related), done enough personality and kink-friendly tests to reveal my tendencies. A couple of people have told me about PlentyofFish, but I haven't bothered to check it out, or how vanilla it is.

On my Match profile I indicated I was seeking a submissive male. I still got contacted by coming-into-your-area Doms, so then I changed my header/tagline to make it explicitly clear that I am a Dominant female seeking a submissive male. You're a man and you might want to be lowkey or take a subtle approach, since you don't want to come across as another one of thousands of horny dudes just looking for sex.



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