Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well...

Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (Full Version)

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TheWriter13 -> Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/28/2014 1:23:30 PM)
Okay as you can probably guess I am a writer. Currently I am writing a story that takes place in the supernatural genre but involves the BDSM lifestyle now while there is a supernatural feel to it the BDSM relationship is going to be more realistic not a 50 Shades of Grey thing. That being said I feel like I need some input into what a real BDSM relationship is like I understand that all relationships are different but I'm trying keep my main character's relationship with his submissive as realistic and non porno slash 50 Shades as possible. I've bought books on BDSM relationships and ironically it can very hard sorting fact from fiction. So I decided to ask online instead. I'm just trying to ask about what things to avoid and what I should probably include.

OsideGirl -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/28/2014 1:27:36 PM)
BDSM is bondage/discipline/Sado-Masochism. It's essentially kinky sex. So, IMO, kinky sex isn't a lifestyle. I think probably your best bet would be getting out to your local community and asking if a D/s-BDSM couple would allow you to observe them.

MasterCaneman -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/28/2014 1:34:26 PM)
Not meaning to nitpick, but as a writer, shouldn't you use commas a bit more often? While your request and story premise is interesting, I'd loathe to decipher a story that lacks those crucial little breaks in the dialogue. I write myself, and constantly self-critique what I've put down to see if it makes sense. Perhaps you should as well. Just a suggestion. [:)]

poise -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/28/2014 1:37:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheWriter13 Currently I am writing a story that takes place in the supernatural genre but involves the BDSM lifestyle now while there is a supernatural feel to it the BDSM relationship is going to be more realistic not a 50 Shades of Grey thing. I've bought books on BDSM relationships and ironically it can very hard sorting fact from fiction. So I decided to ask online instead. I'm just trying to ask about what things to avoid and what I should probably include. Did you know that for many, 50 Shades of Grey is pretty realistic? Heck, even with all of the naysayers out there, it has sold millions. Not too bad for being "unrealistic", eh? I'd be curious to know why you wish to write about something you aren't familiar with? What is the main plot of the story, and how does BDSM tie into it? What is your vision for it so far, and how would you change it compared to 50 Shades? My only advice would be to remember there are 24 hours in a day, so it would be nice that the submissive were dressed at some point.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/28/2014 1:39:42 PM)
You want to write about a real BDSM relationship, but don't know what one is like. Then do what a real writer would do, find a resource person. Someone who has the time to read your story and verify your story.

mnottertail -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/28/2014 1:41:04 PM)
Attend some munches, and from there an event or two.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/28/2014 1:46:39 PM)
fr Agree with all the suggestions to go out and meet some people in real life. Go to munches. Show what a decent guy you are and make actual friends, don't treat them as specimens. Watch people. Figure out who has a relationship similar to that in your story and ask them questions. If you have specific questions, people here might be able to help, but just asking what a BDSM relationship is like is a bit like asking what it's like to be American. It's such a broad topic with so many variations the answers you would get would be almost meaningless. What I will say, with regards to what you should and shouldn't include is this: Make sure they are real people, with real personalities beyond 'kinky'. Don't be lazy and make their sexual orientation their sole defining trait. Remember that BDSMers can be smart, stupid, energetic, lethargic, slobs, neat freaks, partiers, introverts, political, apathetic, stubborn, free spirited, etc etc etc.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/28/2014 1:46:43 PM)
You know, just like vanilla relationships, BDSM relationships aren't exactly cookie cutter relationships, each and everyone is different and has a different dynamic. What the good relationships have in common (vanilla and BDSM) is that both of them care for each other. I might be able to point you to some blogs where real people write about real relationships, some F/m, some M/f, M/m or F/f, but you do need to give a bit more info, no such thing as a typical BDSM thing.

Focus50 -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/28/2014 2:29:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt You want to write about a real BDSM relationship, but don't know what one is like. Then do what a real writer would do, find a resource person. Someone who has the time to read your story and verify your story. This is close to what I'm thinkin', too. I'd agree if you were writing about sci-fi etc - or unicorns - or anything else that you can't realistically experience first hand. Ok, or supernatural, too, I s'pose.... But a BDSM relationship? You wanna write from a perspective that is somewhat commonplace but can't even be bothered getting your own "hands-on" experience of it? To put it another way, "credibility" isn't a factor worth incorporating in your writings? Meh, I've often heard how assorted greats suffered for their art; that it's what moulded and inspired the end product. At the very least (given the current trends), do try and keep zombies out of it.... Focus.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/28/2014 2:40:29 PM)
"Fifty Shades of Gray Rotting Flesh"

InHisHeart -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/28/2014 2:48:42 PM)
I agree, meet people and ask specific questions to what you want to know, take what you like and develop your characters. There's no one size fits all for any kind of relationship. I've been in two long term D/s-BDSM relationships, my former for over 20 years, my current 7 years and although there are some similarities between the two there are many more differences. Relationships of any type are individual to the people involved.

MasterCaneman -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/28/2014 3:03:47 PM)
I can see him coming here and asking for input, especially if he has little or no experience in real life. That's not a problem, and an easy fix. OP? Use the Search feature and use that to 'fact-check' what you have got, in anything. Chances are good that any possible scenario you've considered has either been lived out by someone here, or at least discussed academically. Unfortunately for you, that means A LOT of time going through old threads. And definitely take some of the other advice to heart as well. Go to munches, meet the people who do this for real. Find a club, demo, or whatnot where scene people will be. I say this because I've done precisely the same to flesh-out some of my works doing the same things. Nothing wrong with asking questions, it's all in making sure you ask the right ones in the right way. And definitely no zombies, please.

DesFIP -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/28/2014 9:23:32 PM)
Go read nonfiction books. Like A Loving Dominant. Or S & M 101. Or the Topping Book or the Bottoming Book. Enter any of those titles on Amazon and you'll get recommendations of other books to read. Go do your research. Here how it works is that he makes the decisions if he wants to. Which can include telling me to make fried eggplant and not to get brussel sprouts. Or to buy chocolate mint crumble ice cream and not strawberry.

Cindy5555 -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/28/2014 10:11:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheWriter13 Okay as you can probably guess I am a writer. Currently I am writing a story that takes place in the supernatural genre but involves the BDSM lifestyle now while there is a supernatural feel to it the BDSM relationship is going to be more realistic not a 50 Shades of Grey thing. That being said I feel like I need some input into what a real BDSM relationship is like I understand that all relationships are different but I'm trying keep my main character's relationship with his submissive as realistic and non porno slash 50 Shades as possible. I've bought books on BDSM relationships and ironically it can very hard sorting fact from fiction. So I decided to ask online instead. I'm just trying to ask about what things to avoid and what I should probably include. That's wonderful you are a writer. Did you have to go to college and get a degree in it? Or are you a natural writer?

Missokyst -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/29/2014 7:55:25 AM)
LMAO [:'(] LOL quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders "Fifty Shades of Gray Rotting Flesh"

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/29/2014 8:07:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman Not meaning to nitpick, but as a writer, shouldn't you use commas a bit more often? While your request and story premise is interesting, I'd loathe to decipher a story that lacks those crucial little breaks in the dialogue. I write myself, and constantly self-critique what I've put down to see if it makes sense. Perhaps you should as well. Just a suggestion. [:)] I tend to use the "Punctuation" shotgun app,,,,, sometimes it blows shit everywhere... but it usually misfires. Jus sayin Exiled P.S. maybe the app is buggy.

MasterCaneman -> RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this question but oh well... (3/29/2014 8:13:07 AM)
I thought about that post I made, and I wonder if the OP was originally written on a phone. While I personally don't like the excuse given, I do realize that not everyone has a full QWERTY keyboard handy, and sometimes punctuation takes a back seat in situations like that.

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