Bullying

Bullying (Full Version)

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kkaliforniaa -> Bullying (3/28/2014 10:26:26 PM)
To make a long story short, the moral is: you should not post in any forum. At least not these. Bullying will happen, even though rules are in place meant to prevent it. While the below makes it seem like the moderators will step in if a thread gets out of hand, that isn't the case. In fact, they might even pull a, "This is a reminder that as long as ToS or guidelines are not violated, anyone may post anywhere." [VideoAdminRho]. Ain't that a kick in the pants though. I mean in a world where safewords are recommended, something like, "And if I could, I would delete future posts that suggest seeing a shrink, but sadly, that isn't possible. So just don't!", means: "continue the harassment!" *If the moderators do take action, it doesn't appear to be in a public manner. So good luck getting posts removed!! And good luck with any of them coming to right a bad situation "Please remain respectful of other points of view and ask questions that are pertinent. Please refrain from posting inflammatory or accusatory remarks about individual users, specific groups of people, or types of fetishes. Each of us is unique and sweeping generalizations will only result in a very negative thread. We are here to have intelligent discussions regarding a variety of interests. Please try to word your question in a way that shows you are interested in promoting discussion instead of trolling for attention." -- Frequently Asked Questions - ModTwentyOne AND Ranger2 "The primary intention of this board is to provide a forum for discussion and the exchange of ideas. Considering the natural diversity of opinion and expression, it is expected that disagreements will often occur. While debate is fine, postings of the sort generally known as "flames" is not. Participants are not expected to coddle one another, but they are expected to keep things within the realm of maturity. This isn't a place to insult the kinks, preferences, lifestyles, etc. of others. If you don't like what another person enjoys, rest assured that there are plenty of others out there that probably don't like your activities either. Furthermore, baiting, harassment and personal attacks will not be tolerated. " -- Forum Guidelines - ModeratorTwo "There has been an upswell in the number of threads falling victim to hijacking lately. Some users appear to be using this as a mechanism to derail threads they don't agree with or think are stupid, or to take potshots at posters they might have issues with. Whatever the reason behind the behavior, it isn't going to be tolerated here anymore. There is always going to be some amount of unavoidable thread drift and there isn't really anything that can be done about that, but the overt efforts to kill or nullify threads/users can and will be dealt with." -- Thread Hijacking - ModeratorEleven "Keep the discussions civil and mature, and do not insult the kinks, preferences, lifestyles, etc. of others." -- Section Guidelines - General BDSM Discussion - ModeratorOne

TNDommeK -> RE: Bullying (3/28/2014 10:30:05 PM)
puts blanket over flames to stop newly added gasoline

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Bullying (3/28/2014 11:05:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kkaliforniaa While the below makes it seem like the moderators will step in if a thread gets out of hand, that isn't the case. Just because you say it is, doesn't mean a thread is out of hand. Just because there are posts you don't like, doesn't mean a thread is out of hand. Just because people respond to parts of your posts you don't want them to respond to, and don't respond to the parts of your posts you do want them to respond to, doesn't mean a thread is out of hand.

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Bullying (3/28/2014 11:33:54 PM)
The thing is, anyone can post anywhere and you can't control who says what on a thread, even "your" thread. We all hope the answers will all agree with our point of view but, most of the time, some don't. Such is life. NBMG

LafayetteLady -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 12:21:09 AM)
You were in no way bullied or harassed. You were given advice based on what you said in your own posts. Just because you don't like the advice given doesn't make it less valid. Incidentally, this is not a BDSM subject. It is off topic since it has nothing to do with BDSM.

LadyPact -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 12:28:31 AM)
Hmmmm.... So, you got the answers that you needed, rather than those that you wanted?

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 6:14:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kkaliforniaa "continue the harassment!" Your participation is optional, not required.

Blonderfluff -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 6:37:38 AM)
I have a problem with you using the term "bullying" in this context. It trivializes actual bullying, which has become a huge problem. Has anyone harassed you outside of a Forum? Made you afraid? What you are talking about is being upset and indignant that strangers didn't agree with you. When you decided that you didn't like that, YOU tried to tell everyone what to do. When that didn't work, you start a new thread, announcing that you are a victim. There is no bullying here. You are merely frustrated that you cannot control the direction, duration or content of threads that you participate in. Tough.

VideoAdminChi -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 6:45:19 AM)
quote: "And if I could, I would delete future posts that suggest seeing a shrink, but sadly, that isn't possible. So just don't!", means: "continue the harassment!" We look at intent. In P&R, a suggestion that one see a shrink is almost always a personal attack. In your thread, we believe that everyone who suggested you get therapy was genuinely trying to help, and so these posts were allowed.

VideoAdminChi -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 6:46:01 AM)
This thread is now in Off Topic.

crazyml -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 8:01:35 AM)
I read through the entire thread you're referring to and you received some great advice. Yep, a couple of the posts struck me as snitty, but you know this is an Internet forum, and if you're interested in participating on Internet forums generally, you ought to expect that. I certainly don't get the impression you were bullied. Can I, gently, suggest that you reread the thread?

theshytype -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 8:10:47 AM)
No one was bullying you. People made a suggestion and you didn't like it. If you cannot handle advice given, whether or not it's advice you like, then no, you should not be on an Internet forum. Dictating what opinions other posters may or may not have, or may or may not share, is not an option. Personally, I wouldn't want to live in such a world. I also don't find therapy as "taboo" as it once was to get so upset by its mention. It does not imply something is "wrong" with an individual. Oh, and everything Blonder said.

angelikaJ -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 9:17:47 AM)
I was one of the many people who tried to assist you with your original question. You hijacked your own topic and muddied the waters by shifting the focus of your inquiries. That caused an excessive amount of drift within the thread, but it was your thread after all. People were not mean to you. There is a difference between being mean and posting in a way that indicates frustration or impatience. You were not bullied. Most responders tried to be helpful and most people were patient. If you perceive that people misunderstood your questions over and over again, perhaps you might consider that you may have communicated things in a way that were less than clear. http://www.cnvc.org/learn/nvc-foundations http://www.cnvc.org/Training/the-nvc-model btw: you still have unopened mail.

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 9:20:30 AM)
~FRing it~ Unfortunately the ship that is any control one has over what they are told and how it's said to them sails once said ship is launched on its maiden voyage. People tried to help, though the subject of your OP kept changing. Heaven forbid someone dare try to suggest a way to be able go find peace and perhaps even a little happiness and perhaps even learn the steps to live the life you want to be able to live without fear. Perfect strangers offered to be your safe call. People you don't know offered to send you money for cabs so you could make it home safe. [sarcasm] Those sick, mean, evil bullying bastards [/sarcasm]. I agree that though you didn't like what you were told, you were not bullied. You in fact kept coming back to the thread and kept on changing the subject of the thread to different things. Does that sound like someone who was being tormented...or someone who just didn't like what was being said?

angelikaJ -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 9:25:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kkaliforniaa To make a long story short, the moral is: you should not post in any forum. At least not these. Bullying will happen, even though rules are in place meant to prevent it. While the below makes it seem like the moderators will step in if a thread gets out of hand, that isn't the case. In fact, they might even pull a, "This is a reminder that as long as ToS or guidelines are not violated, anyone may post anywhere." [VideoAdminRho]. Ain't that a kick in the pants though. I mean in a world where safewords are recommended, something like, "And if I could, I would delete future posts that suggest seeing a shrink, but sadly, that isn't possible. So just don't!", means: "continue the harassment!" If the moderators do take action, it doesn't appear to be in a public manner. So good luck getting posts removed!! And good luck with any of them coming to right a bad situation "Please remain respectful of other points of view and ask questions that are pertinent. Please refrain from posting inflammatory or accusatory remarks about individual users, specific groups of people, or types of fetishes. Each of us is unique and sweeping generalizations will only result in a very negative thread. We are here to have intelligent discussions regarding a variety of interests. Please try to word your question in a way that shows you are interested in promoting discussion instead of trolling for attention." -- Frequently Asked Questions - ModTwentyOne AND Ranger2 "The primary intention of this board is to provide a forum for discussion and the exchange of ideas. Considering the natural diversity of opinion and expression, it is expected that disagreements will often occur. While debate is fine, postings of the sort generally known as "flames" is not. Participants are not expected to coddle one another, but they are expected to keep things within the realm of maturity. This isn't a place to insult the kinks, preferences, lifestyles, etc. of others. If you don't like what another person enjoys, rest assured that there are plenty of others out there that probably don't like your activities either. Furthermore, baiting, harassment and personal attacks will not be tolerated. " -- Forum Guidelines - ModeratorTwo "There has been an upswell in the number of threads falling victim to hijacking lately. Some users appear to be using this as a mechanism to derail threads they don't agree with or think are stupid, or to take potshots at posters they might have issues with. Whatever the reason behind the behavior, it isn't going to be tolerated here anymore. There is always going to be some amount of unavoidable thread drift and there isn't really anything that can be done about that, but the overt efforts to kill or nullify threads/users can and will be dealt with." -- Thread Hijacking - ModeratorEleven "Keep the discussions civil and mature, and do not insult the kinks, preferences, lifestyles, etc. of others." -- Section Guidelines - General BDSM Discussion - ModeratorOne A question for you? When you felt attacked, did you click on the report post button and create a ticket? You say the following: If the moderators do take action, it doesn't appear to be in a public manner. So good luck getting posts removed!! And good luck with any of them coming to right a bad situation There was a moderator action on your thread. She stopped by to explain to you that there were no TOS violations. So what would she have pulled exactly? If you saw it differently you could have emailed her.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 9:46:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kkaliforniaa To make a long story short, the moral is: you should not post in any forum. I agree. If people not obeying you and folks posting suggestions you don't like make you feel bullied, it's a good idea to steer clear of internet forums which by their very nature allow people to weigh in on whatever you put out there. Good for you for recognising it's not the right environment for you and staying clear.

TieMeInKnottss -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 11:18:05 AM)
The most difficult thing about any written communication is the missing nuances of inflection, facial expression and body language. Often people will read the same posting and get totally different meanings. The best thing is to automatically assume the BEST. I do agree that often it seems like people automatically read a question or posting and jump to the wrong conclusion (heck..I never knew the word "discreet" would immediately read "married cheater" instead of "I don't do public displays of affection nor do I ever want my kids to find out about this side of me"). Also, there is a semblance of the "anonymity" that the Internet gives. People are more likely to get a little nasty then they would to your face but you are also more in a "go to the podium and ask a question and let the peanut gallery shout out answers" arena than a "group of trusted and known friends who will banter, debate and communicate as a group to discover an answer". Every peanut gallery will have a few asshats who want attention, who like embarrassing and belittling others or who just enjoy shocking others or who are just there for their own comic relief. You have to tune them out and just know that their answers reflect more on them than on you. Finally...the one issue with this type of discussion is that one question can get pages of answers and those who come in later may not read every page. They may read a few answers above their own and formulate a response (not knowing that they are off topic) or they read the question and a couple of responses and then answer. Also the "hide" feature allows people to not even see responses from those people they dislike. While there is no justification for rudeness (Catholic school kid...nothing good to say..I usually say nothing at all), "bullying" would be more serious and deserve more attention. All I can say is...if you don't like the people, don't like the answers, feel uncomfortable...you don't have to participate. Unlike a workplace or a school where a person has NO choice but to be faced with and encounter their bullies, the Internet and a website forum give you the most powerful and definitive response-disappearing by not clicking on it.

shiftyw -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 11:33:28 AM)
Op. I feel for you. I saw a lot of PTSD symptoms I suffer from myself. But you won't hear anything anyone is saying. I really hope you find what you need.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 11:56:21 AM)
I saw a couple of comments that were not very nice, but nobody was bullying, as Fluffy said, if that is called bullying then you belittle people who get bullied. OP, there is an ignore function, if you don't like what somebody is saying, you can put them on ignore, however if it is a personal attack, you can report it. Personally I have to admit that the thread you were talking about left me puzzled, because you kept changing the question and I still have no idea what you really wanted to ask.

VideoAdminChi -> RE: Bullying (3/29/2014 12:17:45 PM)
kkaliforniaa - New posters often get confused between the difference between snark and attacking a post, which are allowed, and attacking the poster, which is not. For example, if someone says "that's lazy," that is talking about behavior, and is allowed. However, if someone said "you are lazy," that is a personal attack, and is not allowed, and you may use the Report button to create a ticket for staff to review and delete the post.

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