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Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 3/29/2014 2:04:21 AM

KeepCalmCreepOn

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/28/2013
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Dear Ursula

This video popped up in my feed and well, it made me cry. Growing up I wasn't big or skinny, I was average. And back then I didn't care if I was big, small, tall, thin, or whatever. I was a kid and that's all that mattered. But as I grew so did my body. I gained a lot of weight through early college and it made me hate myself. But that brought about a series of episodes of comfort eating and so nothing was solved.

Unintentionally throughout my teenage years I was looking for someone to look up to, just so I could accept myself through them. If they were intelligent, funny, and big then maybe it was OK. Acceptance (in the smallest form) meant everything back then, so I understand the poet. They (supposedly) changed Ursela's frame in a show and turned her into a size zero. Taking away the full figured woman she is and pressing her into what is considered beautiful.

And although I understand the poet's struggle I can't help but feel like perhaps there is a limit to fat acceptance. Big is beautiful, skinny is beautiful, anything and everything that you consider beautiful is. But when your health is on the line, can it still be considered beautiful? I don't know. I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

On one hand I'm excited to see people fighting for acceptance in a society where smaller frames are considered more attractive. But on the other hand I'm unsure if this movement should be preached without some kind of cautious tale. That yes, you are absolutely beautiful...but be careful. Take care of yourself, love your curves, but don't let food become everything.

I'm probably being influenced with all of this "600 lb story" docu-things, because I keep seeing the absolute worst side of obesity. It's just I can't shake these thoughts as mingled as they may be.

I need to sleep.

Post #: 1

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 3/29/2014 3:23:49 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
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I can understand what you're saying.
When health is affected it's time to do something. Positive motivation is beautiful!

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(in reply to KeepCalmCreepOn)

Post #: 2

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 3/29/2014 3:51:19 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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I understand why people say there is a limit to fat acceptance for health reasons. But you can accept someone/yourself and find beauty in them and still work towards better health. If you don't love and care for yourself and feel like society looks down on you because of your size, then it's going to be very hard to care enough to look after your health. Disapproval and shame do not motivate people to take care of themselves, it just confirms that they're not worth taking care of.

So yes, accept people for who they are. Accept that it's their choice if they want to remain that way, even if it's unhealthy. Make support and information available for those who do want to change. Get in the habit of not commenting on people's bodies casually or passing judgement.

It's also worth remembering that losing weight is hard. I don't just mean 'oh it sucks because I want to sit on the sofa and eat cheetos'. There's a lot of conflicting information out there, and there are real psychological challenges to changing your entire lifestyle, not to mention actual physical changes in the body designed to stop us starving which unfortunately work against dieters. The vast majority of people who lose significant amounts of weight will regain it. It can be easy to judge people but the average person doesn't have the determination to climb Mt Everest either - it doesn't make them a bad person.

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Post #: 3

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 3/29/2014 4:11:20 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

But when your health is on the line, can it still be considered beautiful?

Beauty, health, and acceptance are three different issues.

My mother loves me, accepts me, and thinks I'm beautiful. But she worries about my health when I'm over a certain weight. And she's right. While my blood pressure and cholesterol have always been fine, I do have issues with pain and stamina when I'm heavier than is healthy for me.

My yoga practice is much better at my ideal weight.

(in reply to KeepCalmCreepOn)

Post #: 4

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 3/29/2014 4:15:45 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
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Tell me about it!! I was always super skinny growing up and until I was 25. I quit smoking and blew up. I don't mean like "oh my gawd, I'm sooo fat"... I was huge. I worked and worked and worked hard. Then worked some more to lose to get to where I am.
Still not where I wanna be but it is hard. My whole lifestyle changed!

_____________________________

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The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 5

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 3/29/2014 5:15:31 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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FR

Here's the thing. In order to lose weight, you have to care about yourself, which means you have to love yourself, which means you have to love your *fat* self.

And our society does nothing to help fat acceptance and everything to accept too thinness.

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Post #: 6

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 3/29/2014 7:00:53 AM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
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When I was a kid, I was normal weight until around age 7-8, then the family genes kicked in and I started packing it on. By the time I was in high school, I was almost three hundred pounds. Granted, I used it to my advantage (football, knocking around smaller guys who picked on me, etc). When I joined the Army, I lost nearly one hundred pound in eight weeks.

Over the following decades, I've been normal, skinny, and overweight. Right now, I'm perhaps fifty pounds over that I 'should' be, according to my doctor, but I've had a load of musculo-skeletal issues arising from my overall lifestyle. I'm good with how I look now. While I could stand to lose those fifty extra, if I don't, it's not the end of the world.

I don't like it when someone slams another because of their weight. Unless you really know that person, you have no idea what's going on with them. Some might have thyroid or genetic issues, others might be on the backside of an injury, others might have an eating disorder. And making fun of them doesn't help one bit, for you or them. It solves nothing, and just makes the world that much uglier to live in.

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(in reply to KeepCalmCreepOn)

Post #: 7

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 3/29/2014 8:38:10 AM

LadyConstanze

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Joined: 2/18/2005
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The size 0 craze is about as unhealthy as celebrating obesity, in fact I think the size 0 craze makes a lot of people obese, because teenagers (sometimes even pre-teens) start doing fad diets that mess up their metabolism. The diet industry isn't interested in a solution, if they'd really make people slim and healthy, they'd lose customers for their products, buying into that is like expecting your drug dealer to help you to get clean. Utter rubbish!

Same token, somebody being grossly overweight to the point of unhealthy, nobody has the right to make fun of them, but they also don't have the right to expect special treatment and that the whole society should change to accommodate their problem. If somebody has a problem, they should get help, but essentially they have to make the first step and do their part, if the weight problem comes from an eating disorder, they need to realize that they have to put in effort and that it won't be easy, a food addiction is not all that much different than any other addiction, you can't fix a drug addict, alcoholic, smoker, etc. until he or she has the will to stop and make life-style changes.

The way I see it, and what I absolutely dislike about it, seems that there are 2 fractions, one that focuses on super skinny, the others who want to celebrate obesity, it's a bit like feminism, I consider myself a feminist, but I'm disgusted by the idea of some feminists, who want to turn the whole thing around and start treating men as oppressive as women used to be treated.

Now if the obesity is down to medical issues, there really isn't all that much anybody can do about it, it is a slow and painful process, and let's face it, not everybody is meant to be slim, as long as they are as healthy as possible for them, it's fine. Yes, it is frustrating (got a thyroid issue myself) that you have to be super disciplined when it comes to your food intake and work outs, somebody else can eat twice as much and work out less without gaining, but then another person won the lotto or possibly inherited a ton of money with great genes. You deal with the cards you got and try to make the best of them, and at the end of the day, would I be much happier if I'd be a size 0? I once managed to be and those were the 2 most miserable weeks in my life, I might attract a certain kind of guy, but I'm actually not interested in somebody so shallow, and even if, I'd be too obsessed with how much calories I consumed and fighting hunger pangs, to be happy.

Unless somebody is morbidly obese, to the point of not being able to move, there is a lot of beauty in almost every body-type, if somebody is naturally stockier, well, so what? If I would put on 100 to 200 lbs due to just not doing sports and stuffing my face, my partner would have every right to leave me, it would be disrespecting myself and him (the same goes for him), if it would be a medical issue, I believe he would stick with me, just like I'd stick with him.

The thing is, some things you can do something about it, and if you don't, nobody else to blame, some things you can't do anything about it, so why obsess about them? Not going to change a single thing and all it will achieve is make you miserable.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

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(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 8

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 3/29/2014 3:43:06 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KeepCalmCreepOn

Dear Ursula

This video popped up in my feed and well, it made me cry. Growing up I wasn't big or skinny, I was average. And back then I didn't care if I was big, small, tall, thin, or whatever. I was a kid and that's all that mattered. But as I grew so did my body. I gained a lot of weight through early college and it made me hate myself. But that brought about a series of episodes of comfort eating and so nothing was solved.

Unintentionally throughout my teenage years I was looking for someone to look up to, just so I could accept myself through them. If they were intelligent, funny, and big then maybe it was OK. Acceptance (in the smallest form) meant everything back then, so I understand the poet. They (supposedly) changed Ursela's frame in a show and turned her into a size zero. Taking away the full figured woman she is and pressing her into what is considered beautiful.

And although I understand the poet's struggle I can't help but feel like perhaps there is a limit to fat acceptance. Big is beautiful, skinny is beautiful, anything and everything that you consider beautiful is. But when your health is on the line, can it still be considered beautiful? I don't know. I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

On one hand I'm excited to see people fighting for acceptance in a society where smaller frames are considered more attractive. But on the other hand I'm unsure if this movement should be preached without some kind of cautious tale. That yes, you are absolutely beautiful...but be careful. Take care of yourself, love your curves, but don't let food become everything.

I'm probably being influenced with all of this "600 lb story" docu-things, because I keep seeing the absolute worst side of obesity. It's just I can't shake these thoughts as mingled as they may be.

I need to sleep.

Worse than bashing plus sized is bashing people like Kim K because she's unknowingly a walking stereotype, or bashing a 3 year old for asking for a cookie, or bashing a girl for being pretty, smart or outspoken. Plus sized people can change if they wish, that option is always there for health or otherwise. If one chooses to glorify it so be it. Many men prefer it actually.
Many people make trumped up perceptions in their mind. This can last throughout their entire lives and never change. You should love yourself when you're bald, when you're BBW, when you're old, when you're young, when you're beautiful, when all your teeth fall out. Put a song on and dance like no one's watching.
In movies the mean girls are usually beautiful and dumb, this is consistent. Only in cartoons are they usually distorted in some way to seem menacing.
I think anyone who has this size 0 acquisition in their mind needs a therapist. I'm a size one because I'm an ectomorph. I might gain as I go into menopause, I might not because I work out like a monster and I'm ok with that.
The saying "be yourself, everyone else is taken" comes to mind. There are many things societally that should change but I don't expect them to anytime soon, and I'm ok with that too. I can only hope for the best. More important than how people are going to behave is how you let their behavior distort your self image. I think that requires some level of self awareness.
Just some food for thought.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to KeepCalmCreepOn)

Post #: 9

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 3/29/2014 7:37:56 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

I have a lot of issues with the Little Mermaid.
One of them was actually that her appearance was what made Ursula evil. I mean she steals beauty cause she's so desperate- anyways, that movie gets me really going because shalalalala don't be scared she can't say no anyways!

All that aside.
I find its really difficult, personally. I find my relationship with food unacceptable, and what I look like unacceptable. I have struggled a bit through out my life but never as much as I have the last two years. My grandfather recently was diagnosed with esophageal cancer at 91. They can't do anything for him because of his heart condition and type II diabetes. I now feel like it goes beyond my own vanity and I never want to not have options because of my weight. I know I need to lose it now, cause it will "only get harder" as I get older.

I feel so frustrated also that I can't accept myself like this.
Its just so embarassing. I'm a hard worker- everything in my life I've earned on my own and I am so incredibly proud of myself for having a solid work ethic, a good moral compass and I can stand behind my personality and intelligence- so why the hell should I struggle so hard to like myself despite my weight? And why am I caught up in something I see as mostly vain. I feel self absorbed thinking about it sometimes.
But on the flipside its embarrassing that I can't seem to keep my weight under control for very long because I am so self aware and generally pretty good at a lot of things (not to toot my horn but, beep beep).

so. I don't know. Its a mind fuck for me. I started this year hoping to lose 75 pounds over two-three years, but as I keep going, I want to make it more like 100 lbs...but I know that its just because I'm equating thinner with more beautiful and a 75 lbs loss is a way more realistic weight for me to maintain long term, but then I feel like I'm just making excuses or something.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

Post #: 10

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 3/29/2014 7:45:20 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
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shifty, it's not what the media tells you is beautiful, you need the weight that is right for you, if losing 75 lbs makes you healthy and happy, that's it, the focus is your health and not some size. I find Kate Moss and Angelina Jolie incredibly beautiful, but I'm not hankering to look like them because they have a different body type. You don't want to drop a ton of weight with some stupid diet just to put it on again, go for the slow and healthy option, you're not making excuses, do what is best for you.

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Post #: 11

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 3/29/2014 8:25:11 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

I'll probably decide when I hit 75 lbs down. I'm exercising a lot more than I ever have, with a focus on strength training- so my body could look totally different at that weight than how it did when I was previously that weight.

But I just feel like I can get behind the positive body image movement- but I also understand that health is important, and its really hard to find a good balance of concern and acceptance.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 12

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 3/29/2014 8:39:04 PM

PlaidSkirt

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/14/2009
Status: offline

http://kateharding.net/2007/11/27/the-fantasy-of-being-thin/

Something worth reading, maybe. I found this site via BMI research.

(in reply to shiftyw)

Post #: 13

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 3/29/2014 8:47:22 PM

hlen5

Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

FR

And our society does nothing to help fat acceptance and everything to accept too thinness.

Worth repeating!!

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Post #: 14

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 3/29/2014 9:11:57 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

Fast reply here for those thinking of changing body image through a workout regimen so you know what to look forward to or expect in this journey. This woman transformed her body and the looks from men are apparently flattering to her. For me, it depends on time and place, the context and if I even really want the attention which most times I don't when I'm trying to buy food. Especially not from vanilla men for the most part. Also she talks a bit about her own friends turning on her. The article is called "The Ugly Side of Pretty" and she is also the author of "The Jennifers".
The Ugly Side of Pretty

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Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to hlen5)

Post #: 15

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 4/2/2014 8:39:10 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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I live in a country where size 0 is normal. And I'm a size 8. I am considered obese in my country based on my physical appearance compared to what's normal here. But I am very fit, I can run 10km in 1hr 5mins and hike half marathons, with up hill and lots of up steps without much effort. I am a sporty person and enjoy a variety of sports which I indulge in regularly.

So in a way, I am always very angry about all this "fat shaming" thing, because I get told I'm too fat, I need to lose more weight, even some idiot skinny guys who can't outrun me tells me I'm obese. I know I am fit when I am kicking 20 yr old skinny guys ass in the sports I indulge in.

But it seems in other countries, obesity means life threatening. That should not be celebrated, but at the same time, I think, it just sucks to be judged by your appearances.

One of the guys I skate with said, his surprise that I was so fit, as after skating the equivalent distance of 3 x marathon distance, about 120km, that I was still fresh. Basically, his saying I am fat and his surprise a fat chick could do that.

Till today, I am still suffering from these abuse comments about my weight constantly, because I look like a hulk beside all the size 0 women who never have to watch their diet, can eat mac donalds everyday, and are just stick thin by nature gift. Absolutely misery.

So I identify with all these overweight people. It sucks, it really sucks. And I think condemnation is not the way to help them, if they are overweight to the extent that they are unhealthy and if they are healthy, leave them alone.

I have a girlfriend who is probably 2 times my size, and she took part in a triathlon in Malaysia and came in 2nd place, she kicked alot of skinny malaysian women's ass. You'd never believe how fit she is based on her appearance, and she cycles 60km 3 times a week, and swims 2KM the other 3 times a week, she works out very hard, but she never lost a single pound.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 4/2/2014 8:44:50 PM >

(in reply to GoddessManko)

Post #: 16

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 4/2/2014 9:02:02 PM

FelineRanger

Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline

Over the last two years, I lost 35 lbs as a Weight Watchers member. Not because I paid too much attention to TV, but because I had literally reached the point where my weight affected my health. I was in constant pain because my weight aggravated an old lower back injury and I actually would come up gasping if I bent over to tie my shoes. But, try as I might, I can't get down from 170 lbs. to the 155 lbs. that Weight Watchers and BMI measurements say I should be. So I can understand the frustration and confusion. I suspect that the science of weight loss and determining "correct" weight still needs a lot of work.

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(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 17

RE: Fat Acceptance, Body Image, All of the above - 4/2/2014 10:43:35 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Very good comments here on the extremes and lack of support for people trying to lose and shaming of any kind.

It's interesting to me how people are just beyond rude when it comes to blurting out misconceptions about health and weight.

Most here know I have been diagnosed with cancer. So, I was taking a cab to the hospital and the cab driver asked what I was going for. I told him.

When I got out of the cab he looks me up and down and said, nah, you can't have cancer you're not skinny..

He said, well my sister had cancer and she lost a ton of weight before dying.

I said, yes, that is EXACTLY why I got cancer, so I could lose weight, right on dude.

(in reply to FelineRanger)

Post #: 18

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