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Orgasm problems - 7/8/2006 6:32:35 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
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I wasn't sure where to put this.. so it may get moved. I don't really consider it a sub/slave matter...but it's not really off topic..so.. just please bare with me a bit, please.

I have always orgasmed very easily. Usually it was from masturbation over the years. Then when I had a partner (female) I never had any issues with it either. My first two male partners were able to get me off with oral, and if I masturbated during sex I could again.

I am getting very frustrated because I cannot seem to do that any more. Orgasm from oral, or anything else with a man doing it. I can still, if I self-stimulate during sex, but it feels like it takes forever and I feel like faking it just to get done (and this isn't like me).

I am not sure why this is at all. I was raped in Feb.. and I haven't with a man doing it on his own since. I am not sure if this has anything to do with it or not. I mean, I don't feel a block in that way about it (known block)..yet I did just connect this in my head tonight. I think there was a very nice guy, and I did orgasm when he used his hand to stimulate..though I am trying to remember if I helped that time at all.

I do get turned on, a lot... I wonder if too much to orgasm easily (not sure if that made sense).. is it possible that it's harder to orgasm if you are too turned on (is there such a thing)? I still enjoy the acts most of the time, from the actual sex, to the bdsm, to the oral...yet if I can't orgasm in what I consider a timely manner.. I start to get frustrated and feel I am letting the person I am with down. I might fake it or I might just hold on and hope.. or even try to encourage change of activity hoping they don't notice I didn't do anything. The worst is probably when I am with a Dom and they tell me to cum.. my brain just sort of shuts down and it's even harder than before. ugh!

I am just curious if anyone else has experienced the same thing. How did they get over it.. or how did it get better? Is there anyway I can keep that part from just shutting down when I get the (cum command)?

I don't know... but any ideas of anything would be greatly appreciated.

Respectfully, Andrea

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RE: Orgasm problems - 7/8/2006 6:35:22 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
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quote:

I am not sure why this is at all. I was raped in Feb.. and I haven't with a man doing it on his own since. I am not sure if this has anything to do with it or not.

Perhaps this is a crazy idea, but this just might be the issue.

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RE: Orgasm problems - 7/8/2006 6:39:19 PM

tixarah

Posts: 21
Joined: 11/10/2005
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maybe you should see a rape councler....you may have an unknown block up that is causing the problem...
Just an idea

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RE: Orgasm problems - 7/8/2006 7:01:51 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
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The thing about that is, I never actually thought of that until tonight (I have no clue why). I wonder if I am still more affected by it than I feel like I am. Where maybe even though my mind isn't thinking of it, my body has shut off parts of me to experiencing pleasure in that way from them. I still get the good feelings from sex, the bdsm, cuddling and such...or maybe I don't..ugh.. I don't know anymore. Maybe I have just ended up making myself more confused.

Yes, I do agree CrappyDom and tixarah... it might be it. I know it does seem strange I never thought about it that much. I just thought, maybe... I have no idea. I just usually let the guy get off..and I feel like I did my "job" and try to just get my pleasure from that. So up until now, it's not really been something I thought about much.

I think most of me just wanted to forget the whole thing and move on..and since I was trying to do that.. I thought my mind and body ought to just follow along.

Respectfully, Andrea

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RE: Orgasm problems - 7/8/2006 7:06:23 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
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Rape? As strong as you are, there must be issues... I'm so sorry. My best friend's virginity was taken by a rapist... I cannot empathize, only sympathize. (and can't spell right now.)

Orgasm issues.. you are not alone. The more I want one, to please my partner, the more evasive it is. Mind games. I can cum in a manner of minutes left to my own with a toy...add in the mix someone who is pleasing me and I want to cum for...it's more difficult. For me, it's getting easier

as we know each other more.

Don't feel bad...fem O's are more complicated.

About the assault...you really should talk to SOMEONE about it...I can't even imagine. All my love.

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RE: Orgasm problems - 7/8/2006 9:25:50 PM

SusanofO

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Sleazy I am so sorry to ehar about your rape! Well I think yes that could be part of the problem. Even if it turns out not to be, maybe see a rape counselor, just to see if that helps you. Gee whiz, sweetheart, I am so sorry that happened.

- Susan

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And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Orgasm problems - 7/8/2006 10:11:30 PM

sleazybutterfly

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Thank you all, it's ok though.. I will be fine. I have often wondered how well I was dealing with it..but I am the type of person I would rather just forget about it.. so I thought I had.

I guess maybe it is messing with me more than I thought, I'm not happy about that. I usually just face it and deal with it.. and get over things. Or maybe I fool myself into thinking I did. I thought at first the not orgasming was because I just wasn't that into the sex after the rape..and was more trying to fill a void or something. Now though, those that I have been with..I want the pleasure..and it's very frustrating to not be able to get it. I feel like I have let them down or something.

I guess the mind has more of a hold over how the body reacts than I probably realized in the beginning. This is something I will think about further.. maybe I need to find someone to talk to about it.. not sure who..but maybe after I get moved.. I can find someplace easier.

Thank you again, Andrea

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RE: Orgasm problems - 7/9/2006 2:04:59 AM

selenaMD

Posts: 56
Joined: 6/1/2006
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greetings andrea,

being a rape survivor as well, selena went through the same thing you did. for about a month afterwards, as far the the world knew everything was peachy keen in "selena land". didn't want to think about it, talk about, anything. just wanted to pretend in never happened. then came the crash, where the mind just utterly refused to be supressed any longer and every bit of the experience came flooding back. ended up in the psych ward for almost two months, and even then wasn't willing to really talk to anyone about what happened. it was always easy to say it *did* while there, but to talk about the what was nearly impossible. talk to a therapist/councellor who specialize in rape, who knows what feeling and emotions are there, and what impact it can have on your day to day life. don't try to supress it, cause it will come back to bite you in the ass (as it appears to have begun to). talking about it likely won't be easy, but expressing the emotions you have (like guilt/self blame, feeling dirty or like damged goods, etc.) will help you to realize that these feelings really aren't logical. people don't *choose* to get raped, and there is nothing wrong with talking about what happened. as you begin talking and exploring your feelings/emotions/reactions to the event, you might realize other areas of your life that are being affected that you haven't even considered or noticed. feel free to contact selena on the other side if you need to talk to someone who understands.

selena{MD}
devoted property of Master Mark

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RE: Orgasm problems - 7/9/2006 7:20:05 AM

Midearthtrainer

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"didn't want to think about it, talk about, anything. just wanted to pretend in never happened. then came the crash, where the mind just utterly refused to be supressed any longer and every bit of the experience came flooding back. "

That is exactly what happens when the mind compartmentalizes traumatic events. This may take a short time or may take years. It also may take the form of I can't remember. Then it slowly seeps out, like a leak in a dam, eventually/suddenly the dam bursts.

"as you begin talking and exploring your feelings/emotions/reactions to the event, you might realize other areas of your life that are being affected that you haven't even considered or noticed."

This is your mind's way of saying that something is wrong - the subconscious interjecting. The changes could be just minor things that you won't/refuse to recognize or in this case it is something bigger. A rape councellor is a start. Don't expect overnight results. The opening of yourself and recognizing of the rape and its ancillary reactions your body/mind has created is only part of the overall solution. There will be a bond that this creates between you and your councellor. Opening yourself is a matter of trust. Working on the things that heal those rifts created by the event, take alot of time. This is not a take a few pills and your cured. The mind just doesn't work that way, as this is not a natural chemical imbalance that is trying to right itself.
Whether or not you have a long road ahead of yourself depends upon how honest you are with those that are trying to help you. Not being totally honest will only put roadblocks that are harder to teardown and get to the core/crux of the problem/symptoms.

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RE: Orgasm problems - 7/9/2006 7:29:15 AM

Midearthtrainer

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Lady M,
Okay so I am much too lazy to sign in right now...
The way I got through it was hypnosis and then using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to rid myself of the blockage. You might ask a therapist to help you with the above mentioned therapies.
Love ya girl!

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RE: Orgasm problems - 7/9/2006 8:14:54 AM

diamonddreamlove

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As a therapist and rape survivor i urge you to get counseling. The brain can and does play wonderful tricks on us to help us by protecting through sometimes memory loss or just not being vulnerable to another man in the future. I won't tell you it is easy to work through and the pain that goes with the counseling can be extremely difficult. BDSM tends to come into play with the dynamics of getting better so i suggest a kink aware therapist as well. And remember that Feb was not that long ago and the brain at this stage is much easier to work with than letting years go by before the counseling because by then the brain is really good at the tricks and there is so much history from the rape that additional problems such as you describe begin to develop. Good luck hope some of this is helpful.

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RE: Orgasm problems - 7/9/2006 9:28:20 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
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Someone wrote me on the other side and it made me think about something.

I was drugged when I was raped..it took place over several hrs..and bits of it come back to me now and then... I hadn't remembered before. I remember orgasming during the rape.. I am not sure the act that caused it, but it seems to flash as during oral. I know this is strange, but I really didn't remember it. Sometimes that is a blessing and a curse....if you remember it all at once.. you deal with it and can attempt to move on..but when months later things still pop back to you.. it's a bit harder to totally move on from it.

I am now wondering if my mind shuts off from oral now, because of the association with the rape that it has.

I have a lot to think about (whether I want to or not)..it's time to face this and hopefully get it gone. How come when you need your therapist..she is on vacaction? lol..it's my luck sometimes.

Thank you all again, very much for sharing everything you have.

Respectfully, Andrea

Ps.. love back to you Lady M.. please tell Sir I said hello.

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