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Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/8/2006 8:24:08 PM

PiggyPuta

Posts: 38
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

i have a situation that i just do not know how to deal with it. i have a boyfriend that is very Dominate in the bedroom, but can not control me the way i crave. i have a Master that does this to me. He has total control over my life. He knows all about my boyfriend and encourages the relationship. no for my situation..my boyfriend is trying to show his dominance in our every day life...i know this is probably making no sense at all. i just do not know how to deal with his attempts at dominance outside the bedroom. today i had a rip roaring fight with my exhusband and all i wanted was to hear my boyfriends voice (knew that i could not call my Master for his is at work and does not have easy access to a phone). my boyfriend gave me some advice and i guess i shot him down...he sent me an email telling me that he is done with my disrespect and that we are over. after much begging (via email) we are getting back on track. but how do i deal with him trying to dominate me outside the bedroom? how do i tell him no without disrespecting him or hurting his feelings? if anyone can make sense out of this gibblish and can offer any advice i would greatly appreciate it. Thanks!

piggyputa

Post #: 1

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/8/2006 8:30:37 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

I'm an outsider..but it "seems" obvious to me... This sex guy does not have "power" with you.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to PiggyPuta)

Post #: 2

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/8/2006 8:30:43 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

If it were me? I would dump my master and make the boyfriend my everything... but it sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too... which seemingly worked for a while... Loving boyfriend with equal relationship, master to dominate you at mutual convenience? it sounds this way, but since I am not in your shoes I could be entirely wrong.

Having a live in boyfriend, and a dom on the side wouldn't work for me. Since the Master is encouraging you to keep the boyfriend that tells me there is no future there for you... otherwise he wouldn't tolerate divided loyalties. I would pick the one I had a future with and negotiate that future...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to PiggyPuta)

Post #: 3

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/8/2006 9:51:36 PM

PiggyPuta

Posts: 38
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

thank you for your replies and advice. at times it does sound like im having my cake and eating it to. when my Master found me i was honest with Him and told Him about my boyfriend so that is why He is encouraging me to continue for He knows and i know that a physical relationship between Master and i will never happen. He is the Master of my mind. mind control is what i look for in this relationship and He is very good at it. you are correct...i do need to pick one or the other...do i want the Master that can control my mind or do i want a future with my boyfriend. it looks like i have a lot of soul searching to do. thank you again for pointing this out to me.

piggyputa

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 4

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/8/2006 10:42:21 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Im glad you took it all the way I intended.. at first when I reread what I wrote I realized how harsh it may sound.. I think having your cake and eating it too is fine as long as the cake consents..smiles.. and that is the case here. It gets complicated though doesn't it?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to PiggyPuta)

Post #: 5

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/8/2006 10:46:07 PM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

Too many cooks spoil the soup.

(in reply to PiggyPuta)

Post #: 6

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/9/2006 7:22:21 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

Have you had a good sit-down talk with your boyfriend? Does he understand the mind control you are looking for? Maybe he's capable of giving it but wasn't aware that you wanted/needed it. I think everyone tries vanilla if they find someone they click with. Maybe he's a Dom-in-disguise?

(in reply to PiggyPuta)

Post #: 7

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/9/2006 7:45:18 AM

hisforever

Posts: 81
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

Yes I agree!! If he is trying to control you in the bedroom, maybe he desires all of it? try talking to him, have him do research and tell him what you need! I think having both of them is never REALLY going to make you happy. There will be no future with either one in my opinion. Good luck!

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 8

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/9/2006 7:58:53 AM

Midearthtrainer

Posts: 67
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline

Why not have a meeting between Master and your BF? Maybe Master will mentor your BF. Then you Can have the physical and mental dominance, Master can have the protege, BF can have the slave he sees and is trying to Dominate.

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 9

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/9/2006 3:35:05 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I don't think the B/f knows about the Master. Unless I missed some thing

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to Midearthtrainer)

Post #: 10

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/9/2006 4:44:49 PM

PiggyPuta

Posts: 38
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

when i told my b/f what it is that i really crave (the mind control) he tried but he could not keep up with it and was unable to go to the extent that really got to me. we discussed this and he told me "if you can find someone that can do this for you then please go for it." so that is what i did. when i originally placed my profile on CM i indicated that i was in a relationship with no intentions of leaving and that i was only looking for a Dom that could handle the mind control, the mind f**ks, and not (at this time) have a physical relationship. the Master that i have was looking for the same thing. so...yes and no about my b/f knowing about Master. so sitting both down to discuss is not an option (at this time). but discussing this with my Master is definately a must. again thank Y/you to all that have responded with great advice.

piggyputa

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 11

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/9/2006 4:54:44 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

Frankly, I think it's important to get the three of you in a room together and figure things out. Sounds really confused at this point.

Do you -want- to submit to your boyfriend's authority outside the bedroom? If he's willing to try it (which is what it sounds like) why aren't you willing to at least give a go at him taking the ammount of control he wants to take? Perhaps everything sounds like a lot of work to him, and if you show him that owning someone has rewards as well as work he might be more interested. Heck, maybe just get the boyfriend and the master to talk and see if they can work out a a hierarchy of authority. That is, who are you responsible to first. I've been in situations where I am accountable to two people. One simply needs to be clear whether the master or the boyfriend's rules and commands come first, and accept that one has to submit to -both- of them.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to PiggyPuta)

Post #: 12

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/9/2006 6:14:56 PM

irishbynature

Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

That's a tough situtation....maybe you are really seeking a Master/Dom who would give you the 24/7 relationship you desire? (Meaning, your boyfriend isn't meeting your needs?) I certainly don't tell others how to live their lives or what decisions to make. I also don't judge. I can only wish you the best of luck in this confusion...most of the time, it has a way of working itself out. Also, if you've really tried to tell your boyfriend what your 'deepest' needs are and he cannot meet them...then, you might still have some soulseraching left to do.
Good luck hon

Warmly,
Irishbynature

_____________________________

What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller

(in reply to PiggyPuta)

Post #: 13

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/9/2006 9:05:07 PM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

JMHO but maybe you should get rid of both of them and start fresh with what you really need and want. Think this scenario you described is doomed any way you slice it or dice it....jmho

good luck.....

(in reply to PiggyPuta)

Post #: 14

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/9/2006 9:50:08 PM

doubleLeo

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline

I think that these two aspects of you have been compartmentalized into two very different relationships.

You want to hold these two different aspects of yourself with two other individuals separately, and bf is not necessarily agreeing to this contract. Plus, as a submissive, you might not be able to recieve the craving you are searching from your bf simply because you are setting the terms.

It sounds like there are guys on all sides, and you arent focusing on what you want. When you have a clear picture as to how you see your daily life functioning, I think the situation will make itself clear.
goodluck!
dL

(in reply to stockingluvr54)

Post #: 15

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/10/2006 3:50:01 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Petal, there are people out there who can work with two Masters. Lucky Albatross will probably be able to give you pointers there. I can't, the way I work, the way I think, a girl can have but one Master, even if she submits to others, One is in charge, calls the shots, sets the limits and goals, holds the responcibility. Others work within the 'power' he delegates.

What it looks like to me, is that you percieve your Master (Even the lables you use are telling) to have the power over you and your 'boyfriend' to have none.

I would suggest you need to get all three of you round a table (Even a virtual table if that is all that is available) and discuss where to go from here.

quote:

how do i tell him no without disrespecting him or hurting his feelings?

You don't, not if you are looking to correct the problem of

quote:

i have a boyfriend that is very Dominate in the bedroom, but can not control me the way i crave.

He needs to learn and be confident in taking up that control, maybe your Master can help him do that.... as others have said, maybe your Master needs to step out of the picture, or only have contact with your boyfriend as an advisor. Maybe your reliance on HIS control is blocking the way for you accepting it from your boyfriend.... or Maybe your Master can delegate given you do seem to respect his control?

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to PiggyPuta)

Post #: 16

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/10/2006 1:31:04 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

Great advice here. There seems to be a few options:

1. Work on the relationship with the boyfriend. Don't fall for "the grass is greener". It's an easy option to find a shallow relationship to fulfill a need that is lacking in a serious one...but, as history shows...this option is short-term and fleeting at best. BF seems to be willing...

2. If Master and Boyfriend would be agreeable to Master's advice - that could work. BUT - how would you feel if Boyfriend had another woman give YOU advice on how to better please? That's tricky..., very tricky...

3. Keep up what you are doing. What do we know? Maybe it works for you...but, then again, you probably wouldn't have posted your Q if all was well.

4. What ever other options that seem viable to all those involved. I agree with Julia - It's wiser to put your investment in the one who is sticking by you and trying to make you happy (the BF).

I'm sort of a hypocrit...my situation is complicated. I hear my own words and think...

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 17

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/10/2006 3:55:51 PM

PiggyPuta

Posts: 38
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

i can not thank E/everyone enough for all the advice. please believe me i am taking it all in and will consider my options very carefully. again thank Y/you!

piggyputa

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 18

RE: Do Not Know How to Deal - 7/10/2006 4:52:25 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

You've effectively given control of your relationship with your boyfriend over to a third party.

Either both relationships need to be completely compartmentalized (meaning that Master no longer "has complete control" over your life) or you need to focus on one relationship. By doing neither, both relationships will eventually fail.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to PiggyPuta)

Post #: 19

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