In control all day...want to be submissive at "home"

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

In control all day...want to be submissive at "home"

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> In control all day...want to be submissive at "home"

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

In control all day...want to be submissive at "hom... - 4/9/2014 10:07:56 PM

ChristineWho71

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/9/2014
Status: offline

Hi - I am totally new. Dating my boyfriend / Daddy for just over a year. We don't live together, we both run separate households but like to spend as much time together as possible. My question, concern is that I have a lot of responsibilities at work and custody of both kids (14 & 16). My Daddy and I both want to improve my submissivenes about 100 times over when we are together. I try to explain that it is hard to go from in control of my work, house and kids...to totally submissive to him, especially when we see each other for short time spans sporadically... I have trouble "switching gears" but he thinks I'm more of a "switch". I know I want to totally submit to him, just wondering how you all change gears when you get "home" to your Dom, or does it just always come naturally to you?

Thanks for your responses :-)

Post #: 1

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/9/2014 10:34:36 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

I don't know that you're a switch (because I don't know you, obviously) but let me start there.

I have had a few very rewarding relationships with ladies who labeled themselves as "switch".

I believe all of us are "switches" to some degree or another. I submit to my boss' will for eight or ten hours, each day. I submit to the state trooper that pulls me over for a motor vehicle violation.

What the ladies I mentioned have always told me is that in their case, it's not about needing to switch with an individual partner but that they go off the energy they receive (or perceive) from the individual partner.

Now, if you're not a "switch": it is entirely possible for a person to take a dominant role in one area but to not want to do that in another.

I have long held that in order to be good parents, we must dominate our children. That's no surprise. Most people (I think) would agree with me.

You also need to be "dominant" at work. So? It's what you have to do in order to submit to your boss.

How you live your life ... your private time is entirely up to you. That's where the rubber meets the road.

It sounds like you want to submit to your guy so ... just do it. See what happens.

Good luck.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to ChristineWho71)

Post #: 2

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/9/2014 10:50:02 PM

ChristineWho71

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/9/2014
Status: offline

Thank you for your response...I logically know "just do it", but my question was more for the subs who have many responsibilities away from their Dom / Daddy...Wondering if there is something they do to help them change their mindset between work & sub or parent / sub? Something that helps them get ready to be submissive? Something that helps their mind know that it's ok to just let go now and give it up to their Dom/Daddy?

For example, and this one happens almost everytime we're eating at his house. I will get up to clear the plates and put the leftovers away, etc... and he tells me to leave it for now, to come back to him because we have limited time together (he is so sweet), but I don't want to leave his house a mess because I know how hard he works, etc...so I tell him it will just take a minute and try to keep cleaning. Sometimes he he is firm and I give up and go sit with him, but sometimes I push and say, "please just let me finish then it's done - just 2 min." And he is frustrated and says fine, whatever... I am not pleasing him in that behavior, even though my intentions are good, I need to stop doing these types of things.

Thanks again for your response and encouragement.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 3

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/9/2014 11:05:55 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

What you describe is exactly what I go through with my lady (who is third in charge of a 2 Billion dollar per year corporation).

There is no doubt that I am a very lucky man. My lady has never been anything but submissive to me but that includes sometimes talking me out of what I think I want to do.

Here's an example that's similar to yours:

I hate doing laundry. Oh, I hate wearing dirty clothes but I don't like doing laundry. Back when I was alone, the only thing that made it worth while was that I went during the day and got to meet and interact with some ladies. I still wound up paying for the wash and fold service, as soon as finances allowed but that's my distaste for laundry.

I am not the "Me Tarzan. You Jane. You do what I say" type. I never have been and I realize that relationships require compromise. However in over a year that we've been living together, the only time I've ever done laundry was twice because she was really not up to it.

Knowing that she wasn't feeling well, I said: "I'm doing the laundry, this week" and she desperately tried to (politely) talk me out of it. She did so because she knows how much I hate doing laundry.

Neither the fact that I did the laundry nor her, trying to talk me out of it was displeasing to me. I understood why she was "resisting" my "want". She felt that it was more important that I not do the laundry. ordinarily, she'd have been correct. However, there was no way in hell I was going to sit back on my haunches and let her do it.

Why the hell did he type all of that? I am not saying that you guys aren't communicating but maybe you're not doing so effectively? Has he said that your "pushing" to do the dishes bothers him? Maybe, the fact that you want to but sit back down with him anyway really pleases him? Unless he's brought it up, I would say it does.

But, having said all of that, why not ask him: "Does it bother you, when I want to do the dishes and I try to make my case as to why?". He sounds like a pretty decent guy, too and I'd bet a dollar to a doughnut that he answers: "No".

Good luck,

M.P.C.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 4/9/2014 11:12:31 PM >

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to ChristineWho71)

Post #: 4

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/9/2014 11:11:15 PM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

I think the answer can be summed up in one word: TRUST.

When you trust someone enough and are naturally submissive, you just do and don't need to think about it or prepare yourself.
IMHO, if you are needing to prepare yourself, to be submissive (ie, "change gears" as you put it), you either don't trust him enough to let go or you aren't submissive even if you think you are.

(in reply to ChristineWho71)

Post #: 5

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/9/2014 11:18:14 PM

ChristineWho71

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/9/2014
Status: offline

DaddySatyr, thanks again for your example. He is a very good man. He has expressed that it bothers him, that he understands my good intentions behind the behavior and appreciates that, but when he tells me what to do, he wants me to do it period. And I understand and agree. I guess it's just something I have to make a conscious effort on until it becomes a habit.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 6

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/9/2014 11:19:54 PM

ChristineWho71

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/9/2014
Status: offline

Freedomdwarf1, thank you for your response...I need to think on that one.

(in reply to ChristineWho71)

Post #: 7

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/9/2014 11:50:38 PM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChristineWho71
I guess it's just something I have to make a conscious effort on until it becomes a habit.

From this bit, I would say you want to be submissive to him (for all sorts of reasons) but you aren't naturally submissive.

To me, people are just naturally dominant or submissive or actually, in some cases, neither (ie, neutral) and can swing either way with ease.
To me, if you aren't naturally submissive, and by that I mean wanting to please your Dom/me with your very being, then it's tantamount to scene playing.
Some people can do this this very effectively and some can even carry it off for the whole of their lifetime.
But personally, I think having to consciously make an effort to "switch" into submissive mode bears conflicts for the future.

As a good example, my OH is rather more 'neutral' than Domme. Many people think she is my sub but I treat her and think of her as my equal in everything and I don't 'Dom' her in the usual sense. She runs the house and organises just about everything around me to keep things running smoothly. Some would even say I'm hen-pecked because of her matronly behaviour. But I like it and it suits me and I'm pampered.

However, if I voice a strong opinion about something or give an order, she immediately drops into submissive mode and just does it without quibble or question.
For example, just like in your situation, I leave the table and she busies behind me clearing up and putting things away while I do whatever I feel like at the time. I don't say a word and she leave me to my own devices without question - very typically slavish/sub behaviour.
If I hand her my cup (signal for wanting coffee) or tell her to leave it for a while, she does; and again without quibble or question or a single word uttered.
But, like DaddySatyr, if I can see she is unwell, I tell her to sit down and I do it without complaint. If she dares to question my orders, I just look at her and she leaves the kitchen - silently.

I don't see you doing that. You are having to argue and question his orders. That, to me, doesn't make you a good submissive and certainly not a natural one.
You may, over time, fight your natural instincts and play the submissive role. But if you aren't 110% successful at doing the role-play (because that's what it is right now), you are going to have a rocky time ahead.

As I said in my first reply, either you don't trust him enough yet to let go, or you really aren't submissive.

(in reply to ChristineWho71)

Post #: 8

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/9/2014 11:51:46 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

Sometimes a ritual "change over" helps. I see you as using the dishes as YOUR ritual. Fair 'nuff, 'cept you need a ritual for you BOTH!

In place of the (unsucessful) approach you describe: Dinner is done. You go to him. Go to your knees and say "Sir, I am at your service." HE gets to decide whether the dishes get done then or later.

Perhaps there's a different ritual for you two. Discuss.

HE seems to WANT every minute to be spent you have together to be as such - together. Yeppers.... you give him what he tells you he wants. And what a good thing for you, you lucky gal ! ! ! ! He wants YOU. Enjoy . . .

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to ChristineWho71)

Post #: 9

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/9/2014 11:56:03 PM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

Lance

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 10

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/10/2014 12:07:53 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChristineWho71

DaddySatyr, thanks again for your example. He is a very good man. He has expressed that it bothers him, that he understands my good intentions behind the behavior and appreciates that, but when he tells me what to do, he wants me to do it period. And I understand and agree. I guess it's just something I have to make a conscious effort on until it becomes a habit.

That's pretty much what it comes down to. You aren't doing what makes him happy, you're doing what YOU think makes him happy. You are second guessing his desires. I'm sure you can see why that's annoying to him.

I can relate to an extent, I'm certainly guilty of overthinking things. You just need to get in the habit of listening to the actual order instead of thinking you know what's best for him. It can be tough if you're in the habit of making decisions in other people's best interests at work and with the kids, but you need to remind yourself that he's a grown man who is plenty capable of deciding if he'd rather have your company than clean plates.

Perhaps you'd find it easier to have a reminder. Could be a small ritual you do at the beginning of your time together to get into the mindset. Could be a piece of clothing or jewelry you wear as a physical reminder. Or maybe he just needs to say 'submit' when you start losing your way. But still mostly it will have to come from you making a conscious decision every single time to do as you are told.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to ChristineWho71)

Post #: 11

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/10/2014 12:15:31 AM

ChristineWho71

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/9/2014
Status: offline

Well...I did come out of a very long term marriage about a year before meeting my Daddy. That marriage had all sorts of broken trust issues, basically he was sleeping with many people all while pretending to be the perfect husband. Then lie after lie followed still. So, while I would defend my Daddy to the ends of the earth, I suppose there is a chance that I think he is too good to be true...but he really, really is such an amazing man... I have fantasized about a controling man for a long time. I didn't actively seek him out, but when we met on a dating site, vanilla, I was very clear about wanting a very masculine man and he was very clear that he had a Dom personality at first profile read.

I have some more work to do on me...

Thanks, FreedomDwarf1

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 12

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/10/2014 12:17:26 AM

ChristineWho71

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/9/2014
Status: offline

LanceHughes - nice - thanks, and I am very lucky!

(in reply to ChristineWho71)

Post #: 13

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/10/2014 12:20:41 AM

ChristineWho71

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/9/2014
Status: offline

AthenaSurrenders, great idea about the physical reminder! I love that💜 Thanks for your post!

(in reply to ChristineWho71)

Post #: 14

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/10/2014 12:31:37 AM

Toysinbabeland

Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline

Hi Christine!
IMHO:
If you are NOT collared:
Remember to be penitent as you are entering his domain, i.e. his Doorway or work place or Vehicle, etc. should do the trick. You should only approach him with this in mind.

If you ARE collared:
ummm, dude, he's in charge....

~toys

_____________________________

*Smitten fox* that's all you need.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 15

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/10/2014 4:39:37 AM

InHisHeart

Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline

When you're with him, strip your thoughts of how you are when you're at work, with your kids, taking care of your own house. Leave those responsibilities outside his front door and make following his orders your #1 priority. When he tells you to leave the dishes and spend that time with him, bite your tongue and immediately drop what you're doing.

As some others suggested, maybe you need a ritual to remind you that he's in control of how you spend your time there. Does he ever discipline you when you try to convince him to let you do something other than what he tells you to do? If not, some discipline might be what you need. If Master told me to leave the dishes and I told him it will only take me 2 minutes to clean up or tried to convince him to let me do the dishes, I would have consequences to face. Knowing him as well as I do, my guess is for discipline he would have me take every dish, cup, glass out of the cupboard, wash and dry everything by hand instead of the dishwasher then put them away.

If there are no D/s dynamics, no daily rituals or him giving you commands when you're not with him, talk to him about trying that. I travel often between NC and PA which means there are times we're not together for weeks at a time but the D/s dynamic of our relationship is still there. I still have daily rituals and commands to follow.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.

(in reply to ChristineWho71)

Post #: 16

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/10/2014 6:34:49 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChristineWho71

For example, and this one happens almost everytime we're eating at his house. I will get up to clear the plates and put the leftovers away, etc... and he tells me to leave it for now, to come back to him because we have limited time together (he is so sweet), but I don't want to leave his house a mess because I know how hard he works, etc...so I tell him it will just take a minute and try to keep cleaning. Sometimes he he is firm and I give up and go sit with him, but sometimes I push and say, "please just let me finish then it's done - just 2 min." And he is frustrated and says fine, whatever... I am not pleasing him in that behavior, even though my intentions are good, I need to stop doing these types of things.

I don't think the problem is you.

You wore him down. It's his responsibility to maintain control, and he's not doing so.

I sympathize with him as I frequently have the same issue. He's unwilling to punish you for pressing after he's made a decision with full knowledge of all facts.

You and he need to discuss your relationship, what each of you wants from it, and what you'll have to give up. In this example, either you will have to learn to accept his final decisions as such, or he will have to learn to enforce his rules.

Edited to add: you say you;re interested in TiH. Are you acting out for a spanking?

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 4/10/2014 6:36:08 AM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ChristineWho71)

Post #: 17

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/10/2014 8:43:28 AM

stevendevo

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/7/2014
Status: offline

Here's a question from a new one around here. Are you a slave or a Sub? There is a difference. I see the points that maybe your daddy needs to work a little harder keeping his girl in line. I like a submissive in a sexual scene but taking care of everyday business can be a give and take. Boundaries and time for work and play can be blurred. Your desire to please and surrender seem to be proper. Maybe a good old fashioned conversation about where and when to assume positions is needed.

_____________________________

Though I am a fan. My desires are inspired by much more than a cute band.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 18

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/10/2014 11:18:43 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

For example, and this one happens almost everytime we're eating at his house. I will get up to clear the plates and put the leftovers away, etc... and he tells me to leave it for now, to come back to him because we have limited time together (he is so sweet), but I don't want to leave his house a mess because I know how hard he works, etc...so I tell him it will just take a minute and try to keep cleaning.

If he'd rather have cuddle time than clean plates you should respect that.

However, if the dirty dishes really bother you, if you ask permission to do them rather than insisting on doing them, it might go over better. Accept his answer.

(in reply to ChristineWho71)

Post #: 19

RE: In control all day...want to be submissive at "... - 4/10/2014 11:27:43 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChristineWho71
Wondering if there is something they do to help them change their mindset between work & sub or parent / sub? Something that helps them get ready to be submissive? Something that helps their mind know that it's ok to just let go now and give it up to their Dom/Daddy?

I'm not a sub but I know someone who's very take control in her work life and a slave at home. As soon as she gets in the door, she puts her collar and slave bells on and that serves to put her in that submissive mindset. She said it's like a signal that makes it so much easier to shake off the dominance she needs to put out at work and settle into her submissiveness at home. Just an idea.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to ChristineWho71)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> In control all day...want to be submissive at "home"

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.113