|
Sanguinarian -> RE: Angry Dom. (4/11/2014 6:57:20 AM)
|
This is where Emotion, Physical Sensation and Logic get all fuxed up. With the last one who attempted such things are you are describing with me, he found out very very fast that I don't need physical stimulus ( aka sex ) and I can shut off the Emotion to turn to only Logic and Reason. Now, that is not to say what I feel has no bearing on what I do. But you have to look at the bare bones of the matter, first. I figure this little list will help anyone who is reading this, actually, as well as the OP though I am using her posts as a basic template.
Logic bespeaks the mode of self preservation. Are you able to preserve your 'self' with this person? I will not say Dom because being a Dom is about your sub trusting you to protect them and I'd say that if you are here, asking others about this, you cannot 'trust' him in this regard. Redflag right there and a huge one that cannot be missed, but often is.
Logic is also about facts. Fact: this person did something unexpected that should have stopped the session cold so it could be discussed.
Fact: He got angry with you, because you either A) didn't address him properly or B) started bleeding? Little unclear here, but anger has NO part of ANY session, ever. This is how people die, during a session.
Fact: He is not allowing for your time to need to adapt.
Fact: He is punishing you, for something that, right now, is physically inpossible for you to do, and not allowing for any change to maybe get to that point.
Fact: A little gross, but have you ever seen a diaper rash, a bad one? That is what happens when one sits in their own feces. Some like it, but health-wise? Not so much.
Fact: He is intimating to you that you have no brain and no right to say Fuck you, I ain't doing that.
This is where Physical Sensation comes in. Does what he do make you feel good, or bad? So far, I see nothing but bad. That is two strikes against him so far.
And finally, Emotion. Since parts one and two are essentially negative, I would assume that the emotions so far, are also negative. Sometimes they make you feel worthless that you aren't a 'good sub' and they waste so much time on you when they could have had a dozen airfilled fluffheaded twits who don't know any better. Or they just cut you off and make you feel alone, that you did so wrong they can't even deal with it! OMG. They blame, guilt trip and use many passive aggressive stunts often found in Highschool Cliques. If given enough time, they swirl you around like an emotional milkshake until you can't even see your own color anymore and thank them for 'keeping' you.
Translation: They are afraid if they lose you, they won't be Domly anymore and because of that, their Average Joe asses would be hauled to lockup if they backhanded any other girl.
I have often seen BDSM and Dom masks being used as a cover for plain old domestic abuse. They find a newbie, one who is curious and entice them with candy coated words like " I been in the life for 10 years and I'll take care of you. " Oh, and my personal favorite: " I love you." Pare away the kink, and it is any other asshole who beats his spouse. It gives the real deals a bad name and taints Everyone's reputations. Also why we get very little good press, here.
Yes, anger is good for you, in your situation, but don't let it rule you. There are situations where said person can use your own anger against you, to make you feel bad and crawl right back to him.
There are good ones out there, who won't 'belatedly' disclose what they are. Nor will they push you to get into your pants on the very first meeting. Who prefer the dynamics over how fast they can get your shirt off, in a way that shows they respect YOU. Who wait, until YOU say, okay, I can do this, instead of, Hey, wanna try, wanna try, wanna try, or let's try it this way, or this way." In any effort they can, to get you to do what they want, regardless of what you can handle.
Look for the ones who don't feel the need to parade their dick size, or what they have in their dungeon unless they also run a business selling hand made toys. You are a person, not a bag of fuck meat. Also, since you weren't too thrilled with being backhanded, maybe sadists aren't a good idea to start with.
|
|
|
|
