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Hello, - 4/11/2014 1:22:29 AM

Deiphile

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/8/2014
Status: offline

In some ways I don't know where to begin. After a week of looking at this site I put a shit ton of everything I could think of into my profile, and I expect I will look at it tomorrow and delete it again.

I was trained to be a Dom, by a sub that was really trying her hand for the first time as a switch, in order to teach me. My next sub, was really more of just an experiment at an open or poly relation, which really ended with her wanting me to be more Dom than I was ready atm, and her not fulfilling my expectations either on many other levels. I also have a son by her, and we actually have a decent relationship now as friends. My last GF was a vanilla whom I couldnt get into the lifestyle due to personal traumas I'm not willing to share b/c of my respect for her, but it made me realize that I need the structure, and the sub, I feel lost just on my own... is that normal?

Also dont focus on the lack of pics, I will fix that shortly, if anything I'd like subs to post what types of pic they would like. I have to repeat tho I'm slender not very muscly, so shirtless pics are sure to disappoint.

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RE: Hello, - 4/11/2014 1:52:39 AM

CrimsonFire1959

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/11/2014
Status: offline

I read your profile. I like it. It is very straight and to the point. I am not sure what needs to be changed. I can sense "strength" in your profile. I would suggest if I may so bold...leave it as is.

(in reply to Deiphile)

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RE: Hello, - 4/11/2014 3:28:23 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I tried to read your profile but my eyes began to glaze over.

Paragraphs are your FRIEND, please use them.

Oh and, welcome to the *other* side of CM.

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RE: Hello, - 4/11/2014 4:35:36 AM

Deiphile

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/8/2014
Status: offline

Thank you Chatte,
I know I havn't edited well at all yet. It's about as much of a rough draft as is available, I really just wrote it, from my top of the head, Its the first where I felt I put into all the details I needed. I also feel confident in putting run-ons b/c its the internet, oops. TBH tho i keep reading about this *other* side and am sure I dont understand, unless you just mean the forums, b/c this site is almost as obscure as any deep web site. (almost)

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RE: Hello, - 4/11/2014 4:47:58 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I mean the *other* side. Forums, games, and a distinct lack of meat market mentality.

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RE: Hello, - 4/11/2014 5:03:01 AM

Deiphile

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/8/2014
Status: offline

darn, so no young filet mignon?

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

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RE: Hello, - 4/11/2014 5:07:19 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

We've got some prime males here on this side. But the best thing about them is their brains -- yum.

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RE: Hello, - 4/11/2014 6:49:48 AM

Rasciallymisty

Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline

Hello and welcome its nice to have you join us here on the discussion side. Take a look around and see what we are all about and feel free to jump on in.

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~misty~

Been here since 2004

Fear has two meanings: "Forget Everything And Run" or "Face Everything And Rise." The choice is yours!!!!!

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RE: Hello, - 4/11/2014 11:20:57 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

Hi Deiphile. Welcome to CM and the forums. The forums are fun, interesting & educational. Enjoy your stay.

NBMG

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I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

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RE: Hello, - 4/14/2014 4:23:42 AM

Deiphile

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/8/2014
Status: offline

Thank you all. Parfait, after some looking it over I'm not sure where you think I should break, as it would seem to me I broke appropriately for each paragraph. I wish the background was sepia, so the length doesn't seem as much. If you see something I can do without, or if you have an actual critique, pls let me know, but vagueness just leads to nothing. I'm sure we will get to know each other in the time ahead.

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RE: Hello, - 4/14/2014 5:36:40 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

OP: I took a skim of your profile and I spent about ~1 second on it and that was just too much for my eyes.
I didn't even read the first word - it was just a wall of text to be avoided.

Waay waay waay too much in just one paragraph!!!
Brevity can help you here.
You aren't writing a book. Think of it as a prologue or preface.

We have a long profile but the paragraphs are much much shorter.
Think about what you can read in about 10-15 seconds and that's where you need to insert a break.

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RE: Hello, - 4/16/2014 3:41:46 AM

Deiphile

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/8/2014
Status: offline

Ty Freedomdwarf1,
Honestly, I'd rather write the book, than a preface, but I think I understand. At the least it should at most be the blurb on the back of the book, but not the whole book, or even its summary. IDK what 10-15 seconds when reading is to you, but next time I edit, I think I should, read it aloud to check, or make sure it fits, at least verbal use, and is also better visually organized.
Again Ty, all opinions and critiques are welcome.

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Post #: 12