Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes

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avox -> Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/12/2014 5:30:11 PM)
Had to go to the local college library, where I was essentially floored by the risqué vestments habitually found on some of the young ladies. Subsequent googling for why many women dress the way they do, I found this enlightening opinion piece regarding, not provocative vestments, but why basal sexual attitudes are so very different between men and women. The quoted article is not about why men and women are so extremely fundamentally different about suggestive garb; but, it partially explains why the women and men at this school seemingly dressed so very differently, one with carefully chosen salacious abandon, the other with seemingly nonchalant gear: Why Men Want Sex and Women Want Love, by Elena Solomon Some of the potential platitudes: quote: The reason humans want sex is due to the hormone testosterone, which is predominantly male hormone. A normal male’s body produces 20 times more of this hormone than a female’s. In other words, a male feels the same way after one day without sex as a female after 20 days without sex. A male that has not had sex in 20 days feels the same way as a female after more than a year without sex. quote: For generations women were paying too high a price for making a wrong choice. Women that have chosen men with bad genes had a weaker offspring and their children struggled to survive. Women that have chosen men with good genes had a stronger offspring and their children survived disproportionably. Those children were carrying their picky mother’s genes quote: For a man, sex is a physical act that eases the testosterone pressure he experiences constantly. Only after this tension has gone, can a man feel love towards a woman. This is why it often happens that men disappear after they got what they wanted: it wasn’t love; it was the testosterone pressure. Sex for men is the reality check of their passio quote: This is why having sex early in the relationship is hazardous for women: the man has not had the time to develop any romantic feelings for her. He needs time to develop those feelings, and the only way to do it is through keeping the sexual tension going for as long as practicable. Sex must be attainable, nearly possible - but not quite. When the sexual tension is at its peak, its release is mind-blowing - and once is never enough, which lays a proper foundation for a future relationship - and love. And, most appropriate to the point of what I was trying to better understand regarding female choice of vestments: quote: By Nature men are made to seek as much sex as they can get, so they can spread their seed wider. By Nature women are made to seek as many admirers as they can get, so they can make a better choice and get the best seed. Do you have a better reference for why young women tend to dress far too provocatively for what they're actually doing?

DesFIP -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/12/2014 6:11:43 PM)
You have to get your head out of your pants. Women don't dress for guys. They dress for other women and themselves. They don't care that you get a boner as long as you don't start hassling them. If it's 90 out and the guys are in shorts with no shirts, then why shouldn't a woman be able to strip down to shorts and a sports bra? Yet you think that she's doing it to get attention. It's not true. Your inferences are wrong because your premise is wrong. I live in a college town. I have one recent graduate and one in school. I know all their friends and they all complain about clueless guys. My daughter first hit idiot males with this attitude when she was still in middle school. She and friends climbed off their horses and a mother drove them to town to buy lunch. They got guys ten years their senior drooling on them because it was midsummer and they were in tank tops and breeches and boots with a crop in the boot. They didn't care about the guys. They wanted lunch before they had to get back on for the afternoon riding lesson. That's all. Yet males your age assumed they were deliberately being provocative. This is a rape culture view. It's one short step from what you're saying to "she was asking for it or she wouldn't have dressed like that". Go home, ask your mother about her experiences. If she's honest, she'll tell you what males like you did to her when she was younger. And she should be horrified that you turned out this way.

Darkfeather -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/12/2014 6:16:08 PM)
welcome to the 21st century...

Chwilfrydig -> Male Female attitudes about risque dress (4/12/2014 7:14:04 PM)
In my opinion, women use body language more than clothing to seek admirers. A glance, a smile, a touch - that's our signal that we like ya'. I've known hundreds of women and can only think of two who dressed provocatively on purpose to attract a man, and in both cases they were after a particular man, not men in general. The rest I've known dress for the reasons DesFIP described. What about the men's choice of vestments? Or rather, their lack of vestments, as evidenced by the overwhelming plethora of cock shots on this site. The bigger question to me is why men remain so clueless as to what is actually going to attract "as much sex as they can get". I'm not bashing men, btw. I like men, especially men in good-looking clothes.

avox -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/12/2014 10:23:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darkfeather welcome to the 21st century... Indeed. quote: ORIGINAL: Chwilfrydig What about the men's choice of vestments? Or rather, their lack of vestments, as evidenced by the overwhelming plethora of cock shots on this site. Along that vein, the world flips upside down between real and online. For example, I noticed at the real-world university that it was the men (kids mostly, in their teens and twenties) who were universally in casual jeans, sneakers, Ts, and sweatshirts. However, it was the women who were showing camel toes, most of their boobs, and half their buns. I wasn't looking, but I doubt a single cock was hanging out whereas plenty of boobs and buns were there for all to see. Likewise, I just ran a search here, and saw plenty of boobs and buns here too, so the women seem to act the same in both real and online whereas the men seem to go all out with the cock shot here, but not in the real world. There's something to be learned from that clearly obvious circumstance - but I'm not likely the one to know how exactly to interpret the fact that the women use their clothing (or lack thereof) as a tool all the time while the men only seem to employ the cock shot here, but not in the stated university setting. quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Women ... dress for other women and themselves. Yeah, everyone has heard that. And women don't marry for money either. You have to decide if there is any logic in what you say, and what I'm looking for is logical thought. It is incomprehensible to me that all those boobs and camel toes were for other women. Maybe they are (I'm not a woman); but I don't subscribe to the theory that women are cutting their pants off above at angles that show half their buns for the other women out there to view, nor are they doing it for "themselves". quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP If it's 90 out and the guys are in shorts with no shirts, then why shouldn't a woman be able to strip down to shorts and a sports bra? Good question. A nipple is a nipple. I think most laws which bother to define public obscenity do so setting their sights on a woman's nipple but not a man's nipple. Why? Makes no logical sense. But, I do know that, for me, seeing a man's nipple has no effect, but seeing a woman bra less in the university library has the desired effect. quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Yet you think that she's doing it to get attention. It's not true. Logic tells me there can be no other reason. But, that's why I asked. And where the hell did the "rape card" get pulled out from?

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/13/2014 12:07:39 AM)
I have to point out that your quote is from suave.com. Not exactly Psychology Today. You appear to need articles like the above to shore up your poor impulse control and I'm going to bet the rationale about why you cheat, b/c you just need sex soooooo much more. Bullshit. You're 45 years old and still think women dress for men? Sure, some go out of their way to dress in a provocative manner. I did when I was under 25. It didn't mean I wanted to have sex with 45 year old men, I just liked being a cock tease. It spelled POWER to me. You know so little about how women think and feel I have to wonder if you've ever had a long term relationship. By that I mean more than a year or so. As far as early sex being hazardous for women, I call bullshit again. If it's extremely good sex, my own experience has shown it doesn't matter if it happens early. Lust can and does lead to love all the time, for those who have more maturity than a ten year old. Stop reading stupid bull shit articles about how to pick up women for sex. If you really want great sex with a women who will give it to you as much as you want, you need to be the kind of secure and stable person women find most attractive. Oh and, welcome to the discussion side of CM.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/13/2014 12:31:03 AM)
FR Pick up Artist tip sites are not the place to go to for serious insights into women. They treat women like objects or puzzles to be solved - women are A B and C, so you need to do X Y Z ad she won't be able to resist you! Here's a secret: women are people. They are much more complex than vending machines. They have their own agenda, tastes and ideas. Some women do in fact just want sex, and some guys really do want a relationship. People are more sophisticated than tired theories about cave women being picky about who impregnates them. Feeling attractive is a goal in itself, it doesn't need to be about signaling for sex. What is it about the female body that makes it inappropriate for a library? Nothing at all. It only becomes inappropriate when people start reading sexual motivation into her every action. The article says sex early in a relationship is hazardous to a woman. That annoys me. Not every woman uses sex as a way of claiming a man as her own. Women actually enjoy sex too. It may have been hazardous 100 years ago when an extra-marital shag could leave me sick and pregnant and open to public shame, but those days are gone. Women are in charge of their own sexuality and reproduction. We're not fragile flowers who will be devastated if we have sex with a guy and it doesn't turn into marriage. We're not so fucking clueless that we think a shag means true love forever. Likewise it's insulting to men - they are so totally ruled by testosterone, poor things! They surely are no more than grunting cavemen looking for the next fuck. Those women need to keep them in line and make them work for it. Please. Pro tip - women can tell when you're working through tips from a site like that. Really. I've had many a conversation with girlfriends about them. It makes you stand out a mile, because you are trying to apply a clumsy formula to human interaction.

stef -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/13/2014 1:10:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: avox Do you have a better reference for why young women tend to dress far too provocatively for what they're actually doing? Because they want to. Alert the media.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/13/2014 1:42:32 AM)
I've got two daughters. One of them dresses very casually, though clearly in a feminine manner while the other dresses in a definitively female fashion. Both of my daughters dress the way they have always done without it being what a person would term overtly provocative but still, they both managed to attract attention. My youngest daughter tends to dress in jeans and casually dressy blouses. Before she was married...and sometimes now with her husband...she would go clubbing. On those nights, she would wear dressier jeans or, on the rare occasion, a dress. It wasn't cut up to her ass but about midway up her thighs. So...no camel toes, no nipples hanging out, no deliberate ass shots and she still attracted/attracts attention. Some of it nice, some of it not. My oldest daughter tends to dress in jeans and casual blouses/t=shirts only when she is not working as a nurse. When she is going somewhere, she dresses up in about the same manner as her sister with a slightly more "feminine" spin on it...i.e., a little more revealing top or a slightly tighter dress, boots or high heels rather than flats or low heels. Still...no camel toes, no nipples hanging out, no deliberate ass shots and she still attracted/attracts attention. Again, some of it nice and some of it not. Because I have been smart enough and lucky enough to cultivate a good relationship with my daughters from their young years, we talk about a LOT of stuff. And when I have asked them who they dress to please, their answers have varied, depending on their status at the time, from "hopefully, nice guys, Dad" to "me, Daddy". Never have I heard them say "I am trying to get laid, Dad". And you know why? Because they knew what most women learn early on...they really don't have to try to attract a guy to get laid. Most guys, in any place where guys and girls gather, will pursue almost every unattached woman and will say yes if given the chance. Some may deny this but I have found it to be true when the subject is brought up...the biggest difference between men and women when they go out on the town is this...a woman, for the most part, knows whether she is going to get laid or not. The guy doesn't. And let's be honest: that is true whether the woman is wearing a dress down to her ankles or the shortest cut dress (top and bottom) in the place.

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/13/2014 2:42:03 AM)
Really should not respond to this thread .... but I tend to agree ... the OP is in a different universe ... [:D] Myself, got a text from a 25 year old Friday afternoon. A young Lady I met two months ago ... and she indicated she would like to go out .... which shocked me, but I moved quickly and suggested we have dinner ... thinking it would get rid of her from my cell ... Instead, she said yes! Picked her up at a disgustingly lousy inner city house near the University ... and too my surprise, she dressed like a Lady! Lovely, classy outfit, fit for an elegant restaurant! As I was in a suit (without a tie) and in seeing her attire; I changed plans on the fly, and we went to a really nice upper class restaurant that was only five miles away. Over dinner, we talked ... And that is the key point .... Well, then to, I liked her ambition, drive and life dreams .... so we related .... Guess I don't need to tell you the rest ... cause you must know, I got lucky and wasn't expecting anything! So much for clothing theories ... cause I just got home from Saturday night! and it was quite live. [:)]

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/13/2014 3:42:59 AM)
I suggest you ask permission to leave cloud cuckoo land. You are obviously not mentally capable of doing that on your own. Jeeez OP.. where do you find this kinda bullshit? Someone of your age should have worked out by now that this is just one huge pile of crap It may have escaped your notice but the majority of responses on here were from women! They have universally shot that story down as crap. As for your post #5 [:'(] Do you honestly think men post cock shots on profiles because it's topsy-turvy to the real world?? Get real!! [8\|] They do it online because they, like you, think it's what women want to see but don't have the balls to do it in the real world. And yes, those boobs and camel toes are generally for other women or because they are comfortable. Not because they want you to look at them. And Des was right... Your skewed and twisted PoV is part of the rape culture. Your thoughts are perverted enough to get you into serious trouble. Leave the porn alone and start living in the real world!!

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/13/2014 5:03:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 I suggest you ask permission to leave cloud cuckoo land. You are obviously not mentally capable of doing that on your own. Jeeez OP.. where do you find this kinda bullshit? Someone of your age should have worked out by now that this is just one huge pile of crap OP ... freedomdwarf1 is right on the money! Heck, when I was 16, my Mother and Her best friend were telling me to read Cosmopolitan, and other Female oriented magazines, to learn about what Women are interested in. While you might say the media has changed ... and I grant you that ... human nature hasn't ... Women are the same as they were when the wheel was invented. Then too, Your post appears to go back to Neanderthal! [:D] When you look past attire, and stop thinking about what is between your legs; you might find Women are real people too. Treat all Women as you would your mother .... or better yet, as real people! Then the "cock shot" you mention, won't even matter; nor will it be necessary to demonstrate you are a "real man". [:D] Since You posted this on a BDSM oriented site, I will add ... was talking with a Lady I know recently. She is both a psychologist, as well as a Domme. W/we were talking about why men dream of being with a Domme, and fail. While you say you are a switch, and mostly Dominant, your post could be Exhibit A in the discussion I enjoyed with my Lady friend. And BTW .. welcome to the boards ....

InHisHeart -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/13/2014 5:46:43 AM)
So all us women come from the same mold, we all think alike, have the same motives for what we wear, have the same libido and thoughts about sex. Whether I'm wearing shorts and a tank top or jeans and a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt, I dress for me, for my comfort, I don't dress to attract men and never did. My attitude has always been if a guy is attracted to me, he'll be attracted to me no matter what I'm wearing, whether or not I have make-up on, if my hair is pulled back in a pony tail or styled. As for sex, I had to laugh at how it is going 20 days without sex for men vs women. I'll have to inform my high libido of that, it doesn't know I'm not supposed to want sex as often as I do. Ask my Dom what kind of bear I become if I have to go without sex for a few days. I also never found having sex early on was hazardous to me as a women. Some of us women do enjoy sex just for the sex and don't fall to pieces crumbled up in the corner if the guy disappears or a relationship doesn't come out of it. I've had sex that was nothing more than casual sex, no expectations, no strings attached, simply both of us getting what we wanted from each other. I've had what started out as casual sex but over time a LTR developed. Believe it or not, we are all different and reading what you quoted from the article is a lot of BS. If you want to know what a woman is thinking, why she does the things she does, get to know that woman.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/13/2014 5:49:03 AM)
[sm=goodpost.gif]

RedMagic1 -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/13/2014 6:16:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: avox Had to go to the local college library, where I was essentially floored by the risqué vestments habitually found on some of the young ladies. Subsequent googling for why many women dress the way they do, I found this enlightening opinion piece regarding, not provocative vestments, but why basal sexual attitudes are so very different between men and women. Honestly, I think you are more impressed by appearance than by reality, and this shows up both in your analysis of women and your choice of what words to use when you present yourself on a message board. For example, your thesaurus may tell you that "vestments" and "clothing" mean the same thing, but that isn't true. Vestments are clothes that connote power, especially in a religious context -- like what a bishop or The Pope might wear. To use that word when talking about a college-aged woman dressing to go to the library, well, it makes no sense unless she's girding herself for a battle with the books. Maybe she decides to wear glasses instead of contacts because she thinks it makes her look nerdier, so it's psychological support for learning stuff. But you aren't talking about that, so you sound a bit pretentious. Same deal with clothing as with words. Don't see things how you personally perceive them. See them as they really are, in their societal context. Almost no women are going to the library to pick up guys. They want to "look good," because they will be in public and don't want their friends or sorority sisters to say, "Wow, you were a bit of a slob on Tuesday." But they want to be comfortable so they can mentally focus. A lot of being able to see the world scientifically involves getting out of our own way -- not allowing what we want to see, or are afraid to see, to color our perception of what's really there. It's hard to do, and it involves letting go of a lot of ego defense.

kalikshama -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/13/2014 6:45:50 AM)
quote: This is why having sex early in the relationship is hazardous for women: the man has not had the time to develop any romantic feelings for her. He needs time to develop those feelings, and the only way to do it is through keeping the sexual tension going for as long as practicable. Sex must be attainable, nearly possible - but not quite. When the sexual tension is at its peak, its release is mind-blowing - and once is never enough, which lays a proper foundation for a future relationship - and love. I wasn't even in a relationship with my husband the first time we had sex, and we ended up married for 18 years.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/13/2014 7:12:56 AM)
My husband and I had sex within about twenty minutes of meeting in the flesh and somehow he managed to keep his interest up in me, despite his testosterone. Then again, since I am an adult woman capable of making my own decisions, I didn't consider it to be a big risk. If we didn't work out, that would've been fine too.

GotSteel -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/13/2014 8:21:25 AM)
The opinions you've found on sexuality are very dated. Women are inherantly just as sexual as men the reason this traditionally hasn't been represented in our culture is the sexual repression that women have been subjected to. With the progress women rights movements have made to cast that off and the more secular shift in our culture things have changed a lot in the newer generations and will continue to change.

Musicmystery -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/13/2014 8:26:47 AM)
That's not an article -- it's an opinion piece written for some girl's website, with no research, no insight, no independent observation. If you've ever dated, you know the girl wants sex again far sooner than 20 days. Holy fuck. What crap. College girls dress provocatively because (1) they are young kids (2) away from adult supervision (3) trying to out do the next girl.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Male Female attitudes about risqué dress - some interesting insights underlying inherent processes (4/13/2014 8:51:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Musicmystery That's not an article -- it's an opinion piece written for some girl's website, with no research, no insight, no independent observation. If you've ever dated, you know the girl wants sex again far sooner than 20 days. Holy fuck. What crap. College girls dress provocatively because (1) they are young kids (2) away from adult supervision (3) trying to out do the next girl. Agreed. And very often young girls dress provocatively for the sole purpose of seeing who can be the bigger tease a/o have the most men lusting after them. It's a game to them, they have no intention of having sex with all those guys. They are playing around with their sexuality and new found power over men. Unfortunately, it can be a dangerous game when people such as the OP think it means they're ready and willing to have sex with the next dick that comes along. This is why Des called his attitude part of the culture of rape. A very sad commentary for a man who is 45 years old.

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