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Ex-subs or ex-slaves among you - 4/21/2014 3:00:44 PM

Lec

Posts: 26
Joined: 4/12/2014
Status: offline

Dominant ladies of collarme,

I would like you to share with me your experience if you've ever been a sub or slave in a relationship, and how it was going?

How did you realize it was not good for you?
Why did you enter such a relationship in the first place?
Were there some GOOD elements about it still?

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RE: Ex-subs or ex-slaves among you - 4/21/2014 5:35:17 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
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Paging NiceButMeanGirl!!

(in reply to Lec)

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RE: Ex-subs or ex-slaves among you - 4/21/2014 5:47:11 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

Hi MDA!! I'm here!!

Yes, I used to be a submissive. When I first was kinky I was a submissive & I just ate it up. Loved it. Couldn't imagine ever being any other way. Then, after a couple years or so, I started getting this itch to do some Topping, so see how it felt to do the things I'd been receiving. My then-Dom said, "Oh no. You are NOT a switch, you are SO not a switch." Well, I tried it and I liked it. I so WAS a switch, much to his dismay. lol

More time went by and I realized I was getting to where I chafed against taking orders. I wanted to be the one GIVING the orders.....and GIVING the sensations. Oh yeah. And the day that my then-Dom got into the middle of things with my own sub and I, that's the day he & I broke up AND I realized I was no longer a switch, but a full-fledged Domme. I was a sub for a little over two years, a switch for a little over a year and, so far, I've been a Domme for almost two and a half years and I can't imagine me being any other way.

I look back fondly on some of the time I spent as a submissive, not because I want to go back there. I so do NOT want to go back there. I have fond memories because of a Daddy Dom I had & fell into crazy love with. He was the one that some of those who've posted here for years will remember as my Daddy who got hit by a train & killed. I will never forget him & what we had.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

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RE: Ex-subs or ex-slaves among you - 4/21/2014 5:51:38 PM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
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NBMG. I'd never heard your whole journey. Thanks for sharing it with everyone. I'm fairly certain that the OP is representative of many, so hopefully your response will aid those facing the same transitional thoughts.

MDA. You haz mail.

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Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.

I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

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RE: Ex-subs or ex-slaves among you - 4/21/2014 6:01:04 PM

asanaambitions

Posts: 62
Joined: 8/26/2013
Status: offline

When I first was introduced to the BDSM scene 7 years ago (as opposed to BDSM itself, which was about 11 years ago) I figured that since I like it when people do things TO me and I kinda liked the idea of my partner taking on the decisions in a relationship that I was a sub. Only took me about 6 months to figure out that I was a switch, but I still almost always bottomed in scenes because male tops are easy to find and the "worthless worm" submissive males didn't appeal to me in the slightest...and that's all I was seeing when I went out to play parties. I tried for a good 4-ish years to be submissive in my relationships and just couldn't figure out why I was so unhappy and my partners so frustrated. Now of course I realize that I have a very strong dominant personality and very few of the Doms I was dating could match me in that. These days I identify solely as a dominant because I don't have any desire to switch, though I do still enjoy it when my partner likes to get aggressive during sex. But other than rough sex I have no desire to bottom in a scene, I never really liked being tied up or whipped and especially not objectified/degraged even when I was trying to be submissive. I think overall it was a good experience for me, I did learn a lot and it got me experience I never would have had otherwise. I do sometimes wish that I'd discovered it in my teen years, but there's not much point in wishing :)

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

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RE: Ex-subs or ex-slaves among you - 4/21/2014 10:23:55 PM

Lec

Posts: 26
Joined: 4/12/2014
Status: offline

How did you overcome the certain propaganda that's served to subs:
Like you must put their needs before your own. You must not be selfish etc. Basically some dom(me)s teach you that it's only morally right to be submissive. Like if you dominate you're selfish, or even if you don't obey, you're bad sub (which extends to mean a bad person)... They can say all those things convenientily, while forgetting that they are according to such morals "very bad persons".

(in reply to asanaambitions)

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RE: Ex-subs or ex-slaves among you - 4/22/2014 3:58:01 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lec

How did you overcome the certain propaganda that's served to subs:
Like you must put their needs before your own. You must not be selfish etc. Basically some dom(me)s teach you that it's only morally right to be submissive. Like if you dominate you're selfish, or even if you don't obey, you're bad sub (which extends to mean a bad person)... They can say all those things convenientily, while forgetting that they are according to such morals "very bad persons".

While I admit I have never met up with anyone spouting this kind of bullshit, I would deal with it the same way I deal with anyone trying to feed me a lie. And in this case it would be as simple as pointing out their hypocrisy.

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"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to Lec)

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RE: Ex-subs or ex-slaves among you - 4/22/2014 8:21:09 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lec

How did you overcome the certain propaganda that's served to subs:
Like you must put their needs before your own. You must not be selfish etc. Basically some dom(me)s teach you that it's only morally right to be submissive. Like if you dominate you're selfish, or even if you don't obey, you're bad sub (which extends to mean a bad person)... They can say all those things convenientily, while forgetting that they are according to such morals "very bad persons".

Hey!

Some subs may in fact be fed propaganda. But it is NOT certain.

And why is "putting someone else's needs ahead of yours" propaganda? It's part of being a sub to put someone's WANTS ahead of yours. But if both sets of needs aren't getting met, it won't work.

"Basically some dom(me)s teach you that it's only morally right to be submissive."

Please show me one single instance of this.

"if you dominate you're selfish, or even if you don't obey, you're bad sub (which extends to mean a bad person)..."

This one is tricky. Some doofuses insist that subs obey. This is actually part true, because a sub WILL obey his or her Dom/me. But not everyone. And if a sub does try to take over a relationship, that's called "topping from the bottom", and is looked down upon, although it's very subjective whether that's taking place, who's responsible, and whether it's an issue.

"They can say all those things convenientily, while forgetting that they are according to such morals "very bad persons".

Nope. A sub acting like a Dom indicates a problem, while a Dom acting like a Dom does not.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Lec)

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RE: Ex-subs or ex-slaves among you - 4/22/2014 3:49:38 PM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

My parents were closet kinky, as were a lot of their friends. Neither were very good at hiding it though. My mother was always a very submissive person so I thought that was how women were supposed to be. The problem was I wasn't really like that. I met and fell for one of the most wonderful and impressive men I have ever known. I was willing to do anything he asked, but a lot of the time I fucked it up because though I wanted to I just couldn't. I didn't then and don't now like being told what to do. If things aren't fun for me as far as sex goings I just refuse to take part. It was actually the dom I had fallen for that pointed things out to me. He suggested I might want to try something else and to be very honest it took swinging a whip just once for me to find where I belong.
Were there good things about it???? Oh, hell, yeah. That man could fuck like it was the reason he was born, he liked buying me things, treated me like gold. We are still friends to this day. We just weren't supposed to be together like that and we both know it.

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It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

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RE: Ex-subs or ex-slaves among you - 4/22/2014 4:15:32 PM

Politesub53

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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Errr I thought it was the reason we were all born.......

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

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RE: Ex-subs or ex-slaves among you - 4/22/2014 5:22:05 PM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
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Oh, no, little polite one. Let me assure you that it isn't the reason some men are born. In fact it is the reason some men should just go stand in a corner.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to Politesub53)

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RE: Ex-subs or ex-slaves among you - 4/23/2014 3:46:48 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Ha ! Now I`m having self doubts. Can I put it down to old father time ?

< Message edited by Politesub53 -- 4/23/2014 3:47:58 PM >

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RE: Ex-subs or ex-slaves among you - 5/8/2014 6:12:11 PM

Sexyladydee

Posts: 60
Joined: 9/3/2009
Status: offline

Would someone please figure out how to put a like/love button under comments? @MissImmortalPain 👏👏👏👏👏👏

I'm not selfish, just stubborn and usually right. LadyDee

(in reply to Politesub53)

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RE: Ex-subs or ex-slaves among you - 5/8/2014 7:09:19 PM

MzBlackOnyx

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/30/2013
Status: offline

I experienced what your talking about with this cpl I dated before i became a D. He was a D and she was his sub pet. I told him when he met me that I dont do roles in my personal intimate relationships - you both are you and im me - theres none of that role shit because im the head of my entire family since my mom died with responsibilities, a job, my own place and a daughter and my own problems. I dont have time to get off work or spend my down time catering to someones ego and needs before my own. My damn feet hurt so we cater to EACH OTHER, im both your gf, not your sub or her sister sub.

They were both cool with it. What broke us up was that I got tired of watching him run the girl ragged and finding fault with EVERYTHING she did. She was always "bad" in his book. One day she was talking to her mom on the phone and he demanded she stop talking on the phone to do some bullshit he could have done himself....or i could have even done it. So I grabbed the few items I always kept there and began to leave. They asked what was going on and I told him: your an ass and whinning like a lil Bitch and that is NOT sexy in a man. You seem jealous everytime shes giving someone beside this household her attention. You turn me off. And I told her: you say you had good parents who luved you and who are right now paying for your college education - you dont make your parents wait for ANYONE when its not an emergency. Ppl in this lifestyle come and go, your parents are there always - dumb pussy isnt sexy either and equally turns me off. Never saw'em again.

Being a subservient doesn't mean you loose common sense or logical reasoning. And yes there are D's who manipulate and take advantage. But thats where communication comes in. She was a pet who seem to be acting as a slave. But slave or no slave you dont make the woman who gave you life and provided a good life wait til a grown ass adult is done having a tantrum. Where is she going if they seperate? Right back to Mommy and Daddy - parents are the ULTIMATE and ABSOLUTE D and no competition there. A true D would never put a subservient in a position to choose between the two.

The Black Onyx

(in reply to Sexyladydee)

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