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Fucking cat wins - 4/21/2014 5:26:29 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

I was sitting in my bed last night, when K2 (second ver. Of “Klump”, a very large cat who seems lately to feel a need to sit on my chest at 2 a.m. and make a somewhat effective attempt at saying “WAKE THE FUCK UP DAD!!!”).

(This conversation takes place via some level of unspoken meter as well as knocking the cat the fuck off the bed).

Cat: “Dad, I’m feeling a need to be pet….your petting hand is outside of the bedspread which indicates that the petting hand is available for petting”

Dad: “You probably misunderstood the concept of the ‘free hand’. It’s for me….for my use, at all times…it’s there for freedom…to be free. It’s a sleeping hand…that hand is actually sleeping”.

Cat: “Yeah, I get that but (now pawing at my face), it’s there, and I’m thinking petting is a viable option”.

Dad: “Here’s the deal, I’m sleeping and, the hand is not awake, ergo, it’s a sleeping hand….therefore, the hand is not available at this time”.

Cat: “Totally understand that, I'm with you....totally, but here’s the deal…it’s 2 a.m. and I’m feeling a need to be pet, and well…there’s the godamned hand…I mean it’s kind of hard to deny…but….well…..there it is….”.

30 minutes later, 30 minutes respite…..I’d convinced the cat that 2 a.m. is not the most appropriate time for petting with the available hand…now 2:30 a.m., cat is back….

Cat: “Hey...HEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!….say, listen Dad it occurred to me, you’re kind of just sitting there, doing, frankly, not a lot and, well….the hand is still out there….petting is seemingly what it always does…..let’s get to the petting thing because well…it’s 2:30 a.m.now and I have mice to kill and a little petting could go a long way BUB!!!!!.....you think those mice in your shoes just fucking SHOW the FUCK up by accident?????? PREPARATION is involved here Pal...and frankly....I figured a little chill action on the petting gig you'd be all in..... petting works rather well for me”.

Dad: “Cat, you’re a pain in the ass, why do you feel a need to sit on my chest and paw at my face?”

Cat: “Dad, you’re so funny, listen, I know this seems a bit silly to you but frankly….petting is kind of what we agreed to when you picked me up, we never discussed time frames and well…I’m thinking "NOW" works for me"

Cat wins.

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 4/21/2014 5:28:17 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Fucking cat wins - 4/21/2014 5:52:12 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

Last time I moved, one of my cats took to waking me before dawn.

The third morning this happened, I said, "Oh. This means you want your claws clipped." Found the trimmer and snipped away as she yelled bloody murder.

She never woke me up again.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 2

RE: Fucking cat wins - 4/21/2014 6:07:26 PM

DomKen

Posts: 19457
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

My cat does that pawing my face thing when she's decided she's hungry. You'd think after almost 8 years she'd have figured out that no amount of cajoling would change meal times but every so often she'll start bugging me and when she get's my attention run over to her bowl and stand over it like I should hurry up and fill it.

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 3

RE: Fucking cat wins - 4/21/2014 6:14:01 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

Last time I moved, one of my cats took to waking me before dawn.

The third morning this happened, I said, "Oh. This means you want your claws clipped." Found the trimmer and snipped away as she yelled bloody murder.

She never woke me up again.

Clipping.

I'm on it.

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 4

RE: Fucking cat wins - 4/21/2014 6:24:48 PM

MasterG2kTR

Posts: 6677
Joined: 8/7/2004
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline

THIS might make you feel a little better about the whole situation....then again.....it might just make it worse......meh......

_____________________________

Did you know.....
Two wrongs don't make a right,
but three rights make a left
....think about it

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 5

RE: Fucking cat wins - 4/21/2014 6:36:55 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomKen

My cat does that pawing my face thing when she's decided she's hungry.

You both are getting off easy. Mine thinks my fingers are a tasty snack to nibble on between meals.

This is for Lookie:

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to DomKen)

Post #: 6

RE: Fucking cat wins - 4/21/2014 6:45:03 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterG2kTR

THIS might make you feel a little better about the whole situation....then again.....it might just make it worse......meh......

ROFLMFFAO (twice).

(in reply to MasterG2kTR)

Post #: 7

RE: Fucking cat wins - 4/21/2014 6:50:15 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

Me thinks Big Strong Dom Man is being dominated by his cat

It is ok...apparently I can be dominated by my dog, kids, the goldfish...

< Message edited by TieMeInKnottss -- 4/21/2014 6:51:29 PM >

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 8

RE: Fucking cat wins - 4/21/2014 7:01:34 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

... and this:

What is a good man but a bad man's teacher?
What is a bad man but a good man's job?
If you don't understand this, you will get lost,
However intelligent you are.

Fixed it for you, Lao Tzu:
(Who I'm sure was a fellow cat aficionado and wouldn't mind the modified version below.)

What is a good cat but a bad owner's teacher?
What is a bad* cat but a good owner's job?
If you don't understand this, you will get lost,
However intelligent you are.

* Not that there is such a thing as a "bad" cat.

[Edited to remove extra asterisk]

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 4/21/2014 7:30:03 PM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 9

RE: Fucking cat wins - 4/22/2014 2:34:06 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

Me thinks Big Strong Dom Man is being dominated by his cat

It is ok...apparently I can be dominated by my dog, kids, the goldfish...

Attachment (1)

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 10

RE: Fucking cat wins - 4/23/2014 4:29:43 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline

I am NOT dominated by by cat!

We are simply two alphas in the same space. I feed her and clean her litter box and occasionally she cuddles me.

Oh. Wait...

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 11

RE: Fucking cat wins - 4/23/2014 5:07:06 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

When my cat wants me to wake up in the morning, she paws at my CPAP mask until it breaks the seal so I wake up. Stinker!!

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

Post #: 12

RE: Fucking cat wins - 4/23/2014 8:13:47 PM

TheHeretic

Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
Status: offline

The wife cleans the cat's litter boxes, provides the wet food, handles the brushing, keeps track of their birthdays and is attentive to their common daily needs.

I mostly ignore them, refuse to be apologetic or even sympathetic when I step on them in a dark hallway (they can see in the dark, I can't - move!), regularly give them the cat-apult treatment when they get curious about food I'm eating, will let them stand there and stare at me through the back door while I make a sandwich, and require them to live in the presence of dogs.

Want to guess who the cats love and snuggle with?

Ya'll are doing the cat thing entirely wrong.

_____________________________

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 13

RE: Fucking cat wins - 5/16/2014 7:30:26 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

But...is your dog sure about that?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

I am NOT dominated by [the] cat!

(Just had to post this somewhere.

)

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

Post #: 14

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