18 year old sub here. Am I in the wrong place? (Full Version)

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imagiro -> 18 year old sub here. Am I in the wrong place? (4/22/2014 8:49:53 PM)

I've known for quite a while that I was kinky, even without experiencing it. I turned 18 about six months ago, and a couple months ago finally started to pursue this side of me. I found a few people to play with via craigslist, and after experiencing it I realized I don't want to waste my time dating someone only to find out they are not kinky, which is why I made an account on here. It has been less than a week since I signed up, and I've already been bombarded with nearly 200 messages, almost exclusively from guys over twice my age, many of whom want a very serious relationship. I'm really just looking for guys around my age who are kinky and want to date. Am I in the wrong place?



DesFIP -> RE: 18 year old sub here. Am I in the wrong place? (4/22/2014 9:03:26 PM)

Welcome.

Not the wrong place, just that right now you're showing up on the new member list which means all the guys looking for easy pickings will target you. It should drop down in about two months.

What you can do is search for guys in your area of your preferred age range, and if someone's profile attracts you, then you can contact him.

Alternately, try to find a TNG group to attend, they're composed of only those under 35.



aftrshock -> RE: 18 year old sub here. Am I in the wrong place? (4/22/2014 9:12:45 PM)

Yes, you're in the wrong place.

You're 18. You're thinking that people who are in a similar mindset to you will be on a website so they can filter through the bullshit.

This is unlikely.

If you really want to find someone who is like minded / kinky / etc, use a couple charms in the regular dating scene, and beyond everything else, attend munches. You can get familiar with the local community, and people will learn what you want / like / etc, and you have teh community as backup. That way you won't be victimized by some crazy person you meet on the internet. a lot of people in the bdsm community (at least here in the SF bay) really want references and the like. Yep, references, like a fucking job interview. But hey it keeps the crazies away. Wouldn't you prefer if everyone you dated had references from their exes so you know what you are getting into?

CM = meat market. As long as you want meat, you're in the right place. If you want to date, go to date areas. This is a creepshow.

My opinion, anyway.



Spiritedsub2 -> RE: 18 year old sub here. Am I in the wrong place? (4/22/2014 9:35:18 PM)

My own opinion is similar to the one above ^
This is not a good site for an 18 year old girl, no matter how kinky you are. Just no good at all. And that goes double for Craigslist.



Rasciallymisty -> RE: 18 year old sub here. Am I in the wrong place? (4/23/2014 7:39:04 AM)

Hello and welcome to the discussion forum where we talk about a wide variety of subjects ranging from relationship issues to exchanging recipes. If you have any questions, we have a Search feature that will help you find past threads on just about any topic you can imagine. Take a look around and see what we are all about and if a topic interest you join and tell us your thoughts and feelings. Its nice to have you here with us. Also what you seek most likely will not happen on this side but over on the profile side.....as this is the discussion side and not the dating side. Good luck in your search.



MasterCaneman -> RE: 18 year old sub here. Am I in the wrong place? (4/23/2014 7:55:06 AM)

Hello and welcome to the boards. I'm in general agreement with aftrshock on this one, but after the first month or so, they weird and demanding messages will taper off. You have to grow a thick skin, physically and metaphorically. While I'm loathe to tout another site, FetLife has more local and TNG listings than here. Best of luck in your search.



conflictedKitten -> RE: 18 year old sub here. Am I in the wrong place? (4/23/2014 6:42:37 PM)

That seems to be the case for most of these kink websites. ESPECIALLY if you're a young female sub.
My first day joining some guy tried to tell my Owner couldn't be a Dom because of his switch-like tendencies (towards my other Dom, part of our completely functional and loving poly relationship), and offered to be my 'real' Dom. -engage the rolling of the eyes- It's best not to listen to the lot of them.
I started getting into kink when I was around 18 too (also the time I started breaching out of what I thought was asexuality/aromanticism, so also sexuality in general). I'm going to be 20 this year and I still feel like I've got a lot to learn, pffft. (It's also good to see people wait to be a responsible age as opposed to girls I've seen who are 16 and throw themselves into the lifestyle and get taken advantage of. Good for you!) You'll get the hang of things eventually, don't worry. (I myself started on Tumblr. The kink community there can be pretty informative and helpful towards new subs, but there ARE some elitist assholes to be worried about, as in most communities)
I'm pretty new to this website in particular so I don't know a lot about the hooking up on here or anything, but another good place is Fetlife if you want to try that too. Granted there are just as many creeps there, but you can find nearby kink events so it's pretty useful.
But don't lose heart! I'm sure there are plenty of nice non-creepy guys you'll be compatible with in the future. Just make sure they respect you. Just because you submit to someone does NOT give them the right to treat you like any less of a person (outside of a consensual scene). And remember, you don't owe anyone you don't trust ANYTHING.



tiggerspoohbear -> RE: 18 year old sub here. Am I in the wrong place? (4/23/2014 9:30:31 PM)

Welcome to the forums. Whether you're 18 or 36, we were all new at one point, remember that. Insta-dums will be beating down the door to your inbox. Have the confidence and the wherewithal to say NO if someone makes you feel uncomfortable. Just because someone says you have to "prove" you're female by sending them naked pics, you don't owe anyone a thing. You're *A* submissive, not theirs. No matter how much they can pout, whine, throw a hissy fit. And you can bet your bottom dollar they will.

Meanwhile, take your time to look around the forums here, there's some great info to be had. It is possible to meet your partner here, I know I did and so did many others. Some from discussions on this side, others from the CM side. Fetlife is great for looking up groups in your area where they hold munches. These are usually held in restaurants, casual dress, no pressure, no playing at all. The TNG munches would be best for you. More within your age range.

Good luck, I would suggest staying away from Craigslist though. Gives me a creepy vibe. And look out for married men. Learn to trust your instincts a lot. Just because you're young doesn't mean the men should think you're silly too. Show them that brain. [:)]



ryushu -> RE: 18 year old sub here. Am I in the wrong place? (4/29/2014 4:32:57 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: tiggerspoohbear

Just because someone says you have to "prove" you're female by sending them naked pics,

And look out for married men.


I would say,IF they say this, Warning!!! Major Asshole alert. and in those cases, rather than run, just fuck with the guy's head. Many some of the more cruel bitches have some fun stock phrases

Is that a recommendation?

I have known some women who saw it as a sort of Good Housekeeping Seal of approval.

But I live in Asia and my wife was very old school Japanese. Actually required I have a mistress (small m).

Now if they give you the "My wife doesn't understand me...." I would say he is not very good at entering relationships with skill and a poor communicator, but for a practice partner, I would not write off married men.

Ask if you can talk to his wife.



ryushu -> RE: 18 year old sub here. Am I in the wrong place? (4/29/2014 4:46:50 AM)

Finally, and if I were only minorly computer literate, i could have probably done this all in one go, but I use Macs, so...

Good rule of thumb is for every 99 letters you will get one worth reading.

There might be another one or two which are at least respectful. My advice as your father, be civilized and answer all of those.

It is easy enough to say, "Thank you for writing. I am not interested." This is just good manners.

As Steve Job said in his Stanford address, "Stay hungry and stay foolish." this is risky stuff and you might have some say, Have you ever...?" and you think No Way.

I have been fortunate to know some rather foolish girls who trusted me and in the end said, wow, I thought I would hate that. So could we do that again?

but do a bit of medical research and ask the Old Ones on FetLife



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: 18 year old sub here. Am I in the wrong place? (4/29/2014 3:14:41 PM)

Hi imagiro,

Welcome to CM and the forums. I hope you enjoy your stay here.

NBMG



TieMeInKnottss -> RE: 18 year old sub here. Am I in the wrong place? (4/29/2014 5:39:51 PM)

We all have gone through this. Mail Controls are your best friend. Set them so that only men in a certain age range, location...get sent to your inbox...everybody else gets directed to "bulk mail". Really, really helps



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