Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (Full Version)

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littlebuck -> Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/23/2014 3:49:41 PM)

I would like to respectfully pose a question to the mistresses and dominant women on this site as I seek guidance.

Men tend to think with their penises and not with their brains and hearts. The man becomes stimulated and ... off he goes - to the dismay of his mistress. His disobedience to his mistress greatly hinders the relationship, something which must be avoided.
So what if a mistress takes total control over the submissive's sexuality including his ability to attain an erection, and indeed to even touch himself?
She makes him understand that being kept in a long term state of orgasm tease and denial teaches him obedience, submission and servitude towards his mistress, and that he truly is devoted to serving HER. His aching, swollen glands cry out for relief yet he derives pleasure because he is being denied release - most likely to her delight. He focusses on giving HER pleasure and obeying her every command.

Question posed: is orgasm tease and denial an effective training technique to teach obedience and servitude to a submissive/slave?

Please share your thoughts with me.

Note: the focus of this discussion is pleasing HER, not to fulfill his own kink.



asanaambitions -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/23/2014 4:28:53 PM)

I think if it actually pleases HER then it's something she'll probably want to do. However I believe that long term denial isn't actually a particularly good training tool. For me the purpose of tease and denial is to demonstrate to a man, who's probably never experienced it before, just how amazing sex is once you've truly awakened your erogenous zones and how mind blowing orgasms can be if you're not trying to get off as soon as humanly possible. I think it helps a man understand a woman's sexuality a bit more, since often times women need a bit more time to really get in the mood than men do (I have theories on why that is, but I don't want to derail the thread). Young boys aren't taught about erotisism and sensuality so it becomes a habit to rush straight for the finish line. T&D can certainly help break them of those habits and learn to appreciate a slow build up.

"His aching, swollen glands cry out for relief yet he derives pleasure because he is being denied release - most likely to her delight. He focusses on giving HER pleasure and obeying her every command." <--- To be honest as much as I've fantasized about something similar, my real life experiences have rarely matched this statement. I've known a lot of submissive men who fantasize about T&D to the point where it really isn't about pleasing the Domme anymore, it's about reaching the stage of denial that they've fantasized about in their heads for so long. The men that I've actually tried denying for more than a few days became so sex focused, as well as whiny and grumpy that I stop wanting to be around them or talk to them. They also became WAY more likely to be unable to comply with orders or even just demonstrate downright disobedience. I'm sure there are men out there who take much better to long term denial, after all everyone is unique, but I've yet to encounter one.



FieryOpal -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/23/2014 8:42:51 PM)

There are most likely as many varying opinions as there are experiences, in answer to OP's question.

I know precisely what you mean, asanaambitions, about whininess and grumpiness driving you up a wall. I had a husband who had been accustomed for years to very little denial, and it's a wonder I didn't have to slap the bejeezus out of him (figure of speech) to get him to stop complaining. Speak about consensual non-consent. [&o] That was a nightmare adjustment period for me as much as it was for him, I daresay. Then the sub I had after him, I swear he was cheating on our mutually agreed-upon orgasm control regimen. He wouldn't admit to it, although I knew better. For a number of reasons I won't go into, I won't do another commuter-distance D/s relationship dynamic again unless I've bumped my head and taken leave of my senses.

Now with my last sub, we were able to see one another every weekend on average, so this worked out just fine for us. Also, I'd decided the tease & denial was as much for me as it was for him, given the amount of time we had to spend together. As much edging as I put him through, I enjoy edging myself, so he had a very good attitude in delaying his sexual gratification with short-term denial. I haven't implemented long-term denial, so I wouldn't know how effective this would be or whether I would be compatible with a partner who wanted me to.



bowedB4Women -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/25/2014 8:15:38 PM)

This honor system never would have occurred to me ( porn )
Seems to me excessive tease and denial would lead to some pain. I'm defiantly not a beggar, but If it was gonna happen, this would do it.



Sexyladydee -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/25/2014 8:20:08 PM)

I don't use denial as a long term method of deprivation. In the beginning of a relationship it helps to establish who is in control. I am often approached by newbies and it helps to give them a clear idea of what is expected from me. It is also something that you can't truly ascertain if they are 100% in compliance. I also use it as a measure of honesty. I don't see it as a useful long term tool in a non-sexual D/s relationship. So to answer your question yes I personally think that used in moderation it can be effective. Unless you have sub who feels that is specifically something he needs.

I'm not selfish, just stubborn and usually right. LadyDee



littlebuck -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/27/2014 9:48:37 AM)

Thank all of you for your responses so far. I wanted to share this with you. It's a good discussion on male orgasm tease and denial from Elise Sutton's site.
Please tell me what you think.

http://elisesutton.homestead.com/chastity.html



MzArianaPA -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/27/2014 9:52:48 AM)

What I think?

Elise Sutton is actually a guy.



johnnytheguy -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/27/2014 10:14:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebuck

I would like to respectfully pose a question to the mistresses and dominant women on this site as I seek guidance.

Men tend to think with their penises and not with their brains and hearts. The man becomes stimulated and ... off he goes - to the dismay of his mistress. His disobedience to his mistress greatly hinders the relationship, something which must be avoided.
So what if a mistress takes total control over the submissive's sexuality including his ability to attain an erection, and indeed to even touch himself?
She makes him understand that being kept in a long term state of orgasm tease and denial teaches him obedience, submission and servitude towards his mistress, and that he truly is devoted to serving HER. His aching, swollen glands cry out for relief yet he derives pleasure because he is being denied release - most likely to her delight. He focusses on giving HER pleasure and obeying her every command.

Question posed: is orgasm tease and denial an effective training and servitude to a submissive/slave?

Please share your thoughts with me.

Note: the focus of this discussion is pleasing HER, not to fulfill his own kink.


Not only that orgasm control and tease and denial are NOT effective technique to teach obedience, but I also find the notion that men would otherwise be disobedient - offensive.

Don't know for others, but if I love a woman and care for her, I am willing to serve her no matter how many or how few orgasms I had. For me being submissive has nothing to do with being horny or sexually frustrated. I can serve both after a long time without release, as well as after having three orgasms in a row. No difference. Wanting to do something for a woman is because I love her and want to please her, not because it makes me horny.

Of course, this all does NOT mean that being horny or teased is bad. Of course we enjoy it. I just want to say it's not a prerequisite for obedience.



evesgrden -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/27/2014 10:16:25 AM)

For me there's the relationship dynamic and then there's play. How we relate vs what we do. I happen to really enjoy tease and denial. I find it hot, it makes me giggle, I get a top rush out of it. It's the tap and tickle side of play for me. Part of "playtime for grownups".

If he's deliberately disobedient, we have a relationship problem. I've asked too much of him, I've misjudged his submission, something wasn't communicated well, or there's something inherently amiss in the relationship that needs to be worked out. If he's disobedient the last thing I'm going to want to do is be intimate or or talk about anything that will make him aroused.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/27/2014 10:38:18 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: johnnytheguy


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebuck

I would like to respectfully pose a question to the mistresses and dominant women on this site as I seek guidance.

Men tend to think with their penises and not with their brains and hearts. The man becomes stimulated and ... off he goes - to the dismay of his mistress. His disobedience to his mistress greatly hinders the relationship, something which must be avoided.
So what if a mistress takes total control over the submissive's sexuality including his ability to attain an erection, and indeed to even touch himself?
She makes him understand that being kept in a long term state of orgasm tease and denial teaches him obedience, submission and servitude towards his mistress, and that he truly is devoted to serving HER. His aching, swollen glands cry out for relief yet he derives pleasure because he is being denied release - most likely to her delight. He focusses on giving HER pleasure and obeying her every command.

Question posed: is orgasm tease and denial an effective training and servitude to a submissive/slave?

Please share your thoughts with me.

Note: the focus of this discussion is pleasing HER, not to fulfill his own kink.


Not only that orgasm control and tease and denial are NOT effective technique to teach obedience, but I also find the notion that men would otherwise be disobedient - offensive.

Don't know for others, but if I love a woman and care for her, I am willing to serve her no matter how many or how few orgasms I had. For me being submissive has nothing to do with being horny or sexually frustrated. I can serve both after a long time without release, as well as after having three orgasms in a row. No difference. Wanting to do something for a woman is because I love her and want to please her, not because it makes me horny.

Of course, this all does NOT mean that being horny or teased is bad. Of course we enjoy it. I just want to say it's not a prerequisite for obedience.



Nice post.

Just want to add: If the problem is that the male is constantly thinking with his penis, I would NOT attempt to correct this by focusing our entire relationship on his bits through tease and denial. Seems like his cock is still running the show.

I'm all for tease and denial for fun. I just don't believe that this 'His aching, swollen glands cry out for relief yet he derives pleasure because he is being denied release - most likely to her delight' causes him to focus on anything but the needs of his own genitals. Even a man who isn't cock-obsessed is going to think about his penis a lot more if you attempt to constantly keep him in a state of frustrated arousal.



OriginalRebel -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/27/2014 10:43:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: johnnytheguy


Not only that orgasm control and tease and denial are NOT effective technique to teach obedience, but I also find the notion that men would otherwise be disobedient - offensive.

Don't know for others, but if I love a woman and care for her, I am willing to serve her no matter how many or how few orgasms I had. For me being submissive has nothing to do with being horny or sexually frustrated. I can serve both after a long time without release, as well as after having three orgasms in a row. No difference. Wanting to do something for a woman is because I love her and want to please her, not because it makes me horny.

Of course, this all does NOT mean that being horny or teased is bad. Of course we enjoy it. I just want to say it's not a prerequisite for obedience.



This is the sort of personality I want in my life. Well said you [;)]

Whilst T&E is fun sometimes, its a lot of hard work for the woman when it carries on for more than a few days. If I could give you a dime for every male sub who has asked me to put him in a chastity device, you would be affording yourself your very own 'seed pod' in gold. And I ask you, what's in it for me? What do I do when your moaning, whining and complaining apart from slap you around a bit?

If I'm going to put you in chastity its going to be your will power and not some novel device that makes you feel like a submissive. If you can't do will power in my house then you can't do submission either, end of.



poise -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/27/2014 11:06:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebuck
Question posed: is orgasm tease and denial an effective training technique to teach obedience and servitude to a submissive/slave?

If I were a dominant woman, I wouldn't want to have to play the sex reward game to motivate someone to be obedient to me.
I enjoy the desire for intimacy, and putting out simply because he behaved himself doesn't seem very intimate to me.



FieryOpal -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/27/2014 6:07:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginalRebel

This is the sort of personality I want in my life. Well said you [;)]
<snip>

Let's you and I ship him on over here from Bosnia-Serbia, and I'll keep him half the time, you can have him the other half. You know, for hands-on *training* purposes.[;)]

Oh wait, he's way too young for me. You're on your own, I regret to say. [8D]

I'm in the orgasm tease & (temporary) denial camp, which goes hand in hand with my begging dynamic, but I would want my sub to have enough self-control to hold off on pleasuring himself until he is with me because he wants to wait to be with me to share in this together. Not because of some ritualized external enforcement process. This chastity business is a construct that is male-driven, and in your fantasies OP, you imagine your Keyholder Mistress is the one whose idea it is to keep you caged. Keyholders who have bought into this concept did so out of a jealous passion for their slaves, initially to indulge the male slave's fetish, or else are acting this part because they are for hire to do so.



littlebuck -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/27/2014 8:45:33 PM)

This was the mainstay of my post. I wonder if some of you just pick and choose just to be annoying.


Question posed: is orgasm tease and denial an effective training technique to teach obedience and servitude to a submissive/slave?

Please share your thoughts with me.

. Font changed for emphasis.



littlebuck -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/27/2014 8:49:03 PM)

All of it did not copy, but please note the last line in my original post:

Question posed: is orgasm tease and denial an effective training technique to teach obedience and servitude to a submissive/slave?

Please share your thoughts with me.

Note: the focus of this discussion is pleasing HER, not to fulfill his own kink.



MissToYouRedux -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/27/2014 9:12:16 PM)

In answer to the question posed ;) : while I personally like chastity devices (especially the visual), I use them for *fun*.

"Elise Sutton" notwithstanding, if a male requires a chastity device to motivate obedience and servitude to me, he's obviously the wrong submissive, or the reverse I'm obviously the wrong dominant for him.



thishereboi -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/27/2014 9:33:25 PM)

nm



FieryOpal -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/27/2014 10:20:16 PM)

Btw, it's called thread drift, and this is allowed. Once your opening post goes out, it takes on a life of its own.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebuck

All of it did not copy, but please note the last line in my original post:

Question posed: is orgasm tease and denial an effective training technique to teach obedience and servitude to a submissive/slave?

Please share your thoughts with me.

Note: the focus of this discussion is pleasing HER, not to fulfill his own kink.

If, as you say, the focus of this discussion is on pleasing the Domme, then hearken to what we have been saying.

We use tease & denial techniques, including edging and which can, but don't necessarily include ruined orgasm (that's more a guy thing also), because we enjoy being teases. It doesn't get more complicated than that. There is no "training technique" in mind, in the majority of cases.
Those with the heart of a submissive/slave don't need to be taught "obedience and servitude."
Being obedient and wishing to serve come naturally to them, when they are matched with a Mistress who inspires their submission.

You should reread johnny's post, which has already gotten a positive response from three women, then perhaps memorize this portion: "... but if I love a woman and care for her, I am willing to serve her no matter how many or how few orgasms I had."



OriginalRebel -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/28/2014 4:56:23 AM)

Too young for me too FieryOpal but if I could take his character and implant it into someone older..... you get the gist [:D]

I agree about 'Training'. Unless you are a potentially dominant man who is after a little power exchange, why do you need training in obedience and submission? Isn't submission a fundamental part of who you are?



johnnytheguy -> RE: Orgasm tease and denial: an effective training technique for obedience? (4/28/2014 8:28:04 AM)

Now that you mentioned my age, another good question would be... what is the maximum acceptable age difference?
Thanks for compliments, BTW. :)



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