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how did your D/s lifestyle start - 7/9/2006 11:35:22 AM

Deemondess

Posts: 21
Joined: 7/6/2006
Status: offline

ok I have a question for the more Experienced Dommes here and it is genuine so I would be greatful of a reply

how did you start your D/s lifestyle ?/ did it evolve from a vanilla relationship
if now how ?

and was your first attempt a disaster like mine was ,,,, I must admit it put Me off the lifestyle at first , Yet I feel its somewhere I do belong but it makes one reluctant to try again in case its a disaster again , I dont like to fail in nothing

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RE: how did your D/s lifestyle start - 7/9/2006 7:40:25 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

Well I'm not a Domme, but I'll answer anyway. Even if it's not very exciting.

I used to chat on yahoo a lot and a couple of men mentioned D/s. At first I wasn't very interested but I was curious about it and asked them a lot of questions. I really didn't understand it at all. But I was fascinated and I started checking out some websites and ended up here. I was just too nervous to attend any real life functions when I didn't know anyone or know anything about D/s, so I just humg out here and read a lot and asked a lot of questions and talked to people.

Yes, I also had a bad early experience and I put on the brakes for a while.

(in reply to Deemondess)

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RE: how did your D/s lifestyle start - 7/9/2006 10:56:16 PM

TheShadows

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline

I wouldn't say I'm "more experienced", but a Dominant Woman I am.

My journey began in the later part of 2000 as a submissive. *Gasp* (Yes, Virginia, some Dominants, male and female, start out on the other end of the spectrum.) I was 18 at the time, and thought it would be fun and cool to be a man's sexual and domestic slave. I did my online research like a good little wannabe, and went out into the big world of Alt.com in search of my Master.

To make a long story short...In December of 2000, I met my Master, who later became my Husband. (Still is!) Things went well for 4 years, though I was very slowly starting to realize that slavery was a great -sexual- fantasy for me, but was not who I was in 24/7 real life. I was living a roleplay...a lie. One evening, at a play party, in early 2005, the lightbulb finally came on above my head. I was trying to live a sexual fantasy, when in reality, I was/am a very Dominant and Sadistic Woman. So...My husband and I had a heart to heart about what we both needed and wanted out of this lifestyle...and here I am. A pretty good Dominant in my own right, if I do say so myself...LOL...and we make a great team to boot.

I don't see those 4 years as wasted time, however. Many Dominants will disagree with me, but those 4 years made me who I am as a Dominant today. Those experiences make me a better Dominant than I would have been just jumping in head first with a flogger in hand.

So...to the point...My first attempt at this lifestyle was a disaster, but luckily, I learned from my mistakes and misconceptions. I've moved on to just where I know I'm suppose to be and couldn't be happier.

As always, YMMV...
Mrs. Shadows

_____________________________

"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

(in reply to Deemondess)

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RE: how did your D/s lifestyle start - 7/9/2006 11:09:36 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

My first experience in the lifestyle was sort of a trial by fire so to speak. My next door neighbor in college was a Domme, and she and I were good friends. She told me all the tie that I had the perfect dominant personality to go into the lifestyle, but I was a squeaky clean good kid then, and couldnt contemplate being served by another person. (that didnt last long)
She had a couple of her boys over doing some chores in her dorm room when she got a phone call and needed to head across campus. she asked me if I would keep an eye on them and make sure they didnt slack off while she was away. She put a riding crop in my hand and told me how to make sure they were behaving if they started to slip. AS a thank you for keeping them in line, after their chores were finished, they were supposed to pamper me. Somehow, the concept of having 2 men, in collars and hot pants and nothing else, on the floor at my feet, one as a fotstool and the toher doing my pedicure... didnt sit as badly as I had thought it would. By the time she returned from across campus almost an hour later I was hooked. I started going to a few of the little events her friends and she held, nothig overly public, and I was introduced toa lot of wonderful people.

I met my first pet there, and while he and I were a minor disaster... it really isnt an experience I would trade for anything. I learned a lot from him, even if it didnt work out well from day 2. I dont think I would have any clue how to own now had I not messed it up so badly with him. It put me off for a little while, but the lifestyle is like an addiction, I never could stay away long, even arounda few vanilla relationships and such.

Bad interactions should never put you of anything permanently, god knows Id never date again if they did after my exhusband... Think of them as learning experiences, take wat you got out of them, step backa nd reevaluate if yu ahve to and then jump back in. You'll be better informed and less likely to repeat your mistakes, but youll be back in the saddle and ready to go :)

My 2 cents.

DV

(in reply to TheShadows)

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RE: how did your D/s lifestyle start - 7/10/2006 7:41:00 AM

Deemondess

Posts: 21
Joined: 7/6/2006
Status: offline

I thank you for your honest replys back , I too have toured all the sites gaining knowledge of the D/s world for quite some time ,
and it does seem that the first time is not so good so yes it has to be put down as a learning experience
once again thanks for the replys back

Dee

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

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RE: how did your D/s lifestyle start - 7/10/2006 8:04:45 PM

ladylexington

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

Deep down, I always knew I was a dominant. I just didn't know that there was a name for it. As a child, I always ran the show - even if when my brother, sister, cousins, and I were headed for the worst kind of trouble, I led the charge. It was great fun.

I started to come into my own when I was old enough to date college boys. The college boys I knew were secure enough to let a woman make decisions - plus I was raised in the south, where many men learn to defer to a strong woman's wishes. Then, when I hit my late-teens and went to college, I met another dominant (although neither of us had a name for it yet). Then relationship lasted almost four years, and we spent almost every minute of it trying to top each other. Also great fun.

Then, the Internet bloomed, and so did my understanding of my sexuality. I learned that my secret fantasies weren't so secret, or even uncommon. Still, I was uncomfortable with being a top. I couldn't stand the thought of hurting someone else. So, I bottomed to a wonderfully natural Domme. She and I lived together for several years until I stopped wanting to bottom. The relationship didn't survive the transition, but we still keep in contact. A bit more painful, but great fun nonetheless.

Last part of this long story - I took a few years off to recover from my relationship. By this time, I knew that I was a lifestyle BDSMer and definitely not a bottom. I ran into two exceptional tops and began to learn how about toys, bondage, and the beauty of a good foot massage. I also learned to accept who I am.

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If you must gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much. -- Mark Twain

(in reply to Deemondess)

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RE: how did your D/s lifestyle start - 7/11/2006 2:50:22 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

i am not a Domme, but a submissive, but my road to D/s started when i was born and i was born in an intrest in slavery, i would dress my dollies up in nice clothes and play that i was a slave serving some forren princess and so on, when i became old enough to think of sex, i emidiatly had a kinky bend to it, and i found my lover that had that to, i was a bottom then, then as we became more loving of one another, and my need depend, i became a submissive, needing not be submissive not ust in bed, but always, and now i am on the path to slavery as my deep depepens more and more.

(in reply to ladylexington)

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