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Pyramus -> RE: Does your "fetish scope" also seem MUCH wider in theory than in actual practice? (4/27/2014 4:09:51 PM)
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ORIGINAL: poise
To blame it simply on the fact that you're married gives the millions of happy, healthy, sex-positive marriages a bad rap.
I don't disagree. The key point there is that kink in "this" marriage, is impossible. I had thought I could change her, maybe a decade or more ago, but, I was overly confident. It can't be done. At this point, for the past decade, we haven't even lived together and never have sex, let alone kinky sex (although, to her, kink would be a blowjob and even that is stretching her fetish limits).
quote:
ORIGINAL: poise
And yes, many people find themselves being sexually aroused by images or actions they have no desire to participate in.
I think porn is great for that actually, as it keeps you safely planted in from of your television set, and not somewhere
in the midst of all the action, where you might feel somewhat uncomfortable.
Nothing to disagree with here.
My married friend has a joke, where he says, over a drink, "Every time I masturbate, I save $200".
Yet, what's odd to me is the strange sensation that some fetish porn that I'd never personally do, is still arousing to me.
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ORIGINAL: poise
if the woman looks at the camera, or says something cliche, it's a huge turn off. Weird, huh?
I understand. Whenever I hear the fake ooohs an aaahs, it turns me off. Likewise with the soft caning, that leaves no marks, yet, she's screaming away. Badly faked porn isn't erotic.
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ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali
Can I clarify why you feel male on male or female on female sex is disturbing?
Good thought question. It's not just that example that is disturbing, yet, erotic at the same time.
For example, I really enjoy watching films of brutal sex, or forced sex, or anal fisting, yet, I can't imagine doing any of that, in the real world, with someone who didn't enjoy it. Yet, the films eroticism hinges, in part, on the 'forced' aspect of the theme. In a different but similar vein, I don't consider myself all that submissive or drawn to the same sex, yet, when I see femdom pussy licking, I actually enjoy watching it, especially if the lady is aloof (for some odd reason). In the real world, I thoroughly enjoy pleasing a woman, but, generally in a different context.
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ORIGINAL: InHisHeart
Marriage isn't the blame for a sexless relationship.
Oh, it's way more complicated than that. If you've never been in these shoes, you'd never understand. In fact, had I not myself been in these shoes for a decade, I certainly couldn't comprehend the situation myself. I once thought I could change anyone, but, if someone has absolutely no desire for sex alone, let alone kinky sex, even I can't change that. No matter how confident I went in, I am now realizing you can't change the motion of the ocean, no matter how hard you try. If you keep fighting, you drown. Which is what happened sexually here. You can't try too hard to change someone. If they're not kinky, you can't make them kinky, which I didn't know going in. Also, if they have absolutely no desire for sex (even vanilla sex), you can never give them that desire. This, I know, but, that I didn't know going in. You may as well try to change the tides.
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ORIGINAL: InHisHeart
a few need to be kept as fantasy only
You hit the nail on the head there!
Some of these surprisingly erotic fantasies, must, by their very nature, be kept fantasies.
What's odd, to me, is that they exist in my mind.
I really am surprised at myself for even enjoying them.
I grew up in a very Catholic world - and - well - in the terms of yesteryear, my thoughts are sinful, to say the least.
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ORIGINAL: imtempting
the majority of married people in vanilla relationships would agree.
I think "my" issues with sex have nothing to do with marriage, per se.
People who have absolutely no desire for sex exist. Trust me on that. I, myself, can't comprehend it. But I've seen it with my own eyes. I can't even fathom how people can go a week without sexual thoughts, let alone a day - but they do exist. There is at least one person out there who, it seems, can go her entire life without sex, and never miss a moment. The Aspergers effects other things, some good, some bad - but it is what it is. My mistake was in being overconfident when I was young and thinking I could change the tides. You can't. At least "I" can't. I gave up trying to change the tides years ago.
quote:
ORIGINAL: imtempting
At the porn fantasy part, adult film is bigger then Hollywood and Bollywood, so don't feel weird or think it's strange.
Thanks. I does seem strange to enjoy watching a guy being forced to suck another guy. To enjoy seeing a girl wince when a ten pounder is shoved up her ass. To quicken my pulse when a nicely bound pet is led on a leash and forced to rim someone.
I do notice that I gravitate to videos where either the men are more like I am, or where the women are more like those I like.
For example, going to any porn cornocopia to type in "mature kinky sex", I find just the type of mature woman I like. Similarly, I type in "large cock bdsm" or something like that, and I find men in the videos where I can identify with as I substitute myself in their place.
I just realized, in writing that last statement, that, I think, *warning ... epiphany* ... I think what 'bothers' me, is that I instinctively insert myself in the place of the guy in the video. Therefore, it is "I" who is enjoying that blindfolded mature gal's lovingly forced blowjob, with swallow (a critical keyword I never omit!). Or, it is "I" who is caning that lovely squirming reddening set of cheeks.
So, maybe, ... just maybe ... I'm bothered by the fact that I am "doing" these things (in my mind). ??? ??? ??? maybe ??? ??? ???
And you?
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