A couple rants if i may.

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PapaBearsSub -> A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 10:39:20 AM)
Hello A/all, i am new to this site and only moderately experienced in BDSM. i have been with my Master for about 3 1/2 years now and have been collared for just over 2 years. W/we have never attended any local live events as we tend to be more private with O/our private lives. Recently my Master and i discussed the idea of a threesome. This gave me the perfect opportunity to let Him know i have been thinking of a sister sub for the better part of a year now. He was very supportive and spent quite some time researching the complications and potential issues with a poly household and W/we have discussed these issues in great depth. i would like to say that the poly forum here has been very informative. At this point W/we have decided to move forward with looking for the right sister sub. W/we are fully aware that this will be a long and sometimes frustrating journey. With that said W/we created this account on Collarme as well as Alt.com and i just wanted to rant for a minute if you do not mind. 1. Does no one read profiles on this site? i spent quality time and effort writing O/our profile, i would expect you take the whopping 60 seconds required to read it before messaging me. 2. Maybe i missed it somewhere, but where does it state that a "true" Dom/Master is one who randomly contacts you with a filthy mouth assuming you will obey Their every whim? Do You talk to Your mother with that mouth for peets sake? 3. In what circle is it OK to send an attached woman a picture of your penis? You are not a Dom, You are a dirty old man who wants to get His rocks off on the internet. If You were to walk up to me in the real world and just show me your penis, my Master would kick the snot out of you. What is wrong with some people? 4. i am starting to think many of the females on this site are actually men behind the keyboard. W/we have had several detailed conversations with "women" on this site. There comes a point when my Master insists on seeing a photo of you with a sign saying hi to Him or holding a spoon. He makes it blatantly clear that this does NOT need to be an erotic photo, just proving you are who you say you are, and W/we will send you one with a sign saying hi to you. As soon as this request is made (3 times now), the person on the other end drops communications... Just seems odd to me, especially when they have profile photo's. Sorry if my ranting offended A/anyone. i just needed to get that off my chest. i hope E/everyone has a great day.

InHisHeart -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 11:23:15 AM)
It's no different here than any other site, there are fakes, a-holes and sincere people no matter where you go, you just need to weed out the asses. My profile clearly states I'm here just for the message boards and that Master and I are together 7 years in a monogamous relationship but that didn't stop the so-called doms sending unsolicited sexual messages. The "block" button comes in very handy. Good luck in your search.

MasterCaneman -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 11:39:05 AM)
First of all, hello and welcome to the discussion boards, and you've touched on a number of subjects we've gone over many times here. I would suggest researching the archives (accessible through the 'Search' button in the upper right of your screen) and delving through the innumerable threads dealing with all the issues you've raised. Chances are, this thread will be moved to either Off-Topic or Polls and Random Stupidity. Don't take offense if this occurs, it's merely an administrative move to keep this forum clear for more General issues. I'll attempt to answer at least some of your questions in order: 1. Unfortunately, since this is a free kinky dating site (on the other side), you will find a horde of 'Horny Net Geeks' and other assorted losers who only want to satisfy their base urges. Many of these folks don't bother much beyond looking at the pretty pictures or if the profile is labelled 'Female Sub/Slave'. Reading is too hard for them. Sorry, but that is just how it goes here. 2. Chances are those 'Masters/Doms/Sirs' are again, horny net geeks who want some free wank material or an easy lay. Simple as that. 3. You answered your own question for the most part. Refer to the above statement 'free kinky dating site'. They are dirty old men who do this simply to get a rise out of you. Report, block and delete are you friend. 4. Again, there are folks on the other side who do this for shits and giggles. Others are looking to stage a scam. Again, you'll have to exercise good judgement and use you intuition to determine if the respondent is what you're seeking. I would recommend the Polyamorous Forum for many of your other questions. Hope that helps, and again, welcome to the discussion boards.

PapaBearsSub -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 11:39:39 AM)
i have never been on any other dating type sites before so i will have to take your word for it, not that i have to because i believe you 100%. i have only been on vanilla heavily moderated forums where those type of people would be taken care of in an instant. i have never experienced random people sending me unsolicited penis pictures or a PM with demands. So for me this is quite different. quote: ORIGINAL: InHisHeart It's no different here than any other site, there are fakes, a-holes and sincere people no matter where you go, you just need to weed out the asses. My profile clearly states I'm here just for the message boards and that Master and I are together 7 years in a monogamous relationship but that didn't stop the so-called doms sending unsolicited sexual messages. The "block" button comes in very handy. Good luck in your search.

OriginalRebel -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 11:39:56 AM)
I have a total block on my mail so the only people who can contact me are the mods. If anyone knows me, they know what other sites to find me on if they need to make personal contact. I think most men just look at a picture and send out the same copy and paste mail on mass. The chances are, you are getting men posing as women or much older women posing as youngsters. The reason your more vulnerable to it is, your a couple looking and you know that what your looking for isn't an easy thing to find. For that reason your much more likely to respond to a pretty female making contact with you. I think its very unusual for a woman to make the first contact and I'm afraid that would always rouse my suspicions. Are these girls making the first contact or are you doing that? I don't know if you get out and about in your local community. That is certainly the most successful way to find what your looking for without fear of being side tracked by catfish.

PapaBearsSub -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 11:44:06 AM)
Master Caneman, Though i do appreciate You answering my questions, they were more rhetorical in nature. i will not be offended if my thread gets deleted or moved. As the title says A couple rants if i may. If i may not, then so be it. i just wanted to get those things off my chest as i have never experienced such rude behavior in such abundance in my life. Thank You again for the responses given. quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman First of all, hello and welcome to the discussion boards, and you've touched on a number of subjects we've gone over many times here. I would suggest researching the archives (accessible through the 'Search' button in the upper right of your screen) and delving through the innumerable threads dealing with all the issues you've raised. Chances are, this thread will be moved to either Off-Topic or Polls and Random Stupidity. Don't take offense if this occurs, it's merely an administrative move to keep this forum clear for more General issues. I'll attempt to answer at least some of your questions in order: 1. Unfortunately, since this is a free kinky dating site (on the other side), you will find a horde of 'Horny Net Geeks' and other assorted losers who only want to satisfy their base urges. Many of these folks don't bother much beyond looking at the pretty pictures or if the profile is labelled 'Female Sub/Slave'. Reading is too hard for them. Sorry, but that is just how it goes here. 2. Chances are those 'Masters/Doms/Sirs' are again, horny net geeks who want some free wank material or an easy lay. Simple as that. 3. You answered your own question for the most part. Refer to the above statement 'free kinky dating site'. They are dirty old men who do this simply to get a rise out of you. Report, block and delete are you friend. 4. Again, there are folks on the other side who do this for shits and giggles. Others are looking to stage a scam. Again, you'll have to exercise good judgement and use you intuition to determine if the respondent is what you're seeking. I would recommend the Polyamorous Forum for many of your other questions. Hope that helps, and again, welcome to the discussion boards.

pompeii -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 11:44:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PapaBearsSub 1. Does no one read profiles on this site? Do you read the forum posts of people before responding to them? Maybe. Maybe not. Do you read the journals of people before responding to them? Maybe. Maybe not. If you do, then you have a good point in that, for the very few people you respond to, you spend the copious time and effort to understand all that there is to know about them, BEFORE responding to them. But, if you don't - well then ... you're doing the same thing that they are, which is optimizing your time and effort. quote: ORIGINAL: PapaBearsSub Do You talk to Your mother with that mouth for peets sake? This is a natural result of this being a fetish site, and, of the peculiar D/s dynamics, which, I might add, very few of us would even think of putting our own mothers into the equation. For me, my Christian saintly mom is in a wholly different world than a potential fetish partner in D/s dynamics. Basically, what I'm saying is that the language you abhor goes with the territory, and, you're always welcome to use it as a weeding tool. quote: ORIGINAL: PapaBearsSub In what circle is it OK to send an attached woman a picture of your penis? First off, I'd wager that most of the time, it's not even that guy's penis, just as it's not the woman's breasts that are sent to me by the 18-year old "experienced" findommes. Secondly, I may not have mentioned it yet, but this is a fetish site. Again, what goes with the territory goes with the territory. You see a lot of green in military uniforms for a reason. It goes with the territory. It may be odd to see green in the desert (where tan would dominate), but some people don't think any deeper than "green === military", and so they don't see the "tan === desert camouflage" subtleties of the territory. Likewise here. Sexual organs go with the territory. You see just as many boobs here as you see penis shots (by my very rough and unscientific calculations), so, it's not just the male of the species who does this. It's more that the female is more offended by a penis shot than the male is likewise offended by a boob shot, than anything else. quote: ORIGINAL: PapaBearsSub i am starting to think many of the females on this site are actually men behind the keyboard. Do a search of craigslist for any fetish word you like and just switch the "m4w" versus "w4m" around, and tell me what you find? For example, just this very moment, I search for "dominant m4w" versus "dominant w4m" in sfbay.craigslist.com 295 = http://sfbay.craigslist.org/search/?sort=rel&areaID=1&subAreaID=&query=dominant+m4w&catAbb=ppp 9 = http://sfbay.craigslist.org/search/ppp?zoomToPosting=&catAbb=ppp&query=dominant+w4m&minAsk=&maxAsk=&sort=rel&excats= The ratio is roughly 30:1 claimed men to claimed women. Let's try another search in the same area, this time for a threesome, by simply searching for "m4mw" versus "w4mw": 1,169 = http://sfbay.craigslist.org/search/ppp?zoomToPosting=&catAbb=ppp&query=m4mw&minAsk=&maxAsk=&sort=rel&excats= 100 = http://sfbay.craigslist.org/search/ppp?zoomToPosting=&catAbb=ppp&query=w4mw&minAsk=&maxAsk=&sort=rel&excats= The ratio is roughly 10:1 claimed men to claimed women. Just for completeness, let's pick a kinky word, say, "bdsm", and try "m4w" versus "w4m", to wit: 96 = http://sfbay.craigslist.org/search/ppp?zoomToPosting=&catAbb=ppp&query=bdsm+m4w&minAsk=&maxAsk=&sort=rel&excats= 1 = http://sfbay.craigslist.org/search/ppp?zoomToPosting=&catAbb=ppp&query=bdsm+w4m&minAsk=&maxAsk=&sort=rel&excats= The ratio is roughly 10:1 claimed men to claimed women. Then, look at the roughly 1/10th of the ads of the women seeking the kinky men, and your gut feeling will vary, but, for me, it seems like roughly half the women are actually men asking for pictures, while the other half are women asking for money in one way, shape, or form. Point is, men vastly outnumber women in seeking sexual gratification on the freeweb, and, male scammers vastly outweigh genuine females in fleecing the male population out of their money. It goes with the territory. Do the math for your area and tell me what you find.

PapaBearsSub -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 11:51:00 AM)
Thank you for your response as well. W/we have though about going to local events but there are certainly some issues that arise. First, my Master is very protective of me and W/we have read too many stories about some random "Dom" making assumptions or using language at subs because they think they have the right. my Master would not put up with that, and odds are we would be asked to leave. With that said, this cannot be the case for everywhere. Reading the forum side, there seems to be a lot of reasonable, mature, like minded individuals out there that must get together. How would one go about finding a legitimate group of people to have out with near us? Obviously, having never been to a local event the uncertainty of the situation causes the mind to think the worst and in most cases things are no where near your fears. quote: ORIGINAL: OriginalRebel I have a total block on my mail so the only people who can contact me are the mods. If anyone knows me, they know what other sites to find me on if they need to make personal contact. I think most men just look at a picture and send out the same copy and paste mail on mass. The chances are, you are getting men posing as women or much older women posing as youngsters. The reason your more vulnerable to it is, your a couple looking and you know that what your looking for isn't an easy thing to find. For that reason your much more likely to respond to a pretty female making contact with you. I think its very unusual for a woman to make the first contact and I'm afraid that would always rouse my suspicions. Are these girls making the first contact or are you doing that? I don't know if you get out and about in your local community. That is certainly the most successful way to find what your looking for without fear of being side tracked by catfish.

metamorfosis -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 11:56:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman First of all, hello and welcome to the discussion boards, and you've touched on a number of subjects we've gone over many times here. I would suggest researching the archives (accessible through the 'Search' button in the upper right of your screen) and delving through the innumerable threads dealing with all the issues you've raised... I would suggest not making dismissive and condescending comments to someone voicing perfectly valid opinions. If someone expresses views that you, because of your longevity here, have already heard and find to be tiresome... I would suggest passing by the thread and posting elsewhere.

ivone57 -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 12:11:17 PM)
i would say that its safe to say that a lot of people are not who they portray online... i have found so many fakes its not funny... so my opinion is if i cant meet you soon, talk to you on the phone or know you personally your just words on the computer... just saying

PapaBearsSub -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 12:20:47 PM)
pompeii, First and foremost, i am an educated woman who posted a rant. As you clearly wish to educate me on the particulars and what i should just accept on said fetish site, let me educate you. rant verb \ˈrant\ : to talk loudly and in a way that shows anger : to complain in a way that is unreasonable Please read that definition again. Now, do i fully understand (how could i not after receiving all those PM's) that people on this site and possibly other kink sites are absolutely rude? Yes i do and came to this thread with that knowledge but wanted to RANT if i were allowed. Secondly i do not care if it is a fetish or kink site or not, i am not going to just accept that it is OK to introduce yourself by starting with a penis shot and a demand that i am a slut who needs a real Dom. Do i understand it is going to happen here? Yes i do. However, i wanted to RANT about said behavior as many people see the word kink and assume it means they can be ridiculously rude and obnoxious. i am not offended by a penis or the use of foul language. my Master served many years in the military and curses quite regularly. What he, nor anyone i would choose to associate with would ever do is walk up to a stranger and call them a vile word without even knowing them. Again, i wanted to RANT about this issue. Do i think anything will come of my rants other than getting it off my chest? No, i just wanted to RANT as the title of this post clearly stated. quote: ORIGINAL: pompeii ...

PapaBearsSub -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 12:24:31 PM)
i think i agree with you 100% ivone. quote: ORIGINAL: ivone57 i would say that its safe to say that a lot of people are not who they portray online... i have found so many fakes its not funny... so my opinion is if i cant meet you soon, talk to you on the phone or know you personally your just words on the computer... just saying

MarieDomina -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 12:30:04 PM)
Yes that response was painful to read! Great response.

OriginalRebel -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 12:30:44 PM)
Here are a few links you may find helpful. https://fetlife.com/groups/574 https://fetlife.com/groups/1911 A local munch is a great place to start and in my experience, everyone is very pleasant and friendly. You may get the odd jerk but everyone knows they are a jerk and you just learn to avoid them. Munches are a great way to meet like minded people and its those same people you tend to meet up when you go to your first local club (always nice to know a few familiar faces). In turn they introduce you to other nice people and before you know it you have a whole new circle of friends and that circle will get bigger and bigger. You tend to find that women entering into a poly relationship often already know and like the couple they are getting involved with. The problem I see with online is, one of you initiates the first conversation/s and then the other half gets introduced (still online) on another day. The initial attraction from the submissive stranger is primarily to the first person she has spoken to. If all goes well you start investing time and effort but you still haven't met and its only on meeting that you will know if there really is any attraction. When you meet in real life from the upstart, you both talk to the submissive, she is either attracted to both of you or she isn't. Its so much more simple.

PapaBearsSub -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 12:35:11 PM)
OrigionalRebel, Thank You again for your response. You make very valid points and i will show my Master your response. i really do appreciate your insight. quote: ORIGINAL: OriginalRebel Here are a few links you may find helpful. https://fetlife.com/groups/574 https://fetlife.com/groups/1911 A local munch is a great place to start and in my experience, everyone is very pleasant and friendly. You may get the odd jerk but everyone knows they are a jerk and you just learn to avoid them. Munches are a great way to meet like minded people and its those same people you tend to meet up when you go to your first local club (always nice to know a few familiar faces). In turn they introduce you to other nice people and before you know it you have a whole new circle of friends and that circle will get bigger and bigger. You tend to find that women entering into a poly relationship often already know and like the couple they are getting involved with. The problem I see with online is, one of you initiates the first conversation/s and then the other half gets introduced (still online) on another day. The initial attraction from the submissive stranger is primarily to the first person she has spoken to. If all goes well you start investing time and effort but you still haven't met and its only on meeting that you will know if there really is any attraction. When you meet in real life from the upstart, you both talk to the submissive, she is either attracted to both of you or she isn't. Its so much more simple.

metamorfosis -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 12:50:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OriginalRebel Here are a few links you may find helpful. https://fetlife.com/groups/574 https://fetlife.com/groups/1911 A local munch is a great place to start and in my experience, everyone is very pleasant and friendly. You may get the odd jerk but everyone knows they are a jerk and you just learn to avoid them. Munches are a great way to meet like minded people and its those same people you tend to meet up when you go to your first local club (always nice to know a few familiar faces). In turn they introduce you to other nice people and before you know it you have a whole new circle of friends and that circle will get bigger and bigger. You tend to find that women entering into a poly relationship often already know and like the couple they are getting involved with. The problem I see with online is, one of you initiates the first conversation/s and then the other half gets introduced (still online) on another day. The initial attraction from the submissive stranger is primarily to the first person she has spoken to. If all goes well you start investing time and effort but you still haven't met and its only on meeting that you will know if there really is any attraction. When you meet in real life from the upstart, you both talk to the submissive, she is either attracted to both of you or she isn't. Its so much more simple. Really cool 14th post.

Chwilfrydig -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 12:53:26 PM)
Hi PapaBearSub, After having read a lot of rants here, I have to say yours is the most well-written and "un-rant-like" of them all. I wouldn't even call it a rant. It's more like proper discourse, with cohesive thoughts, proper spelling and grammar, and PARAGRAPHS for a change <grin> - heck, IMO you can rant all you want. [sm=yourock.gif] And welcome!

metamorfosis -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 12:56:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chwilfrydig ... heck, IMO you can rant all you want. What we really need is a "rant" section.

PapaBearsSub -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 1:07:49 PM)
Chwilfrydig, Thank You very much. You're post reminded me of a PM W/we received. It says "r u lookn 4 sex" i obviously did not respond to this PM, but i honestly wanted to respond with "absolutely, i love Your grasp of the English language so much. You have such a way with words that i couldn't help but be swept off my feet so that i may spread my legs for You..." Though witty and entertaining, my Master would not have approved so i left it be. quote: ORIGINAL: Chwilfrydig Hi PapaBearSub, After having read a lot of rants here, I have to say yours is the most well-written and "un-rant-like" of them all. I wouldn't even call it a rant. It's more like proper discourse, with cohesive thoughts, proper spelling and grammar, and PARAGRAPHS for a change <grin> - heck, IMO you can rant all you want. [sm=yourock.gif] And welcome!

DesFIP -> RE: A couple rants if i may. (4/29/2014 1:11:46 PM)
Yup, on all such sites, a large percentage of the so-called female profiles are actually written by guys. Search the picture to find if it's been stolen off an actress or model's page. If they're local, ask them to meet for coffee on Sunday morning. If they show then maybe you make a friend. If not, you still get a cup of coffee and a pastry. That's a win/win solution. Beyond that, why the hell are you incapable of saying to someone at a party "No thanks" if he comes up and says "Hey cutie, want me to flog you"? What is wrong with your dom that his reaction would be to escalate it to violence? Honestly, between your inability to express your own limits and your admission of his anger problems, I wouldn't recommend that any woman agrees to play with you. You folks don't sound safe to play with from the third's point of view. Do you also never go out to a bar for a drink for fear some guy might come on to you and your dom will wind up in jail? Most play parties have DMs who will shut things down if you simply call them. A munch is even safer, it's held in a public restaurant with all your clothes on. And trolling for sex is discouraged, it's designed for making friends. Of course, that means you folks don't get to troll for sex either. You really want to try this, hire a sex worker. Because if you can't handle it and throw her out, you don't have to care about her feelings. You just have to hand over the cash.

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