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Choosing to remember - 7/9/2006 1:19:08 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Again a couple of questions based on my reading of 'Screw the roses, send me the thorns'.
 
"'Natural' submissives or dominants are people who have felt sadomasochistic yearnings for as long as they can remember. They frequently had fantasies of bondage and torture before they were old enough to read the bathroom walls."
 
It was the 'for as long as they can remember' part that got me thinking here.  Most subs / slaves / doms / dommes (looking at previous threads) seem to have an early memory which led them to believe they were 'naturally wired' to be submissive / dominant. Is it not true though most us probably have memories of the opposite too? A sub / slave will have memories of being dominant and a Master / Mistress memories of being submissive? And if this is the case how did we decide we were submissive / dominant?

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RE: Choosing to remember - 7/9/2006 1:33:38 PM   
desertdancer


Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline 		I'm not sure I'm understanding your question, as I've not read the book, but if your asking if as a child if I had dominant feelings or memories, then my answer would be, not really, no.  I've always felt my place in life was to be submissive, or a people pleaser if those two things could be tied into one.  I do have a job where I am the dominate one, but I absolutely hate it, every shift I struggle through and can not wait to walk out the door and leave being in charge behind for the evening.

If that wasn't the question, please feel free to ignore my answer

~dancer


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RE: Choosing to remember - 7/9/2006 1:37:58 PM   
desertdancer


Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline 		I think I'll add that even as a kid, in Sunday school, while all the other kiddies were learning about Jesus, I was lost in images of the slavery, I would think of how it would be like to serve in the temples or palaces of the Pharaohs... yep,  was a weird kid huh?

~dancer


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RE: Choosing to remember - 7/9/2006 1:41:39 PM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		I have no memories of being dominant.  I don't remember much of my childhood, but what i can remember, i was always a 'people pleaser'.

It was never my choice to be submissive, it was my choice to embrace it; and take part in the beauty that is submission.

And again, if this doesn't answer your question, ignore it.....

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RE: Choosing to remember - 7/9/2006 1:44:20 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		These are exactly the kind of answers im looking for. You never had dominant moments so of course submissiveness was the path for you.
Im also interested in those though that do have memories of being both and how they chose or found there true niche.

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

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Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Choosing to remember - 7/9/2006 2:09:40 PM   
APerfectParadox


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		I have memories of both .... I have a very  dominating personality .The  few vanilla friends i have that are aware of my lifestyle choice  are more shocked by the fact that i am a submissive than by my invovlement in D/s.  Submission has always been my way of expressing love for my partner, however. In the past this caused great turmoil within my vanilla relationships because I was generally the more naturally dominate  partner.  Now that i have reached  a  better understanding of what i want and need from both a partner and a  relationship i have learned to embrace my submissive side . Which is not to say my basic personality has changed,  i still tend to have the dominate role in all relationships except for my frienships with a few special Doms/mes who have earned my trust and respect and with my One.  This self knowledge  has brought balance and inner peace into my l;ife where before there was much confusion. It is also the paradox  my  sn implies.... 

< Message edited by APerfectParadox -- 7/9/2006 2:12:03 PM >

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RE: Choosing to remember - 7/9/2006 3:26:44 PM   
darkinshadows


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Practically - Screw is great.... for humour also, you cannot beat it.
But on subjects such as this and on individual personalities, personally, I think the book sucks.
'Natural submissives' do not exist.  It takes time and effort and patience and lots of failiure to discover what is deemed as 'natural'.
 
It's a good how to book, but a crap how is one.
Much better reading TLD and Erotic Surrender(if you can bypass the flowery hype) IMO.
 
Peace and Love


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RE: Choosing to remember - 7/9/2006 3:38:44 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Well, even before puberty I'd always like to see people "tied-up" on tv like in the western movies and on varius tv shows.
Of course as I got a little older it was WOMEN that I liked to see tied up on the tv shows.
And in junior high school I'd have day dreams of various girls who I was attracted to tied up and naked and blindfolded as I ravished each of them in turn. And yes I got a "lump in the Levis" but luckily never got called on to stand up!
Don't know why but even as a kid I liked it!
I guess that makes me a "natural" Dominant.

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RE: Choosing to remember - 7/9/2006 3:46:11 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

Practically - Screw is great.... for humour also, you cannot beat it.
But on subjects such as this and on individual personalities, personally, I think the book sucks.
'Natural submissives' do not exist.  It takes time and effort and patience and lots of failiure to discover what is deemed as 'natural'.
 
It's a good how to book, but a crap how is one.
Much better reading TLD and Erotic Surrender(if you can bypass the flowery hype) IMO.
 
Peace and Love



thank you i will def read it.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Choosing to remember - 7/9/2006 4:24:13 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I always had a tendency to "take over."  I end up being the leader/organizer in work or class projects, and I do the same with family events, etc.  Even now, I have been coordinating gettng my ill father's 6+ doctors on the same page, put a binder together for him to manage all his paperwork, and have coordinated a blood drive for type A- blood.  However, while having leadership abilities is part of who I am, groveling at Master's feet is where I am home and feel the most peaceful.  Despite that I am often the one others have turned to for direction, He is who I have been searching for my entire life.  I always felt this inner need to submit, but I never understood it, and allowed it to lead me to some painful places.  Now I am home, and my submission to him gives me the strength to be who I must be to the rest of the world.

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RE: Choosing to remember - 7/9/2006 4:44:17 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		~shrug~ I have dominant and submissive memories in terms of my life. More dominant than submissive I suppose, in that I'm a very vocal, take charge type.

However, my imaginings of future relationships/marriage/etc never invovled an equal footing. While I imagined the picket fence and 2.5 kids, it wasn't always with a man, and it was -never- with someone who I was equal with. ~shrug~ Don't get me started on my sexual fantasies. I honestly can't remember -ever- fantasizing about vanilla sex.

I don't buy into the "natural" thing. I figure the desire to be submissive to one's partner is a personality trait. Some people express the trait all along, some people learn they have it, some aquire it. 's just a part of how we're wired, or how our wiring develops.


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